You are constantly offended because your husband does not give you gifts. You feel left out and underappreciated. And, of course, you dream of finding a way by which you can accustom your husband to this pleasant ritual. If so, then this article is for you.
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Husband doesn't give gifts: reasons
Let’s be clear right away: a man is an adult. Therefore, it is impossible to educate him and teach him to give gifts! We talk more about this in our article “How to change a man so that he becomes ideal” >>>
How then can you get what you want from your husband? Before solving any problem in a relationship, you need to understand why it arose. Below we present the most common reasons why a husband does not give his wife gifts.
Reason #1
Passion has disappeared in your relationship, and your husband has stopped seeing you as a Woman. As a result, the desire to pamper you with gifts has gone away. You can find out how to rekindle the “fire” in a man from our article “How to bring passion back into a relationship” >>>
Reason #2
You once harshly criticized the gift that he gave you from the bottom of his heart. And since then, the husband has been afraid to take the wrong step. And the best way to avoid a mistake is not to give anything at all.
Reason #3
There was a case in your joint biography when your husband gave you a gift, but you accused him of wastefulness. My husband understood the message “savings should be economical” perfectly. Since then, gifts have only been given on holidays. But such that you don’t even consider them gifts. (Yes, yes, these are the same notorious saucepans and frying pans.)
Reason #4
You have turned “giving” gifts into a heavy duty for your husband. And you regularly throw tantrums and showdowns on this topic. Moreover, on the eve of a holiday / important event, you write a reminder message to your husband. Moreover, you remember that last time he forgot about the gift, but you didn’t. Thus, you discourage him from giving you any pleasant surprises.
Reason #5
It is possible that he pleases another woman. Alas. This reason occurs if in the first years of married life your husband often gave you gifts. And then (suddenly) it stopped abruptly. To clarify the situation, read our article “Signs of a Cheating Husband” >>>
Reason #6
You pay too much attention to your husband and have elevated him to the rank of a deity. And now he perceives you as his own subject. And, as you know, they are not appreciated. And they certainly don’t give gifts.
For information on how to turn your husband’s attention to yourself, read the article “A husband doesn’t pay attention, or How to regain a man’s interest” >>>
Reason #7
He is used to expressing his care and love differently. For example, in the form of compliments, declarations of love, payment for a joint vacation, or purchases of necessary things for the house.
Reason #8
You buy so many things and accessories for yourself that your husband doesn’t know what to give you. And when he asks you directly about it, you brush it off, saying, “I’ll buy myself what I need later.”
Reason #9
You don't value yourself as a woman. The reason for this is an insidious program in the subconscious that makes you consider yourself unworthy of gifts. It is this program that you “broadcast” to your husband, and he only obediently follows it.
Reason #10
It also happens that a husband does not give gifts because he sincerely does not understand why they are needed. For example, as a child they did not give him gifts; instead, they bought him only practical things.
Little Princess
Morning. I open my eyes. The room is still dark, but big changes are already visible. Exactly! These are hair bands! Red, white, blue - all tied in lush bows and hanging on the closet handles, on the sides of the bed and even on the chandelier! Purple, yellow, pink balloons stretch in threes to the ceiling in all corners of the room. And my mother wakes me up very, very affectionately, with a smile: “Happy birthday, my dear.” She exudes tenderness, warmth and almost glows, like a magical fairy from a fairy tale. This feels like the best day of my life.
I bring sweets to school, and there I receive congratulations and compliments, of course, first from the teachers, because the children don’t know how to make them yet, but I still see their admiring glances. And in the evening there is a holiday. A set table with a homemade “anthill” (the most delicious cake in the world, which my mother baked all night!), chicken puree, Olivier salad, vinaigrette, and fruit. There is even children's champagne. And I am in a formal ball gown, custom-made from pink satin fabric. I remember going with my mother to fittings in the studio... Invited girlfriends in dresses, with white bows in their hair. Games, competitions, congratulations... And of course, gifts. Such a stormy celebration of joy and life in cold February.
It was natural, normal for us, and I felt worthy of attention, gifts and love. Golden time. Happy childhood.
Stuck in childhood
- Darling, you are beautiful, like these daisies! “And I thought I was as beautiful as a diamond ring.” - No. You are beautiful, like these daisies.
