Wedding
I couldn’t come to the groom’s house as a bride, so we got married in Belarus.
I accidentally found out that there is an Islamic society in Minsk. We met with the imam (cleric), he told us about the duties of a wife and husband in Islam, asked for consent and married us in the presence of witnesses.
For our arrival in Dagestan, my husband’s family prepared tables at home with treats for guests: one table for women, another for men.
Usually there are 300-1000 people at weddings. The whole day or 2 days they meet and see off guests. Everyone comes when they can, from morning to evening: to drink tea, eat, congratulate, give a gift.
When a son is married, the parents, if possible, build him a house, and the bride’s parents, if possible, provide the newlyweds with furniture and utensils. These are local customs.
According to Islam, the groom must pay the bride a mahr (wedding gift) - an amount of money agreed upon between the groom and the bride's parents. The bride spends this money for her personal needs.
There is a tradition of stealing brides, which Islam condemns and prohibits. That is, a guy steals an unmarried girl and then informs her relatives about it. Since it is unknown where they were and what they were doing, she is forced to marry him - other guys will no longer woo him.
They marry off, just like with us, some early, some late. But more often it’s early.
This excludes relationships before marriage, illegitimate children, abortions, illnesses, disrespectful attitudes towards girls among boys and disappointment in boys among girls.
Marry a Muslim
The number of newly converted Muslim girls is growing every year. After a girl begins to comply with the requirements of Islam, the main problem for her becomes the issue of marriage.
You can’t marry your Russian boyfriend (only if he has also converted to Islam), so you have to look closely at potential suitors of other nationalities. Naturally, the ideal option in such a situation would be to marry a Muslim of your own nationality, since a common mentality will serve as an additional advantage on the path to family happiness. But what to do if there are none or if there are, but they have their own families.
With this article we in no way want to affect the national feelings of readers; we are talking about a narrowly focused problem: the problem of creating a family. Among the Russian guys who belong to the Christian religion, there are many who are quite worthy and decent, but Sharia prohibits a Muslim girl from marrying them. The question naturally arises of who Russian Muslim women should marry. Caucasian Muslim men are not only geographically the closest, but also to some extent mentally suitable for creating families.
Married to the Caucasus. It sounds loud, especially for those who hear exclusively negative information about this amazing region. Well, the media is the media, it’s their business, what to talk about and how to talk, but a person who has become acquainted with this generalized nation knows that the Caucasians for the most part are a proud, persistent people, a people who keep their word, defend their honor your female half of the family... You can talk a lot, but it’s better to hear, see, and even better – talk in a relaxed atmosphere.
This is what ordinary people write. In one of the conversations on the radio “Echo of Moscow” it was said: “For a Caucasian, providing his family with everything necessary is a way of life that goes without saying. A Caucasian man supports his family, helps his brothers, sisters, parents – both his own and his wife’s. A Caucasian greets neighbors and keeps in touch with relatives. He respects elders and respects children.
Do you think he overpraised the Caucasians?
No guys. Think, ask, read about how many Russian and Slavic girls have, are, and will be marrying Caucasians every day. It doesn’t matter whether he is an Azerbaijani, an Adyghe, a Karachai, an Ossetian, an Ingush, a native of Dagestan or a representative of another Caucasian nationality.”
On another Internet portal it is written: “The Arabs have an excellent saying: “A woman should not be a street worker, and a man should not be a kitchen worker...”.” Do you understand?
I can’t imagine that when asked to bring a glass of water, I would answer my husband: “Get up and pour it yourself...”. I can’t imagine that I would respond to his dissatisfaction and bad mood: “Fuck you...”. I can’t imagine that I would answer his request to help his mother: “Your mother, you help me... I didn’t hire you...”. I can’t imagine that during a quarrel I would pack my things and go to my parents, or dress up and go with my girlfriends and get drunk in a bar... or maybe, out of spite, I would cheat with the first person I met. I can’t imagine at all that someone other than my husband could touch me... That someone other than my husband could look at me with lust. The thought alone makes me sick. I will never allow myself to behave defiantly, interrupt him and deliberately attract attention to myself. And I didn’t get married with the thoughts: “Well, if something goes wrong, I’ll get a divorce...”.
