How to get rid of memories of your ex-husband

Feel sad when your ex smiles. To feel the warm, foul-smelling joy spreading in his chest that he had broken up with his new girlfriend. Constantly convincing yourself not to look at his social networks, and still doing it with enviable regularity... Not a very pleasant picture, right? Shameful, stupid, ineffective. All that remains is to figure out how to cope with the phantom pains of lost love and make sure that the ghost of a former relationship does not stand before your eyes every day...

Before you continue reading the article, look at the gallery with stars who divorced but greatly regretted it.

Why do people get stuck in the past?

To effectively solve a problem, you need to understand its essence. The past has a tremendous influence on a person. And that's why:

Playback. In a continuously changing series of events, people inevitably encounter situations similar to those that occurred in the past. Negative or positive memories involuntarily pop up in your head. Consciousness begins to search in the depths of memory for answers to recurring questions.
Emotional dependence. Memory records moments of the past, as well as the range of feelings that a person experienced at a particular moment. Speaking about emotions, it is worth noting that a person, as a rule, clings to something positive and joyful, replaying the event of past days in his head over and over again.
Hypertrophied instinct of self-preservation. It is expressed in the fact that a person falls into hysterics and panic when something in his life begins to change. In this way, he tries to protect himself as much as possible from changes and maintain a state that was once safe and comfortable for him.

Redirect energy

However, sometimes the cause of worries is not castles in the air buried by the ex, but very specific material, emotional and everyday needs that he previously successfully met, but now - alas! - is not obliged to.

After the connection is broken, these needs become the personal problems of a woman who has long lost the habit or has not begun to take care of herself at all. This is a very unpleasant situation. But at the same time, it contains a huge resource for internal growth.

You've probably heard about women entrepreneurs who started their own business after a divorce. Or about singers who, having divorced, suddenly received an incredible boost in their careers.

These are the women who managed to direct the enormous energy released after the breakup to the outside world. And not like a ghost wandering around your lonely kitchen in stretched tights.

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Recognize and accept that there is a problem

The first step to getting rid of the past is recognizing the problem. You must admit to yourself that you are confused in your memories, that you are stuck in days gone by, that this is what prevents you from enjoying life and moving forward. It is important to slam your fist on the table and say to yourself: “Stop!” This will be an impetus for getting rid of old loads and the beginning of a new cloudless life.

Forgive and love your past self

Forgiving and loving yourself is the surest way to get rid of the past. Continuing to scold and reproach yourself will not change past events, but you will greatly poison your present and close the road to the future. But if you let go of what has already happened, you can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Choose a quiet time and replay in your head a past situation that haunts you. Moreover, look at it through the eyes of your “then” self, and not your “today” self. Your task is to justify your action. Circumstances, youth, lack of knowledge and experience, lack of support - then you simply could not do otherwise. Forgive and love your past self, even take pity in order to love your present self.

Make a plan B

Often, an obsession with an ex happens to romantic young ladies who too vividly and in detail imagined a happy future next to this man. They painted pictures of a common house with two floors, well-fed children, an efficient housekeeper and three fluffy cats. With obedient daughters of strict parents who could not even imagine divorce as one of the likely life scenarios.

They only “lived happily ever after”, only “died on the same day.” After all, it’s not just their relationship with a specific person that is collapsing. Their entire picture of the world is under attack. Their warm and hospitable future suddenly turns out to be foggy and scary, cold, devoid of joy.

Naturally, we urgently want to bring back a person who left not alone, but with our dreams under his arm. And even tape it to yourself - for reliability.

Unfortunately or fortunately, we do not have such an opportunity. Therefore, the only way to take a little break from mourning a failed dream is to create a “Plan B” for yourself. Draw a different happiness in your head, new, independent, and not strung, like a kebab on a skewer, on a stranger.

Sometimes you have to study this for more than one month or even one year. But the result is worth it.

Be grateful for the past

How to get rid of the past? Look at the past times not with sadness, but with gratitude. After all, no matter how difficult and foggy past events may have been, it is to them that you owe what you are now. Difficulties have taught you to be persistent and courageous. You have become stronger, you have begun to perceive life’s troubles more easily.

