Do not forget that loneliness is a feeling, an experience that is born in our soul. In reality, we are always surrounded by people - at least work colleagues, neighbors, and ordinary passers-by meet on our way every day.
Loneliness is a special form of experiencing and realizing oneself as abandoned, cut off, forgotten, deprived, lost, unnecessary, homeless. What are the reasons that you feel lonely in such a dense society?
REASONS YOU FEEL LONELY
1
High expectations
Often our standards do not match the standards of those around us. They seem much stupider, scarier, and uninteresting to us. The search for the ideal superman can drag on, the threat of being left alone is steadily growing.
Solution:
You shouldn't look for the perfect man or the perfect friend. There are no ideals. Often, the unconscious ideal image is not formed on the basis of real life experience, but is based on books, movies, music or photographs. In this case, the broken connection with reality does not make it clear that in real life these people may not be as good friends, lovers, or interlocutors as their heroes in the movies. Over time, you will be able to find a huge number of “cons” in any person and concentrate on them, this will invariably lead to the destruction of the connection. A much better solution would be con.
2
Fear of rejection and, as a consequence, fear of communication
Like any fear, fear of rejection is based on low self-esteem. Such people are afraid to communicate with people precisely because of the fear of being rejected, because of the fear of being uninteresting. And therefore they build the great Chinese wall between themselves and the people around them. If you think that you are unworthy of love, then there won’t be any! Lonely people cannot truly have fun in companies and experience difficulties when they need to call someone, agree on something, or resolve any personal or business issue.
Solution:
Communicate. No matter how difficult it may be and at first glance uninteresting. How can someone love you if you don’t say a word to them? What's the point of staying at home? After all, the main man in your life is unlikely to appear “out of nowhere” and sit comfortably under the bed. You shouldn’t pretend to be the heroine of a famous story, who, until she was forty, looked under the bed, trying in vain to find a man there, and after forty, she put another one in order to increase her chances of meeting her.
Walking with friends, a swimming pool, a gym, karaoke bars and nightclubs have not been cancelled. Nowadays, many people meet on the Internet. Of course, this is not always the key to success, because often men there are looking for one-night stands, but many people who are embarrassed to approach you on the street or in other public places are not afraid to express their feelings, flirt and make advances online. Choose carefully, don’t hang yourself around the neck of a cute (pictured) blond, just because he said that your high school graduation photo is really nothing.
If you believe that you are unworthy of love, then there will be none.
3
Subconscious reluctance to communicate
Usually, on the one hand, such people seem to want communication, but, on the other hand, it quickly tires them and their interest disappears. Feelings of loneliness, and, as a consequence, depressive states, in this case, may arise due to dissonance between one’s desires and the response. Such loneliness is no longer based on character traits, but on personal characteristics, on temperament, that is, on subconscious attitudes that are difficult to correct.
Solution:
Love yourself! Finally, try to live for yourself, in harmony with yourself, with your inner world. It is not simple. First, you will have to stop perceiving the world as it is seen by your grandmother neighbors on the bench, who are very interested in “Why are you at 30 and not married, and even without children?”, or employees whispering behind their backs. Take auto-trainings or affirmations and forget about their existence. Give yourself all your free time. Do what you love and fill your day with positive emotions. If you don’t want to wash the dishes, don’t wash them, no one will see it (the main plus of loneliness); instead, you can watch your favorite movie, take a walk before bed, take a warm bath, read your favorite book, listen to music. People are subconsciously drawn to a personality that radiates harmony. A friendly and sincere smile, optimism and a good sense of humor will not leave others indifferent. If you are constantly loaded with thoughts about loneliness and how sorry you are for yourself, then this vicious circle is unlikely to ever break. Then ask yourself a question? “How good will life be according to the principle “better with someone than alone”?
In all three cases, it's not about others, it's about you. You will have to change to escape loneliness, not others to lend a helping hand. Most often, the feeling of loneliness is tightly tied to male-female relationships. And when we say that we are lonely, this means only one thing - the absence of a “prince on a white horse.” Try to change your approach to loneliness and instead of the traditional “Where can I get it?”, ask yourself “What should I change in myself so as not to be lonely?”
How to get rid of feelings of loneliness for a woman
We have analyzed the main causes of this condition and their solution. Now let's talk about female loneliness. Women are especially emotional and more often than men fall into despondency and hopelessness. How can a woman deal with loneliness? Why women are lonely alone with themselves and how to get out of this state, let’s discuss.
Let's talk about the side of the coin when the relationship has reached a dead end and you need to put an end to it. Then she begins to have two thoughts: she wants, but is afraid to start a new serious relationship, for fear of “stepping on the same rake.” Or there is this option - a woman cannot find a man for a serious relationship at all and she has never been married.
Both women are single. But here and there, all her thoughts and relationships, one way or another, are connected with the intention of creating a happy family. You need to understand well not only men who read your emotional inner state at one glance, but also be able to understand yourself.