The topic of interethnic marriages is acute in our country today. Recently, applications to the registry office increasingly include couples with surnames such as Ivanova and Magomedov, Petrova and Gadzhiev, Sidorova and Akhmedov... The closest to Russian girls who have converted to Islam are our neighbors in districts, regions, regions.
One day I overheard a conversation between two Muslim women, one of whom was ethnic and the other a convert. A Caucasian woman asks a Russian: “Imagine this situation: if a woman has bags of groceries and a child, what will your man bear?” She replied: “Probably the husband will carry the packages, and the wife will carry the child.” And she answered her: “And our man will carry both the packages and the child.” Of course, a Caucasian husband is unlikely to help in the kitchen, clinking spoons and ladles, although he will do this if necessary, but he will certainly stand guard over the interests of his family.
Everything comes from the origins. And the origins of many Caucasian peoples lie in religion, in particular Islam. This is a religion of beauty, which means that a person who strictly adheres to its canons is aware of all the responsibility for himself and his household. This is where gallantry, politeness, courtesy, and sophistication come from.
A Russian girl who converted to Islam faces the problem of marriage. Where can she, poor thing, go: you can marry a representative of your own nationality if he is also a Muslim, but, alas, statistics give us very low figures for the acceptance of Islam by Russian men. Sometimes it is still difficult for a girl to leave her homeland, so overseas marriages are not always suitable for her either. Russian citizens remain: Tatars, Bashkirs, and the majority are Caucasian Muslims: Chechens, Ingush, representatives of Dagestan nationalities.
There are many advantages in such marriages, the main one of which is that both young people are Russians, but at the same time Muslims, which means that a happy family life can be built on a common territory. Another important factor is language. The Russian language unites many nations.
It is easier for a Russian Muslim woman to build a life when there are no problems or boundaries in communication. The only thing a girl needs to know from the very beginning is that every nation has its own original roots, its own culture and traditions. Only here can stumbling blocks arise. For example, you can and should come to terms with the fact that he didn’t wash the dishes after himself. No matter how a woman’s role in society increases, she is, first of all, a mother, a homemaker, and a man is a breadwinner, he is obliged to provide for the family.
If from the very beginning you remember the great words “they don’t go to someone else’s monastery with their own rules,” then there will be no problems in such an interethnic marriage. And if both spouses are sincerely believing Muslims and iman (faith) becomes a priority in solving all problems, then there is no happier couple on earth.
I would like to conclude with the following words of a girl spoken on one of the Internet forums: “When you see the abundance of skinheads, fascists, drunks, drug addicts on our streets, you come to the realization: there is no one to marry and have children with! Most decent Russian men are already married or in a relationship with a girl with whom they plan to start a family in the future. Brutal skinheads are mostly bachelors, but you don’t want to marry such people. There is only one salvation left - Caucasians! I am for our girls to marry them. Firstly, they are ideal husbands and fathers, secondly, the children are beautiful, thirdly, this contributes to the friendship of cultures and peoples.”
We can talk for a long time about interethnic friendship and relationships. One thing I want to say: where there is sincere faith in God, there is understanding, happiness, trust.
Russia is our common home, we are all Russians, regardless of nationality and religion. Interethnic marriages are an irreversible process that will gain momentum every year. The main thing is to learn to listen and hear each other, to accept each other for who we really are. And once you believe in the Almighty, never turn away from Him.
And I wish that every family was built on faith in the One Creator, who has no partners. We are all of one nation - Muslims, and before the Lord we are equal equally, except in fear of God.
