Relationships as a way of self-realization in a couple
What happens when a man and woman decide to be together?
Why does someone get “lucky” and be happy in a relationship?
What should those who are less fortunate do, and for them relationships are pain and suffering?
Is it possible to learn to build harmonious, fulfilling relationships?
One way or another, these questions concern everyone. Even those who still prefer to remain alone.
The problem here is that we are used to measuring everyone by ourselves. If a partner does something in his own way, the other asks himself the question: “What would I do/act in his place?” As a rule, the answer does not coincide with reality. And then speculation, resentment, and reproaches begin. I am not loved, ignored, made to suffer and suffer from misunderstanding. But often this is not the case. But as?
In short: we are different.
Women and men are built differently, they look at the world differently and think about the same things differently.
To illustrate this idea, I will give one metaphor. I remembered it from my student days. Its author is a doctor of medical sciences, a professor with whom I studied. Man, what's important! By the way, he was a terrible materialist, and he accepted psychology as a science with great reservations.
He said this:
“A man and a woman are like a cart and a rocket.
A man is a cart. The woman is, accordingly, a rocket. What can happen to the cart? Well, her wheel will fall off. So anyone can fix it.
What if the rocket breaks down? First you need to find what is broken in it. And only highly qualified specialists can fix it. One female reproductive system is worth something. There are still a huge number of blank spots in its study” /quote taken from the lecture notes on physiology/.
Do you understand what this is about? It’s not at all about the fact that some of us are better and some are worse. Yes, it's about the fact that we are different. Men and women in this life do not have the same tasks, as well as the ways of performing them. But both schools and universities consider this difference only from a physiological point of view.
Tell me, where and when are a girl taught to be a Woman and a boy to be a Man? Alas! Nowhere and never. Moreover, they are not taught how to interact in pairs. However, this knowledge can now be obtained through various thematic trainings. There have been many of them in my life, and now I myself successfully carry them out.
What is important when we are in a relationship?
It is important for both partners to explore what it means to be a woman and what it means to be a man.
This can be practice for two.
For example, both partners agree to exchange their ideas about this. The quality of the research will depend on the extent to which both partners realize that there is no finite idea of what a woman is and what a man is. This idea changes depending on the situation, field of activity, etc. What kind of woman I am next to a man is one thing. The way I am at work is completely different. But that's all me.
A woman cannot be the same as a man, and their manifestation in the outside world cannot always be the same. And here it is important to move away from the expectation that he/she will be like this and only like this. Therefore, such a study can be carried out many times. As much as both need. At least for the rest of my life. And in each such study, new facets of each will be revealed. And each time the partners will become closer to each other.
A disaster in a relationship happens when partners ask themselves the question:
- “What kind of woman should I be for him?”
- “What kind of man should I be for her?”
When we try to conform to the ideas of another, it is no longer a relationship, but the roles that we take on. And we forget: in relationships, everyone is valuable on their own, and not when they are “for the other.”
Moreover, even knowledge of what I am (as an established image of myself) limits us. Every second of our lives we are different, and often the established image does not allow us to manifest ourselves in a new way. In addition, the attitude “I must be a woman” in accordance with the prevailing “correct” ideas about this does not allow a woman to realize her masculine qualities. And they are also present in it. The same is true for men.
I don’t have to be the same woman everywhere as I am with my man. Just like him. And I don't expect what will happen next.
I listen to myself and live in accordance with where and what I am now.
I follow myself in the moment of my life.
My partner does the same.
And when we meet, we can share what we have. With what we are filled with.
This mutual exchange helps both grow and reach a new level of relationships and life in general. This is self-realization in a couple.
When a woman and a man realize their differences, they do not interfere with each other’s “territory”. They do not “stick” to each other, forming dependence. And then they see themselves and their needs more clearly. In this case, they are able to respect the needs of their partner. At least they understand the need for such respect and learn it. And they can calmly talk about what is important to everyone. “Speak” is the key word here. This is already a union of mature people.
