A man doesn't need a family. Why do we no longer need a family? Why men don't need a family

Why start a family

Perhaps you are wondering why marriage is needed, why you can’t start a family without formalizing your relationship? The fact is that there will not be full awareness that you have become a unit of society, that it will not disintegrate over time. In addition, a man must understand that a child born into such a “family” is unlikely to take his last name. A woman will not be able to look into the future with confidence and, according to the law, she is nothing to her man. Let's look at the main reasons indicating the need to start your own family.

Only in a full-fledged family can one raise healthy children, both psychologically and physically.
The ability to divide all responsibilities in half, including financial expenses.
Family is a place where you can talk about your problems, worries, experiences, and get support.
Family makes you feel safe, gives you the opportunity to create and try something new. This is a place where a person is overwhelmed with emotions, love and pride.
The family teaches life, allows you to try on different roles and behavior patterns. People can re-educate by seeing their shortcomings.

Brides over 40...

Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: How to start a family after 40 years, about what myths exist, about what goals adults associate with starting a family, about how to choose a partner and about whether you need a family at all.

Does a woman over 40 need a family and why?

Most psychological articles on how to start a family are aimed at young people under the age of 35. Moreover, in reality, this issue is no less relevant for people over 40 years of age. This article is about how to start a family after 40 years, about what myths exist, about what goals adults associate with starting a family, about how to choose a partner and about whether you need a family at all.

Let's start from the end of the previous thought - does a woman over 40 need a family and why?

Before understanding why a woman at this age needs a family, it is worth considering this moment - why she is alone at this moment in her life. Each will have its own reasons, of course, but the general trends can be identified as follows : divorced women with a history of unpleasant memories of marriage; widows who, after death, “idealized” the image of their departed husband and are sure that the second is not so ideal; women who have never married, are independent and have no idea what it’s like to live together.

Naturally, the motivation for starting a family for such women will be quite vague and, accordingly, when there is no clear image for some reason and it is not at all clear how to implement it. But the very first thing a woman should realize before contemplating marriage is who she is, what needs she has, how she can realize them independently. Then realize what her needs are related to starting a family?

Let's look at typical ones.

Strengthen your material well-being by marrying a man who stands firmly on his own two feet. This option exists in the minds of many women, because in our country the social security of women is at a very low level. I won’t tell you that there are many young women around who also think that in addition to a well-groomed appearance, you should also be able to be wise, etc. Just think about how you can be interesting to a man who has already taken place? What about you can attract his attention? How can you be in tune with such a man? If the answers to the questions are more likely to upset you, then in fact this is not a reason for sadness, but a reason for self-development, and then your expectation from starting a family will be more likely to be real than fantastic.

Get married so as not to be left alone . Yes, a person is social by nature, and you really want to cuddle up to someone’s shoulder, hug someone, or be hugged yourself. Maybe you don’t need a husband, but a friend with whom you can spend time together so comfortably? And you can always find a lot of interesting activities and like-minded people in them. Loneliness is always inside. And often it tends to intensify precisely when you and someone else are trying to get rid of it. You should be able to enjoy solitude, or rather learn to be in solitude, this will allow you not to look for anyone just to not be alone, but to meet a consonant partner.

The desire to love and be loved. No matter how strange it may seem to young people, such motivation for getting married is often found among adult women. After all, with age, the realization often comes that love is probably the most significant psychological need of a person. And that there is so much “husk” and meaningless bustle in life, which do not fill you from the inside, but only expose the feeling of emptiness inside.

It would seem that everything is simple - understand who you are, what kind of woman you are, what kind of man you are and what you would like to see, start acting and realize your goals, but is something getting in the way? Women are often hampered by limiting beliefs, myths, stereotypes and commonplace misconceptions about getting married after 40.

Let's look at the most typical ones.

There are no good men after 40; all good men are married . This is a myth, because in the period of 40-50 years there are two age-related psychological crises of 42 and 49 years. During these periods, the number of divorces increases (the children have already grown up, the spouses no longer have anything in common, etc.) Therefore, the market for brides and grooms at this age is no less diverse than in their youth.

All men are assholes, womanizers, swindlers ... and other bad people. This is a limiting belief, for one thing. Secondly, the same bad thing can be said about women. Thirdly, in others we see only our own. And if you are surrounded by bad men, then this is rather a reason to think about yourself, whether you are that good. That your reality is filled with such men. By the way, this leads to the following little reasonable template: there are no men worthy of me. Like always attracts like, and if you are truly worthy, then you will be surrounded by worthy people.

