How to properly raise two children at the same time

Raising a child is a very difficult and responsible process in which both parents must participate. But what if, by the will of fate, you are left alone with a child in your arms? Of course, at first, a single mother feels confused, afraid that she will not be able to raise a child alone, that she will not have enough strength, time, money... However, it is possible to raise a child alone very well, although it is not easy. First you need to calm down, pull yourself together and think through all the main points that relate to raising a child in your situation.

How to raise a child alone: household tips

The mother of a child, especially if she is raising him alone, often does not have enough time and energy to do all the necessary things. Let's give some tips on how to cope with household chores.

If you are a young and inexperienced mother, then you have a lot to learn about caring for a child. While he is not yet born, start studying information about how to properly feed your baby, bathe him, walk with him, how and when to visit a pediatrician, etc. At first after birth, your mother or another experienced close relative will help. You can also arrange with a visiting nurse who will teach you many important things. You should immediately think about a kindergarten - there are few places, you can wait in line from birth. Know that you, as a single mother, have benefits; we’ll tell you about them below.
When a small child appears, many new things arise that the mother needs to successfully combine with her worries. How to raise a child alone and still manage everything? It is useful to keep a diary in which the mother will write down what needs to be done for the child and when, and also note her personal affairs in it. How to do it? Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down all the important things to do for yourself and your child for the next week: going to the pediatrician, buying baby clothes, filling out the necessary documents, etc. Now distribute these important things by day of the week and preferably by hour. When you have a clear schedule of important things to do for the coming week, you can distribute less important things into free periods of time. A schedule will greatly simplify your life and organize it; you will have time to do everything you need to do.
Going out with your child on errands is not always convenient, especially if you have a large stroller. To make it easier, try to reduce the number of trips to the right places. For example, you can make necessary payments via the Internet using your bank card, and also buy groceries in a supermarket via the Internet - you will save time, nerves and effort. Another option: make payments in advance for several months at once, buy food not for the evening, but for several days at once (do not forget to monitor expiration dates). If you need to go on business without your child, try to leave him with a reliable person - negotiate with a relative or good friend who will look after your child. You can hire an hourly nanny. In exceptional cases, a kangaroo backpack will help - it will allow you to take the child with you, and at the same time both hands will be free. But such a backpack is only good for the warm season.
Of course, with the advent of a child, financial costs will also increase. We will tell you below what government payments you are entitled to. You need to learn how to save and save money, as it will be very useful to you. Review your budget, think about where and how you can save money to save and save.

How to raise two children alone temporarily?

If this is a temporary situation for you, then gain strength and patience and everything will work out. The real life situation of a woman whose husband went to another city for 6 months to work, leaving her with children 4 years and 6 months old. The question arose: “How to raise two children alone?” Firstly, we were lucky that the kindergarten was nearby. Secondly, although perhaps this is the most important thing, a regime for the baby. She woke me up in the morning, bathed her in the evening, and walked at the same time. Thus, the fry has developed a routine. And mommy could take and meet the elder from kindergarten while the baby was sleeping at home. In addition, in the evening, after the baby fell asleep, she could do household chores: cook, wash, iron. Difficult, but possible. There were grandmothers, of course, but they didn’t help, citing the fact that a strong woman could handle it. And she did it.

Government payments and benefits

A single mother has the right to government assistance, which manifests itself in various payments and benefits. If we consider the issue from a legal point of view, then first a woman must obtain the official status of a single mother. Only after this can a single mother claim all sorts of payments and benefits. In the list below you will find both payments due to all women who have given birth, as well as payments and benefits specifically for single mothers. As for the amounts of payments, they may vary, so check them with the relevant institutions.