Man and woman
The wife is not obliged to work; her duty is to care for the children and do household chores. And the husband is obliged to fully provide for the family financially and resolve any external issues.
A husband has no right to beat his wife. If the wife behaves unworthily (disgustingly), then after three warnings and explanations and a boycott, if she does not stop, he can hit her, at most, with a toothbrush or get a divorce.
There is no tyranny or domestic violence there. But since the husband provides and resolves all family issues, the wife should consult with him in everything and try not to create new problems for him.
The wife is obliged to inform her husband about where she is going and seek his consent. This moment was very strange and unusual for me at first, but now I don’t see a problem with it.
Neither women nor men go to cafes and restaurants. Instead, they go to visit relatives, including the most distant ones, ten cousins.
Unfortunately, in Belarus the responsibilities of men and women are often confused and problems arise because of this.
A woman has to deal with everything at once: work, children, cleaning, cooking, and sometimes solve all the family problems on her own.
Top topics:
You can't tell your heart who to love. Now, when contacts with people of other nationalities and religions are not limited in any way, there are often cases when love breaks out between two opposites - for example, a Christian and a Muslim. Men of the Muslim faith court beautifully, say pleasant words, and read poetry. But after marrying a Muslim
, Slavic girls face a reality that is exactly the opposite of their expectations. So should you blindly trust your feelings or is it better to carefully weigh all the pros and cons before deciding to take such a fateful step?
Marrying a Muslim: unpleasant moments
Often girls themselves do not know what they are signing up for when they marry a Muslim. Only after crossing the threshold of his house do they learn that they will now have to live according to the Koran, have virtually no rights and adhere to strict standards of behavior. There is a whole list of “job responsibilities” of a Muslim wife, including:
Obey your spouse and mother-in-law. The main duty and honorable right of a Muslim wife is to please her husband in everything and do housework. To visit a friend or get a job, you will first need to get permission from your spouse. You also cannot disobey your mother-in-law. Even if her demands seem excessive and unfair. It is useless to complain to your husband - he will always take his mother’s side.
Accept having other wives. The Koran allows a man to have four wives at the same time, as well as as many concubines as he wants, if he can financially support them all. None of the wives has the right not only to object and show their dissatisfaction, but, on the contrary, should smile and welcome the choice of the husband and mother-in-law.
Marry a Muslim
- this also means behaving as the Koran prescribes. A Muslim wife should always:
- go out only in a hijab - a headscarf and clothing that hides the body as much as possible - right down to the neck and wrists (you cannot wear fashionable clothes);
- when meeting a man, lower your eyes;
- move silently;
- do not enter someone else's house without the permission of your husband, etc.
Be submissive. No “headaches”. If a husband wants intimacy, the wife has no right to refuse him. Exceptions include menstruation, the postpartum period, Hajj (religious pilgrimage to Mecca) or illness. She also cannot leave the house without her husband’s consent.
Bear punishment patiently. The husband has the right to punish his wife if she shows disobedience, disagreement or simply to improve her character. At the same time, he must hit carefully - so that no marks are left on the body and so that such educational measures do not cause physical suffering.
Are you ready for such a restriction of freedom for the sake of love?
Legal and religious subtleties
In addition, a girl planning to marry a Muslim needs to know that:
The wedding will take place according to Muslim traditions. Only if all rituals are observed will the marriage be considered valid, and not after registration in the registry office. You won’t be able to show off in a European-style wedding dress. But oriental wedding clothing is also very beautiful, although unique. It is distinguished by its rich decoration and symbolism.
Christian married to a Muslim
she can go out, but she will have to accept her husband’s faith. Although a Muslim man is not prohibited from marrying a woman of a different faith, and a girl marrying a Muslim is not obliged to convert to Islam, over time she will still have to do this. After all, this is why all this is allowed, in order to convert the “infidel” to one’s faith, within the strict framework of the Islamic “house-building.” The husband can ask or order to convert to Islam - in any case, he cannot refuse. If his wife still persists, he will have to leave her.
