Why is it so important to earn trust after cheating?
If those who entered into relationships on the side are ready to answer questions about what happened, then it may take a long time before they are believed again. We have witnessed that this is not easy for most people.
However, unanswered questions become an obstacle that prevents spouses from getting as close as they would like. Many people feel that they cannot trust their husband or wife if the latter refuses to answer their questions
To be trustworthy after cheating has occurred, the cheating spouse must be sincerely repentant. “How can I trust that they will be honest in the future if they are not willing to tell the truth about the past?” James's honest talk about his love affairs played a significant role in my trusting him again.
In fact, his sincerity served as a foundation for my trust that was not there before. Thanks to his willingness to answer all my questions, I began to rely on him more than before his adventures on the side.
If you want to earn trust after cheating, make sure that your actions match your words. For example, one husband, trying to reassure his deceived wife, told her: “Now you have nothing to worry about.” However, he did not tell her when he would come home or where he was when he came home. Although the meaning of his speeches boiled down to one phrase “Trust me,” his actions, however, provided a lot of food for mistrust.
Sometimes a single event can restore trust and confidence in a person in him or her. One husband, who completely lost confidence in his wife after her affair with another man, spoke about an incident that occurred six months after the end of the relationship.
She got a call from the guy she was having an affair with. He hoped they would start dating again as the noise died down. The woman, ordering him “not to disturb her anymore, said: from now on she is a faithful wife to her husband and values her marriage. And, more importantly, she told her husband about the conversation. Thanks to her sincerity, her husband was convinced that he had not trusted her again in vain.
Is there love after cheating?
It is probably easier to answer the question: is there life on Mars? Entire scientific institutes are engaged in the study of Mars. They collect and analyze facts, on the basis of which they draw conclusions.
Psychologists make love, or rather love is studied by psychologists. But psychology is an inexact science. Even the most professional psychologist with scientific degrees will not be able to answer your exciting question: “Is there love after betrayal?” definitely.
It may be better to ask yourself and psychologists other questions: “How can you easily survive betrayal? How to get out of this situation gracefully and with dignity? How not to lose self-confidence? How can we continue to believe that love exists?”
First you need to define the concepts of what love is and what betrayal is. There are different types of love and different types of betrayal. Most likely, you are worried about physical betrayal. Simply put, your man, if you are women, slept with someone. Again, he didn’t just sleep, but had sexual contact, and you have irrefutable evidence of his betrayal.
Love after betrayal
Have you checked your friend’s words well? Maybe you misinterpreted that woman's voice on your husband's telephone receiver. If there is still evidence, then the situation is indeed difficult. Especially if you trusted your partner as you trusted yourself. This is the main mistake or naivety of many women. The words “together and forever,” spoken at a wedding or at the moment of orgasm to a loved one, seem to them to be a guarantee of eternal, cloudless happiness. There are divorces and betrayals in the world, but this will not happen to me. What is the probability that neither you nor your significant other will ever go left? Any sane woman understands that this probability is negligible. This is the exception rather than the rule, especially for long-term relationships.
Are there people who never get sick? The healthiest person has caught a cold at least a couple of times in his life. Likewise, relationships have the right to get over it. Sometimes a relationship is chronically ill for decades, but does not die. Sometimes the disease of a relationship is so acute that it stops altogether. Each relationship between the sexes has its own unique story.
A chronically ill relationship is when people around say that “the husband is taking a walk,” but the wife will not divorce him. Does the sufferer always feel like a sufferer who is being cheated on? Such women, of course, care where their husband goes and with whom. But the feeling of invincibility in the status of a wife overpowers the feeling of resentment. Especially if the husband knows how to support both his family and his mistress at a decent level. Often women are more offended that a man takes part of his income to the side than his actual physical betrayal.
Love after betrayal
You won’t believe it, but in many families, wives do not need anything from their husbands except money. Is it good or bad, who is to blame is another question. Is there love in such a family? Perhaps, from a traditional point of view, when love is the unity of soul, body, plus a common household, and sometimes business, such love is incomplete. However, people live together and they have their own love, peculiar only to them. The wife continues to live with the cheater, and he happily eats her dinner and talks about radiculitis, without leaving for his passionate sexual partner on the side. Why? Because he loves one woman this way, and loves another woman differently, but he also loves her.
Not all women can be considered saints. For some people, cheating on their husband is an excellent reason to get excited, flirt with other partners and openly or covertly practically compare them with their husband. Dear young men, quite often sexual intimacy with a handsome young man in excellent shape turns out to be a complete disappointment for a married woman. Yes, there was a body. But this is not enough to conquer a woman who is experienced in sex.
Having compared her husband with her new partner, a woman can conclude that her husband, who does not have ideal shape and beauty, an ordinary man at first glance, is the real hero of great sex. Because, first of all, he cares about his wife’s pleasure and knows how to give it to her without unnecessary words or prompts.
They say that it is harder for men to forgive their wife's infidelity. But they forgive and continue to live together. Probably because love exists after betrayal. Resentment cannot kill love if it is love. What should a woman do who cheated, but realized her mistake and doesn’t want to lose her husband? Of course, don’t stop telling him that he’s the best, and she’s just a stupid woman. Well, I couldn’t resist, I was an idiot. If you're lucky, the man will forgive and decide that his wife is allowed such extraordinary weakness.
Indeed, there are many cases from real life when men forgave their wives for one-time infidelities. If a woman walks constantly, will she herself respect her husband? If a wife doesn't respect her husband, does she respect herself?
