Delayed life syndrome

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Over time, you begin to understand how quickly the years fly by. In a short moment called life, some people manage to do a lot: achieve career growth, become famous and successful, start a family and raise wonderful children, make new scientific discoveries, create world masterpieces, visit overseas countries, write a bunch of bestsellers.

Such people quickly solve their problems, without leaving them for tomorrow. They, as a rule, are always purposeful and complete the work they start.

But there is another category of people who are in no hurry to live, always find reasons to put off their affairs and not do them for as long as possible. And the problem is not that they are lazy. They are who they are, and they don’t know how to live differently. Psychologists have given a name to the model of such an attitude towards life’s problems – deferred life syndrome (DSL).

What it is?

In everyday life, a person often makes plans for the future. Constantly postponing serious matters or setting certain conditions, only after which he will begin to act, but never begins, is the deferred life syndrome. At the same time, a person loses interest in what is happening here and now, because most of his energy is spent on supporting certain castles in the air that exist only in his imagination.

“When I grow up, then real life will begin,” I hear a similar phrase in different variations almost every day from people who are going to live life to the fullest when the desired circumstances arise. “I’ll lose weight, get better, I’ll be happy,” “I’ll earn money now, and then I’ll feel like a worthy person,” “I’ll start a family, then everything in life will work out,” “I’ll retire, I’ll finally be able to live in peace,” etc. . I’ll get a divorce, get separated, leave my job, meet love, have a mistress, buy a house, car, apartment, build a dacha, move to another city, and I’ll be very happy. Will not be. Great happiness is not associated with external circumstances, because they are only a pleasant addition (at times, a significant addition) to what you already have inside. If you don’t know how to appreciate what is, you’re unlikely to be able to do the same with what will be. If you don’t know how to be happy in what life has already offered you, you won’t be able to do it later when you get what you want.

Delayed life syndrome is a disease of modern civilization. The minds of many people live far in the future (or in the past, but this is about getting stuck in uncompleted lessons, let's leave this topic outside the scope of this post). Get rich, get on your feet, find happiness, take care of your body, build relationships, but do all this someday later, now there is no time for this. Life is kind of like that, you know? I would like to do something worthwhile and to my liking, but it just doesn’t work out because “work-children-obligations-certain living conditions-dysfunctional family.”

Working for twenty years without a vacation, without really paying attention to one’s spiritual development, health and relationships with loved ones, by the age of 40-50 a person ends up with a not very well functioning body, even worse functioning relationships and a deepest internal crisis. For what and where have you been running all these years? Buy a car, an apartment, a house? Kind of provide for children? Yes, children need parental love and attention to their problems much more than a father or mother who disappears at work around the clock.

Children need access to the experience of adults, to their wisdom. Children need support, children need the presence of parents in their lives. But adequate presence, healthy, adequate presence. Not exhausted, hysterical mothers who take out all their dissatisfaction on their children, not tired and depressed fathers who aggressively express their position, children need parent-mentors.

Spiritually mature, physically healthy, ordinary ADULTS are nearby. With mature adult reactions to events happening in life. The family should be a supportive environment for everyone who lives in it. Where will adults with adequate self-esteem and ideas about life come from if most children grow up in families where parents are not used to developing and working on themselves? Working on children is welcome, but don’t touch me, I’m already wise and know how to live.

I think that all this happens because we are not used to thinking at all about the meaning of life. We run and run like squirrels in a wheel, achieving far-fetched results, creating an attractive appearance, without really caring about what’s inside. We live in dreams of the future, but we do not know how to learn lessons from the present.

Yes, after graduating from school, a college or university awaits a person, but this does not mean that from the fifth grade he should live only with the thought that in six years he will go to university, and we will somehow spend these years, they would pass faster, Yes? But this is SIX YEARS OF LIFE!!!!! Yes, there will be a university, we have this in mind, we are preparing for it, but we live here, we live the life of a schoolchild, because this period of life will never be repeated, we need to live it as it is, try to get the maximum benefit from it.

You don’t have a loved one, so what? Sit and cry that you want to get married? So rejoice, life gives you the opportunity to better prepare for the meeting. Grow, develop, study the topic of relationships, increase your level of competence, but be in the present. Communicate more with friends and girlfriends, meet new people, take care of your health, work, look for yourself, and your person will definitely come one day. What's the point of sending you a normal person if you sit still and, like a great bore, endlessly repeat that you want a relationship.

Everything has its time, every fruit must ripen. What else is there, the house hasn’t been completed, the money hasn’t been earned, the goal in life hasn’t been decided? A few more years, and you will take care of your health, hobbies, and something else, but not yet. Well, okay, but what if your life ends much earlier than you have time to do all this? What kind of waste of precious years is this? What else? Will you rest when you retire, will you build relationships when you earn money? Oh, this is all nonsense.

If you really want to get something, then you need to start by making the most of your current life circumstances. There is no need to put off life until tomorrow, it is too fleeting. Accept your yesterday, think about tomorrow, but live in today. Live life as fully as possible in your current reality. There is a whole world inside every person, and if you start putting it in order, then everything external will happily begin to help you a lot. There are those who are living and those who are going to live, who are you?