In those years, all these bows, ribbons, my mother’s homemade cakes and gifts came to me without effort: simply by the fact of my existence, simply because it couldn’t be otherwise. I was not threatened with deprivation of a gift for bad behavior and was not manipulated by the fear of bad grades. Even if I brought home deuces, it was still gifts for my birthday and New Year. Receiving them for the holidays is sacred!
Why doesn't the guy give them to me now?
When I grew up, I had to go through a lot, but this childish, bright part that believed in miracles still lived in me. A celebration of life, a celebration of joy and surprises - this is something I would never want to give up. A little girl who believes in happiness - how can you refuse her? She helped me cope with the betrayal of girlfriends, with love adventures in search of a prince, with lack of money and loneliness in a foreign city. With all the pain. My adult life, which I, however, have not fully entered into.
She - this girl in a pink dress, white tights, shoes and with a hairstyle like a lady - helped me, no matter what, to maintain faith in people, hope for the best. Can I let go of her hand? Is it possible to voluntarily trade balloons and candy for the pain and disappointments of adulthood? Is it possible to refuse gifts and risk reaching some new, more grandiose level?
I didn’t know that this girl in a dress with hand-embroidered roses, who lives among firecrackers and confetti, motherly love and sincere girlish friendship, should grow up with me.
Why don't they give me gifts?
Him: Today is my birthday. She: Really?! And what will you give me?
My body was growing. Life events followed one after another. Having passed through thorns through a dense dense forest, I came out into a clear clearing and there I met my prince. He stood in shining armor, ready to give me everything: protection, attention, love... But only in an unusual way for me: not with gifts. For a long time I could not understand why a man does not give gifts to a woman. Is that possible?
Psychology from the Internet said that I did not know how to accept, and then I worked hard on my femininity, began to wear long skirts and speak in a friendly voice. Grandma Valentina, from the next door, hastened to conclude that the man was just a miser and a miser, and then I beat my beloved for evidence to the contrary.
When I found out that in his family it was simply not customary to give gifts, it became easier to justify him, but the desire to accept material proof of attention and love did not go away. It was very important for me to get at least one gift or at least a good reason why a guy constantly ignores his girlfriend's needs.
While he provided us with food, shelter, clothing, and other expenses, he thought, “Why need one gift a year when I already invest in us every day?” I didn't understand this. Where is the missing link between a happy childhood and the lack of gifts today? What am I missing?
Husband doesn't give gifts: solution to the problem
Learn to express your desires
In order to receive gifts, you need to ask for them! However, many women believe that a man should guess that they need a gift (but he is unlikely to do so). There are also those who are embarrassed to say about their desires, so as not to be considered mercantile. At the same time, they walk around with pouty lips and are angry with their husband for his heartlessness. Such behavior will only distance you from your goal and sow a lot of misunderstandings.
Understand that any desire you have is correct, because it is part of you. The question is in what form you will voice it to your husband. Do not use an imperative tone under any circumstances. Do not manipulate under any circumstances, do not formulate a request in the form of a complaint, and do not compare your husband with other men. Phrases like: “Lyudka’s husband has already bought three fur coats, but you can’t even give me one!” - a terrible blow to the husband’s pride. It is unlikely that this will inspire him to “fork out.”
Tell your husband directly, but gently, that you want a gift. At the same time, be in the position of an adult woman, not a capricious girl. Describe how much you want something and how happy you would be to receive it as a gift. Add emotion. If your monologue is sincere, then your husband will definitely not refuse you. Gently explain to your husband that gifts are a love language that you understand. This is important to you.
Tips from our article “Five Love Languages: How to “Speak” so that you are clearly understood” will help you make sure that this message gets to your husband “straight to the heart.” >>>
Learn to accept
The ability to accept gifts correctly is the key to the fact that you will be given them much more often. Train yourself to sincerely rejoice at any gift from your husband, even if it is a trifle or a simple chocolate bar. Kiss him, hug him, thank him. Give your husband a compliment. Let the attitude firmly take hold in a man’s head: “giving gifts to your wife is nice.”
Work on increasing your self-esteem
Gifts are usually given to women who love themselves. Stop looking for flaws in yourself. Instead, make a list of your strengths and, like a mantra, repeat them every day. It is important to achieve an inner feeling that you are worthy of even the most expensive gifts. Read more about how to cultivate healthy self-esteem in the article “And why did you give birth to me with such...? Or how to accept yourself and love yourself" >>>
Learn to give
There is a saying: if you want to get something, give something first. It's about cute little things. A scarf or a homemade card you knit for the first time in your life will surely touch your husband’s heart and inspire him to reciprocate his attentions.