Practical recommendations
How to cope with loneliness for a woman who wants to start a serious relationship? Reconsider your attitude towards this condition. Nothing in life happens for nothing. And the fact that you are alone now may be your fault, but do not allow negative thoughts towards men, for example, “there is no one in this world who I need.”
Determine your advantages in your condition, honestly answer the question: “What will I lose if you are in a relationship?” There may be less time for rest, less communication with friends, etc. Write it all down on a piece of paper and think about whether it is so important to you if your loved one is nearby. He should have a place in your life and not the last.
Next, adjust your excessive demands regarding men. Don’t regard every “cross person” you meet as a future chosen one, but don’t go “hunting” either. Let go of the situation and treat the opposite sex simply as a human being, everyone has their pros and cons. Moreover, when you fall in love, you accept the person for who he is.
Show your own initiative when meeting men. Try to get to know them yourself and flirt, and not immediately look for all one hundred points in him that he should meet for you.
If you learn to build romantic relationships not only with the thought of the future prospect of starting a family, but simply maintain friendly relations, then your acquaintance with your future chosen one will not take long.
For example, I myself was once the first to approach my future husband to meet him. You can read about this in my article “About the Author”. Because I always knew that a woman chooses her own man, and not vice versa.
Stop focusing on your loneliness and start enjoying your state of solitude. Avoid negative thoughts about this condition. This way, you will learn to live easily and be confident in your territory. And when you have a man, you will respect his personal space, which is so necessary. Believe me, he will appreciate it, and you will not go unnoticed by him.
Sometimes in society it is generally accepted that if a woman does not have a family, then she is lonely. This is not always the case, because if she is so comfortable and she enjoys it, filling her life with interesting events, self-development, etc., this is not loneliness, but solitude.
It’s just that she hasn’t yet met someone with whom she will feel truly warm and comfortable. But there is a very important point here - a woman must sincerely want to create a serious relationship. If you are ready, then proceed to the next stage - finding your companion.
Where and how to find a man for a serious relationship
In order to find your man in life, you need to clearly understand what you want and what you like. If you love and adore flying, then look for your companion at the airport and on airplanes.
If you love theater and cinema, then look out for it there. And if you can’t live without sports, then gyms and running tracks in parks are your solution. These are exactly the places where you can meet your betrothed.
It’s very good to meet people at car dealerships. As a rule, men who come there are respectable and, by observing from the outside, you can “figure out” whether a car is being bought on credit or with your own money. Another very interesting place is large supermarkets. Visit them late in the evening and watch the opposite sex there. You can identify a lonely man by a certain bachelor's set of products that he buys after work.
Some women have such an attitude that they love for money or consciously look for a man with a certain wealth as their husband. But life is an interesting and unpredictable thing. There are often situations when a man can lose his finances (crisis, unsuccessful investment, ruin, robbery, etc.), and then such women are simply left with nothing.
So is it worth it? Of course, such women were, are and will be, and this is their life choice. But those who set the goal of finding a self-sufficient and accomplished man for life without any special encroachment on his material component, believe me, always find one. From my practice, I will say that there are many of them, and some become our clients of the marriage agency.
It may be hard to believe, but in our marriage agency there are much more interesting and successful men than women. Yes, the male world is different from the female one, but they want to have an ordinary happy family and love not for money. Can money make a person happy? Improve the quality of life - yes, but give happiness - hardly!
But to find the man of your dreams, you must initially be happy, then the marriage will be strong. A few days ago I received a call from a woman who had been married for 35 years and has 2 adult sons. She had everything: a huge cottage, an expensive car, money...
But she was not happy all these years and, having decided to divorce, left with nothing. Today she lives in a small one-room apartment, taken out on a mortgage, and is happy that she has learned to see the blue sky, hear the birds singing and be herself. And these are her words about the understanding of happiness.
Do you know when there is idyll and harmony in a relationship? This is when a man jokes and a woman laughs. You need to allow yourself sincere emotions. But we must take into account that any relationship needs to be nourished with something and at least change the topics of the jokes, otherwise it can simply get boring and boring.
Oddly enough, a stamp in a passport very often changes people. The woman begins to change and command her husband, and he begins to “pump” his rights. So, your man is the one you want to love and cherish.
This is the one whom you don’t want to reproach for something, but you want to take care of him and caress him. There will be those situations with him when you understand each other perfectly, so that you start saying something, and he already knows in advance what you will say, etc.
Where to find a man for a serious relationship? The answer is very simple: “The larger and wider the search, the faster the result will be.” But you need to look for your person according to your inner worldviews. You must complement each other and be one.
Live by your heart... Learn to get rid of negative thoughts and don't listen to advice, otherwise you might just miss out on your happiness. You will simply feel it when you are ready to give everything to a person and dissolve in this relationship. This is your life, and you must live it with your mind.
You will want to always be with him, look into his dear eyes, hug, kiss and just touch... An internal emotional state appears in which no one from your environment can answer you whether this man is yours or not. You yourself must feel and understand it!
