Unequal marriages
He is 48, and she is 23...Or she is 50, and he is 25. A good deal or sincere love? What difficulties does such a family face? How to maintain warm feelings in marriage?
What kind of union is this?
An unequal marriage is a legal relationship between people who have a significant difference in age or social status. But if in the second case this imbalance is not so obvious to others, then in the first case the age differences between husband and wife are immediately evident. Moreover, the more significant this difference is, the more interested glances from passers-by and absurd questions will fall on the lovers every day.
Why do people get into unequal marriages?
It’s one thing when show business stars enter into an unequal marriage, thereby creating a certain outrageousness, but it’s a completely different matter when 35-year-old Nikolai Petrovich and 64-year-old Valentina Egorovna, say, from Penza, become husband and wife. And there is even no financial interest on both sides, and there seem to be no other mutually beneficial conditions for the newlyweds. What is it then? Are there really only bright feelings?
Psychologists name several reasons for the creation of such marriage unions, which are not quite familiar to the majority. Firstly, if a wife is older than her husband, then most often she simply needs to realize her maternal instinct. Perhaps her children were already grown, or perhaps she never had them at all. But there is maternal instinct! And the husband, in turn, found in this marriage the missing maternal affection and care.
In the second case, when the wife is younger than her chosen one, the reason may be similar. The girl was either deprived of her father’s love in childhood, or received it in abundance and, having entered into an unequal marriage with a mature man, wants to see the same fatherly care in him. And the spouse most often finds in these relationships recognition and awareness that he is still that male and is truly dear to someone.
It is not uncommon for an unequal marriage to help spouses replenish the exchange of necessary energy, including sexual energy. Such a union benefits both. Giving beauty and youth to a more mature partner, in return one gains confidence in the future in the form of wealth, connections, experience and stability. In addition, the ability to beautifully look after and care is a powerful weapon in the arsenal of means of winning a partner. The intellectual level also plays an important role here; often it is this level that performs the function of a magnet.
We cannot ignore the so-called arranged marriages. The younger and less wealthy partner strives to obtain material benefits, while only playing the role of a lover. The other halves in such marriages are often called “blind” and try in every possible way to open their eyes. Although most often they figure everything out themselves, they continue to maintain relationships, fearing loneliness.
Stumbling blocks in unequal marriages.
When entering into an unequal marriage, partners must be prepared for the fact that they will have to, one way or another, fight public opinion. After all, not all people are friendly and decent. One, passing by, will sincerely smile, the other will chuckle or even throw an unflattering comment after the lovers. But we must not forget - everyone is the architect of their own happiness! The opinions of others are important, but your own happiness and peace of mind are above all! Moreover, it often happens that Aunt Galya, who is passing by, has no one at home except two dogs and four cats, so there is no doubt about who is luckier in life.
In addition to public opinion, “unequal” partners have to face other difficulties. For example, if a young spouse can still be somehow changed in terms of character, behavior in everyday life and habits, then most likely you will just have to come to terms with the current way of life of a more experienced partner.
Different interests also have a great influence on the successful development of marital relationships. If he is an academician and she is a pastry chef, their professional interests are unlikely to intersect. But if both of them are crazy about figure skating, then everything is in their hands! By the way, spending free time plays an important role in the family. A union in which the more mature partner prefers passive relaxation, and the younger one wants fun and partying, is most often doomed to divorce.
If we can influence and try to change some things, then we can’t control our health and we can’t argue with nature. Chronic diseases, weakness and poor health require increased attention. It’s no longer possible to simply love and enjoy life; you need to take care of your partner, monitor his lifestyle, his proper nutrition. The lack of former passion can also bring a chill to a relationship, and then betrayal is just around the corner.
Is it possible to preserve love in an unequal marriage?
Even experienced psychologists and sociologists cannot answer this question. As is the case with generally accepted equal marriages. Many people believe that love is generally short-lived. At first we experience a feeling of euphoria from candy-bouquet periods, passionate nights and endless tender hugs. But over time, passionate feelings turn into calmer and more stable relationships. And this doesn’t make them worse or better.
The secrets of a happy family life are individual for each couple. But you should still listen to some expert advice.
- If you are older than your partner, do not engage in constant moralizing, do not try to change him in everything and adjust him to yourself. Give him the opportunity to feel equal and equal in this relationship.