Tell
And finally - one trick. If you want to get something specific from a man, make sure that this thing catches his eye. For example, browse jewelry websites in his presence or create a bookmark on your computer with a specific ring or chain. If a man understands the hints, you won’t have to wait long for the desired gift.
Present
Each gift has its own subtext, not always sexual.
Previously, if certain “commodity-money relations” arose between a man and a woman (restaurants, flowers, gifts , etc.), the entire subsequent balance of power was very simple,” says our expert, famous psychotherapist Nikolai Nikolaevich Naritsyn.
If a man shows a woman expensive attentions, spends money on her, it means he is vying for her favor. And a lady accepting gifts from a gentleman was definitely considered almost “venal.” And no one was interested in why she didn’t refuse luxurious gifts? Everyone was sure that in such a veiled way the lady agreed to intimacy, and nothing more.
But on the other hand, a man who did not pay for a woman in a restaurant (or even in a seedy diner) aroused indignation among the fair sex, called him a miser and was often driven out of his heart forever. If a man had to receive gifts from a woman and allow her to spend money on him, then he was either branded a gigolo or considered untenable in all respects. In reality, everything is much more complicated.
My husband doesn't give gifts: conclusion
If the husband does not give gifts, it is impossible to force or accustom him to this. You can only create an atmosphere in which he himself wants to please you. But do not forget that the main value of a relationship is high-quality close communication, honesty, cordiality and understanding. And no gifts can replace the absence of these elements!
This is the School of Gravity. We are here to make you happy and loved! See you at the online meeting >>>
Simple gifts for men, but tasteful
If you are going to a man's birthday, you can choose a simple present for him. After all, most representatives of the stronger sex prefer understandable and unambiguous objects. The advantage of such things is their ease of use. There is no need for any additional conditions during their operation. Examples of such gifts are:
- warm blanket;
- barbecue set;
- a bottle of your favorite alcoholic drink;
- cosmetics for cars;
- slippers;
- standard backpack of the “urban” model;
- set of lunch containers.
Such items are completely clear and understandable. When going on a picnic, a man can take with him a blanket and a barbecue set. Moreover, place all this in a convenient backpack. He will feel comfortable walking around at home in slippers. A friendly conversation will take place over a bottle of your favorite drink. Therefore, it will almost always be appropriate to give something from this category.
Necessary items for work
The birthday of someone close to you is coming soon, but you still haven’t decided on a gift? Choosing a gift is a rather complicated process, because you want to give a practical thing that would actually be used by a person, and not gather dust somewhere on the shelves. If you want to give a man a useful birthday gift, we suggest the following ideas:
- Computer chair - if he spends most of his time in front of a computer monitor, then such a gift will be a good sign of attention.
- A computer mouse is a professional mouse with good sensitivity and a convenient design, also a necessary thing for an office worker.
- Stationery - a first-class document tray, a box with paper for notes and other useful desktop items made from eco-friendly wood will definitely please him.
- tools - a hammer drill, screwdrivers, a screwdriver and other devices for repairing vehicles or household appliances both at home and at work.
- Navigator/DVR - both items are essential when traveling. With the first, he probably won’t get lost, and with the second, he will be protected from unjustified fines.
- Seat covers – men appreciate care for their vehicles, especially if they spend most of their time driving.
- Home high-pressure washing - he will no longer have to waste time and money on trips to the car wash, because you will give him everything he needs.
- A personalized diary is a great solution for a business man whose activities involve constant negotiations and business meetings.
- Document folder – a modern leather document folder is simply a necessary attribute for a man working in an office. Choose a model with additional sections for gadgets, cards and other important little things.
- A first-class tablet case/laptop bag – a modern and durable case would be a nice gift for him, especially if he doesn’t use notepads or diaries, but takes all his notes in the gadget.
- An apron is an excellent solution for a man whose work is physical. For example, you can give this product to a chef, auto mechanic, etc.
Before buying a present, make sure that it does not already have such a device. Also, clarify in advance which company he prefers or what model he dreams of.
