Between family and career
In the early 90s, women in Russia on average became mothers for the first time at 23 years old.
Now this figure is already 27 years. The number of first children born very late, at 50 years of age and older, is especially growing. In 2020, Russian women over the age of 50 gave birth to 258 children, in 2020 - 296. And not just children, but first-borns. This is a unique situation: never before have women been able to control their reproductive choices so freely. “The decision to postpone having a child is primarily related to the mother’s level of education and how career-oriented she is,” explains Alexander Sinelnikov, professor at the Department of Family Sociology and Demography at the Faculty of Sociology at Moscow State University. “She understands that with a small child, she may not be hired for a more profitable job.” If she is already working, she will be afraid that having a child will interfere with her career advancement. There are more than enough reasons for such fears.”
It's not just about career, but also about greater demands - for personal freedom, independence, and the quality of relationships with a partner. “In Soviet times, a couple’s life together, as a rule, began only after the wedding,” adds Alexander Sinelnikov. — Now getting married and starting a family has become a process that is quite extended over time. The couple moves in together and begins to live together, renting some housing. Then, after a few months or years, they register the marriage. And after this, not all spouses immediately decide to have their first child. Many are putting it off for a few more years.”
The tendency to postpone motherhood to a later date exists in all developed countries. In the European Union today, 43% of women become mothers at the age of 30–39 years. The latest to have children is in Spain and Italy: more than half of women decide to become a mother after thirty, and 7% after forty. Moreover, surveys show that the desire to babysit a baby does not decrease with age. But the opportunities are diminishing.
Late pregnancy: pros and cons
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Pregnancy
Author solbon Reading time 6 min. Views 43 Published April 29, 2020
For some reason, life turned out so that I had no luck with men. But there were successes in sports. It would seem that sports are an excellent opportunity to find a good companion, but no. After completing sports, I was lucky with my career. By that time, I had already changed the city and several different areas of activity. At one of the interviews I was asked the question: “Why are you without a husband and children at that age? Are you inadequate? Interesting way to pose the question.
But I think that being tied to age with a mandatory change in social status is inadequate. It’s as if a girl was born, and everything should go according to plan: now she needs to get married, now she has to give birth to a child. Oh, the clock says 35 years old - it’s time to run around the apartment with cellulite on your legs and hand out slaps to children.
At work we had someone my age, several months older than me. When we were 38 years old, her grandson was born. She was happy: the mother of three children and the grandmother of one grandson. Then she divorced her husband, lost weight, became prettier and quit, perhaps even married a prince. Her experience is more interesting than mine.
https://lucky-child.com
My life is the gym, work, home, cinema. However, when my colleague had already become a mother, I was still crawling through trees and writing poetry, filled with a sense of youthful maximalism. Everyone has their own time. I did not envy women who were already married and with children. I was happy with the opportunity to work a lot and spend time only for myself. The loneliness, of course, increased every year, but I did not intend to become a proud, independent woman with a bunch of cats, as depicted in comics. I was rather inclined to have a child through artificial insemination and become a single mother.
And at 38 years old, he appeared in my life: young, handsome, kind, attentive and with the most serious intentions. We thought about having a child even before the wedding, but it didn’t work out. I naively believed that you could get pregnant right away and never thought about where the resources for conception and pregnancy come from. I waited every month, but nothing happened. My husband said it was because I wanted a child too much. Finally, six months after the wedding, it happened, and it immediately became clear how different my path was from the stories of younger pregnant women.
Risks of late pregnancy
1. Less chance of getting pregnant
The gynecologist said I was lucky. It turned out that one ovary was severely inflamed during my youth, and now has no resources for fertilization, and the second, due to age, sometimes produces empty eggs unsuitable for fertilization. This is how women are designed: the older they are, the more “empties” and health problems they have. Therefore, it is important to take care of yourself at any age, visit doctors regularly and not despair if you are unable to conceive a child right away - extra stress has never brought anyone any benefit. The condition of the partner must also be taken into account. Everyone is used to blaming women, but it often happens that the problem lies with the male half. In order not to suffer, it is better for both to get checked, especially if the partner is also not young.
