When your relationship with a girl becomes serious and you decide to get married, you have to deal with many issues. You will need to decide exactly when you want to get married, where you will then live, and yes, we almost forgot, you will also have to meet your fiancée’s parents.
Surely you would like to have a good relationship with her loved ones. Alas, we cannot promise that they will love you as much as your chosen one, but if you follow a few simple rules, your chances of making a good impression on them will increase.
Meeting his parents: how to behave? Tips for girls
Shock, panic? Don't worry, this was bound to happen sooner or later. If a guy is ready to bring you to his parents, it means he has serious intentions. It won’t be possible to avoid dating for a long time, and if you want to continue the relationship and are going to start a family with him, then there is no point in refusing.
They say that sometimes such meetings are like an interview for the role of a son’s wife, and sometimes they look like an interrogation of an investigator. You shouldn’t expect trouble in advance (your friends are just unlucky), but you need to prepare. Please also note that there are several advantages for you in meeting your parents. The curtain of mystery is lifted, you can look at his father and understand how your boyfriend will change with age. The situation in the house and the attitude of the parents towards each other can also say a lot and will help to imagine a possible model of your lover’s behavior in family life.
For his parents, the girlfriend of their beloved son is, first of all, a necessary condition for the continuation of their family. If you can let them know that motherhood is not alien to you, then this is already a success. Often the desire to show oneself in a favorable light turns into a caricature. It is important to remain natural and not try to pretend to be the ideal girl.
Minimalism and modesty are the best solution for appearance. It is better to choose clothes in calm shades, with a hint of conservatism; you should also not overuse jewelry and cosmetics. Daytime makeup will emphasize your youth and openness.
It is best to find out from the guy in advance what conditions the meeting will take place - dinner, lunch, picnic. If, in addition to your parents, there are other relatives, it would not be a bad idea to ask about them. The more you can learn, the easier communication will be. Find out if there are any taboo topics in their family.
As for good manners, they will definitely help to charm potential relatives. It’s better to address yourself as “you”. Don't hide behind your boyfriend's back, don't whisper to him and don't walk around with your tail unless he calls you to go with him to another room or to the balcony.
If you find out that your visit coincides with some kind of family celebration, take care of the gift: symbolic, neutral and not luxurious. However, your acquaintance is an event in itself, so in support of etiquette and your own desires, you should come to visit not empty-handed: a small bouquet or a houseplant would be appropriate (of course, if there are no allergy sufferers in the family, and you already know about this) and a bottle of light wine.
I would also approve some baked goods according to my recipe as a gift... Your qualities as a future housewife may not be immediately recognized by everyone, but your initiative in helping your mother clear the table will definitely help improve relationships.
The desire to please the parents of your loved one sometimes adds unnecessary embarrassment or, conversely, excessive activity in communication. Calmly answer direct questions, but don’t be too frank at the first meeting. Including on the topic of your relationship with your loved one. Of course, it wouldn’t occur to you to complain about him? You should also not complain about work, life, friends and your own relatives. It is better to respond to very difficult or provocative topics with a cute joke.
By the way, about jokes. Don’t try to impress with your wit, and in general you shouldn’t try to conquer everyone at once. Once again: be yourself! You will feel a moment where you can speak in more detail and to the point - express yourself without doubt and with dignity. Perhaps you will have a chance to show your tact and curiosity when it comes to something not very clear or well-known. It is always appropriate to ask a question, emphasizing your interest and willingness to learn new things and learn from elders.
There is nothing new in these tips. Perhaps they will seem banal to some. But before such an important event, it wouldn’t hurt to once again gather your thoughts and set yourself up for success. Love will help you!
Tags: rules of behavior, girls, couple relationships, psychology of communication, parents, dating
Preliminary conversation with parents is the key to success
Neither a women's magazine, nor a visit to a psychologist, nor the advice of your best friend will help you organize this meeting correctly. The fact is that no one else knows your parents and your chosen one better than you.
