If your woman can't get along with your fucking loving mother (mother-in-law), then you will really like my story and will really encourage you. Especially if you are this woman
I’m going to tell a 15-year-long story about how intense, bright, colorful, and varied my mother’s feud was with her mother-in-law, my grandmother Anna. This drama has everything: real magic, trash, fight scenes, comical scenes, and, of course, an immense sea of mom’s sparkling name-calling, in which she had no equal.
It all started when a young mother and father moved from a small apartment to their grandmother’s house. Not a house, but a dwelling, because my grandmother, frankly speaking, lived like a big pig, raised trippers everywhere and navigated this shit perfectly. While the house was being repaired and cleaned, my mother came up with a hundred different names for my grandmother, because she was like a bone in the ass: she didn’t help, everything she did was dog shit, she took home all sorts of crap, she always cooked poorly on the stove washed cow intestines (smelly food is grandma’s great passion), and, of course, it was remarkably yummy. I especially remember the name-calling “damned Nyurka”, “old pro”, “Torshinsky brat”, “fucking brat”. Here is the “old pro” - my favorite. I still don’t understand what “pro” means, but it sounds devastating. By the way, when my mother was angry with one of the other family members, she could also call this person a “niurka,” and this was considered very offensive.
Grandmother had friends: Raika, Dusyaka, Lipunikha - they all also greatly infuriated my mother, tried to harass her, or, as they themselves put it, “to kill her without a knife.” But these three are so, shantropa. They could essentially only infuriate you by the fact that sometimes they came to grandma, got drunk together and started pestering mom about what a bad housewife she was, how skinny she was, she couldn’t knit, she didn’t know how to make kvass on bread, she ran into someone else’s house with a child, and so on. Further.
But there was another friend, she was really fucked up. Grandma Pasha. By the way, she’s still alive. A very sinister, creepy grandmother. In short, she conjured. I wrote spells on pieces of paper, gave mine to my grandmother, and my grandmother slipped mine to my mother. But this all continued until my mother’s first discovery of such a witchcraft note. Mom found, burned the note and beat my grandmother. I remember there was a terrible scandal about this. We all freaked out then - the situation was absolutely mystical.
Don’t worry at all that her mother fucked her, because her grandmother behaved so ugreskily and brought it up so professionally that even a dead man would beat her up. For example, she constantly made faces: she would stand in front of you (at a safe distance) and make faces. At first it's funny, then you want to kill. Or she also loved the tactic of finishing off - repeating every word after you. Well, children still play like that sometimes. If you continue this game for more than 15 minutes, a person’s brain begins to boil. For this crap, my mother once threw large seed cucumbers at my grandmother, shouting “how did you fuck me, you old pro.” And once again - with cats. We always had a lot of cats, cats and kittens, they were always nearby, spinning under our feet. Well, one day my mother was peeling potatoes, and my grandmother was sitting in the same room, getting on her nerves. After some time, my mother started throwing cats at my grandmother: she had done something crazy again, apparently.
Again, don’t worry about grandma, what got in her way, she herself actually did a hundred times more damage. She simply knew how to do harm secretly, provoked scandals, played dirty tricks, messed up the territory of the house and yard, constantly set food to cook, got drunk, fell asleep, and so all our pots were burning, the walls were dirty, the stove too.
By the way, my grandmother didn’t give a damn about me. Perhaps only in very, very early childhood - the first year of my life I helped, brought gifts, did not drink so much. But in my conscious years I only remembered 10 rubles. for a birthday and 5 rubles on election day. Just before her death she gave me 100 rubles a couple of times. because I drove flies away from her. She died in the fall, from cirrhosis of the liver, of course, autumn flies you know how disgusting they are - and you don’t mind paying a hundred dollars just to drive them away.
Grandma’s other favorite thing was to give all of us and our animals our own names. If only they weren’t what we call each other. For example, my mother’s mother (Alexandra) was not Lesaya, I was her Lena, her goat Swan was Scribe, all our cats also always had two names.
