Feelings for the guy have cooled.

, and we believe that if we have met someone who has real feelings for us, then this is forever. We want the great and blissful feeling called love to never disappear, and for that one, unique and beloved guy to be there all the time and turn our life into a fairy tale.

Unfortunately, often in life

it happens completely differently and over time, many couples begin to notice that the pure and tender feeling for each other is cooling down. The bright and hot fire that was between the lovers gradually fades and it becomes unbearably painful from the knowledge that the guy who was crazy about you just recently suddenly began calling less, answering SMS, or even avoiding meetings altogether . Does love pass and why do feelings cool?

That guy

I began to call less often and behave completely differently, girls react differently. Some try not to pay attention to this, others fall into deep depression, and still others begin to pester their loved one with questions: “Why don’t you call me?”, “Why have you changed so much?”, “Why don’t you love me anymore?” etc. In fact, placing all the blame for the cooling of the relationship solely on the shoulders of the guy is not correct. Everything that happens in a relationship between couples is the fault of both partners. Therefore, before blaming a guy, think about whether you yourself remain the same?

Maybe you're used to it

to him so much that you stopped noticing how you yourself had changed and became not the cheerful girl you were at the beginning of your relationship. Think about it: maybe the feelings have cooled down and the love has passed because there was no love at all? After all, a girl often confuses love with a guy’s passion when he shows tenderness and affection only in order to drag her into bed. And after he has slept with a girl, he begins to look for new sensations on the side. Is it worth keeping a guy like that? After all, every girl needs a faithful and reliable partner, and he is not worth your girlish tears. Don’t confuse true love with affection, if the guy didn’t love you and doesn’t show more interest in you after the first passionate night, then just try to forget him, it means he’s not worthy of your suffering.

If you had true love

, and you are really sure that he loved you sincerely, and now he has simply begun to pay less attention to you, then you should not cry or torment yourself with questions. First, calm down and relax, then try to understand the situation. Sometimes girls get used to frequent calls and dates, and when there are fewer of them, they begin to sound the alarm in vain. After all, often a guy begins to call less often and make an appointment not because he has stopped loving, but because he is busy at work or for other valid reasons. If a guy loves you, this does not mean that he should spend all day looking for meetings with you and call you on the phone in the evenings.

The point is that men

people are less sentimental. It may well be that he doesn’t even think about the fact that you suffer from loneliness. He himself is busy all day at work and with other worries, so he thinks that your day is also just as busy. The main thing in this situation is not to lose your pride and self-esteem. To avoid suffering from loneliness, start looking for a source of positivity. Previously, it was a beloved guy, but now let it be a hobby or another activity that brings pleasure. You need to fill your life with light and joy, learn to become an independent and in control girl.

Don't bother your loved one

questions about why he began to call you less or changed his attitude towards you; if he really loves you, then he will not go anywhere. When he sees that you are, as before, cheerful and always in a good mood, and happiness is shining in your eyes again, he himself will want to be around you more often. As you know, all living things reach out to warmth to keep warm. So he too will very soon understand that it is impossible to lose such love, that such happiness must be fought for.

Of course, no matter how strong

There was no love between a man and a woman; it cannot remain unchanged throughout life. The intensity of feelings after several years of living together becomes dull, but this does not mean that love has passed. Instead of passion and enthusiastic feelings, tenderness and affection for each other appears between spouses. This is also a kind of manifestation of love. So that feelings do not dull, and the fire of passion burns longer, you cannot turn into a boring and eternally dissatisfied woman. There are ways to awaken cooled feelings and bring new emotions into the relationship between partners. Here they are:

1. More positive

. Sincere laughter, fun, jokes are great ways to bring romance back into a relationship. Buy a board game or go on a picnic in nature, where you invite your lover to fight. You can simply play a computer game together, showing as much humor as possible.

2. Don't turn your evenings

during a boring time together. There is no need to try to discuss your problems every evening or make scandals about lack of attention. First of all, try to become a gentle and caring woman, alone with whom you can relax and unwind after work.

3. Don't forget to give pleasant surprises

. Invite your loved one to go to the cinema, football, concert, swimming pool together, have a romantic dinner or go to a restaurant with him.

So that feelings don't cool down

, you don’t have to sit back and wait for a man to start showing you more attention. Take the initiative into your own hands and take all possible actions so that the slightly extinguished fire in the relationship lights up again with the same flame. Know how to give and enjoy it!