Men don't need serious relationships . This is also a myth. Many people have needs in family relationships that transcend gender. And men, by the way, are less likely to make the choice to remain alone than women.

Each woman can easily supplement this list with her own individual templates for starting a family.

It goes without saying that women have more fears associated with marriage. Fear is a bad adviser, but it can become a wise friend if you boldly look into its eyes and realize what tasks of personal development it conceals for you and use them for your benefit.

And one more significant point. The institution of family in the present century has undergone many modifications . And marriage after 40, when the question of having common children no longer arises (in most cases), can take different forms, which you are free to create yourself in collaboration with a man.

And the most significant point - dear women, remember that you are women! Pay attention to both your external form and your internal content, and let there be harmony between the external and the internal in you.

Believe in yourself. And remember that autumn flowers are no less beautiful than spring ones! Have a beautiful relationship! published

Author: Tatyana Lyavenko

PS And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet

Women's need

Let's look at why a woman needs a family.

Social status. Understanding that she fulfilled her destiny, became a wife.
Communication with friends is easier. A married woman is not seen as a rival.
Now I have someone to go visit with and celebrate all the holidays.
Having an assistant. A woman does not need to cope with hard work herself, carry bags, do repairs, and fix breakdowns. Now for this there is a man who can cope with these tasks.
A person has appeared for whom you need to strive to be beautiful and use your culinary skills. A woman is pleased when someone appreciates her merits.
The opportunity not to work if the husband agrees to support her.
The end of the man's search. You no longer need to waste time searching for a suitable gentleman, getting to know him, meeting and parting. Now your loved one is always nearby, with whom you can wake up every morning and spend all your free time.
Birth of children. Undoubtedly, you can become a mother without having a husband. But the child will fully grow up if both parents are present. In addition, lifting a baby together is much easier than raising a baby alone.
A person appears nearby to whom you can direct all your tenderness and love.
There is an opportunity for joint growth and common development. To achieve this, it is necessary that the couple be of approximately the same intellectual level, have common views on life, and aspirations for self-development.
Household amenities. Now you don’t need to rent a house yourself; all household expenses can be divided in half with your husband. And if a man earns well, he is able to shift all financial issues onto his shoulders.
When you are married, you can notice your shortcomings. A man will literally reflect in himself, at first glance, his vices, when, in fact, this is a mirror image of his wife. Thus, the woman sees her mistakes and has the opportunity to improve.
There is always support, support, a faithful defender nearby.

As a child, I dreamed of getting married for the sake of a wedding dress. Having grown up, I realized that the main purpose of a woman is to create a family and give birth to a child, to take care of her closest ones. I am very happy that my husband is next to me, a person who always supports me, shares victories and failures with me, and helps raise my child. Every day I feel his love, care, and repay him in the same coin. Next to him, I always strive for self-development in order to correspond to the status of my man.

I would like to understand my husband's behavior. Does he need a family?

Yulia
My husband is developing his own business and works seven days a week. Constantly at work.

What was it like before? Did you have common interests? Common hobbies? Did you put any effort into creating all this? Have you thought about what connects you, besides hormones? Perhaps it’s not too late (even if only in hindsight) to rethink all this again: https://psyhelp24.org/zachem-my-zhenimsya/

Perhaps you will come to an understanding of WHAT happened and when it went away, and then the answer to the question of where and why will appear. Or maybe you will come to the conclusion that there was nothing connecting them except the hormones that flared up at the time, and then habits and inertia. And you won’t have to look for answers to other questions...

Julia
he takes them to kindergarten and school, takes them to his son’s section. But he has no tenderness for children, no desire to play with them, go for walks

He does “everything right.” Perhaps he has never thought about how he WANTS. Have you thought about it? Have you talked about your desires together - each about your own and about the common ones? Were these common desires? Or did each build what he considered necessary, thinking that his picture of the world was the most correct and the other, of course, should accept it? Or maybe he didn’t want children at all at that time, but simply agreed “because it was the right thing to do”? First of all, ask yourself all these questions...

Julia
I want to go part-time, but my husband limits me financially; I have to beg for money.

Apparently, his priorities lay and lie somewhere in another area. Children and family are not the main goal of his life, at least for now. But, building a relationship with him, did you really see his direct, strong interest in building the kind of family that you saw? More often, such pictures happen when a man rather follows a woman’s lead, and the woman simply does not ask him how he wants - she knows “how it should be.” Yes, and he sometimes believes that this is inevitable, “everyone does it like that.”

Julia
In this case, sexual relations are completely absent.

What have you done to ensure that they don’t stop? And who do you think is responsible for this cessation? Who in your couple took the initiative? And do you know how to talk about these topics?