2. More likely to conceive a child with Down syndrome
Or another anomaly. It’s just that of all the anomalies, Down syndrome is the most common. The chances of having a child with a genetic disease increase with age. The number of people giving birth after 40 years is lower, so the chances of giving birth to an unhealthy child are greater. 80% of all people with Down syndrome are born to young women, but this is because young people give birth more often. With average statistics, the chance of giving birth to an unhealthy child was 1 in 43, and in my age category - 1 in 214 versus 1 in 1400 for young people. I was lucky: I had no choice between terminating my long-awaited pregnancy and having a child with Down syndrome. I was examined and the result showed that my baby is healthy.
Read my story about suspected Down syndrome HERE.
3. The likelihood of having unhealthy grandchildren
Scientists have found that children with Down syndrome are more often born to those women whose mothers gave birth to them in adulthood. That is, my daughter has a greater chance of having a child with Down syndrome than I do. Scientists are now developing ways to correct nature's mistakes. I hope they will soon learn how to remove the extra chromosome to eliminate abnormalities.
Does later mean less?
And here lies the first pitfall of the postponement strategy: the couple risks having fewer children than planned, and even being left without children at all. And not only because of physiological reasons. With age, life does not become easier, and we are no longer so easy-going. Surveys in Spain show: after 35 years, more and more women are forced to give up motherhood “for economic reasons” or because they cannot integrate a child into their rhythm of life.
According to Albert Esteve, director of the Center for Demographic Research at the Autonomous University of Barcelona, the biggest influence on the decision not to have children is economic factors - lack of job security, low wages and difficulties with housing. The picture is similar in Russia. According to a survey by Mail.ru Children, the main factors that will significantly influence a childless couple’s decision to have a child are an increase in benefits and housing assistance from the state.
Although here everything is not so clear. Alexander Sinelnikov believes that it is not so much the living conditions themselves that are important, but our attitude. In other words, how willing we are to put up with discomfort. This is already a question of values. “Some people can earn a lot, but want even more,” the expert emphasizes. — For others, freedom and travel will come first, and family will come second. This affects both the decision to have children and the satisfaction with this step.”
My pregnancy is one big plus
Pregnancy... You can talk a lot about pregnancy, as well as about love, because it is the result of two loving people. This is the heart that cupids usually hold.
To be honest, the pregnancy took me by surprise. We just got married, went on our honeymoon, and after 3 weeks I felt that something was wrong with me. My husband and I didn’t plan to have a child so early, we thought we’d live like this, arrange an apartment, save money, etc. But…
I realized that you never need to make plans for a child, if it is destined, then it must be born. After all, this is not a dog that you wanted - got, planning a year, a month, a day for this.
What was the first impression my pregnancy made on me? At first there was fear and confusion. Questions immediately began to pop into my head: how will we raise him, where will we get the money, how will we live with him in a communal apartment, etc. But my mother came to the rescue: she encouraged me at the most necessary moment. And very soon it became clear to my husband and I that we wanted this child.
And then came months of happiness and anticipation. Every day inspired me, I constantly thought what kind of person he would be born with, how we would raise him, what we should give our baby so that it would be easy for him to go through life. I read a lot of literature and magazines, found a lot of interesting things, and my husband didn’t lag behind me either.
My son started moving at 17 weeks, and that’s when we started communicating with him more actively. In other respects, he did not lag behind. My stomach shook when this tomboy began to misbehave. Moreover, he could tumble both at home and in public places. I used to catch the looks and smiles of passers-by on my belly. It's funny when an expectant mother walks and her blouse moves in all directions.
Thank God, my health did not let me down, and we continued to lead an active lifestyle. I couldn’t sit at home and idle all the time, so I worked until my last days. On weekends we always went somewhere.