- If you are younger, do not make your partner jealous, do not show signs of attention on the side. Understand that doubts about your sincerity can only lead to separation.
- Try to spend as much time as possible together - read, watch interesting films, walk in the park, travel!
- Don’t forget to say the most important words to each other, because sincere declarations of love and compliments can revive even extinct feelings!
Unequal marriage. When a man is older
Marriage in which the man is older is considered quite common these days.
10, 20 or more years older. Relationships with such a spouse are built somewhat differently from relationships with a man of the same age. What pitfalls can await a woman in such a union. And how should a woman behave correctly in a marriage in which the man is much older. The list of tips will help you build a harmonious relationship with your spouse, despite the large age difference. 1. Learn to be flexible.
When a man is older, he undoubtedly considers himself wiser and more experienced than his chosen one. Any argument and defending your opinion in communication with your husband will not benefit you. In order to maintain a warm relationship, you will have to use wisdom and be more accommodating. Your being right will be humiliating for him. After all, he is older, which means smarter!
2. Prepare for a new lifestyle.
An adult man, most likely, will not always share your interests related to active pastime. Of course, there are men who, even at 50 and 60 years old, enjoy relaxing at ski resorts and are ardent fans of cycling. But prepare in advance for the fact that your husband will get tired faster than you and periodically want to relax in a calm home environment.
3. Be prepared for unreasonable jealousy on his part.
A young and beautiful wife is not only an incentive for a man to stay in shape, but also additional gray hair on his head. A mature man experiences any feelings much stronger and deeper. He wants to be more attractive and interesting to his other half than her peers. However, the years take their toll, beauty and energy fade, and a man develops complexes. Therefore, be lenient with your jealous person, try not to give him a reason to think badly of you.
4. Expand your horizons.
An older man is undoubtedly surrounded by colleagues and friends his age. This means that during meetings with his friends, conversations about old times may periodically arise. Being educated and well-read will always help you maintain a conversation that concerns those years before you were born.
5. Support your loved one in health and in sickness.
Unfortunately, over the years our bodies wear out. Be prepared for the fact that the older you get, the more clearly your age difference with your spouse will appear. Men are quite susceptible and any, even minor, health problem can throw him off balance. Learn to understand your spouse, support and, of course, endure. This is the only way you can maintain tender and warm feelings in a family in which the husband is older.
UNEQUAL MARRIAGE WITH ALL ITS DISTURBANCES
WHEN IN AN UNEQUAL MARRIAGE LIFE IS SINGLE
If two people live together, when the difference in judgment becomes noticeable, then this still unequal marriage does not have any prospects due to mutual mismatches.
In the previously published article “What does a woman want?” (read here) the authors offered to active readers their vision not of women in general, but of the four most pronounced classification types of female individuality. In responses to this publication, some female readers express the idea that both smart and intellectual women are most often lonely.
And in this regard, the question arises, as if by itself: “Are there unequal marriages?” Our life itself gives the answer that there are as many unequal marriages as you like. Such marriages are more likely to happen if people and their relationships are immature. At the same time, the level of “maturity”, unfortunately, does not depend on age. If it were not so, then the problem of unequal marriage would easily and quickly be resolved.
We remember a beautiful girl who dated for a long time with a respectable guy, who insinuatingly and unnoticed put noodles in her ears, and left her at his place for the weekend. But the weekend was ending, and he didn’t seem to kick her out, but she understood that she had to return to her mother. When he called her his beloved, his clear sun, his wife, then at such moments she was between heaven and earth, lived in two houses and did not notice the absurdity that it was as if with her husband, but also without him.
So, the uncle, who was more suitable for her as a father, was married for five years, and their relationship did not progress or develop further. Little by little it became obvious to his young friend that he had no intention of getting married or having children. Counting on the conscientiousness of her overripe friend, she, shyly, did not raise these serious and important issues for her for all five years. Her overripe friend was simply wasting the time of her life. It's a shame, of course.
However, in fairness, it should be admitted that the young girl was dragging her feet with him for too long; she still could not decide to have a final conversation. Paradoxically, she didn’t even know how old this old darling was.
But in life, as we know, every beginning always has its end. The girl still found the strength to break these defective bonds, a protracted unequal marriage. By the time the relationship ended, she had grown up, but he remained a narcissistic egoist in short pants.
