How to inspire a man to earn more money

Do you feel that lately you are chronically short of money for your usual expenses? Has your husband lost his job or has his salary been interrupted? Are you nervous about a decrease in family income, but what about your spouse? A psychologist's advice on how to count money and motivate your husband will come in handy in times of crisis.

Increasingly, the issue of money is driving a wedge between people. Just 20-30 years ago, no one really thought about this problem: after getting paid, they put the money in the nightstand and lived in peace. And financial planning in the family was clear: buy a TV, a refrigerator, a wall, a garden plot, and so on. Modern abundance makes its own adjustments.

Family budget: 3 causes of problems

Let's look together at common problems that arise in many couples and think about how we can smooth out the rough edges.

The first problem is that there is little or no money at all . As a rule, a family does not immediately encounter these difficulties: tension grows gradually, and only then does an emotional explosion occur, a protracted showdown and, as a result, divorce. This happens either because of the inability to distribute money, or because of the reluctance to change something in your life.

We will discuss what to do with this below. In the meantime, let’s talk about financial control. In fact, any way to keep a budget works very well - making notes in a special program, keeping a computer report or a balance sheet on a piece of paper attached to the refrigerator...

Such control will be useful at various stages of family life. At first, this accounting creates psychological discomfort due to a subconscious reluctance to be under control. But as soon as the first results appear, the mood improves.

Stumbling block number two can be described with the phrase: “Whoever earns money is the boss in the house . As a psychologist and wife with twenty years of experience, I can say that this is the most difficult problem! In this case, grievances between the parties can accumulate for decades. When you communicate with such couples, sometimes you want to shout: “Where have you been before?” There is only one way out - talk to each other and discuss the difficulties that have arisen.

This problem often occurs during maternity leave. The husband becomes the sole breadwinner and his self-esteem rises sharply. He makes disproportionate demands on his wife: “Look after the child; be active in bed; feed me breakfast; put me to bed; clean the house and be as beautiful as a May rose.”

It is difficult to complete all these tasks. There is a proposal - to give the wife a salary. She will know that she can claim a certain amount, which she will spend only on herself with a clear conscience. Determine together the amount of the amount, as well as the date of its payment.

Another reason for difficulties is the different scenarios of relationships in the parents’ families. For example, a young wife grew up in a very rich family, and the husband did the opposite. There is only one solution: an individual family financial management card. Get a special notebook (file on your computer) and make long-term plans - 5 years, 3 years, 1 year. This helps to calculate the required income and compare it with expenses.

Tips for everyone

Money loves counting, so I suggest writing down everything, for example, how much money do you need for personal expenses or hobbies? Often we cannot sensibly assess the needs of another. Therefore, it is useful to do a mini-test: let everyone, independently of each other, write on a piece of paper how much money their partner needs for such expenses.
Describe the pros and cons of your type of budgeting. A separate budget is becoming fashionable, which, from a psychological point of view, is not the best option, often creating the feeling that “nothing holds us together.” Discuss whether this path is right for you.
Remember the good formula - “save 20% for your dream”! This could be a vacation, buying something you both want, or planning a pregnancy. I want to emphasize: it’s for a dream, not a “rainy day.” After all, according to the rule of materialization of thoughts, if the brain is persuaded for a long time, then a “rainy day” will definitely come.
Treat money, and therefore the way you receive it, with respect.

How to Motivate Your Man: 10 Steps

Most people consider love to be a necessary condition for creating a relationship. Everything is wonderful - “people meet, people fall in love, get married”... And then wives come to me asking me to help “give a magic kick” to their men and make them “want something.” As a rule, this “something” actually means “earn more, strive for career growth.” And so the wife worries: after all, she has many desires, but he has none. Children are growing up, more money is needed - and often couples cannot stand the test of money.

Here are some general guidelines that I hope you find helpful.

For those who are planning to start a family. The moment you decide to live together, keep a diary or just take a piece of paper and describe the pros and cons of your loved one . It makes sense for both to complete this task. These notes are our starting point, something you can always return to if problems arise.

If you haven’t done this before, there’s nothing stopping you from making “was/was” lists with your spouse at any point in your married life. Add there all the qualities or character traits that you consider significant . How did you accept and love each other and what has changed since then?

Start by eliminating the word “should” from your vocabulary. A person is born free, and in fact does not owe anything to anyone. A sense of duty, or, let’s call it a more correct word, “motivation,” we can awaken in ourselves only ourselves. We are the ones who are convinced that we owe it to children, parents, and the state. But if you just live in harmony with yourself and do not what you should, but what you want (because you have motivation and purpose), the result will be better and you will feel better too.

“He must provide for his family”; “After all, I bore him children”—familiar words? Let's take a break! You gave birth to children for yourself - simply because any person is selfish, and everything he does, he does for himself. It’s good if a man wanted to have children and takes responsibility for their future, so to speak, “motivating” himself. And most male individuals are just like that. But the word “should” is one of the strongest demotivators for people at any age. So work on your vocabulary.