What else needs to be noted. A man and a woman meet each other and begin a relationship based on the similarity of problems and tasks. A partner is always our mirror. When relationships are not the same as they looked during the candy-bouquet period, when life together is literally falling apart, no matter how much you glue it together, the main thing is always the choice of each partner:
- work on yourself as a couple (and then there is a chance that the relationship will improve);
- live in claims and grievances against each other;
- disperse.
Either way, relationships are a form of healing, not wounding. Even if it’s hard for you, all your wounds are opened, which means there are opportunities to heal them. And, having healed, realize yourself to the maximum. Not in this relationship, but in others.
Share your experience
We need to not only find our purpose, but also teach others to do it. If you know how to help someone, then you need to tell them about it. You shouldn’t keep all your secrets to achieving your goal to yourself. This will make your life even more productive. All brilliant people have spoken about their experiences in their books or at meetings. Thanks to which we can read, find answers to questions that torment us throughout our lives.
Every person has what it takes to make change and achieve success. No matter who someone thinks he is, in reality he is something bigger and better.
How to understand what you really want to do
So how do you figure out what exactly you love? Take the test? Maybe. But I have my own ways.
Of course, I already wrote about the formula for an ideal job. This is a coincidence of criteria: I want, I can, people need and I can do it well. The latter is not so important, because it is never too late to learn. At the EDPRO International Academy of Further Professional Education we have several cool professions for girls:
- specialist in nutrition and dietetics in healthy lifestyle;
- specialist in psychological counseling and coaching;
- specialist in psychological counseling in sexology.
All of them allow you to work online and combine career and family without prejudice. And check out other online careers in my article on work from home opportunities.
How can a woman realize herself in this life?
Today you will find out where the advice of neighbors and grandmothers leads, what are the similarities between surgeons and enviable brides.
And as always, at the end of the article you will be able to stock up on positive energy and be inspired for new exploits.
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“Hello Oksana! I’ve been reading your newsletter for a long time, it has become for me a kind of straw in the ocean of relationships. I agree that many stereotypes prevent us from living. The question is, how do we know which stereotypes are wrong? And how to build your own picture of the world, as close to realistic as possible?”
Svetlana.
Svetlana, these are very good questions. But you can’t just answer them. Ask, for example, a surgeon: how to become a surgeon and achieve success in this matter? You may have one understanding of surgery: you take a scalpel, cut, remove, and quickly sew up... But the picture is empty, not imaginative.
But for a surgeon, this means many years of study and practice, good and bad experience, developed abilities, and refined movements. Push him in a dream and ask him how to remove appendicitis - he will tell you so many subtleties and peculiarities, you will get tired of listening.
And if you push, for example, a fashion model, she will only exclaim: “What are you doing?!” Asking such nonsense at 3 o’clock in the morning!..” He will turn away and fall asleep again.
How to create such a picture of the world in order to become smarter, more efficient, more beautiful? To marry the best man in your city, build a quality relationship with him and find female happiness?
To do this, you need to study and work hard on yourself every day. Consciously set aside a lot of time for this, limit yourself to something pleasant, but harmful to you.
To dispel any misconceptions in yourself and break down barriers, you need to study as much information as possible on the topic where you have a barrier. In one of his episodes “Good males are taken apart as puppies”
I showed this with a specific example. The girl believed that there were no suitors, and I gave her statistical data and the situation that takes place in our world.
It is clear that her mother and grandmother instilled this opinion in her: “You need to get married early, otherwise all the suitors will be sorted out.”
. This knowledge was relevant in the 60-70s of the last century. Now the picture is radically different from what it once was, but grandmothers and mothers do not study the research of sociologists, do not look at modern statistics and trends, but they still influence their daughters and granddaughters. What's the end result?
But in the end, only modern educated and personally developed girls who have the opportunity to ignore old prejudices and regularly learn something new can get married successfully.
I cover many important topics in my newsletter, and you can get the necessary practice and useful skills by studying in our course “DAO: The Way of a Woman”
. I'm not saying it's easy. Becoming successful in this world is as difficult as mastering the profession of a surgeon. But it’s worth it, because it’s much more pleasant to see yourself happy, cheerful, married, and able to build relationships, leading an active lifestyle. Instead of sitting at home, watching TV series, listening to your mother, neighbor and grandmother, and being afraid of everything.