Julia
He doesn’t engage in heart-to-heart conversations at all, he avoids the conversation.

And how did you resolve conflicts for 8 years? They can't decide without talking. So, everyone thought that “it would get better on its own”?... But nothing gets better on its own, it’s only the people themselves who get things right. Perhaps it is precisely the fact that you have not developed a culture of conversation in your family that has led to all the problems turning from slight misunderstandings into a wall of alienation. And now you are trying but he doesn’t want to. For this point, however, two people are responsible in any case. And even if he was like that from the beginning - then part of the responsibility for the fact that you went into a relationship and marriage with him, seeing and knowing that he is not one of those who knows how to talk - is still on you...

Julia
I ask for a divorce - he says that I should file, he doesn’t have time for this.

So HE doesn’t need it - everything suits him. He is busy with his business, life is more or less settled. He is not looking for love, tenderness and anything else now. Perhaps it’s just not the right phase of life, not the most important thing for him. And he believes that if YOU need to do it, then do it. This is more important to you...

Julia
what amount of child support will he pay me? he doesn’t want to

File for divorce - he will have to resolve these issues.

Julia
I’m tired of this life: no money, no husband, no normal father to the children.

You can be understood, but you only write about what you want/demand from him. What would he want from you? And what could/can you do for him? I think your complaints are mutual, and it would be worth at least trying to find out before filing for divorce.

Agree, calmly asked questions in the spirit of “what doesn’t suit you and can I do something so that you need a family” are not at all the same as “you don’t do this and that.”

No matter how these conversations end, they will at least clarify for you to a greater extent what you are trying to ask psychologists.

An article about conducting conflict conversations to help you: https://psyhelp24.org/conflict-resolution/

I can't understand my husband. Does he need me?

Sincerely, Nesvitsky A., consultations, psychotherapy in St. Petersburg and on skype
Good answer2 Bad answer1

So does a man need a family????

So does a modern man still need a wife? And if necessary, then why? I was looking for completely harmless things about a healthy lifestyle and accidentally came across this. Writes from a certain Alexander. Yes, well not all men have this opinion! “Does a modern man need a wife? Let's think about this question: Why does a modern man need a wife? We won’t talk about slobbering mama’s boys, drunks, etc. Here’s who we’ll talk about: He’s over 28, good education, his own home, a prestigious, well-paid job, possibly his own business. You say, “There are no such people!” But never mind, there are some, I’ve seen them myself. So what can a modern woman offer such a man? Let's look point by point. 1. Guardian of the hearth. But what exactly will she “protect”? Maintain cleanliness and order in the house? So for this you don’t need a wife at all. If you’re too lazy yourself, that is, there’s a ton of it, they’ll come and clean it up and put things in order. It’s not expensive at all, but if you negotiate bypassing the office, it’s even cheaper. I use this service myself. 2. Sex. After the sexual revolution of the 20th century, waking up in the morning with a girl you didn’t know just yesterday is as easy as shelling pears. And finding such a girl is also not a problem - nightclubs, dating sites, etc., etc. Well, the prostitution business has not gone away either - on the contrary, it has grown and offers its clients more and more new services - including and support and contract on an ongoing basis. 3. Eat deliciously. Firstly, many modern women cook in such a way that it is better to read a prayer before eating. Secondly, and this is not a problem in the modern world! Just reach out to the phone and they’ll bring you whatever you want, from pizza to soup. And it will be even warmer. Again, there are a proliferation of cafes with tasty and inexpensive food, and all sorts of supermarkets are filled with ready-made salads and cutlets. 4. Procreation. Hmmm, if we take into account the number of divorces in our country, then somehow this point can be questioned. The likelihood that the children will stay with their father is negligible. But there is one more point, surrogacy + nanny. It sounds scary, of course, but it is becoming more and more important in our lives. And the cost of this service is decreasing year by year, and there are more and more women wanting to earn extra money in this way. 5. Love is a carrot. Do you need to get married for this? So, if you forgot something, don’t hesitate to fill it in. And here are the remarks of various men on this topic: 1. Imagine, my friends and I have very good finances and we are not married, we are over 30 and there are 10 to 15 of us. Can you tell me why? But because while you’re earning a living and showing off, you’ll learn so much that you won’t want to drag a single fool into the registry office. A man is not an ATM, he needs to be fed and respected, and not fooled and deceived. However, the venality of women allows us to turn around without straining, we stand in line to sit in the Bentley. 2. I'm looking for a wife-friend, but what do I see around? Under 30 years old is a different generation, incomprehensible and unpleasant, and women of the same age are either embittered divorcees, or vamps in search of a “last chance,” or grown-up “mothers.” I haven't found anyone yet. 3. An article about me. 42 years old, higher education, university teacher + own small business. There are no bad habits or chronic diseases. Fitness - every day. Divorced 2 weeks ago. The eldest daughter (17 years old) wanted to stay with me, the youngest (9 years old) was left by the court to her mother. Now we share an apartment. I don’t need to cook or clean (I’m used to this from the army). I satisfy the need to take care of someone at the expense of my daughters. Now I'm immersed in work. I'm not going to get married. How can I imagine that for “access to the body” I will again have to endlessly listen to complaints and reproaches - it’s better without a wife. You can always find a girl who will do this for relatively little money. 4. I had the experience of communicating with a beautiful lady. But still, I need a partner in my life, not a “director”. There are already enough directors above me. The reason is that women want to control and do not leave their own personal space, and also because of the immense jealousy of women. They interfere with work and communication with friends, and for men this is very important. Why should a man always be obliged? Alas, the life of men and its priorities evolve, and loneliness, like freedom, is deposited in their subconscious: “I’ll live for myself, and not for someone else.” I was amused by the women's responses to these comments. So nothing special, “whiners”, “losers”, and the like, in general, ordinary chicken clucking. So does a modern man still need a wife? And if necessary, then why?

