Causes
If during pregnancy women experience sexual cravings, then after childbirth some realize that the attraction to their husband has disappeared. This leads to problems in relationships and couples struggle to cope with the situation.
Why you don't want sex after giving birth
- hormonal disbalance;
- women's problems;
- psychological factor;
- fatigue;
- fear of getting pregnant.
The main reason why a girl doesn’t want sex is the whole absorption of the baby. The newborn is the main object of her attention, and the partner automatically fades into the background. Some men are satisfied with this, others begin to be jealous of their wife and child.
Not all husbands place some of their everyday problems on their shoulders. Mothers get tired of the busy schedule because they have to take care not only of the baby, but also of their spouse (and, possibly, of the older children in the family). All this is exhausting, fatigue is followed by irritability, then disgust towards the partner appears.
The tension in the relationship is also increased by the man himself, who constantly demands something from his wife. The inability to understand the situation leads to the woman losing desire. The situation is aggravated by a psychological factor - the awareness of isolation from the outside world.
If the emerging complexes are added here, then everything will end in depression. Mom is worried about her changed figure and is ashamed of stretch marks and a sagging “apron” on her stomach. For this reason, sometimes you don’t want to have sex after giving birth, so as not to make your husband disgusted with his body.
Libido is provoked by enzymes, and after childbirth, a hormonal imbalance is most often observed, which causes reluctance to have sex. Postpartum complications (ruptures, bleeding, pain) also deter intimacy. Added to this is the fear of another pregnancy if the first one was difficult.
The opposite situation occurs when the husband does not want sex after childbirth. The reason for this may be the unkempt appearance of an eternally tired wife or the smell of breast milk. Some men participating in the partnership process and observing the birth of a baby develop a feeling of disgust towards the intimate parts of the female body. They are disgusted to have sex with the mother of their child.
My husband gave up sex after having a baby!
You write, husbands complain to you that after giving birth, the wife turned into a “mother hen”, ignores her husband, refuses to go to bed, and looks terrible. I knew about this and tried to do everything so that we could have the same love and intimacy. Moreover, before the birth of our daughter, we had a passion. Even when I was already pregnant. But when we arrived from the maternity hospital, it was as if they had replaced him. He sleeps in the kitchen, citing the fact that he prevents me from getting up at night to see the child - it’s inconvenient for me to climb over him. She never helps with bathing, she even reluctantly takes her daughter in her arms, “she doesn’t know how.”
I decided not to pay attention to all these troubles. I dress neatly, do my makeup in the morning, try not to feed him in front of him, and keep everything to a minimum when he comes. Yesterday I baked meat in the oven, when I came, I didn’t even try it. I got out of the shower and started getting ready, as if I was simply gone! But I’m still studying part-time at the institute. Session is coming. Mom advised me to talk to him, but how?! How to talk to a person when you have turned into furniture for him?! I'm already afraid that the milk will disappear. As for sex, this is also permafrost. I'm untouchable. Never hugs or kisses. You try to kiss him - he says: “okay, okay” and slightly pushes him away. This is already unbearable for me! I cry all day long.
Mom came yesterday. We talked for three hours. They decided that he had someone else on the side while I was giving birth. But I don’t want to, I can’t believe it! Has anyone had this happen? And how did it end? Please give me some advice, I'm on the verge of despair.
Masha, 26 years old.
READERS' RESPONSES
- Started it, started it. Mine did the same, he didn’t touch me, and then he received a letter from a woman 10 years older than him, who thanked him for the crazy passion he showed at the airport hotel - he went on a business trip. I gave her our address, but someone else’s last name, starting with the same letter as ours. It would be nice if he had a letter, but his passion also sent him a large envelope with his smiling face against the backdrop of the airport building. And again in someone else’s last name, but with his name. And we then lived in a hostel, where mail was laid out in boxes. An elderly neighbor who worked there as a cleaner knew everyone and often delivered mail to the rooms. And she brought us...
Guest.
- There is no need to cry: everything will be fine, even if your husband is unfaithful. This means you will find true love.
Andrey.
- “I’m afraid to talk to him”, “I’m afraid that the milk will disappear” - isn’t there too much indecision? You have the behavior of a child for whom adults will decide everything. By the way, the milk will not go to waste only if you don’t want it yourself. Will your mother decide the issue of lack of sex?
I.
“The sudden change in mood can be explained by the fact that, sad as it may sound, your husband went to the left and, probably, unsuccessfully... Now, until the course of treatment has passed, he will not come to you and the child. A friend of mine had a similar situation about twenty years ago, so even before coming home he rinsed his mouth with vodka to smell it (alcohol is contraindicated in the treatment of sexually transmitted diseases) and pretended to be drunk and thereby avoided close relationships. The wife never found out anything, and they almost divorced due to the husband’s drunkenness.
Passerby.
“I think he should just be given a rest.” He doesn’t drink, doesn’t fight, doesn’t leave home, doesn’t blame money. Many would only be glad that after a difficult day with a child they don’t have to forcefully have sex, just so that the husband doesn’t get offended. The husband will get used to the new role, and everything will work out.
Anna.
All about gender relations - every evening at 20.40, 22.45, 0.30 in the “Chemistry of Love” program on the radio “Komsomolskaya Pravda” (97.2 FM in Moscow).
And on Saturdays at 15.05 on radio “KP” (97.2 FM) Tatyana Ogneva and journalist Andrei Golubov discuss the most pressing issues of family and relationships between women. Live phone number 97-00-972.
Periods and deadlines
There is not always a lack of desire for sex after childbirth. Doctors have even determined the timing of the decline in interest caused by certain factors. With their elimination, if there is no deviation from the norm, the craving for the husband will return.