Every moment we die and are born again, every moment contains the great beauty of life, every meeting carries amazing discoveries. Look inside yourself and around you too. The sky is so beautiful, the people nearby are very good, the body is alive and healthy, thank you to life for all this. Accept with gratitude what you have, and do not shift responsibility for your own happiness to some circumstances from the future.

Author: Dina Richards

Causes

From a scientific point of view, several factors have been identified that contribute to the development of coolant:

Heredity. Although no clear connection has been found between this pathology and its transmission from relatives, nevertheless, people in whose families there are representatives with mental disorders have a greater risk.
Mistakes in education. Parents allow the child to put the toy away later, do homework in the evening, etc.
Busy schedule. Workaholics are constantly on the move, but do not enjoy it. It seems to them that they need to be patient and life will get better, but everything remains the same.
Lack of self-confidence. Doubting his abilities, a person tries to avoid making any difficult decisions, avoid responsibility, or simply put it off, first for a day, and then for a year or even more.
Emotional instability. People exposed to constant stress are vulnerable to negative external influences. To get rid of it, they resort to self-hypnosis, deciding that it is not necessary to do the unpleasant thing right now.

Manifestations

Due to the fact that nowadays many are trying to evade responsibility, it is difficult to distinguish coolant from ordinary irresponsibility. Not every person is able to fully control the implementation of all their plans and promises, but if this is not controlled at all, then the consequences will be sad.

It is important not to miss the moment when coolant occurs. Here are some of its most obvious manifestations:

Regular presence of life obstacles. The boss often has to listen to excuses from an employee who has not completed a task. Today he was hampered by insufficient lighting in the room, and tomorrow by the lack of a certain special tool.
Constant depression. Anyone who is unable to enjoy today will never be happy. Even if his salary is unexpectedly increased and his uncle leaves a large inheritance.
Hopes for the future. Despite the successes today, a person convinces himself that a much more serious jackpot awaits him in the future.
Irrational monetary policy. All the money goes to future projects that are not implemented.
Avoidance of responsibility. A person postpones until the last moment the moment when he will have to answer for his actions.
Lack of bright emotions. A person reacts to any good news with detachment, the same applies to unpleasant news.

How to defeat him

In modern society, not many are able to notice such problems in their lives, moreover, for some people such an existence is beneficial. With their dreams they shield themselves from the harshness of everyday life. It is important to understand that such a pathology reduces the quality of life and deprives a person of many of the joys of life.

In order to cope with coolant, it is enough to follow the following rules:

Act here and now. First you need to understand that goals need to not only be set, but also realized. The sooner you take action, the better. If the goal is too global and you are not sure that you have the strength not to stop along the way, then you need to divide it into several smaller ones and start from the first.
The value of the present. You need to live for today, because tomorrow may not come.
Awareness of mortality. Almost all people behave in life as if their death would never occur, but in people with cerebral insufficiency, this is more pronounced. It’s as if they are doing everything to the best of their ability; life is a rehearsal for them. We must understand that there is only one chance to live this life.
Ignoring the odds. If you have the opportunity to somehow shorten the path to success, then it would be foolish not to use it.
Planning for the near future. Many people have plans for the future, but meanwhile it is worth paying more attention to the present. If you learn to plan your day, you will be able to get a lot more done.

In conclusion, I would like to say that deferred life syndrome is a serious problem that prevents a person from living life to the fullest, and perhaps the main advice on the way to overcoming it would be to dream less and act more

It is work that is the best antidepressant; by dreaming, a person can imagine a finished goal and get pleasure from it. Don’t deceive yourself, don’t be lazy, move towards your goal clearly and measuredly. Good luck on your journey!

How to be?

Some tips on what to do to get rid of delayed life syndrome.

First step

The first step is the realization that this psychological illness does not allow you to live fully in the compartment of today. This is the most important and most difficult step on the path to a free and happy life.

Get out of your comfort zone

Take a blank piece of paper and write down what you would like your future to look like. Write down point by point what is needed to implement your plans. Gradually, you will be able to step out of your comfort zone and take the necessary actions to live in the present. Don’t make long-term plans, think about what you will do tomorrow, what you would like to do this evening. Live here and now to receive emotions, rejoice and enjoy.

Think about what is most interesting to you. If you have long dreamed of becoming an artist, then sign up for acting classes now. If you ever planned to learn English, then now is the time to start studying. Don't put it off until later, just do it.

Ask for help

If you find it difficult to change your life or even admit that you have a problem, you should seek help from a psychologist. A specialist will point you in the right direction and help you start taking action to enjoy life.

Seeking help from a psychologist for delayed life syndrome

Don't go too far

It is important not to go too far. In the fight against delayed life syndrome, do not go to extremes. You shouldn’t leave everything and move to the other side of the planet in search of change or, for example, marry a stranger in order to “start changing your life now.” It is necessary to make thoughtful decisions, and not do stupid things because of a momentary impulse. Emotions are wonderful, but we should not forget about common sense. You can regret not only what you did not have time to do. Often you have to regret that you did not do what you really wanted. Mistakes also have unpleasant consequences. Everything should be in moderation. Try to think carefully about what exactly you want your life to be like, set your priorities correctly.

Don't put everything off for later, live today. Life is given once and you need to enjoy every day, spend it with benefit and pleasure. You can start acting now, you will definitely succeed! All in your hands!

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