Admitting to yourself that a relationship is slowly but surely dying is often difficult. Often we deceive ourselves, afraid of being alone after a long relationship, but in fact we feel that love is fading away. What signs indicate that feelings are in agony and the relationship cannot be saved?

You need to be alone more and more often

Previously, you tried to spend every free minute with your loved one, but now you can seriously choose between an evening with him or alone. This suggests that you are no longer comfortable in society with your chosen one. Communication with him began to weigh on you. There can be a lot of reasons - constant conflicts, divergence of interests, indifference to each other’s lives. Whatever the reason, the regular choice of solitude or the company of other people indicates a gap between you that only continues to grow.

No. 9. Communication with a psychologist

A professional will help you get out of a depressed state and start life without the object of your adoration. He will help not only in theory, but also in practice: he will listen, give you the opportunity to do exercises aimed at improving your emotional state, help you come to your senses and become a happy person, able to capture the best from every moment.

Talking to a psychologist will help you get rid of your feelings for your boyfriend.

You can imagine yourself with another person

If you, thinking about your life and future, can imagine yourself next to another person, then this is a depressing symptom for your current relationship. You are open to new people and live with the feeling that another person may appear in your life - better and more worthy than the previous one. The current chosen one no longer seems to you the best candidate for the role of your companion, and you will always doubt him, waiting for a more suitable person to appear on the horizon. In such a situation, relationships become an unnecessary yoke around the neck, preventing you from starting a new life.

You no longer strive to solve problems

The desire to understand the causes of quarrels is a natural impulse, indicating that you value the person and your relationship. But now another conflict only evokes a desire to escape, rather than discuss the accumulated grievances once again. When you sometimes get into an argument, you blame and reproach your partner for all his mistakes, recalling many episodes from the past. If this situation is familiar to you, it means that you have let the relationship take its course, no longer having the strength and desire to fight for a happy future with this person.

No. 10. Travel

It is not necessary to buy expensive trips to exotic islands; a weekend tour or just an outing into nature is enough. You can go to the nearest forest or pond, ride a bike outside the city, and even go fishing. You can even do this alone; this approach will allow you to better understand your own feelings and understand your life.

By following these tips, you can forget the guy quickly enough and never think about him.

More tips on the topic in the video:

You no longer confess your love

You no longer want to lie, first of all to yourself, and don’t say “I love you,” because now it doesn’t come from the heart. Occasionally, recognition may come from your lips, but this happens rarely and most likely out of habit. Reluctance to tell a person about your love for him is the most important signal that there is no more love.

Question for a psychologist:

Hello. I’m 21 years old, my boyfriend is 25. We’ve been together for 4.5 years, getting married in half a year. But he irritates me greatly, against this background my feelings fade away. Previously, he was more romantic, more caring, more fun. Now there is no such thing, a passive, boring guy. Even my sexual attraction to him disappeared. And intimacy is rare. Because I have a disgust for him. I became harsh, rude, my mood changes at the snap of my fingers. We seemed to be sitting fine, laughing, talking, then suddenly, suddenly, he began to irritate me. Naturally, he doesn’t understand my reaction. I'm terribly tired of this change of mood. We constantly sit at home, don’t go anywhere, and when I say that I’m not happy with him, he always answers me “as it is” or “find something better.” These are stupid excuses. He’s trying to talk to me, to find out what’s wrong with me, why my mood has changed, to which I answer “you’re annoying me” without knowing the reason. I also can’t tell you my feelings about our future marriage, because I don’t see the point. I think that words will fly into one ear and fly out of the other. I'm afraid that when I marry him, I won't be happy with him. I'm afraid that every morning I will wake up, look at him and think “how you irritate me.” But I can’t let him go either. I love. He is afraid of losing me, but he doesn’t want to do anything. I also want normal intimacy, but disgust from him and betrayal do not attract me. We can have a bed when I have a little drink. I don't want to cheat on him. And I don’t know what to do. He's a good guy, but not the same as before. From the very beginning Everything was so good. Now everything has reached a dead end, I don’t know how to stir him up, maybe I need to change something in myself? Are there any methods? Previously, I was in such a state when it seemed that everything was over, the relationship was over. When I had emptiness inside, indifference, disgust for my boyfriend, but before this lasted a month maximum, now it lasted for 7 months. I don’t want to break up because I’m used to him, but not to his new attitude towards me. But I can’t continue like this; I can’t torture myself constantly either. I want to have butterflies in my stomach like before, love to the marrow of my bones.

Tell me, please, what to do?

Psychologist Yulia Vladimirovna Vasilyeva answers the question.

