How to accept your feelings
What is the difference between an ordinary article and a fairy tale? A fairy tale in this case is an opportunity for practical work on oneself. Fairytale therapy is a variant of an effective and applicable answer to the question “How?” And this is a huge difference between the stories offered and “ordinary” articles, in which answers are given to the question “What needs to be done?”
An experienced reader has long known that... and he is ready for action, he longs for change, but he does not know how... In this series of articles dedicated to the “People in the Closet” series of books, the seeker is offered tools for practical work on himself. We no longer talk about why we need to change, in what cases it is necessary and what needs to be done. We provide the opportunity for change. When there are very strong feelings inside: hysterics and storms, it is very difficult to consider them as your own. But, as psychologists say, feelings cannot be hidden, they must be accepted. And to do this you need to stop being afraid of yourself. And you need to accept yourself along with your feelings, because you are the owner of these feelings. Therefore, anyone who wants to truly go through the path of change will sooner or later have to take this very difficult, but very important step...
Chapter from the first part of the book series “Men from the Closet” entitled: “Meeting”
She always appeared suddenly. A huge destructive force instantly grew even from a light breeze. And she swept away everything in her path. Nothing could resist her. And Fedka powerlessly watched as bridges collapsed and loved ones cried. The cause of suffering is himself. Or rather, the terrible force that lived inside and controlled the robot. He couldn't do anything about her. In the death grip, the force paralyzed his movements. Neither mind, nor will, nor human essence helped. It was impossible to hide or move even a little away. She absorbed it completely, without a trace. She did not leave the slightest hope of salvation. And all we could do was wait for this hellish song to end and believe that this time everything would work out.
The strength increased over time. Absolutely everything burned in an uncontrollable terrible flame. Love, caution, kindness were broken. The weight of deep darkness covered me. And in this abyss, enormous pain rushed about in hopelessness, in its own powerlessness, looking for at least some hope of salvation. And that's when it became truly creepy. It felt like agony. Not a quick death, but a long death agony. It was as if Fedka was slowly but surely disappearing. And he knew about the inevitability of the approaching end. And that’s why he seemed to be going crazy. No amount of intelligence can understand why a person feels so bad when everything around him is good. They love him, accept him, want to see him, value him. And he is in the dark. He fell in head first and couldn't get out. He doesn’t know, and he already doubts his abilities and full understanding. He tried to escape - the force overtook him. It doesn’t matter where: visiting or alone. There was not a single corner on this earth where he could hide and wait out. When he was silent, she tore apart. And the more he endured, the stronger the inevitable flame flared up.
Fedka came up with ways to get rid of it while the beast was sleeping. Because under targeted fire it was impossible to think at all. Not only the limbs refused to obey, but also the brain. Like a weak-willed doll, the man dangled on the strings that were pulled by this capricious, unpredictable, hellish witch. And he could only watch how his fate was breaking down, how the lives of his loved ones were crumbling. And he himself no longer wanted to live with this inner uncontrollable evil. During periods of invasion, he tried to ask others for help. The family tried their best. They regretted it, talked about love, tried to understand. But the more they approached, the more they provoked the inner beast. There was always something to grab onto. When there was a lull, Fedka visited specialists. He told in detail what happened to him. Showed notes and observations. And he asked for advice and assistance in the fight against the enemy. But the experts just shrugged their shoulders. They were not familiar with his beast. It was as if there had never been such animals in them.
And then it became clear that no one would help. That this is his personal story. He must deal with his feelings one on one. And Fedka began to search. What I didn’t do to get rid of the misfortune! He comprehended the centuries-old wisdom of his ancestors. And awakened forgotten resources. I read scientific works. And I tried and checked. And if it didn’t help, then I looked again. He explored underwater rocks and cracked icebergs. It was as if he was even gaining power. But I couldn’t find a way out. As if mocking him, with each of his discoveries the unknown force changed its appearance. He was trying to get rid of a furious lion, and a boar appeared. Fedka grabbed the gun and was glad that he had killed him. And the tiger was coming. He took the tiger apart and sighed with relief. And it was quiet, good. Everything was relaxing. Joy came. And it seemed that the torment was over. But there was an explosion, and the worst overtook with even greater speed. The closer the hero got, the stronger the influence of the force was felt. It was as if the most formidable beast had been given freedom!
It’s strange to fight an invisible, but such a dangerous, immense enemy. But the most amazing thing is that the enemy seems impossible to defeat. Once, during a period of calm, Fedka turned to the great sages. He knew that the beaten animals would not come back. But there was no peace. And it was as if there was even anticipation. New evil.
– What else should I do? What does it take to defeat a monster? – he asked about something in which there were no words, but only feelings.
“Sit and wait,” said the first sage. – Know silence and you will know the truth.
“Train your will,” said another. – Your will must be stronger than any feelings.
“Stop struggling,” said the third. – Agree with what you have and learn to live with it.
“But just know,” warned the fourth, “as long as you are afraid, the monster will hide, but will overtake you.”
And Fedka understood what he needed. Stop running. It's time to stop fighting the monster. It's time to meet. He began to prepare. And no matter what, he can bear it. He wants to live as he should and forget it. And let go like a bad dream. And never come back again. And Fedka waited. He sat fully armed and prepared for the worst. But nothing happened. And he was tired of waiting so long. And he went looking. There is silence all around. Not a single blade of grass moves. It was as if everything had frozen, frozen, died. As if she was scared and hid. Endless empty expanse. Fedka was seriously angry:
-Where are you, damn feeling? Wasn't it me you wanted to get? So here I am! He came himself! Eat everything, without a trace!