And most of all I remember these days for the attention of the people around me. For some reason, only during pregnancy they look at a woman differently, not as always: they give up space everywhere, pay attention, wonder who will be there, and most importantly, they rejoice with you. In clinics, doctors do not treat you like an ordinary patient. I was even surprised at such attention. I felt like a queen and my stomach was a crown. Nice line? But, probably, every pregnant woman feels that she is not like everyone else: Some feel like a ball, some like a bun, some like a Teletubby:
I was not afraid of childbirth; on the contrary, I was looking forward to it with joy. After all, it was the day when my baby was born and we met. I don’t understand how you can be afraid of childbirth, what’s scary about it? Pain? But for the sake of the birth of your beloved baby, you can endure anything. And, especially since the pain is forgotten very quickly. And then, be afraid of childbirth - don’t be afraid, but it will happen anyway. It’s another matter to be afraid for the baby’s health. But if the mother was doing well throughout the pregnancy, why should a sick child be born? As they write and say everywhere, “A healthy mother means a healthy baby.”
It seems to me that if a mother thinks only about the good in life, then her energy will be directed towards a healthy birth and excellent health of the baby. Thinking about the bad, we involuntarily begin to get nervous, which also affects the baby.
Maybe someone will think that I gave birth in a super-maternity hospital, in a paid department, etc. No. I gave birth in a regular St. Petersburg maternity hospital, in a free department. They took me to the maternity ward and left me. I even got the impression that they simply forgot about me: And at that time my son and I were working: he was making his way into a new world, and I was helping him. At that moment I wished him only strength and health, I had no doubt that he would not let me down!
For me, pregnancy and childbirth are not many small advantages, but one, but very big plus. It even seemed to me that after pregnancy and childbirth my life changed.
Masha,
Risk of late pregnancy for the fetus
Premature birth
And again, the reason is the woman’s age: during pregnancy, the uterus will have to grow significantly - this requires excellent blood supply, however, if the woman already has problems with blood vessels, such growth will become problematic.
Light weight.
Premature birth or problems during pregnancy result in low baby weight.
The danger of hypoxia during childbirth.
Age-related health problems in a pregnant woman can also cause hypoxia (acute lack of oxygen for the baby) during childbirth.
Risk of chromosomal abnormalities in the fetus.
The fact that with the age of parents (both mother and father) the risk of having a baby with various kinds of chromosomal abnormalities increases sharply has already been proven.
The reasons for this phenomenon have not been fully studied, but geneticists note among them the aging of germ cells and long-term exposure to various pathogenic factors and toxic substances on the human body.
The most famous such deviation, when there is one extra chromosome, is Down syndrome (an insidious combination of a child’s mental retardation and deviations in his physical development).
There is a direct relationship between the likelihood of having a sick child and the age of the mother. After 35 years, the risk of having a child with this chromosomal abnormality increases (compared to younger mothers) by 10%.
However, despite all the risks, more than 90% of women after 30 give birth to healthy and strong babies without harm to their own body. You just need to take into account all the doctors’ recommendations on planning and pregnancy in a timely manner.
First career, then children
Until recently, the terms “elderly primigravida” and “old primigravida” were in use in obstetrics. Elderly primigravidas were considered women who gave birth to their first children after 20 years of age, and old ones, respectively, after 30. Now these terms have disappeared, and from the point of view of modern medicine, “late birth” is considered the first birth of a woman over 35.
The fashion for late childbirth came to Russia from the West, where it is traditional to get married after 30 years and give birth to your first child even later. According to French experts, today every fifth late child in all developed countries, including Russia, is the first in the family. “First of all, this trend is explained by social aspects,” says Nana Tetruashvili. – Women first study, then make a career in order to achieve financial stability and provide a decent future for their unborn child. But this is not the only reason for late birth. There are fewer and fewer completely healthy women who can get pregnant and give birth to a baby without problems. In this regard, the age of the expectant mother according to her passport is not even as important as her real state of health. Sometimes a young girl has more health problems than a woman over 35. Nevertheless, there are diseases whose frequency increases with age - hypertension, diabetes, spinal problems, decreased thyroid function, diseases of the cardiovascular system, and varicose veins. 18-20 year old girls, as a rule, do not suffer from these diseases.