A one-time benefit for the birth of a child - any mother who is a citizen of the Russian Federation has the right to receive it. This benefit is issued once after the birth of the child.
Also, any mother has the right to a monthly allowance during parental leave; it is issued at the place of work. A single mother in this case has the right to an increased monthly benefit, regardless of the amount of her income.
Additional monthly allowance when a child reaches a certain age.
Annual additional financial assistance (calculated based on the mother’s income).
Alimony.
The right to priority housing, placement of a child in a child care institution for state support.
The right to free provision of educational materials and meals for the child in a state educational institution.
The right to free or partially paid trips to sanatoriums or children's camps at least once every 2 years.
Benefits when purchasing certain medications.
The right to some free additional medical services for the child in a child care facility.
Until the child turns 14 years old, a single mother does not have the right to be fired from her job, except in cases of liquidation of the enterprise. In such a situation, dismissal is allowed, but with subsequent official employment. Also, mandatory employment should be in cases where the employment contract has expired. During the period of employment, the average salary must be maintained. It is prohibited to refuse to hire a woman or reduce her salary because of the presence of children.
When caring for a child under 14 years of age, sick leave is paid 100%.
The right to annual leave (14 days) at any time, attached to the main one or separate from it.

How to raise a child alone: psychological advice

The absence of a father can negatively affect the upbringing of a child, regardless of whether he is a boy or a girl. How to raise a child alone so that he does not feel unhappy because his dad is not around?

Even if a man left you and went to another woman, you should not take out your resentment on your child and tell him nasty things about his father. He is not to blame for what happened in your relationship. Try to create a good opinion of the child about the father, tell him that he is not around, but he loves him - this is very important for the child’s self-esteem at an early age. You shouldn’t go into details of the breakup - you don’t know how the child will perceive it and react. And of course, if the father wants to communicate and meet with the child, do not interfere with this.
It is important to have a man in your life who can positively influence your child. This could be your brother, father, or other close male relative with whom you often see and communicate. Of course, ideally, you need a new “dad” to appear, and the sooner the better, since young children perceive such situations more easily than teenagers.
A child’s psychology is actively formed during the first five years of life, so it is necessary to raise the child as responsibly as possible during this period.

How to raise a boy alone

The father is very important for the boy, as he is an example for him, forms his masculine character and masculine model of behavior. Let's look at how to raise a child alone at different stages of a boy's age.

In the period of 1-4 years, the boy realizes that he belongs to the male sex. At this age, he needs to be played with and entertained. An uncle or a young neighbor is suitable for this role if you are on friendly terms with him and he treats your baby well.
At 5-8 years old, a boy needs a man who will approve and support his masculine style of behavior. He should be praised, for example, for how persistently he tries to learn to ride a bicycle, although he has already fallen off it many times; for running fast; because he doesn’t run to cry to his mother after he got into a fight with the neighbor boys, etc. Mom is usually always very worried and afraid, so she is not suitable for this role. The best candidate is the natural father.
At the age of 9-13, a boy strives to show his individuality and independence; his mother’s excessive care begins to irritate him. It's time to channel his energy into useful activities. Find him a club or section where male society predominates - a computer science club, a wrestling sports section, etc.
At the age of 14 or more, a boy’s hormones are in full swing, he is actively developing, this affects both his appearance and his behavior and can lead to various problems. His own father can figure everything out and help the boy.

How to raise a girl alone

For a girl, a father is the ideal man; the relationship between father and daughter greatly influences how the girl will choose a life partner in the future and build a family. How to raise a child alone?

There is no need to scold the girl’s father, talk about what a “bastard” and “traitor” he is. The girl will develop a bad opinion about her father, which will greatly affect her self-esteem and attitude towards men in the future, sometimes even unconsciously. The girl should also be told that her dad loves her, but simply cannot be there.
Often a mother, who has experienced the betrayal of many men in her life, teaches her little daughter that men cannot be trusted, that they are all insidious, that is, she sets up her attitude towards the man as an enemy. This is completely wrong! A girl raised in this way will grow up squeezed, unable to trust a man, always expecting a trick from him and afraid to build relationships. Girls raised in this way are often left alone, because they cannot understand how to behave correctly with men, or when all their friends are already married and it’s high time, they are ready to marry the first person they meet. Forget your grievances, you understand that there are good and worthy men, and it is to them that your daughter should pay attention. Tell her what a good man should be like, how a girl should behave correctly with boys, which boys she should pay attention to and which ones she should be wary of, etc.
Of course, a girl’s communication with other men is important. They should treat her with tenderness, kindness and care. This could be her grandfather, uncle, your neighbor or a family friend. In general, it’s good if you are friends with a woman who has a full family. You can visit with your daughter, she will communicate with other children and with their father.
You are a woman, and also the closest person to your daughter. She will be like you, so set the best example for her. Take care of your appearance, be kind to others, develop yourself, keep the house in order, etc. Teach all this to a girl from an early age.
Support your girl in everything - let her participate in different competitions, study something (mathematics is especially useful for girls), go to different clubs. When necessary, be strict with her. Encourage feminine behavior in the girl, give her examples of successful women from movies and books.

How to raise two children alone all the time?

A completely different question is how to raise two children alone if no changes are foreseen. The reasons for this situation are different: the husband left, died, or was not there at all. This, of course, cannot be done without outside help. If you have parents, that's good. The ideal option is cohabitation. If this is not possible, try to distribute time and responsibilities between assistants so that there are no overlaps. Suppose the grandmother takes the eldest to kindergarten, and the grandfather meets him. Don't be shy to ask your acquaintances and friends for help! Let your friends come over for a walk, at least on weekends. The walk takes about 2 hours, and during this time you will have time to relax. If you have a balcony, great! We put the stroller on the balcony while we do other things. This is what one woman did, whose husband was a truck driver. Clothes, strollers, cribs and other things necessary for children can be asked to be donated by placing advertisements in newspapers and social networks. Try to find a home-based job. You can earn a little extra money when the kids are asleep. Raising two children alone is a difficult but doable task. The main thing to remember:

1) do not despair and lose heart; 2) develop a routine for children; 3) will not be shy to ask for help; 4) you will succeed!

THIS IS USEFUL: Physical education of children

Typical mistakes of single mothers

And finally, let’s look at the mistakes that single mothers often make when raising children:

The desire to replace the child with both mother and father. You are a woman, and therefore the role of a mother is natural for you, and you should not try to pretend to be a father, it will be false, and therefore will not reflect well on the child. It’s better to really turn to good men for help.
Excessive love and complete indulgence of children's desires. Particularly soft and sensitive mothers, feeling guilty that the family is incomplete, try to compensate for this with strong love and fulfillment of all children's whims. This is bad because the child begins to feel his power over his mother, becomes capricious, weak and demanding, and gets used to the fact that everything always happens the way he wants. The mother ceases to be an authority for him. You need to demonstrate your love for your child, but everything should be within reasonable limits. You need to raise an intelligent and strong person in order to prepare him for a future independent life.
The desire to protect the child from communication with the father and his new family. We have already discussed this - a child’s opinion of his father is very important for the child’s self-esteem, so if they have a good relationship, you should not interfere with this because of your grievances.
Some women, trying to show how much they love their boys and how important they are to them, begin to constantly consult with their sons and obey them. The boy helps his mother choose an outfit, groceries in the store, consoles his mother, and helps around the house. The boy develops early, unusual responsibility for his age. He may have the wrong opinion about women, he will think that they are helpless and cannot do anything themselves, and this, in turn, will affect his reluctance to marry.

We have given you some tips on how to raise a child alone. Of course, he will still be interested in why dad is not around. It is possible that the child will be offended by evil peers or will often ask him where his father is. It is very important for you to explain and prove to your baby that Katya or Sasha have a full family and this is good, but you are no worse. You also have a strong and friendly family, in which they love each other very much, it’s just smaller.