A man has the right to divorce his wife at any time he wishes, without giving reasons. There will be no “trial and investigation”, finding out who is right and who is wrong, how to divide the property, and with whom the child will remain. It is enough for a husband to say “You are not my wife” three times in front of witnesses - and the marriage is considered dissolved, and the woman finds herself alone in a foreign country, without rights and means of livelihood. She cannot take the children either - they originally belong to the father.
Marry a Muslim
: positive sides
There are also pleasant moments in a Muslim marriage, knowledge of which will help you decide whether to marry a Muslim:
A Muslim husband does not drink alcohol - this is prohibited by his faith. The Quran also does not allow him to be lazy. A parasitic husband sitting on his wife’s neck is impossible among those who profess Islam.
A man in a Muslim marriage, just like his wife, has responsibilities. He must protect and fully support his wife, provide her and her children with everything necessary (housing, food, clothing). This, of course, provided that the wife is submissive and obedient. The observance of these conditions is closely monitored by the entire Muslim community. If the husband does not fulfill his responsibilities for financial support, and also avoids fulfilling his marital duty for a long time, the wife has the right to file for divorce - and in this case she will be understood.
You cannot raise your hand against your wife without reason. Corporal punishment is permitted only for educational purposes. Hitting out of habit or simply because you are in a bad mood is prohibited in Islam. Although abuses, of course, are possible here too: it doesn’t cost anything to come up with a reason or find fault with something. Only a strong, happy marriage will not work in this case. And in the East this is the highest value.
If a girl marries a Muslim
, she needs to know that upon marriage, the groom announces the size of the gift to the bride. He will have to pay it during his lifetime or upon divorce. That is, the wife has guaranteed insurance in case family life does not work out (through no fault of hers), and she will not have to spend a long and painful time fighting for the amount due to her.
When children reach adulthood, a respectable Muslim wife receives special status, public recognition, honor and respect. That is, maternal work is appreciated.
By becoming the wife of a Muslim, a woman becomes relatives of his entire huge family, including second and fourth cousins. If trouble happens, difficulties arise, they will always come to the rescue and support. You won't have to fight alone. But the wife’s relatives, if necessary, must provide assistance to their newly acquired relatives.
So to marry or not to marry a Muslim?
Yes, there are certain moments in marriage with a Muslim that are alarming. But no one forces you to join it. Thank God, you are not a captive, and your parents are not forcing you into marriage. In addition, Muslim traditions provide for an engagement before the wedding, after which there is time to carefully think and weigh everything. If a girl firmly says: “ I want to marry a Muslim
“If she is ready for restrictions for the sake of a loved one, perceives them as payment for the opportunity to calmly fulfill her feminine destiny, take care of her husband, give birth and raise children, without thinking about where to get money, then there is nothing wrong with a Muslim marriage, in principle , No. No one will beat you and throw you out of the house just like that. If she values freedom above marriage bonds and is not ready to give up her personal human needs for the sake of her family, then she should not enter into this marriage - it will become a prison for her.
When marrying a Muslim, a girl needs to remember that she has no right to make a mistake and there is no way back. If you have even the slightest doubt, don’t rush. Feelings can pass, and the white light will not be nice next to the unloved, but they will not allow you to leave calmly, taking the children.
Ask yourself, are you sure that you don’t need anyone else but this man? That you are ready to live with him all your life? That you can endure everything just to be with him? Please note that if you fall in love with another, you will be severely punished.
During the Muslim wedding ceremony, it is strongly emphasized that the newlyweds now have one life for two. If you are ready to be your other half, good luck.
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Family customs
According to Sharia (Islamic law), if believers quarrel over a domestic issue and do not speak, it is prohibited to be in a quarrel for more than 3 days. And whoever was the first to reconcile will have a good deed recorded in the next world.