“I know better what he and our family need.” Well, why exactly do you know better? It is difficult for a person to accept someone else’s motivation. For example, not all husbands want to be bosses, even if we really want to. Some people want to be ordinary performers, they are comfortable with that. You do not like? Then think about your own implementation!
Your husband seems to agree with you, but does nothing for development? Well, do it for him. After all, initially this is your desire. Send out his resume (with permission, of course), look at the websites of promising companies. If he doesn’t know what to do, select options for career guidance methods and tests. And at the same time, download motivation tests and find out what he really wants.
If your husband tells you that “he’s doing great here too” and “you’d have to be a fool to leave such a place,” ask him to write down his reasons on paper and discuss each point. Desperate, “life is not nice” and doesn’t see opportunities to improve it ? Help him write a resume correctly, describing all his strengths. This will be psychotherapy for both of you and at the same time help you look at his merits objectively.
What does he want is a big question... When trying to clarify the situation in a conversation, does the husband remain silent or does it all end in a quarrel? Apply an age-old psychological game called the “wish map.” Prepare pictures, whatman paper, sit down and glue the plans, dreams of each of you. You will definitely learn something new!
Another method that is extreme for many women. Stop talking to your husband about these topics. Mind your own business, home, children and work. Silently hand over to him lists of your needs and receipts or reports on home accounting, if you do it. At the same time, try to perform your duties very well so that the person “feels” the discomfort.
If possible, set a goal to earn more than him and achieve it. Also an acceptable method of motivation.
The classic mistake: “ I don’t care what he’s doing there!” The main thing is to earn more money.” This may be the cause of many family conflicts. Without being interested in his affairs, you will not be able to understand the true causes of the problems that arose at his work. Create a situation for your husband where he can speak his problems out loud, support him.
“It’s time to grow up, you have a family” is an expression that for men sounds like “your life is over.” The male subconscious begins to violently resist, and most importantly, to strive for freedom! A man does not want such restrictions, especially if his life was varied and multifaceted. When choosing a husband, take a closer look at his social circle, friends, acquaintances. At the beginning of the novel, he seems like a “promising, sociable and bright guy,” but in family life these qualities can transform into something you don’t like at all!

How to motivate a man to succeed?

A technique called gentle praise is often used to instill confidence. Its essence comes down to the fact that a person is praised for any, even the most insignificant, but good deed.

For example, he:

I washed the dishes after myself;
Prepared dinner (albeit a simple one) for the whole family;
I fed the cat;
I took a walk with my child.

It is important to praise without exaggeration, so as not to make a big achievement out of a modest act. It’s enough to smile and say: “I’m very glad you did this.” Your help is always welcome!”

Anyone is pleased when even simple attempts to do something useful are appreciated. Even if it did not always end in success. If you are not satisfied with any moment, then it is better to talk about it later.

For example, the handle installed by the spouse on the interior door becomes a little loose. In this case, praise must necessarily follow for the installation of the handle, which, in principle, fulfills its function. And after a couple of days, you can, as if by chance, notice that it has become a little loose.

By receiving regular praise, a man will become more confident. When a person hears gratitude even for small useful deeds, but turns a blind eye to minor flaws or reminds them without diligence, then he takes on any undertaking with great enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, many wives do the opposite. Attempts to help with housework are most often accompanied by the comment: “Well, at least you deigned to do something.”

Also, any man will certainly be motivated by the following phrases, said by you at the right moment:

I go crazy when you look at me like that...
I will follow you to the ends of the earth.
I couldn't do this alone!
All my life I dreamed of a man like you
I will always be only with you.
I believe in you, darling.
What would you like right now?
What would make you happy?
You can be so gentle.
You took a weight off my shoulders.
You are the smartest/strongest/generous/reliable.
You are my knight!
I need you.
Only you are capable of such strong actions.
Only you understand me.
Only you and no one else can do this!
You solved this problem so easily!
Is there anything I can do to make us both feel better?
It’s so nice for me to fall asleep and wake up next to you.
I don't care what others think, I know you better and I have confidence in you!
How can I ease your condition?
In my eyes, in any case, you are a wonderful (smart, strong, purposeful, etc.) man!
How can I help you?
Today I dreamed that you were not around, I was very scared... it’s good that it was just a dream.
I feel so good next to you.
No one but you can do this.
With you I feel safe and calm...
You are the only one I trust in everything.
You're the only one who influences me like that.
You know me, probably even better than I know myself.
You are my hero!
You are the best man in my life!
You did a great job for me.
You definitely can do it!
Whatever you do, I am ready and will always support you
No matter what you do, I will always be with you.
I'm delighted how well you... (hung a picture, fixed a chair, set up a computer, etc.)
I admire you!
I always miss your hugs.
I'm proud of you and your actions.
I have never loved anyone as much as you.
I'm with you, like behind a stone wall.
I'm so happy next to you.

If the spouse makes a mistake, then a scandal begins or caustic remarks follow. The effect will be the opposite, the husband will think ten times before volunteering to do something.

In this video, psychologist Victoria Yushkevich will tell you how to learn how to motivate a man to earn more money for his family: