How to improve relationships with your husband on the verge of a family relationship crisis
In fact, in any conflict situation, in any relationship in general, there are always two sides involved. And if the relationship falls apart, a conflict arises, then responsibility lies equally on one and the other side. Both you and your opponent can make concessions, somehow change your behavior, and accordingly, somehow find mutual understanding and improve your relationship.
Practical 5-step technique
There is an exercise that allows you to look at a conflict situation and at relationships in general from different angles, feel and understand the interests of your opponent, look at yourself from the outside, and change your behavior for the better. This exercise can be performed either sitting or standing. But the best option is to take three chairs and place them in such a way that two of them stand opposite each other, and the third, as if from the side.
- The first place will be yours
- Second - your opponent,
- And the third is an outside observer.
The position of an outside observer
First of all, imagine the situation that is happening between you, and look at it from the outside, sitting in the observer’s place. If you can’t perceive the situation unemotionally, you can imagine that everything is happening on a cinema or TV screen. That is, it's just some kind of movie.
Look at how you react and act in a given situation, look at what your opponent does. Then think about how you can change your behavior, what you can improve, and write down your thoughts on paper.
Own position.
Then go to your place and imagine your opponent in front of you, remember the situation, and look at it with your own eyes. You remember all your feelings, emotions, look at your opponent’s behavior from your side, and think about how this situation can be improved. Write down your thoughts.
After this, sit back in the observer’s seat and look at the situation from the outside, like a movie. Notice what you notice after looking at the situation with your own eyes. Think about what you could improve and write it down.
Opponent's position
Then sit on your opponent’s chair and try to associate yourself with his interests, his feelings, sensations. Now you look at this whole situation, and at yourself in particular, through his eyes. Pay attention to how your actions look from his point of view, why he also supports this conflict. Think, on his part, how you can change your behavior, what he can do to improve the situation, and write down these answers on paper.
Then sit back in the observer's chair and observe your situation from the outside. See what has changed in this situation and how it can be improved. Analyze everything that the participants in the conflict wrote and create your own recommendations.
Mutual understanding in the family
Probably no one will argue with the fact that the main thing in family relationships is love and mutual understanding. But it happens that the same thoughts, feelings and views on problems - all this evaporates somewhere after several years after the wedding. What needs to be done to establish mutual understanding in the family, how to learn to look at the world with one eye again? Or, if you no longer understand each other, then that’s it, can you give up on the relationship?
How to find mutual understanding in the family?
To answer this question, you need to understand how mutual understanding arises between people. There is a great temptation to say that it appears on its own, because when we fall in love, we do not make any effort to understand our soulmate, everything comes out by itself. So why, after some time of living together, do we have to solve the problem of lack of mutual understanding in the family, where does it disappear?
In fact, nothing disappears anywhere; it’s just that when a man and a woman meet, the so-called primary stage of mutual understanding arises, based on similar interests and passions. But when people begin to live together, they open up to each other from a new side, and now in order to achieve complete mutual understanding in a relationship they have to work, because the views of two people cannot be completely identical. So, if you have recently started to quarrel often and complain about misunderstandings with your significant other, there is nothing tragic here, you just need to stop and think about why this is happening. To understand this, pay attention to the following points.
- Often two people cannot understand each other just because they do not talk about their problems and desires. Understand, no matter how smart you both are, you will not be able to read each other’s thoughts. Therefore, stop talking with half-hints, they will only confuse everything even more. Speak directly and clearly what you like and what you don’t like, voice your desires.
- To achieve mutual understanding, psychology advises learning to listen to another person, but this is impossible if communication occurs in a raised voice. We may believe that we have told our lover many times what the problem is and be sincerely indignant that he did not pay attention to our words. But the point here is not his indifference, but the fact that all the complaints were expressed during a quarrel. Because during such communication the task is not to understand the interlocutor, but only to win the argument. This means that everything you say will not be taken seriously.
- Many fights start because people are not getting what they want from their partner (relationship). Sometimes difficulties arise due to understatement - we simply do not tell our partner what we expect from him. And sometimes we make too high demands. Therefore, analyze your desires, think about whether you really need it, or whether you want something only because others have it.
- Consider the wishes of others. Remember that your partner also expects something from you. Mutual understanding between people depends on how much they can respect each other's wishes.
As you already understand, the key to mutual understanding lies in the ability to make yourself heard and the desire to listen to the other. Together you can always find an option that would suit both.
Conclusions - optimal behavior
This can be done 2-3 times, having been in the role of each of the parties. After this, you will be able to get a good feel for your opponent, his interests, his feelings, emotions. You can apply different behavior options to the situation each time. That is, you ask the question what would happen if it were this way, perform the technique and check the result of such a development of events. And in this way, you can literally in 20-30 minutes better understand a loved one , find the optimal behavior for a given situation, and then implement it in life.
How to improve relationships with your husband on the verge of a family relationship crisis:
- Learn to listen and hear your partner;
- Repeat the confidential conversation regularly, once every one or two weeks;
Mutual understanding + love + care = FAMILY!