Therefore, before you press the bell of your parents' apartment, you must be sure that you have calculated every step. Yes, exactly every step. If your parents and your loved one do not find a common language, then you will constantly have to be torn between them, while listening to unpleasant statements like “he is not a match for you” and “crazy parents.” Meeting your parents is a serious step.
First, talk to your parents, tell them about your loved one, what he does, what he likes and dislikes.
Prepare your parents in advance for what will be indecent or unnatural for them. For example, if they don’t understand why you live together without registering, etc.
Encourage your mother to cook the dishes he likes. Remember, parents are also very worried before the meeting. Prepare them in advance. After that, talk to your boyfriend. Tell them what topics you can talk about with your parents, what they like and what they do on the weekends.
Meeting the parents
We introduce the man to the children. Advice from a child psychologist
Getting married a second time after a first not very successful experience is quite difficult for a woman. But it’s doubly difficult if she has children.
Read more
It doesn’t matter how old you are - 25 or 45. The upcoming acquaintance causes excitement.
She sat down wrong, looked wrong, laughed inappropriately, said the wrong thing - annoying little things that can suddenly make everything go completely differently than planned. A lot depends on this meeting, including the relationship itself. After all, you really want to be liked and make an impression. The hero of the Hollywood trilogy "Meet the Fockers" Gaylord Focker (played by Ben Stiller ) really wanted to please the bride's parents. But no matter how hard he tried, he only aroused hostility from his girlfriend’s father. While visiting Gaylord, everything falls out of hand, and failures continue to haunt him, which raises even more doubts about the choice of his daughter in the hero played by Robert De Niro .
Faker had to make a lot of efforts to get his beloved’s father to soften towards him. Of course, this is a film, but I think many of us will find familiar images in it. Of course, the first meeting with parents can be spontaneous. But, as a rule, it is crumpled. Therefore, it is best to plan everything in advance and prepare for the official visit. Think about what to wear (preferably something neutral), what to say, what topics to discuss.
Psychologist Natalya Tolstaya : “It is still unknown to whom dating brings more stress - the parents, or the one who actually came to meet! Of course, brides and grooms are not taken to their parents every day. If you have already decided to get acquainted, it means that the relationship already requires further logical development of events. And, understanding this, parents also worry before the first meeting. I am sorry that in our century the profession of matchmaker has disappeared! And in those days, in the era of matchmakers, there was no talk of any stress! A woman came and talked in bright colors about the “product” and about the “merchant”, about family, about prosperity. That is, she did what is now commonly called PR or promotion. And when the groom himself appeared on the threshold, the parents already had some topics to talk about, questions for him. The matchmaker also saved the situation at the table if the conversation reached a dead end. In the same way, a woman of this important profession told the groom’s parents about the girl, and when, according to custom, they came to the bride’s house for the bride’s viewing, the girl sat beautiful, smart, modest and mentally ready for the dating process.”
When preparing to meet, of course, first of all, you should learn as much as possible about your partner’s parents - about their habits, lifestyle, traditions, hobbies, and what they love. It is good if the partner warns in advance about some special character traits of one or another older family member. For example, do not take it to heart if the father asks how much the groom earns or prepare for the fact that the mother may interrogate him on the topic of whether the bride has ever been married.
Psychologist Natalya Tolstaya : “Love, as you know, is blind, and Cupid does not look for a suitable opportunity and does not choose social status. Remember from Bulgakov: “... love jumped out in front of us, like a killer jumps out of the ground in an alley, and struck us both at once!..” Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a couple from a circle equal to you. Even young people who met at the institute may belong to different strata. And what can we say about mature individuals? It happens that a wealthy lady can fall in love with an ordinary employee with average income. And, of course, her family may immediately react with hostility to such a groom - what if he’s just an ordinary gigolo?”
On the other hand, if one of the partners has decided to introduce his loved one to his parents, he must prepare them for the meeting as well. For example, knowing perfectly well the character traits of your family members, discuss with them in advance the inadmissibility of inappropriate questions. And also tell about your beloved so that your parents have an idea about her and know how dear she/he is to you.
What are the basic rules of conduct when meeting parents?