"People don't need family anymore"

In Russia, the institution of family in its classical sense is rapidly disappearing. People are increasingly opposed to official relationships, trying to replace them with civil or guest marriage. Experts say: in the near future, the stereotype according to which every girl dreams of getting married will be completely destroyed, and people may stop having relationships altogether. On Family Day, which is celebrated on a large scale in Russia, we tell you how the country came to a crisis in the institution of the family and what it will lead to.

Every year it becomes less and less surprising when a father takes care of a child and a mother makes a career

“This is not a disaster, but simply a new reality,” Russian psychologist Natalya Varskaya told URA.RU. “Now both boys and girls resist entering into official relationships in every possible way, delay this moment, and do not see the point in stamps in the passport. This can be especially noticeable in large cities: Moscow, St. Petersburg.”

She refers to personal observations, according to which many Russians have begun to actively practice guest marriage: “People can live in the same city, but meet only on weekends, because it’s convenient for them, they agreed so. At the same time, the love from their relationship has not disappeared anywhere.” According to her, many Russians have children in guest marriages.

She believes that the traditional understanding of family in Russia will finally disappear when people no longer have a material connection to each other.

“Let's be honest: many women live with men only because it is convenient, profitable: she does not have high incomes to provide for herself and her children.

Many people live together because they share living space. But this is wrong,” summed up the interlocutor of URA.RU. Varskaya recalled that in former times the attachment to marriage was even higher - it was believed that a woman was not able to make a career, so she was strictly dependent on her partner: “I think that open relationships will become the norm in the near future. No one will be surprised by this."

Civil registry offices in the country are at risk of losing their jobs. According to VTsIOM, 81% of Russians consider civil marriage acceptable as a form of relationship.

The head of the public organization "Parents' Meeting" Konstantin Dolinin is convinced that the number of bachelors and unmarried people will increase every year. “Many people get married with the main goal of having a child. But now few people dare to do this. Accordingly, marriages will simply lose their meaning,” says the interlocutor of URA.RU.

Dolinin explains that many people do not get married and do not have children due to lack of support from the authorities. “There are actually very few mechanisms for real assistance. People get married, but what do they get from the state? Nothing! What incentives do they have to get married? None! It is necessary to research the needs of the family in order to understand how exactly to help. I think we should talk about both financial and social assistance - in our country it’s hard to even enroll a child in kindergarten now,” Dolinin emphasized.

Historian, candidate of philosophical sciences Sergei Petrov, in a conversation with URA.RU, predicts that people will eventually stop being in relationships altogether: “Obviously, they no longer need a family. In addition, interest in sex disappears - all recent studies show that this topic is fading into the background. This is due to the fact that the world is becoming completely digital.”

The expert said that there is a theory according to which in the near future, due to the reaching of the maximum population on the planet, similar regulatory mechanisms will come into effect. “Morality is changing, same-sex marriage is taking over more and more often,” he explained.

Petrov believes that the improvement in living standards, compared, for example, with the middle of the last century, on the contrary, affected the fact that Russians began to abandon family relationships. “Remember the years of the Great Patriotic War - life was bad then, but the families were very large. Now people strive for comfort. This is a form of progress. Therefore, if your 30-year-old son is in no hurry to go to the registry office, do not pester him with questions. It’s just that times have changed a lot,” says the historian.