The traditions of love and fidelity that Saints Peter and Fevronia bequeathed to this day
are passed on from generation to generation. It's nice to see a family in which it's wonderful
joint business and home idyll where simplicity lives are combined
and intelligence, strong male determination and female poise.
We will talk about the Karkateev Borovkov family. The love of Natalia and Ivan was born from a fleeting glance, instant interest and desire to get to know each other better. For the first time, the young people met on the street: Natalia Mikhailovna walked along one side, and Ivan Vladimirovich leisurely strolled along the other.
“At that moment we locked eyes and I felt that I wanted to meet this person, talk to him,” recalls Natalia Mikhailovna. “After that, we often noticed each other on the street, looked at each other, I looked away in embarrassment... Soon we saw each other again, and Ivan plucked up courage, came up to me, invited me to meet, and from that day we became inseparable!
Over time, the young people met more and more often: they walked together, discussed books, films, village news... Communication grew into something more. The idea that the meeting did not just happen occurred to both of them; later they realized that their loving hearts could not be without each other. And then Ivan made up his mind and proposed. As Natalia Mikhailovna says, she reacted very emotionally to the marriage proposal: for her it was unexpected and at the same time welcome. She could not hide her happiness and agreed. Things went towards the wedding. The main holiday of loving hearts was held on February 24, 2001, to which relatives, friends and colleagues were invited.
– The wedding turned out to be big and fun! We walked for a week. Even relatives from Ukraine and the Ulyanovsk region came to congratulate us. Many friends from the village were invited. In general, the celebration turned out to be unforgettable! – Natalia Mikhailovna joyfully recalls.
The couple have lived together for 18 years in peace and harmony, hand in hand, always supporting each other, giving mutual love and tenderness. Natalia Mikhailovna and Ivan Vladimirovich are raising two wonderful children - son Alexander, who is 17 years old, and 15-year-old daughter Ulyana. Only the lazy have not heard about the active participation of these children in the life of the village. Alexander is a volunteer, activist, member of the Youth Parliament under the Duma of the Nefteyugansk region, Ulyana sings in the folk ensemble of the Cossack song “Razdolie”, and is an excellent student.
“Children are our inspiration,” says Natalia Mikhailovna. – Sasha and Ulyana are very easy-going: they will always come to the rescue, they take part in all holidays, forums, and competitions of various levels. Looking at them, we feel the same, gain strength, feel pride and joy for our children.
“It’s not even a matter of upbringing, but a desire to try yourself in something new and interesting,” notes Alexander. – It all started when I was invited to take part in a school flash mob for health day and I liked it. Now not a single event in the village takes place without me, which I am very happy about! My sister takes my example and also actively participates, but not in volunteer activities, but in cultural life. She defends the honor of the village and the region at various festivals and competitions at the district, district and all-Russian levels and shows herself quite well, taking prizes in the team. Our whole family is proud of her, we always support her, we come to concerts where she performs.
Humanity has always wondered: who should be the head of the family? The Borovkovs believe that a family is a single whole and mutual understanding, love and care should reign in it. Without these components there will not be the idyll that should be in the house.
“Our family has a little bit of everything - sometimes power even falls to my sister and me,” Alexander jokes. – We can also command our parents, but, of course, within reasonable limits.
A friendly family tries to spend time together as often as possible: trips, vacations, work in the country, celebrating memorable dates with all relatives.
– We try to gather with grandparents, brothers, sisters... And we have more than 15 of them. We love it when there is a lot of laughter and joy in our home. Joint birthdays and anniversaries have become a good tradition for us. Even if it’s not a holiday, we just get together as a family group over a cup of tea, discuss news, share recipes and give each other a good mood. The time we spend together is important to us! – says Natalia Mikhailovna.
According to Alexander, their family has another tradition - giving gifts, and especially choosing them:
“This is another way for us to have fun.” Such joint shopping trips and purchases, especially grandiose and unplanned ones, bring us together. Spontaneous decisions always remain in our memories for a long time. For example, a gift for Ulyana on March 8 this year. She had long wanted a game console, but although this purchase was not part of our plans, dad still insisted. When my sister saw the gift, she jumped with happiness! It’s nice to see such moments, and they remain in the memory for a long time.
In this talented and multifaceted family, the creative older generation - grandmother Lyubov Ivanovna and grandfather Vladimir Aleksandrovich Borovkov - are members of the Karkateevsky folk ensemble of Cossack songs "Razdolie". They stood at the origins of the group and still sing in its composition.
– Grandparents perform a lot at village, district, city and district events. The last place they went was City Day in Nyagan. When they started raising chickens, grandfather wanted to give up amateur performances, as it was difficult to combine rehearsals and household chores, notes the grandson. – But the desire to sing won!
Having such family experience, the Borovkovs advise maintaining love, taking care of each other, enjoying every day, sharing sorrows and sorrows and respecting all family members.