“Hello Oksana. This is the second year I’ve been reading your newsletters, I’m getting ready for the course. I understand the basic principle, but please answer the question: in the newsletters, many things are described somehow vaguely, but what about the course? Are there any specific instructions on how to proceed? I still can’t read between the lines, so I would like to clarify.”
Thank you for your efforts, I look forward to your response, Zhanna.
Zhanna, during the course you get one specific task for a week. 4 tasks per month.
The course is structured in such a way that subsequent tasks reinforce the previous ones. That is, the first task seems quite simple - but after the first three months of training, the girl can easily meet and communicate with any men, she knows how to charm them, how to transform friendships into romantic ones, etc.
That is, the first tasks will be very simple, but after completing them, you will be able to easily complete subsequent tasks on communication skills. And in the future, these abilities will help you increase your income or start a business.
The tasks are not only specific, but some are broken down point by point. For example, if we are working on appearance, then I give a whole diagram of how to paint your lips with three tones of lipstick to make them as seductive as Marilyn Monroe (by the way, she had ordinary lips, but she made them big and plump using three tones lipstick). I also tell you in detail and clearly show you how to choose the right glasses or hairstyle for yourself.
This is required knowledge. If you are not confident in your appearance, then you must invest in it, learn how to do makeup correctly, how to choose clothes, etc. This is a whole science that is studied by artists, makeup artists and image makers. But if you get this knowledge and work a lot on your appearance, your self-esteem will increase significantly. This means it will be easier for you to develop your communication skills. This is obvious: when you feel like a beautiful and well-groomed woman, your Charm increases, and communicating with people becomes much easier and more pleasant
.
This is why I always say that it is important to complete the course assignments in order - they will allow you to gain self-confidence and achieve more later.
In addition to the main tasks, we have additional ones that solve certain problems. For example, if a girl feels constant fatigue, apathy or anxiety, and therefore cannot study on the course, we recommend that she take additional practice to increase her energy, calm down and become more self-confident. Also, we recommend that many people undergo the practice of forgiveness, as it teaches you to be calmer towards people and accept their shortcomings - which will make you more cheerful, and therefore more charming.
These additional practices also give simple and specific recommendations and set time limits so as not to pull the cat by the tail, but to actually work on yourself. If you know that at the end of the month you need to write a report on the work done, this is very organizing. This is why our course brings such benefits to the cadets. This is not just information, this is training material that you need to seriously work with every week and report on your results.
If you develop the habit of not just reading something, but actually working on yourself and writing reports on your achievements, this will organize you for the rest of your life. This means that you will have the opportunity to grow above yourself, surpass yourself and reach new heights year after year!
I wish you success!
Success stories
“What did six months of training in the course “DAO: The Path of a Woman” give me?”
“The six-month training lasted two years, but during this time I acquired the most important thing that an enviable bride can have: sincere self-love, love of life, understanding of herself and her desires, her priorities, awareness, confidence. Recognition of oneself as a “beautiful and spectacular girl.” I learned to swim (this was an unattainable thing for me), dance, put on makeup and dress with taste; correctly criticize yourself and others, direct your thinking in the right direction, accumulate and not waste personal energy. Learned how to manage time and finances. For me, all this is a huge work and a great achievement. Although she has not yet organized her own business, she has increased her income by 3 times. Constantly on the lookout for what could be my thing. He who seeks will find - I will definitely find what is mine!
I expanded my circle of acquaintances and found my love. My lifestyle and my habits have completely changed. Self-improvement is my way of life, my path. This is just the beginning of my journey, the beginning of all the most beautiful things that can happen in the life of the happiest, richest woman in every sense.
On a good journey with gratitude, with love, with the best intentions and with pure thoughts!
My sincere thanks to the Universe, to you, to myself and to all those who in some way contributed to everything that I currently have and who I am!”
Galina.
