How to restore self-confidence to a child?

Causes of childhood shyness

Excessive parental guardianship

Parents literally do not let go of their child one step at a time, nor do they give him the slightest chance to show independence. They all think that their child is small, defenseless, that he won’t be able to do anything on his own, that he must definitely help, control, and be there.

As a result, the already grown-up child will be embarrassed to be in society; it will always seem to him that others are looking at him, as in childhood, that everyone is directly watching how and what he does, or condemn him if he does something not that. Such a child will be embarrassed, and over time, afraid to make purchases in a store, to find out from a stranger what time it is or where the nearest pharmacy is.

Lack of communication in a child

There are parents who raise their children in isolation from the outside world. They don’t send him to kindergarten because he has someone at home to be with, and they don’t go with him to playgrounds because there he can catch a virus or get hit in the forehead with a shovel. The child communicates only with his close relatives, who are the first to make contact, ask questions or offer their own model of play.

But it is worth remembering that any child needs communication with other children. After all, it is through communication that he learns to establish contact with others, defend his own interests, and choose a model of behavior in each situation. Therefore, parents should definitely accustom their child to the children’s group and provide freedom of communication on playgrounds. The child must gain experience communicating with other children.

Illness or physical weakness of the child

Due to his illness, the child cannot fully run or jump with his peers or on an equal basis with them. As a result, he feels inferior, different from everyone else, and is embarrassed to be the first to make contact or just come up to chat. It will be easier for such children to communicate with people like themselves (if the children have the same physical illness) or go to clubs in which priority is given to other types of activities (checkers, chess, a young technician’s club, a beadwork club, etc.) .

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Often the actions of parents lead to the fact that the child does not feel confident in any of his actions, and also does not have enough strength to make certain decisions. Our children definitely need help from fear and gaining self-confidence, because who, if not us, will guide our children through this life and help them develop normally, harmoniously and love their lives.

Children are very observant. They notice all the nuances that arise in your home communication. If parents are used to getting everything perfect, then such perfectionism and such an attitude of parents can cause the child to be unsure of his actions. He/she will simply not know how to approach the solution to the problem, where to start and what to do, because parents appear in the head in a controlling way, a body that will consider the end result in the smallest detail and, no matter how hard you try, no matter how if he did well, they would still find something, isolate him, punish him or scold him for something.

But keeping your children under your warm and safe wing all the time will not work at any particular period; you yourself will push your children to fly out of the nest and live their own lives, and this will be oh so difficult for them precisely because they do not know how to live, they don’t know how to try and don’t know what to do and how to decide, how to take responsibility for their actions. Simply, they lack self-confidence.

Your most important criterion in communicating with your child should be patience. There is no need to be nervous, swear, or scream when your child doesn’t succeed. What is this for? It is pointless! After all, the child does not understand and does not know how to do something. He is not ready for this, his perception and thinking are not tuned to what you offer and give him. This means you need to explain, listening specifically to the needs and characteristics of your child. Sorry for such a provocative example, but you wouldn’t scold a blind child for not being able to read. Or he doesn’t know how to do it like everyone else. You find the right approach to him that will help him cope with the current situation.

An important point that you must remember is not to compare your child with another! There is no need to belittle his dignity by talking about how good Vovochka is and how great Petya plays the piano. Love your child for the talents he has and, believe me, he will be the happiest and most confident in you. It is precisely because you accept your child for who he is and do not expect impossible results from him. Show and teach your child to see perspectives, believe in himself and understand that he can achieve anything if he only wants to and puts in the conditions to make it happen.

Explain to your child so clearly that he understands, and talk to him in such a way that he feels your love, no matter what he has done. The child must be desired, then he will be sure that this life is definitely for him.

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How to help your child become bolder?

There are several psychological tips on how to help a timid, shy child become more courageous.

Ways to build courage in a child:

Don't do everything for the child himself

You should not decide for your child who to be friends with and play with, how to get out of a conflict situation, how to resolve a dispute that arises. If on the playground a baby runs up to his mother with tears in his eyes, complaining that his favorite toy was taken away from him and thereby offended, then the mother should not immediately run up to the offenders and take this thing away. It would be better if the mother told him what to do in this situation, how he should ask him to give up his toy or offer to exchange it with another child. Let the baby try to come to an agreement with other children himself, and let the mother only gently and a little persistently guide him to this step.