In this case, psychologists recommend using a technique with the poetic name “Pearls of Wisdom.” Its essence is to analyze the situation that haunts you, and as a result, write down on a piece of paper everything that it taught you, how it changed you. These are the very “pearls”. Thank the past for them and let go of the situation without regret.

Forgive and let go of people from the past

To start living life to the fullest, it is important to know how to get rid of past relationships and connections. Surely there were people in your life who hurt you, set you up, or left you alone when you needed help. Often, past grievances prevent you from making new acquaintances and building new relationships. You subconsciously expect trickery and betrayal from everyone.

Give up your resentment and hatred. Those people with whom you are offended have changed a long time ago, just like you. It is possible that they also regret their actions. Of course, no one forces you to love them, maintain close contacts with them, and so on. But you simply have to forgive them. You don't need to tell them about it. Just get rid of the resentment within yourself.

Living in the present

It is very important to find motivation. People who constantly think about their past do not have any goals and do not work towards achieving them. It is important to motivate yourself in such a way that you have the strength to achieve your aspirations. You need to set yourself certain tasks and write them down point by point, taking into account all possible circumstances, and think about what actions can be used to achieve the result.
You need to learn to live in the present, to do everything “here and now.” When thoughts from the past appear in your head, drive them away, remembering that you want to be happy at the moment, and what happened then should not affect you now.
We resort to rituals to help us cope with the past. If there is a person whom it is high time to forget, you need to get rid of all the things that remind you of him. If bad memories arise in your head, you can open the tap, look at the water flowing into the sink, and imagine that the pain floats away with it. By turning off the tap, you block the path to your memories.
Ending a relationship. A person may be tormented by the events of the past; perhaps he did not have time to say something to someone or confess his love or ask for forgiveness. But you need to understand that many years have passed, everyone has their own destiny, their own life, there is no need to live in the past, try to change something.
It is important to be able to speak out, get rid of the emotions that pull you to the bottom and return you to the past.
Try to imagine difficult events from the past that still bother you. Play the situation in such a way that it has a happy ending.
Every new day should begin with gratitude, and not with memories of what once happened. Opening your eyes, remember the people who surround you today, who love you, need your support and help, thank God for what you have.

Now you know how to forget the past, learn to look into the future, and build your destiny from scratch. Remember that it is extremely difficult for a person to move on when something is holding him back. If you want to be happy, do everything to turn over the leaf of the past days and enter into a new life.

Rewrite old scripts

“I’m living in the past, how can I get rid of this?” - This is exactly the question many people come to see a psychologist with. During the conversation, specialists often notice that throughout his life the patient walks in circles, constantly stepping on the same rake, acting in a similar “wrong” way in similar situations.

The reason is that the human brain records scenarios that are triggered whenever you find yourself in a similar situation. To break this vicious circle, you need to rewrite the negative script of the past in a positive manner. Imagine that a situation that haunts you has been resolved in your favor. Think through a sequence of actions that could lead to a positive outcome. This will help you avoid making mistakes in the future.

Let's get rid of the past

Realize that it's time to work on yourself, stop remembering your past.
Send forgiveness and love to the past. There is no need to reproach yourself for mistakes or wrong actions, forgive yourself. Understand that without what happened in the past, you would not be who you are now. Feel sorry for yourself, show compassion for yourself, remember some difficult moment and mentally send your concern there, say out loud what you wanted to wish for yourself back then.
Visualize the situation. Relax, close your eyes, mentally imagine a picture that allows you to free yourself from the torment of the past. Imagine doing this as easy as deleting all information from your computer's hard drive. Mentally do this with your past. Convince yourself that you have gotten rid of this burden and it will never return.
Stop remembering events from the past, direct all your thoughts to what is happening now, what lies ahead. Realize that at the moment you have enough experience, you can do everything to make tomorrow a happy day. Remember that concentrating on the events of days long past takes all your energy, all your strength, so it is very important to be able to free yourself from the shackles of past events and begin to move on.
You need to understand that getting rid of the negativity that happened in the past and letting go of all grievances is much easier than it might seem at first glance. It is important that there comes awareness of the need for these actions, so that a person can get involved in his happy, new life.
There are people and things that an individual does not want to lose; he continues to live with past memories. However, the realization must come that parting with the past is not the end, on the contrary, it is the beginning of a new path. It is important to understand that the burden that hung in the past weighs you down in the present and contributes to premature aging. Therefore, it is so important to come to your senses in time, ridding yourself of the events of the past.
Heal your trauma and pain. The problem is that many people cannot move on because of unresolved internal conflicts from the past; some even forget about what happened and do not understand what is stopping them from moving forward. Therefore, it is very important to work on yourself, to work through mental trauma.
Thank the past for giving you new knowledge and wisdom. After all, every action teaches us something, mistakes give us new strength.
Try to forgive everyone who has hurt you in some way in the past; there is no need to be offended by them or harbor a grudge. Most likely, these people are completely different now, and it is possible that they too are tormented by the problems of the past.
Realize that difficult events from the past are no longer there. For example, a situation where an adult man is fixated on the fact that he was beaten by classmates as a teenager cannot continue to live normally. He needs to realize that, as an adult, he is not afraid of the influence of 13-year-olds. In addition, those teenagers who inflicted certain injuries on him have long since grown up and are no longer there.
You can start a special notebook and write down in it for a couple of weeks everything that begins to bother you, what reaction certain actions or words of other people cause. Try to carry this “diary” with you so as not to miss anything, write down all the negative emotions that accompany you. Try to remember all the negativity that comes up from your past. Perhaps there were traumas after the divorce and they are tugging at the soul. You need to write down all the negative emotions, hurtful words that you experienced at that moment, write what you would like to say to your offender then, but never said, throw out your pain on paper.
If the past was terrible, caused you considerable trauma, you need to try to pour out your soul, if you need to speak out, cry or even scream, beat a pillow.
If you are unable to confront past traumas on your own, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist. A specialist will find the reasons for your anxiety, help you work through them, and teach you how to move on with your life.

Learn to appreciate the present

If you are tired of despondency, you need to figure out how to get rid of the past and live in the present. After all, what is life? This is what is happening, what you look like, what you feel right now. If you constantly dwell on the past, you miss out on unique moments that are gone forever. Very soon they will also become a past for you, for which you will begin to blame yourself.

To stop the past from dominating your life, block it with thoughts about the present. Think more about how you look now, how you feel now, how comfortable you are now, what you would like now. Surprisingly, such thoughts release internal energy and charge a person with joyful thoughts.

Get rid of excess

A surefire way to get rid of past connections and events is to clear your personal space of everything that reminds you of old times. Hoarding is human nature. Photos, souvenirs, clothes, interior items, dishes - every thing in your home probably has some memories associated with it. And they are not always pleasant.

Set a goal to complete a complete audit of everything stored in your home within a month. Looking at each thing, listen to your inner feelings and the voice of memory. If there is negativity, feel free to get rid of this item (throw it away, give it away, sell it). Gradually surround yourself with new “clean” things that will gradually be filled with positive meaning.

Effective techniques for dealing with memories

If you cannot get rid of memories of the past using basic methods, use additional techniques that work quickly and clearly. Here are the main ones:

Positive attitude. Before you get out of bed in the morning, tune in to perceive something new. Program yourself for the fact that the new day will bring positive moments, which will subsequently fall into the “piggy bank” of your pleasant memories.
Give the negative to the water. If you feel like your thoughts are overwhelmed by negative memories of the past, go to the sink and turn on the water. Looking at the stream, scroll through your head everything that worries you, imagining how negative emotions flow down the drain along with the water.
Change your surroundings. The ideal scenario is a radical change of residence. A more realistic option is to add new details to your environment (re-glue the wallpaper, hang new curtains, acquire a new interesting hobby).
Expand your social circle. Contacts with people help you switch from negative thoughts to interesting conversation. It’s good if, during a period of emotional decline, you communicate with some new people with whom you do not have common negative memories from the past.
Change your image. Internal transformation, according to psychologists, occurs much easier if it is accompanied by external transformation. Visit the hairdresser, adjust your wardrobe, join the gym - update your appearance.
Get rid of bad habits. Oddly enough, this is a common recommendation from psychologists. The fact is that alcohol and nicotine depress the psyche, forcing you to return again and again to unpleasant moments of the past. By giving up these habits, you will cleanse your body and thoughts.

