The most common causes of child misbehavior
Communicating with children every day, parents have no idea at what points they behave incorrectly. What seems familiar and acceptable to them can have a negative impact on the baby. A person thinks that he is raising his children properly, while causing them harm. Then the question arises, why does this happen?
Attention deficit
It is considered the most common cause. If a baby tries to talk to his parents and they refuse to interact, his behavior changes. He finds another way to attract elders to himself - disobedience.
As soon as the baby does something bad, the parents immediately pay attention to him.
Children need frequent contact with their own parents. The need for attention can be compared in importance to the need for food and rest.
Total parental custody
Excessive care on the part of his parents makes him unhappy in life. Growing up, he gets used to his parents solving all his problems for him. Entering adulthood, he faces many difficulties that he cannot solve on his own.
This prevents him from contacting people and achieving his goals. You can't do everything for your children. They must be allowed to have confidence in making their own decisions.
Constant criticism from adults
When a child is criticized all the time, he becomes unsure of himself. If something doesn’t work out for him, he won’t even try and blame himself for failure all the time. Criticism from loved ones, troubles and failures will sooner or later break a person.
Excessive demands
No matter what the baby does, parents always demand even more from him. He tries very hard, trying to please them, forgetting about his own desires. They demand perfection from him, which is beyond the capabilities of every person.
What to do if a child behaves badly?
Every family has problems communicating with children, and this is normal. At such moments, you should not scold and blame him for bad behavior. It is much more important to deal with situations and identify the reason for such behavior.
Sleep mode control
Rest plays an important role during the growth and development of the baby. If the body lacks sleep, this is reflected in behavior.
The child becomes hyperactive and finds it difficult to communicate with peers, resulting in emotional problems.
Research conducted by scientists has shown that as soon as sleep normalizes, behavior changes for the better. There is a clear connection between these two concepts. Therefore, behavior may change.
What is good and what is bad"
From early childhood, parents should explain to their child the difference between these two concepts. Moreover, this is done right away, without waiting for the baby to grow up. Character begins to form from birth, and it is important to lay the right “base” in the baby’s consciousness.
Adults can turn a blind eye to the actions of the baby, while they harm others.
At an early age, children do not understand what to do is good and what is bad. If you don’t explain this to them using specific life examples, they themselves may suffer from their behavior in the future.
Praise to develop a behavior model
Support from parents will help improve the behavior of a small family member. If you tell him how great he is and admire his efforts, the child will become open and trust his loved ones more. Moreover, this should be done as often as possible, taking time away from everyday activities.
The baby needs praise, even if he has done something insignificant. This is his small victory. You also need to praise if he tries to do something but fails. The baby will feel appreciated, and this will be the best motivation for him to try to do even better.
Do not make concessions to the child
All parents are familiar with the situation when the child is in a bad mood because he does not receive what he demands. This causes the development of hysterics.
In this case, you can do one of two things:
- Stand your ground firmly and don’t give up your positions.
- Give him what he asks for before the hysteria gets worse.
The kid begs his parents for something, but they don’t agree. After much whining, he gets what he wanted and his mood improves. Over time, he realizes that in this way he can beg everything from his parents.
The correct behavior of adults in such situations should be clear. To prevent hysteria from starting, it is better to fulfill the child’s wish. Do not change behavior and stand your ground if you refuse to fulfill a request. Adults should not be concerned about the baby's screams and crying.
Are the parents to blame?
Perhaps I will surprise you, but all these negative traits that you have not observed before in your child appeared thanks to interaction with you, thanks to your parental behavior and your attitude towards life and towards the child directly. Don’t rush to scold yourself! You love your baby, you help him as best you can, protect him from life’s troubles, that’s why you are reading these lines, but it’s probably time to change something in yourself and help your child feel influential and strong, free and responsible
in all my life. Now let's talk about how to do this. I will draw on experience with my own child, because I am not only a professional psychologist with a relevant diploma and some work experience, but I am also a mother. Just like you, I sometimes make mistakes, correct them, think about my children and dream that they will be happy. Therefore, contrary to the saying about a shoemaker without boots, I started psychological help with myself.
The first time I thought about what kind of mother I was was when my daughter Anzhelika was about two years old, and my eldest son Sasha turned seven years old and went to school. Quite unexpectedly, I saw myself in my eldest child, as in a mirror, which reflected my love for children, my style of communication with them, my values, intonations, etc. - Sasha copied me in his communication with Angelica. I can’t say that this discovery scared me, no. I saw how my son learned to love, how he worries about his sister, how he helps her and gives in to her. But something alarmed me, namely, the tone of his voice, commanding intonations, categorical judgments. From this side I didn’t like myself.