Don't set the bar too high for your child

Often, parents, trying to teach their child something, take drastic measures: they will either throw him into the water so that he learns to swim faster, or roll him down a steep hill to overcome the feeling of fear, or hang him on a horizontal bar so that he can learn to pull himself up. But often parents with such actions only aggravate the situation, and fears and anxieties received in childhood often break the delicate child’s psyche and accompany him throughout his adult life.

Therefore, parents should be extremely careful in setting tasks for their children, and set only those tasks that correspond to their age and capabilities. It is better to gradually introduce the child to things that are difficult and scary for him, giving him more and more time to become familiar with and get used to them. You can swim in the water next to your child, choose a not very large slide and secure your baby, let him hang on the horizontal bar little by little, getting used to this type of load and showing by your own example what else can be done on it.

Choose the right words

Often parents themselves do not notice how, when addressing their child, they do not choose their words quite correctly. And sometimes, instead of regretting or encouraging, they manage to say it with a completely different meaning. For example, if a baby runs up to his mother and cries, and instead of figuring it out and finding the right words, she says: “Why did you let loose like a little boy, but another boy, no matter how you cried, was able to stand up for himself.” These words can greatly hurt the soul of a small child, instead of instilling confidence and courage in him.

How to help your child become more self-confident - the best recommendations

Most parents can first tell about their child’s lack of self-confidence only when they begin secondary school. Such a successful and smart kid in kindergarten suddenly, for some reason, ceases to feel his strength, does not want to develop previously acquired skills, or improve his achievements. What happened? Why did the child lose self-confidence?

Reasons for uncertainty

The child spends most of his childhood in the family; accordingly, the behavior of the parents, their reactions to life situations will leave their imprint on the little head. The first children in the family are more often susceptible to this problem, due to the fact that the inexperience of the parents, the fear of doing something wrong, their uncertainty, creates anxiety in the family, which is reflected in the child. Even experienced parents are not always able to find a middle ground in parenting. Excessive pressure or excessive care – all this negatively affects the baby’s psyche. Some parents believe that the child is their property and they are not ready to lose this power. This means that any initiative of a child that goes against the interests of an adult will be suppressed.

Others simply suffocate with their concern. And the effect is just as negative from a psychological point of view. If everything has already been thought out and done for the baby, then he will decide that it means he can’t do it himself and in general why bother if adults guess all the wishes.

Adults should start educating themselves first. The fact is that then all the children go to school and there they come under a different influence: teachers, classmates. The importance of these people on the child’s psyche cannot be underestimated, and the sooner he learns to resist, have his own opinion, is able to find his place in society, is able to establish contacts and join different groups, the better and more successful the child will be.

How to help your child become more confident

What algorithm of action should parents establish in order not to drag their child into serious psychological problems.

The child begins to realize that an action leads to any consequences at the age of about three years. It is from this age that it is worth starting the process of accepting the child as an individual separate from the parents, if, of course, this has not been done before. Mom must begin the path of distance, and increasingly make room for father. It is the father who is able to give the child greater freedom of realization, and, accordingly, greater confidence in his own abilities. If the family consists only of mother and child, then the masculine principle should still be looked for. This could be uncles, grandfathers, a coach.
The method of comparison with others should be excluded from the educational program. Even if a child fails to do something correctly, he needs the support and approval of loved ones, so that in the future he knows that there is a rear behind him, as well as the opportunity to grow and develop, without comparing himself with anyone, but to follow own way.
Parents should not place their unfulfilled ambitions on the shoulders of another person, their child. He is not like them, his abilities and desires are different.

We also recommend reading - How to believe in yourself and gain confidence - the main ways

A frank conversation with a child will bring many discoveries into the world of an adult. Sometimes these little creatures can confuse you with their questions and reasoning. Don’t be afraid to argue, discuss something, or look for compromises. And, of course, playing and having fun together will play a significant role in building self-confidence for a child.