There are a huge number of nationalities in the country, and nationalities are divided by area of residence and each area has its own language. In total, there are probably about 30 languages in Dagestan, and most of them are not written, so outside the home everyone communicates in Russian.
People are also divided according to religious indicators: those who study and follow Islam, and those who only consider themselves Muslims, but do not adhere to Islam and lead a secular lifestyle.
My husband's family strives to follow Islam:
- perform namaz (prayer) 5 times a day;
- A woman can only have her face and hands exposed in front of strangers;
- men wear beards and go to the mosque;
- everyone fasts during the month of Ramadan;
- give obligatory alms, etc.
- women do not talk unnecessarily even with men they know.
Cloth
The climate here is hot, in the summer 25-35 degrees in the shade, and we are completely covered from head to toe. Men are also prohibited from wearing shorts and without a T-shirt.
In fact, Islamic dress is a relief. We can say that in general, life according to Islam is a relief for a woman.
No layer of makeup, no costs for expensive paints. This saves money, a lot of time and healthy skin. If you wish, you can apply makeup at home for your husband. No heels - your feet don't hurt.
No tight-fitting clothes - you don’t worry that you don’t have a model’s figure, don’t have a tan, etc.
There is a minimum loss of time for buying clothes; you can generally buy any clothes you like without trying them on. Just take the size - it will still fit, as it is loose.
There is no need to torment and spoil your hair with haircuts, curling irons, varnishes, dyes and also pay for it. If you want, spoil it, of course, but you still cover your hair in public with a scarf.
Life and traditions
People do not strive to get an apartment in the city center; they build a house to their own taste, often on the outskirts, plant a garden, in short, live in nature.
The kitchen is usually built separately from the main house so that frequent and numerous guests do not disturb family members.
On vacation, if desired, they go to the mountains (for berries and herbs) or to the sea, both of which are not far away. But such trips happen rarely: there is no wild desire of a city dweller to escape into nature.
Husbands and older sons work. The husband is obliged to provide his family with food and clothing. Women have a very respectful attitude towards men and their opinions.
Children treat their elders with great respect, do not argue, and are not rude. Most likely because women raise their children at home themselves and do not send them to kindergarten. Children get used to obeying their relatives, and not some aunt.
Families generally have many children (3-5 or more). The wife takes care of the children and doesn’t worry about how she can get a job, go on maternity leave, or go on sick leave.
Starting from the age of 5, children can be sent to learn to write and read Arabic (the Koran in Arabic), and sometimes learn the language completely. The teachers themselves are taught by parents who know Arabic. They teach not only children, but also interested adults.
You have every chance to be the second or third, even if not the 4th wife
Polygamy is permitted by the Koran. Muhammad himself, who is considered a prophet in Islam, had more than 11 wives. One of them, named Aisha, was only 9 years old, and he was already 53 and maintained an intimate relationship with her. The other wife was his daughter-in-law. He took another as his wife and maintained an intimate relationship with her even when her husband’s blood was warm... I say all this because if you marry a Muslim, you will never have a guarantee that you will not share him with another woman. As a wife, any woman wants her husband to belong only to her, both on the physical level and on the level of thoughts and desires. In the society we live in, very few women enjoy this blessing in the family. Being married to a Muslim, this will not be possible at all in your case... And yet, if you remain faithful to God and seek Him with all your heart, I am sure that He will reward you with a loving Christian husband.
Typical day
My typical day is the day of a woman on vacation who takes care of household chores, herself, education, and hobbies. There is no schedule other than 5 obligatory daily prayers.
At dawn, the adhan (call to prayer) is shouted in the mosque and can be heard in every home. There are the words “prayer is better than sleep”, this is a special reminder for sleepyheads.
Everyone gets up to pray, and after that some are asleep and some are awake.
Some women sew and knit at home, cook for themselves and to order, go to lessons at the mosque to study religion, and learn to read Arabic.
