How to become your husband's best friend

How to become a warm friend to your husband?

There are five principles on how you can become a warm friend to your husband. A woman can do this if she wants. The first thing she must do is she must listen to what he is saying. It's not difficult for a woman to listen. Her psyche is adapted to this. When a woman is bored, she can simultaneously solve her questions in her head and listen with interest at the same time. A man, when he listens, he seethes, it is difficult for him to listen, he wants to talk, but he must listen. Therefore, we must speak only to the point, the most important thing. Basically you have to listen.

And what will be the result of such a conversation? He will say, you know, we talked so well, I felt that we understood each other. Although only he spoke, and there was essentially no conversation. And when a woman listens to her husband, she just needs to accept his emotions, react the same way as he says, and don’t need to do anything else. At the same time, you can think about something of your own, in any case, the result will be the same. He will be very pleased with the situation. That, in principle, a man doesn’t need to know how much his wife gets into things, the main thing for him is that she listens to him.

Because at least someone should be for him. Because if a man feels that a situation is being created against him, he loses strength, and a man’s strength lies in the sphere of feeling, superiority over others. Therefore, in order to pump him up, like we pump a car on wheels, in order to pump him up with this force, a man must know that someone understands him, and someone accepts his views on life. And, if the wife says, you are right in everything, completely, exactly, that’s all. Then he seems to be pumped up in this way, and then he acts again and wins, ultimately. His ideas then win. And, in the end, if he is wrong, he is also convinced of this himself, then he changes everything.

Thus, the wife should not make comments to her husband during this dialogue, and should not oppose him in any way. That is, his conversation does not mean that she should find faults. That is, he may even ask, well, what am I saying wrong, tell me, you know me, what am I saying wrong? She should, if he really demands, she should say that maybe this could be wrong, but you are saying it correctly, most likely. Otherwise he will start to get angry. That is, he can ask, as it were, what is wrong, then this will be the reason for a monologue for a whole hour. Even if the next day he says, you know, I think you were right. He can say so, but before that he will have to listen for an hour. Foaming at the mouth, with square eyes, with red square eyes. You want to listen for an hour, don’t you? No. So you just have to say: yes, everything is correct. And then the next day, if he is wrong, he will understand himself and say, you know, in my opinion, I was wrong. And he will express everything again. But he will say, well, yes, actually. It's funny, yes, it all looks something like that. This is family life.

Each person has his own stupidities in his character that must be taken into account. A man and a woman are also poorly developed children. The man is a poorly developed child and the woman is a poorly developed child. We are all underdeveloped children, but underdeveloped in our own ways. When we understand this, we will be able to live normally with each other. We must understand that people have natural shortcomings for which they cannot be blamed.

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For example, a woman cannot be accused of being very emotional and sensitive. A woman cannot be blamed for constantly complaining and worrying, this is her nature. You can’t tell her, “why are you unbalanced all the time, worried all the time.” A man should not make such accusations. Because this is a natural flaw of the female body. If you want a calm man, marry a man. Live with a calm person. If you want to have your happiness with a woman, then you will have to marry a woman. And no matter how she will have to, she will have to worry.

Also, a man cannot pay attention to details. And his sphere of happiness is not in the sphere of the intricacies of family relationships. The main thing for him is that they listen to him, love him, respect him, and that’s enough. This is not a sign that he is underdeveloped. It’s just that men’s psyche is developed in one direction, it cannot be developed in both directions.

You cannot blame a man for being inattentive when cleaning the apartment. “You see here, here on the dishes, here here, there is dirt left.” He says: where?? Well, here's the dirt, see? That's a greasy stain! - Where?? He doesn't see. If he sees this spot, he will say: are you crazy? He will not understand that this stain needs to be washed off. Because that's nature. Of course, men can develop the ability to see both dirt and clean. But this is not their innate property. They may develop this with difficulty, grinding their teeth while sweeping the floor.

You should know that in general, how would we get the type of body that we are attracted to. And a man is always attached to a woman in life, so most often, in the next life he becomes a woman, and a woman is attached to a man in her life, so in the next life she becomes a man. So they change bodies, and the way they work out karma also changes. In the female body, karma is worked out, so a woman suffers more. If she doesn’t seem to know how to do or act correctly, she immediately, immediately begins to suffer.