Hello, Vera!

Unfortunately, there may be many reasons for your disappointment, but judging by your letter, I can say for sure that you lack constant attention from your boyfriend. Your relationship has passed the candy-bouquet period and monotonous everyday life has begun. The time for passion has passed, and you are faced with reality. Maybe it wasn’t love at all, but just affection or infatuation... Understand that it’s impossible to be on holiday all the time! It's impossible to be the center of attention all the time!

Relationships in the family require return from both sides, and when there is one-sided return, the partner quickly gets tired and loses interest. Learn to serve each other in the ordinary days of your life, in simple things. It is important that in your relationship you have common interests, common dreams, common joys, common goals. It is important that together you look in the same direction. You asked a question in your letter: will I be happily married to him? And you should set yourself up even before marriage to another more important question: can I make this person happy, am I ready to devote my life to him? If you have only your own interest in this relationship, to please you and only make you happy, then such a relationship will fail. Selfishness is the main root of disagreements and family problems. Analyze your behavior and ask yourself questions:

1. Am I ready to sacrifice something for the sake of my loved one?

2. Will I be there for him if something bad happens?

3. Do I know my boyfriend’s needs, how can I please him?

4. Do I want this man to be the father of my children?

5. What are our common interests?

6. What are our common dreams and goals?

7. On what do I base my love for him?

8. Do I want to make him happy? What can I do for this?

9. Are our relationships a habit, an attachment, or real feelings?

10. Do I want to be with this person for the rest of my life?

Vera, you can answer these questions yourself or discuss them together, this will help you understand what you are building your relationship on and what awaits you in the future. True love accepts a person as he is and does not try to change him or adjust him to his interests.

I recommend that you talk and discuss topics that concern you more together. Share your needs with each other, this is important because it is very difficult to guess what your partner wants in a given situation. Plan your weekend together, then your days will become more colorful, show your imagination, the main thing is that the events of your life be an interesting adventure. How the future relationship will develop depends on the two of you. If the crisis grows, I do not recommend you tie the knot. Grow up and work on yourself, on your character.

Great love burned in my heart. It burned so intensely that even my whole body was burning. And it seemed that love would be like this forever. But, as life has shown, nothing lasts forever. You enjoyed love and its power, but... It's all gone! You yourself don’t understand how and when...

What to do with cooled feelings?

• You don't have to do anything with them

Leave them as they are, pretending that this is how it should be.

• You can try to understand the truth of the reasons for the cooling of feelings

It doesn't really matter how much time it takes. The main thing here is efficiency.

• Or you can kill the feeling so that the coldness coming from them no longer weighs on you

The option is the most severe. And what? This certainly shouldn’t scare you away!

Try to bring back the fervor of feelings!

Or are you afraid of getting burned...?

Everything can be done carefully, thoughtfully, and little by little. If the choice is to return old feelings, we wish you! You may be “slowed down” by a phrase that says that it is better not to return the old, but you do not have to obey this phrase. Listen to yourself and the heart that beats inside you!

What to do, how to return cooled feelings?

If you want to return what was, return it using these simple rules:

Reminisce often about wonderful moments from your past.

Repeat in reality everything that you liked before until your feelings cool down.

Believe that you can return your feelings.

It's all quite simple, of course. Perhaps even! The main thing is to be sure that it is necessary. And not one person, but two and with equal strength! Otherwise... - all efforts will fall into empty emptiness.

Stop! Another option! - Start a new life...

With the person because of whom your feelings for your former “beau” have cooled. You will hurt him, but do not sacrifice yourself to the man. A smart person will understand and forgive. I don’t want to offend you, but you are not the only woman on planet Earth, after all!

• In general, it’s selfish to think so, but it’s good that it happened to you and not to him...

If his feelings for you cooled down, everything would become complicated in an instant! Men think and reason differently than women. A man, when he feels that the feeling is disappearing, does not understand anything at all, but begins to look for a replacement. He does not stand on ceremony about the condition of the girl whom he will leave for another.

Where are you now?

Probably in the room with a laptop or computer. Doesn't matter. Briefly speaking…. Wherever you are now, run to the kitchen! You need this “escape” solely for the sake of a few simple movements….

Haven't guessed which ones yet?

Turn on the kettle! Or put it on the stove if you don't have an electric one. I need to make some coffee and calm down... I can imagine what a labyrinth they are!

And the labyrinth of thoughts must be neutralized so as not to be an obstacle in important decision-making!