When does libido recover after childbirth? It depends on the reason why the woman is avoiding sex. They are different in each physiological period. If you do not ignore these factors, libido recovery after childbirth will occur quickly. A couple will succeed if they overcome obstacles together.
The fear of sex after childbirth is completely justified in the first month. The uterus is still in a painful state and is gradually returning to its normal position. The process is accompanied by discharge, which is why the woman does not allow her partner to approach her.
During the feeding period, the first six months, sex does not work out due to the mother’s constant busyness with the baby. Lactation reduces the craving for intimate pleasures, but as soon as complementary foods are introduced and the level of milk production begins to decline, the woman’s desire will gradually return.
If there is no sex for a year, it means that the spouses have not yet fully adapted to the status of parents and new relationships. During this period, the baby’s daily routine changes several times, to which adults learn to adapt. With patience, it will not be difficult to restore libido in women after childbirth.
When there is no craving for sex even after a year and a half, you can blame depression, hormonal imbalances and the inattentive attitude of your partner. If we take physiology into account, then in the second year sexual desires flare up with renewed vigor. It depends on a loving husband, who is always nearby, to increase the partner’s libido.
When a wife does not give birth for 2 years after childbirth, the spouse must be blamed, because for a woman this is a period of complete recovery. But there is another reason - perhaps the desire to have sex after the second birth has disappeared, due to the fear of getting pregnant again. Some believe that they have fulfilled their mission to procreate, others are afraid of abortion, and some are disappointed in their partner.
How to get your husband's desire back after childbirth
Of course, there may be not three, but more reasons why a man does not want his wife after childbirth, but there is a way out.
Firstly, you should be patient, because the child grows quite quickly, over time there are fewer worries, and the woman has the opportunity to gradually return to her usual way and rhythm of life. In addition, spouses have more free time that can be devoted to each other.
Secondly, you need to give each other time to get used to new roles in the family, because both men and women experience stress.
Conclusion: if a man and a woman truly love each other, then the temporary absence of a regular and fulfilling sex life is a temporary phenomenon that needs to be experienced. Many families face this problem, but with patience, most of them manage to establish ideal intimate relationships after 2-3 years, and sometimes even earlier.
Ways to increase desires
If your wife has lost interest in sex, but her husband wants it, you should not punish your partner with physiological “starvation.” This will have a negative impact on personal relationships and will push a man to go “to the left,” which will lead to scandals and family breakup. A loving wife will try to take the situation into her own hands.
How to increase libido in a woman after childbirth:
- get rid of fatigue;
- introduce aphrodisiacs into the diet;
- use folk remedies;
- provide an intimate environment;
- choose suitable poses.
Women often do not enjoy sex after childbirth due to constant fatigue. Having learned to rearrange the daily routine so that there is time for rest, the mother will feel more comfortable, and her desires will gradually return. It is worth involving close people in everyday problems, distributing responsibilities between them.
Selected nutrition will restore the health of the genital organs and return hormonal levels to normal. The menu includes foods with a large amount of proteins, tocopherol and vitamin A, manganese, magnesium, and zinc. Most of these components are found in fresh fruits and vegetables. Nuts, eggs, cheeses, bananas, and figs are considered excellent stimulants.
Aphrodisiacs - seafood, spiced coffee, chocolate - will help increase women's libido after childbirth. But this method cannot be used while the mother is breastfeeding. Alcohol does not stimulate desire (as many believe), but, on the contrary, suppresses cravings.
A candlelit dinner with beautiful music can excite both partners. Scented oils soaked in candles will help increase libido. It is recommended to use esters (ylang-ylang, tuberose, patchouli) for sexual massage.
If the wife does not want intimacy after childbirth because of painful sensations, partners should think about choosing acceptable positions until the mother’s body has fully recovered. Lubricants will come in handy here, providing soft, painless penetration.
Folk remedies will speed up regeneration - teas from chamomile and verbena, raspberry and mint leaves, adding basil to food. If this does not work, it is better to consult a doctor for recommendations on choosing Viagra for women.
Psychological therapy
Sometimes there is no desire to sleep with your husband after childbirth due to psychological mood. It is caused by quarrels, a partner’s inattention to problems, lack of communication, cultural “hunger,” complexes regarding appearance, as well as fears.
How to regain the desire for sex after childbirth
- conduct confidential conversations more often;
- take care of your appearance;
- find time to communicate with friends;
- attend cultural events;
- master auto-training.
Instead of starting quarrels because partners fail to fulfill their responsibilities, it is recommended to switch to emotional communication. In a calm, trusting atmosphere, it is easier to hear each other and delve into problems related to intimate life.
If the wife has become fat after childbirth and there is no sex, then the partner who neglected herself is largely to blame. To avoid depression for this reason, you should find time to practice your appearance. During lactation, diets are excluded, but a balanced diet will help cope with the problem.
Despite being tired, a woman can look attractive even in a dressing gown, and it doesn’t require much effort. Auto-training will get rid of the inferiority complex. You need to realize that if your husband truly loves, then he doesn’t care if there are stretch marks on his stomach or stitches after a cesarean section, as well as extra pounds that will soon come off.
Periodic going out will also increase self-esteem (a child is not a hindrance to this). Grandmothers will happily sit with their grandchildren while parents chat with friends, go to the theater or other events. In some situations, you can take the baby with you, which will further strengthen family relationships.
If a woman doesn’t want sex at all, a good way to relieve psychological stress is to visit a fitness club, swimming pool, dance club, do aerobics and walk more often. A great option in the summer to get rid of depression is to jog barefoot in a park or near a pond.