REASONABLE LOVE AS A MEANS OF BENEFIT FROM AN UNEQUAL MARRIAGE
Unfortunately, love cannot consist of one endless poetry, since it is more than the prose of our life. The prose of life for some of our women today presupposes the dominant position of reason in the realization of flaring impulses. However, in fairness, it must be admitted that even with control of the mind, everything begins with attraction.
But for the average person, fixated on the question: “Is rational love really that good?” — we should look at this problem from the height of the age bell tower. If at twenty-five or even thirty-five years old, when a woman’s sexuality is not high enough, then rational love is more than welcome. Moreover, there is no need to break yourself.
In addition, alliances formed not on love, but on a certain benefit, were not only concluded, but will also be concluded at all times. When concluding such alliances, the most important thing is that the partners do not experience any internal resistance. If a partner causes irritation and hostility, and physical intimacy with him is disgusting or awkward, then in such cases it would be better for rational love not to seek an alliance.
My former classmate Vika, who immediately after receiving her diploma, got married for convenience and lives in luxury, once wrote on her blog page: “Having seen enough of my friends who got married out of great unearthly love and vegetated in poverty or wallowed in dreary loneliness with a bunch of children - allowed me to draw the right conclusion. Yes, I also loved one guy. But he lived in a tiny one-room apartment with his grandmother, did not work in the most prestigious company and did not even try to think twice to improve his financial situation even a little.
But Maxim turned out to be quite a suitable match. Despite the warning that we have an unequal marriage, we have been living for nine years now and Maxim gave me everything I wanted. We have common affairs and problems, like in any family, excellent, smooth relationships. This life of mine suits me quite well.
Of course, love is a wonderful feeling, praised by poets. But just as she came, she will leave under the pressure of adversity and everyday life. What's the point of marrying for love when you know in your mind about her death. No, I am confident both in my husband and in the future and do not experience any discomfort from an unequal marriage.”
However, this revelation from a classmate gave me mixed feelings. But, upon reflection, I realized: if both participants in an unequal marriage are satisfied with the rules of the game, then why not? After all, the advantage of rational love is that it is easier for a woman to understand and experience a man’s whim, it is easier to figure out what kind of person he is.
And yet, let us repeat in the part when we said above that there should be something to like in a rich partner: eyes, lips, voice. If such qualities are not found, then the hostility driven into the subconscious will inevitably break out and result in serious female illnesses. Read about it here “Thought is not only a destroyer of the flesh, but also a conqueror of disease.”
Even if your partner is not built in the likeness of Apollo, let him have eyes like cherries and tenderly warm hands. It is also accepted as an option that he is simply a magnificent lover. This quality of a partner in an unequal marriage should not be perceived in a narrow social context. After all, even your own husband can be a good or so-so lover. And, most likely, a partner in an unequal marriage may simply be an ordinary spouse, rather insipid, but not annoying.
WHICH MEN IS LIFE PREPARING FOR AN UNEQUAL MARRIAGE?
In the classification of sexologists, every man is a carrier of one of four sexological types.
The most common will be the template - regulated type.
But since representatives of this sphere of intimate life prefer regular sex life and have a hard time with every change in the rhythm they have established, they realize their dependence on a woman. Therefore, women manipulate them very easily. But if abused, they can escape.
The type like ideal lovers
, very popular with women. It should, however, immediately be recognized that there are very few such men, endowed by nature with the qualities of an ideal lover, in our real life. But most representatives of the stronger sex shamelessly consider themselves to be in this category, without even knowing about the characteristics of this type.
To the rarest homeostabilizing type
These usually include men who have high potency. Skillfully managing their sexual sphere through consciousness, such men more often court overripe rich widows. It is men of this type who consciously and purposefully strive to enter into an unequal marriage.
There is also a sexological type
The most unpleasant is not even a male person, but, most likely, a creature. For a man of this type, intimacy is not burdened or almost not burdened with a moral and ethical component. A woman for him is just a machine to satisfy physiological needs.
Since all age differences are submissive to love, then, dear reader, it is up to you to draw your own conclusions from what we have taken from the realities of our lives and brought to your attention.
Was the article “Unequal marriage with all its vicissitudes” useful to you? Have your say in the comments below. You can also subscribe to the site's newsletter to receive fresh materials by email.
If you liked the article “Unequal marriage with all its vicissitudes,” share it with your friends by clicking on the social networking buttons Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Odnoklassniki, VKontakte, My World.