If you don't drink coffee, make tea. The meaning will not change one bit if you “change” the drink you prepare. Are you ready? Enjoy your coffee (tea)! Give your thoughts a rest while you drink the prepared “sedative”...

How to get a guy's feelings back

Now, perhaps, it seems to you that you are the most unhappy girl in the world, you are panicking. Your loved one has stopped loving you, and it is very difficult to come to terms with this. There is no need to panic, and you should also not call the guy, beg him to come back, or tell him what a bastard he is. If you want to cry, then cry, cry out loud. hit the pillow, you can scream. Usually this helps to calm down a little, and in a calm state it is much easier to draw up an action plan and begin to implement it.

But keep one thing in mind: you need to cry, sob, and be hysterical at home, you can share it with your loved ones, pour out your pain, but you should leave the house with a smile, appear in front of others and friends always made up, with a hairstyle, in new outfits. Change radically, change for the better every day. No one should know how bad and hurt you are, no one should suspect that you are suffering, especially your ex-boyfriend. What is the reason that his feelings have cooled down? It is simply necessary to answer this question to yourself as honestly as possible, otherwise there is no point in moving on. Without understanding your mistakes, you will not build a new relationship with a guy, you will not fall in love with him again.

You began to sort through various reasons in your head and came to the conclusion that you were not quarrelsome, you weren’t too jealous of the guy, you didn’t throw hysterics at him, and you tried very hard to maintain a normal relationship. This happens often, there is nothing surprising about it. Guys leave not only girls who tend to spoil their nerves, but also very good, soft, compliant ones. What is the reason? Do you remember how your relationship developed? The young man showed interest, you started calling each other, there was no less interest on your part, so sometimes you seized the initiative, called more often, more often offered to meet, or was the first to reconcile at the slightest quarrel, indulged the guy in everything and simply dissolved in him, trying to spend every minute together. Well, this is a direct path to making a guy fall out of love.

Before continuing reading, we recommend watching the following video:

Meetings with such a girl become insipid, she pleases, she doesn’t value herself too much, she forgets about pride, why then should a guy value a girl, he will probably go in search of a more valuable girl, the one who needs to be pursued, who becomes a desired trophy, and not herself falls into arms. Perhaps she will even be a bitch, this often happens, but she will be loved if you do not start acting correctly. No tears or hysterics when a guy leaves, take care of yourself and your appearance, don’t think that you won’t be able to become more beautiful, slender, stylish.

Anything is possible and change will begin faster than you might imagine. Act as if you don't care about the guy, don't ask mutual friends about him, don't talk too much about yourself, be a little mysterious. The guy will be very surprised when he finds out that you have become prettier, are not sad, but are living a new life, you can post photos that will reflect your new hobbies on social networks. And there should be a lot of hobbies, as well as changes in you, so it will be easier to survive the separation itself. When you yourself begin to value yourself, love yourself, stop criticizing, begin to accept the advances of other guys, your ex-boyfriend will go crazy with jealousy, he will be greatly offended by your indifference, and this is exactly what is needed. Gradually, his feelings will flare up with renewed vigor, but remember that for some time you will have to remain inaccessible, distant. When your boyfriend falls in love with you again, try not to get too invested in the relationship. Always give the guy the opportunity to miss you, sometimes refuse dates, citing some objective reasons, even if the young man does not always know about your every step, leave it just for his imagination. Be happy! I highly recommend reading the next book. Lots of positive feedback.

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Girls' comments about cooled feelings

Eleanor (19 years old): Say goodbye to old feelings if they decide to cool down! Open the way to new feelings. There is no need to be afraid to change anything in life. That's what I would do!

Daria (23 years old): If you love, rekindle, return feelings. If you don’t love, know how to let go so as not to torment your former loved one! But I want to say that there are no former loved ones. Love cannot cool down without a reason! Maybe it seemed to you? Look it over again. This is how it is necessary... and don’t you dare resist!

Samantha (33 years old): How familiar all this is to me…. I remember when I was seventeen... But it all started a day before. I dated a guy (and am still dating)… for a long time. And here he is! All this glamorous guy is handsome. I liked him so much that I instantly decided to destroy my previous relationship. I was already planning to tell Andryukha (my boyfriend) that we were breaking up. The words “composed”…. It began to seem to me that I had stopped loving Andrei. At first it was scary for me to think like that. Then I began to reassure myself that I took love as a habit... My birthday has arrived... Andryushka gave me a huge bouquet of roses and perfume, which I had long dreamed of. He congratulated me so much that I burst into tears... It dawned on me what a huge mistake I was making! It’s so good that I managed to come to my senses. Girls, do not make “sharp” turns. You may regret it and not correct what you have done.