If a man doesn’t know how to do the right thing, he doesn’t give a damn about how to do the right thing. He takes it and acts as he sees fit. There, here, back - it’s nice for you and me. Everything is fine, no problems. No problems, divorced means divorced, no problems. Who is suffering, wife? We drink and there are no problems either, my wife suffers. Walking - no problems, arguing with someone, no problems. The one who suffers is the wife. Quit his job - no problem. Who is suffering? Wife. Therefore, a woman must be experienced, we talked about this. So that she does not suffer, she must organize her life in such a way that it is easier for her to survive difficulties.

A man accumulates karma, saves. In his next life he will groan. It will be hard for him in his next life. Now he walks around crazy, pretending that he can get away with anything, but nothing like that. You'll never get away with anything. In this regard, female birth is more favorable because the person is purified naturally. Therefore, women are more pious by nature. They have good character traits and are more inclined to progress. Women drink less than men. More chaste, more pious than men. But if such trends begin in society, women become the same as men in their behavior. The Vedas say this is a sign of the degradation of society, not progress. This means society is deteriorating.

Economically, everything may be very developed in our country, but how much happiness there is in society - this is a sign of progress. If happiness is not enough, then what is progress? Progress means happiness, increasing happiness, is in the realm of relationships. Therefore, when a woman behaves more consistently, she encourages men to behave correctly, stimulates good character traits in them, and then society progresses. If a woman follows a man, emancipation begins, she behaves in the same way, copies his shortcomings, then society degrades accordingly.

The article was prepared based on lectures by Dr. O.G. Torsunov.

How to become a friend to your husband

Today you can increasingly hear that married couples are forced to seek the help of a family psychologist to solve their problems. This happens because more and more people are unable to resolve intra-family conflicts on their own, which is why they resort to the help of a specialist.

This trend with a minus sign indicates, first of all, that the majority of married people have not found the key to their soulmate, and this is very sad, primarily for the spouses themselves, because living in an atmosphere of constant scandals and squabbles is very hard.

Children also suffer from this, as they become unwitting witnesses to parental “squabbles,” which negatively affects their emotional state.

That is why the problem of relationships between the sexes still remains one of the main topics of imams’ sermons and discussions on social networks. If we touch on the causes of family conflicts, there can be a lot of them.

Often the reason is the intolerable character of a man, which is why a woman has to show remarkable saber so as not to destroy the family. However, no less often, quarrels occur due to the fault of women themselves, who do not consider it necessary to change anything in their behavior.

Therefore, in this article I would like to give some tips to help our sisters make their husband also a good friend.

1. Don't compare him to others

We often draw parallels between our family and others. For example, a friend’s husband always helps her around the house, another friend never forgets about her preferences, and the like.

A man forced to constantly listen to such comparisons may one day say: “If I’m so bad, then why don’t you find someone better?” As a result, there will be very little time left before divorce.

Therefore, my dear sisters, do not under any circumstances compare your husband with anyone. This can greatly hurt a man’s pride, and the anger that takes possession of him can lead to irreparable consequences.

2. Get ready for terpa

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The Prophet ﷺ said:

Please note: ادخلي الجنة من أي أبواب الجنة شئت
“If a woman performs five prayers, fasts during Ramadan, observes chastity and obeys her husband, then she will be told: “Enter Paradise through the gate through which you wish!” (Imam Ahmad, Ibn Hibban)

Many of our sisters, unfortunately, overly idealize the image of their future spouse and at the same time are absolutely not ready to show patience where it is necessary.

Understand, my dears, your husband cannot consist only of merits and always smile. He is a person like everyone else, with his inherent weaknesses and flaws. This is normal, because Allah Almighty has not endowed sinlessness to anyone except the prophets (peace be upon them).

Therefore, if your spouse has a habit of breaking down or becoming despondent from time to time, then be patient and do not stir up a scandal out of the blue. We are all not perfect, but if no one gives in to anyone, then what will happen in the end? Another broken family! And isn’t this the worst thing we can become the cause of, dear sisters?

Our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

أَيُّمَا امْرَأَةٍ مَاتَتْ وَزَوْجُهَا عَنْهَا رَاضٍ دَخَلَتِ الج َنَّةَ
“ Whatever woman dies, she will be in Paradise if her husband was pleased with her .” ( Tirmidhi , Ibn Majah ).

3. Study his character

No matter how complex a man’s character may be, with the right approach, we women can adapt to anyone. Many of us didn’t even really try to study the character of our spouse, preferring to get a divorce as soon as possible. But is this the way out?