Psychologist Natalya Tolstaya: “If you get to know a man’s parents, first of all, you should remember that you should not cross the boundaries in showing tenderness to your chosen one. After all, his mother is a woman who loves her son very much. She may be nervous about this and even jealous, no matter how much she wants him to be happy. Therefore, the first rule: show respect for his home. This is the space in which your loved one was raised. Walk through the rooms, look at what is hanging on the walls, what books are in the cabinets. If mom is working in the kitchen, be sure to offer your help. If you don't need help, you can sit on the sofa with a photo album in your hands. Catch all the undertones, act politely and carefully.
Second rule: show tolerance ! Each house has its own rules for receiving guests. Let's say a man came to a lady's house. On the table there is baked duck with apples, figuratively cut vegetables, white napkins and other beauty. But he said: “I have heartburn, I won’t eat this,” drank some tea and left. Mom is shocked. Or the woman, in turn, came to get acquainted. On the table there is a canape of black bread, sprat and olives, the parents put out a steamed “bubble” of moonshine: “Well, shall we get acquainted?” The lady is shocked. She drinks nothing but martinis. Advice: take with you to your first meeting everything you need for complete happiness. And martinis and mom’s favorite candies.
Third rule: be generous ! A slight financial incentive never harmed anyone. Small bottle of perfume, box of chocolates: Ask your partner what kind of chocolates her/his mother likes. By the way, if a man cannot really tell you about his mother’s tastes, he will fail, draw conclusions about his attentiveness. In this case, you can buy the ones you like. That's probably all the useful advice for the occasion. The main thing is to behave at a party the way you want your loved one to behave with your parents. And then everything will be completely fine.”
Meeting the groom's parents with the bride's parents
It usually occurs after the engagement of the newlyweds is announced. How to make sure that moms and dads get to know each other as easily and comfortably as possible? Helpful tips will help you.
- Don't schedule all your appointments for one day. This is too much of a burden for everyone, so let the groom meet the bride’s relatives in advance, and let her visit the house of the future husband’s parents.
- Then, according to tradition, the man comes to the girl’s father and mother, announces to them his desire to take their daughter as his wife, and asks for parental blessing.
- The next step is to think about a meeting place for two families. Most often, the following options are considered: the parents of the bride or groom invite everyone to visit them; acquaintance takes place on neutral territory: in a cafe or restaurant; young people invite their relatives to gather with them - provided that they live separately from their parents.
- In order for communication between the two clans to be pleasant, all participants should behave naturally, avoid “sensitive” topics, be polite and demonstrate a good attitude towards the second family.
- It happens that the relatives of a guy and a girl have different levels of financial status. In this case, it is important to try to smooth out the difference as much as possible: do not invite guests to a fashionable restaurant, do not flaunt expensive clothes, jewelry, in general, do not focus on your superiority in money.
Finally, watch the video on the topic:
Other recommendations
A lot has already been said, but let’s add a little more to this list with the following tips.
- How to address the bride's mom and dad . It is polite to call them by their first and patronymic names. But if they themselves insist on a simpler option, you can do without the middle name. Exclusively with their permission and submission, you should not ask about this yourself.
- Nonverbal behavior . It is important to demonstrate yourself when meeting your beloved relatives as a strong, confident man. Therefore, keep your back straight, do not hunch, and maintain eye-to-eye contact when communicating. It is acceptable to look away occasionally, but not to constantly look at the floor or ceiling.
- How to behave with a girl . Here you will need a “golden mean”: do not show deliberate coldness, being afraid to show your emotions, but also do not shock those present with long kisses or intimate hugs in public.
- Put your phone away so it doesn't interfere with your focus on what's happening. SMS messages and calls arriving at the wrong time will spoil communication, irritating the gathered people. If making a call is vital, ask for forgiveness and leave the common room.
- How to behave during a meal. Eat calmly, without haste, try not to slurp and don’t drink too much alcohol. Be sure to try the dishes prepared by the lady of the house; leaving the plate full after a feast is bad form.