Veronica (17 years old): What to do when feelings cool down? - To figure out whether those feelings are real. Anything is possible, anything happens! Confusing feelings is real. If you are sure that you had feelings, but have drifted away, start thinking about taking action. Decide exactly how your life will be easier. If you lack those feelings that have cooled down, return them! If you understand that you are fine without them, little by little let go of what you used to feel. That's the only way I would do it! Hard? It would be hard anyway! Feelings are something that are not always permanent. But if you valued them, return them! Never give it to anyone! Fight if you have to! What is real comes only once... This should be appreciated! The way you appreciate the most significant moments of your life. Love…. She is one!

Question for a psychologist:

Hello. I am a girl, 21 years old. Single. Have no children. There is a young man.

I started dating a young man 2.5 years ago. This is my first and only relationship. He is 7 years older than me. Before that, we had known each other for another 5 years, since he was a family friend, but at that time we practically did not communicate. We started dating after the new year. Everything was fine for a month, and then we quarreled. It was March 8th, he went to choose gifts. There was a phone call. It ended with my boyfriend jokingly saying that he might not come, I told him that he might not come. I was very angry. He finally arrived. I opened it for him and went into the room. She didn't even bother talking to him. He put a gift on my bed (a computer mouse), drank some tea (thanks to my mom for putting the kettle on), called someone and left. In this quarrel, I feel guilty about myself, because I could have resolved the conflict, talked to him peacefully, and not pretended to be an offended princess.

That evening I wrote to him asking if we would make peace. He replied no. And he said that he went to see his ex-girlfriend, but there was no bed with her, but the very fact that he left me for another is important. I was very hurt. Perhaps the fact that my ideas about relationships were then quite idealistic and not very realistic played a role in this quarrel. I thought that a girl should be treated gently and carefully and tolerate all her whims.

After that we finally made peace. Immediately two days later the first intimacy happened. Now I think that maybe I just wanted to keep him.

And then wild jealousy began on my part. He continued to communicate with his ex-girlfriend, I was very jealous, looked through his correspondence on VKontakte, his phone number and spoke out for everything. Once he congratulated his ex-girlfriend on her birthday and wrote that he hugged her tightly. I made a scandal. I was even jealous of the girls on the subway. And she couldn’t do anything about her jealousy. I felt terrible about it.

But at the same time, my young man, seeing my jealousy, added fuel to the fire. Seeing some girl he hummed meaningfully. Then I saw pictures of all his ex-girlfriends on the computer, there was a fairly fat girl, not chubby, but fat. And he said that this girl was beautifully plump. And he always told me about my belly, although I am much smaller in volume. In general, this also made me wildly angry. And there were quite a lot of such moments. At the moments of my worries, my boyfriend waved his hand at me and did not try to calm me down. Yes, I think I was largely to blame. But still I wanted to be consoled at least once. I felt lonely in a relationship.

After a year of our relationship, we started living together, and over the next period of time I lost all my friends. Because she spent time only with him, after college she ran home to cook him something to eat. And so almost the whole year.

During the two years of our relationship, we broke up a lot, five times. My mood began to plummet. I was almost always in a bad mood and irritated. Our relationship began to fade, intimacy became much less, for the young man it became like a job, and for me too. My self-esteem has dropped. Before this new year, we decided to break up because nothing happened in our life together, the feelings disappeared.

After our parting, I felt relief, like a weight off my shoulders. He, as he later said, experienced the same thing. Four months later, I started communicating with a guy from work (I work part-time as a controller at a stadium), he is 24 years old. It didn’t come to a relationship, but I still had feelings for him.

Soon she got back together with her ex-boyfriend. We often saw him at the dacha, since he is a family friend and therefore we are always happy to see him. I felt a feeling of melancholy, and there was a feeling that I was largely to blame, that he was good, that I just wanted a lot from him. But all the same, now we have come to approximately the same thing as before. Although he became more attentive in many matters, he became softer. Does a lot for me. But I don’t feel anything and I’m no longer jealous of him. Now, in general, I don’t care who he’s with, who he’s looking at. I also started talking to that guy from work again. I like him, we're talking on the phone now. Haven't been on a date yet. I feel like I'm cheating both of them. But I can’t leave my boyfriend, I feel guilty that he didn’t deserve this. But I have no feelings, I can’t have sex with him, I feel spoiled.