Taking a closer look at Sasha, I suddenly discovered in him the consequences of my parental behavior, which I had already described earlier, characterizing a depressed child, and I thought about how to change this.
Books on transactional analysis and trainers of this paradigm, as well as A. Adler’s school of individual psychology, helped me a lot. Katherine Qualls's book, Reorienting Children's Behavior, and the accompanying practical courses for parents, gave me some effective patterns of action.
Mistakes of parents in raising children
Every person's life changes when they become a parent. With a sense of responsibility for new family members comes the realization that they must grow up to be good and happy people. Adults think that they are doing everything right, using popular methods of raising children and listening to the advice of friends, but they get the opposite effect.
There is a certain pattern - adults use the model of raising their children, which was removed from their parents. Instead of a trusting relationship, only misunderstanding can be achieved. Fortunately, many problems can be avoided if you do not make some mistakes.
Don't show your anger to children
Adults often react to children's behavior in the wrong way. They start screaming, getting angry and saying words that a child should never hear. The cause of anger and aggression is not the baby himself. In most cases, parents show their dissatisfaction with life.
In such situations, adults do not try to figure out who is right and who is wrong. A series of troubles weighs on them, and they take it out on their own children. Doing this is strictly prohibited.
Don't read notations
Making a remark is acceptable and completely normal, but no one can stand frequent and lengthy lectures. Parents, if they are not satisfied with the actions of their children, often use their peers as an example. This does not give any positive effect. After such dialogues, the child begins to hate his friends.
It seems to them that his parents do not love him. Criticism always causes protest, a desire to defend yourself and prove that you are right. Over time, the words of parents lose value for children. It’s better to say it calmly and clearly, otherwise the baby will resist.
Don't remove gold stars for breaking the rules
Special signs will help you control your baby’s behavior. With their help, parents get their children to fulfill their requests. If he behaves correctly - he cleans the room, collects scattered toys and eats well, stars are attached to the sign.
A sign with stars is an effective way to negotiate with children. Seeing that he receives praise for good deeds and achievements, he tries even harder. The kid deserved every star. If for some reason he behaved badly, the star cannot be taken away; it is better to insist that he will not receive a new one for his misconduct.
Don't put kids in a corner
Why you can't use this method:
- Lack of respect for a person. A child standing in a corner with no communication or ability to move does not deserve such harsh punishment.
- Lack of effectiveness. Most children do not understand why they deserve this kind of punishment. A child who finds himself in such a situation cannot think about his action. The meaning of punishment is lost, and parents will not be able to convey anything to the baby. He will no longer do the things that got him into the corner.
What does this method of punishment lead to? An adult who has been punished in this way grows up lacking self-confidence. He has low self-esteem and unstable emotional health. Trying to show his dissatisfaction, he behaves defiantly.
Equal education
Parents should show their children the world as it is. If the baby learns to separate the delights and dangers, it will be easier for him in the stages of growing up. In return for such teaching, parents will receive respect and appropriate behavior from their children.
Building a relationship with a child using one behavior model
Another mistake that adults make when raising children. Various psychologists give advice on how to behave with your baby. Each parent has his own views on life, and this suggests that two models of education are used in the family.
Various parenting techniques will help you set boundaries correctly. In psychology, it is generally accepted that children are great conservatives. To remember basic information, they need to follow certain rules. This way they follow the regime. This is why the same child behaves differently at home, at school, and at home.
Raising a baby is never easy. Parents tend to make mistakes, and that's okay. It is important to recognize in time a situation that is developing in the wrong way and begin to act.
A child with ADHD and a restless child: what is the difference?
Nowadays, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is sometimes called everything that goes beyond the norm. In fact, there are kids who don't have ADHD - they're just easily excitable. They typically have minimal physiological impairment but are not diagnosed with ADHD.
A child with hyperactivity can never concentrate on anything for more than two or three minutes. A “fast” baby, even with very high excitability, can have activities that he can do for hours.
He is quite capable of listening to long texts, but cannot sit still - while listening, he jumps, walks, changes position, but at the same time, unlike a hyperactive child, he is focused on what is being read to him. He is able to regulate his attention - although it must be understood that until the age of seven, voluntary attention has not yet matured in any case.