I've been preparing for so long. I learned so much. Learned a lot. And life, it seems, has just begun. But this beast hid and won’t come out. And sits there to ruin everything?
Fedka stood and desperately screamed:
- Yes, come at last! I'm ready to see you! Is it necessary to sneakily catch a defenseless person in order to finish him off so he doesn’t flounder?! But to be honest, to your face, you’re a coward, right!? Where are you, you damned animal? I want to get rid of it! What else do you need from me? He's tired of calling. He sank down onto the grass. And silence rang. And the bright pink sunset lit up. And the time has come to say goodbye to the sun so that a new day can be born.
A man appeared on the horizon. He had his back turned and looked at the setting sun. Fedka ran. I was in such a hurry, I was afraid of losing the image that had arisen. There was something elusive, unconscious, incomprehensible, but very important about him. Fedka peered intensely at this distant, but close to his heart, silhouette and could not remember. And my thoughts were racing in my head, and my heart was jumping out of my chest. “How long have I waited! Don't go! Familiar features became increasingly clearer. The closer the figure became, the better Fedka could see what was familiar and at the same time completely alien. But this did not repel, but on the contrary, attracted even more.
Fedka was out of breath. I tried my best to make it in time. I reached it. He stood next to me. And I waited and felt a boundless sea of gratitude, love and warmth and a willingness to give it all away!
“Just accept it,” he prayed in his soul, “just forgive me!” I really need you! I can't live without you! I don't want to be like before.
And my heart was pounding and jumping madly. The heart was waiting. And the man turned around. He was neither good nor evil. And a little puzzled. Defenseless. Careful. He looked with tired eyes. And everything in him was dear to the heart and to the depths of his soul. A timid smile touched his lips slightly. And Fedka felt his own, real happiness.
After reading, the seeker needs to answer the questions: who did the hero meet here? Who was he afraid of? Who was he looking for? What important step did he take? The reader also sees an example of how one can take this important step in independent work on oneself. But here, as mentioned earlier, we are talking only about the first step. And there are many more to come. Therefore, there is definitely a continuation...
And the whole path of breaking away from addictions (from society, from a loved one) is described in the series of books “People from the Closet. In these articles, the reader is invited to take a short journey into the world of his own experiences. And how you can get rid of all experiences was described earlier in articles about Zen Buddhism.
Continued → How to feel your place in life
Author: Natalya Moskaleva
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How to learn to recognize your feelings?
How are you feeling now? Can you answer right away without thinking?
This question usually causes confusion among many. Although we so often in everyday life use the interrogative formulation: “How are you feeling?”
Self-sense. Why is this necessary? – understand and recognize what feelings we experience here and now?
What is this feeling? (from open sources) - this is a state in which a person is able to be aware of his surroundings, this is the ability to sense, perceive external influences, react... and a very important point is exclusively subjective sensations.
That is, it is important, first of all, to understand that what I feel is MY feeling, only mine, and it may not correspond to real external influences, it is only my reaction.. this question is whether my feeling corresponds to the circumstances or not, it is important to ask myself so that I can learn to recognize how I react, and then try to understand why, and then work on changing reactions if they cause me or others pain...
But the cornerstone in this process is the awareness of this feeling that I am experiencing right now... I am angry, anxious, anxious, resentful, fear, or, conversely, happy, admiring, loving...
Without going into scientific theories, I will only say that “correct-incorrect” reactions as a skill are laid down in us in early childhood. In our families, for example, if we remember, we could use the names of feelings in situations where something completely different was meant. Let's say they punished us, while saying that they love us and wish us well.
Those. It was not the cause-and-effect relationship that was explained by “misconduct-consequence,” but the connection by “punishment-love.” At the same time, due to the negative perception of the punishment itself, this love was, to put it mildly, difficult to believe... what would the learned reaction be? most likely – fear of punishment and mistrust. And this is for a declaration of love...
Let's give a few more common examples that we use... a child/person experiences grief, gets upset - we tell him: “yes, don’t worry like that” or “being angry is bad”, from the same series “boys don’t cry” and etc.
Every person experiences the need for acceptance and love, in childhood this need is absolute... living in a similar system of relationships, as described above, “thanks to” such repeated situations, the child develops a high degree of adaptability to the reactions of another person, but inside in his own emotional In the sensory environment, complete confusion arises; an even more advanced case is complete denial, when a person answers “nothing” to the question “what do you feel.” Feelings are so deeply hidden, the emotional callus is so trained that it is difficult to get to the truth. But it is possible. Always.
So why? If you set yourself the task of building new relationships or improving existing ones, then you need to start with yourself, with the process of realizing who I am, what I feel, what I really want.. otherwise everything will again not be about healthy relationships..
I will share with you one very simple mechanism that we use as part of a rehabilitation program in the treatment of drug addiction, alcoholism and gambling addiction. Many are already familiar with it.. three times a day (by the way, you can set an alarm clock as a reminder), try asking yourself the question “how am I feeling now” and writing it down in a notebook..
Try to look inside yourself... because the first person with whom you should build a healthy relationship is myself...
Good luck!
Sharing your feelings is welcome!