Think about pride

It also happens that experiencing almost physical pain at the sight of the fact that everything is fine with your ex has nothing to do with love, affection, or needs at all. And the only word that can very clearly characterize this feeling that is corroding us like rust is the word “pride.”

This happens more often with men - they are by nature more inclined to compete, measure success, and conquer. But a strong, ambitious woman who is not afraid of competition can just as easily fall into the trap of her own wounded pride.

It is easy to track manifestations of this. Just yesterday the man was infuriating with literally any action. It was incredibly annoying how he slurps, drinks kefir, cuts bread, leaving crumbs on the table. But today he walks arm in arm with his rival. And you understand: you need it! You need it so much that you will sell your soul to the devil for it! It is so necessary that it is impossible to eat when it is not around.

You enter into battle with a homewrecker, put yourself in full combat readiness, lose 300 kilograms, return... And again the man turns into a pumpkin. And again, he slurps just as disgustingly as before, drinks kefir just as ill-mannered, just as stupidly leaves bread crumbs on the table...

If the situation is as I described, then it is not the man at all. And not in his ex, and not in his present, and not in his cat, and not in his mother, but in you.

It's you who feels like a queen, unjustly removed from the throne. This is you trying to regain control of the situation, without regard for the feelings and needs of the other person. It is your wounded pride that gnaws at you from the inside. It may seem to some that this realization is difficult and painful. However, many women felt incredible relief when they suddenly realized that they themselves held the keys to their own anger.

Meditation

Meditation is one of the most effective ways to get rid of your past life. It's simple, accessible, and doesn't require any special skills. The main thing is to devote at least a few minutes to meditation every day. This is done as follows:

Choose a quiet and peaceful place where you will feel comfortable and where no one will disturb you.
Take a comfortable position. It is not necessary to sit in the lotus position like yoga. You can sit, lie, stand.
Close your eyes and try to completely relax.
Imagine that you are surrounded by endless and beautiful nature. But you have a heavy bag in your hands, which prevents you from running towards the world around you.
Mentally open the bag, revealing a pile of stones. Throw them out of the bag one by one, giving each stone some meaning - an event from the past.
When the stones “run out,” lie quietly for a few more minutes, then take a refreshing shower to wash away any remaining negativity.

We women are extremely trusting people. Under the influence of insidious love, we turn our attention to various, let’s say, artiodactyls, which these… artiodactyls shamelessly use.

For some reason, men who break our hearts are compared to goats. I think this is discrimination against poor animals. They're not assholes. They are spiders.

Well, isn't that right? First they weave a web of their intrigues around us, and then, having insidiously lured and used their victim, they leave him to die painfully from thirst and suffocation. Do you enjoy being a doomed fly? If not, then it's time to act.

I once thought that everything has its time, and, periodically falling into such a web, I stepped on the same rake over and over again. Having hit the hundredth bump, I realized that nothing in life will change until you make a decision for yourself. Very simple and specific, one of two things: yes or no? Are you ready to continue this battle for illusory happiness? Do you see the strength in yourself for this bloody struggle? And, most importantly, is it worth it?

If most of your answers are “yes,” then you have something to strive for. Your ruthless spider has not exhausted your unfortunate soul enough, and the “boiling point” has not yet reached. Keep fighting and you'll get somewhere eventually. Either to the very point you are striving for, or to the point where it is no longer possible to answer “yes” to yourself.

If you honestly answered “no” to these questions, then congratulations - one of the most difficult stages in your life is beginning. It just seems easier to forget. In fact, it turns out that it is not simpler. It's more complicated. It's painful and excruciating. Often much more painful and painful than love. This is an operation that is done without anesthesia. But if it is carried out successfully, recovery will follow after the rehabilitation period.

Here are five simple steps that will bring you closer to your goal.