Love after betrayal
In the end, a self-respecting woman will not enter into close relationships with everyone she meets, even if she is single. Self-respecting women are stopped at least by a feeling of disgust, even if we don’t talk about the moral side of this problem.
There is no need to ask about love after betrayal. If this happens to you, then you will understand for yourself whether your love is alive or whether you need to look for a new one.
How to forgive betrayal and earn trust
When people try to earn trust after betrayal, in most cases their path is not strewn with roses - but with thorns. At times, faith grows stronger and trust seems to increase, but then doubts take their place again.
I'm much better now than I was a year ago. I am almost sure that the former closeness will be established between us again, but sometimes I still doubt everything - about us and the rest. Even though I trust more now, I don't know if I will ever trust as much as I did before the deception.
People are often hesitant to trust their partner again after cheating for the following reason: they believe that by trusting, they were naive and do not want to make the same mistake again. Their concern is somewhat justified by the fact that their trust may have previously been based on a belief in the myth of monogamy.
It is built on the assumption that they will never have to face the phenomenon of extramarital affairs. Building trust depends on understanding that every married couple needs to talk about the phenomenon of extramarital affairs.
To earn the lost trust after cheating, they should make it a rule to find out the opinions and attitudes of their spouses towards monogamy, and not silently wonder what they think about this matter. For example, James honestly admits that he finds other women attractive and desirable.
His sincerity allows us to discuss what he experiences when he is not seduced by their charms. Thanks to an honest conversation, it becomes clear to me: yes, it’s true, I know him, and therefore it’s easier for me to trust him.
Many people are trying to decide for themselves the question: is it wise to trust a husband or wife after they have had a relationship with a third party? The answer, somewhat vaguely, is: “It depends...” It depends on whether they are aware of the relationship they are in with their husband or wife and whether they understand what is going on between them. It depends on whether they always confide their thoughts and feelings to their spouse or whether they mostly have to guess what they are thinking and feeling.
If you want to earn trust after cheating, the only way to stop guessing about the true state of affairs is to know it. However, knowledge of the true state of affairs may not be as comforting and reassuring as someone might have thought. What if you have to fight doubts? But you can’t arrange life in such a way that it will always be good. The question is what line of behavior to choose so that your soul finds peace.
So one woman, for example, was very worried because of the suspicions that gripped her that her husband was not indifferent to the charms of a certain person from their circle. They discussed this issue and agreed on the following: they do not need to specifically address this topic, but if one of them asks about it, then answer each other's questions honestly.
When she finally plucked up the courage to ask him about her suspicions, her husband admitted: yes, he sees that he is increasingly attracted to that woman. However, he managed to resist the temptation. Although his wife felt some anxiety at his words, she was glad that she asked him.
His sincerity lifted the weight from her soul, because she was afraid that her husband would not tell her anything. So the wife was convinced that they would not betray their obligations to honestly answer the questions posed.
How to stop your spouse being jealous of others
Creating a strong marriage requires the efforts of both parties. While your husband will try to be honest, you need to stop showing mistrust. Do not consider it normal to regularly check your husband’s mobile phone, email on the computer, or pockets. Every person has the right to personal space. Think about it, would you be pleased if your mail and calls were constantly monitored? By breaking into your husband’s personal space, you are pushing him towards distance and secrecy. Remind yourself that if he stayed with you, then there is no reason to be jealous.
Watch the episode of the program “Everything will be fine.” The series is dedicated to your husband’s betrayal, how to forgive her and return harmony to your relationship:
Coming to terms with betrayal, starting to trust your husband again, saving your family and living with a traitor is really very difficult. But it’s much worse to do nothing and then reproach yourself.
How to earn trust after your husband cheats - women's advice
To achieve this, everyone is able to effectively combat their suspicions. But at the same time, one should not succumb to the unrealistic idea that none of the spouses would ever find the other woman or man attractive. Instead, one must admit that it is possible that their husband or wife will feel attracted to another person, and not be tormented by doubts about what to do.
The benefit of a conversation on this topic is not only that the position of the spouses on this issue will become clearer. Discussing hobbies reduces the likelihood that someone will give in to them. After all, we will mainly talk about what probable and undesirable consequences passion will lead to.
When a person is inclined to have an affair, his or her thoughts usually linger on the possible pleasures. Hidden feelings, compared to those that are recognized and discussed, are more attractive and exciting. When secret desires are exposed to the cold light of day, their appeal eventually fades.
All couples, married or unmarried, should recognize that passions are inevitable and discuss how to deal with them. If you want to earn trust after cheating, you need to do it before outside relationships become a headache. If the specter of affairs on the side haunts neither the head nor the nervous system, then the relationship between the spouses becomes strained.
Because of this, the husband and wife may never be able to develop trust in each other. As the relationship develops, they must constantly express their opinions regarding monogamy and talk about their hobbies to others.
Here is another circumstance in which social factors play an important role. Since the practice of frank discussion contradicts the generally accepted code of silence, it is much more difficult for couples to discuss the issues mentioned above, which is necessary for a trusting relationship to be established between them.
And since the myth of monogamy perpetuates the belief that loving and faithful couples will not have an affair, it discourages discussion of such an important issue. Most people would prefer to resolve this issue once and for all. However, discussing the subject of monogamy is a long process. One conversation on this topic or one promise will not solve anything here.