In short, in 15 years, everything happened and nothing happened. In her old age, my grandmother, of course, became more humble. She was no longer making faces in front of you, but, for example, from behind the glass in the kitchen door: we were eating, and she was standing there making faces.
You probably want to ask where dad is in this picture. And he is here too. It’s just that his grandmother fucked him up so much during the entire time he lived with her alone that he tried, in principle, not to associate with her and the strikes were mainly when he was making moonshine, and on the night of the race she drank half of it, and so as not to burn, she added water . Dad never made a normal moonshine, no matter how he guarded this device of his, no matter how he made marks with his fingernail - it still came out somewhere around twenty degrees.
By the way, I still don’t understand why they lived with her, why didn’t they move somewhere, separate? This also has a huge impact on relationships. I don't know why this is so. Probably there was neither time nor money for this. After all, a big house is ready, two children, land. Where will you go to a new place?
But my mom is definitely a fighter. You can’t even say enough about how much she suffered from her grandmother. It’s good that she gave change, otherwise they would have completely shut her down. It’s clear that how could my mother beat her - so, not seriously, especially since the grandmother also gave change. But the very fact of struggle and confrontation left me with very vivid memories.
Related posts: About grandma and shit Grandmothers from Ray Bradbury's books exist! City Hospital 20
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My mother-in-law judges me behind my back, but smiles in my face. Should she be brought to clean water?
Eight years ago I married my fellow student Igor. She herself came to study at the institute from a neighboring city and lived in a dormitory. When we decided to get married, there was no question of where to live. Igor’s dad died a year earlier from a serious illness. Mom couldn’t be left alone, so the three of us began to live in a two-room apartment.
I can’t say that my mother-in-law Valentina Vasilyevna immediately showed dislike for me. But it was obvious that she didn’t really like me. This was expressed in her constant nagging and sometimes even looked funny: either I turned the tap in the bathroom too tight, or I left my slippers in the wrong place.
Of course, this attitude offended me. But I understood that I had come to live in someone else’s house and for my mother-in-law, in essence, I was a stranger. Why should she suddenly fall in love with me?
Gradually, I learned to ignore her comments and reproaches, I simply did not pay attention to them. I took everything she said calmly, didn’t argue, and certainly didn’t snap back.
Sometimes I even turned to her for some advice. And not because I really needed it. I just wanted to show Valentina Vasilievna that I respect and take into account her opinion. I must say that this move turned out to be very effective. At least my mother-in-law no longer clung to me for any reason.
A year and a half after the wedding, we told Valentina Vasilyevna that she would soon become a grandmother. And here it was as if she had been replaced. My mother-in-law even started calling me daughter. My joy knew no bounds. I considered this my small victory. After all, I managed to make my relationship with my mother-in-law truly family-like.
Our girl Masha was born. Valentina Vasilievna was crazy about her only granddaughter. When the time came for me to leave maternity leave and send the baby to kindergarten, my mother-in-law said that she would raise Masha herself.
“I’m already retired, I’ll enjoy it. And in these kindergartens it is still unknown how children are treated.”
Our Mashenka will soon be six years old. She studies at the Pedagogical Lyceum, where there is a special group for preparing children for school. We also enrolled our daughter in a rhythmic gymnastics section and an art studio. She really likes both sports and drawing.
I love our family evenings, when we gather in the kitchen, have dinner, and then drink tea. And Masha loudly and in detail tells my husband and me how she and her grandmother spent the day. At these moments I am so happy, because I have a good mother-in-law, we were able to find a common language with her and get along great.
But a few days ago this idyll collapsed. Being late for work, I forgot the flash drive with important documents at home. I remembered when I had almost reached the stop. She mentally scolded herself for having put it in a visible place in the hallway in the evening and still forgot it. I had to go back.
I quietly opened the door with the key, because Masha was still sleeping at that time. I grabbed the flash drive and was just about to leave when I heard my mother-in-law talking on the phone. She complained to one of her friends that Igor and I were abusing our own child and had completely deprived him of his childhood:
“At this age, the baby still has to play in the sandbox, and all we do all day is move from one section to another. Continuous classes. It’s necessary to load such a small child! And since I have completely taken on their parental responsibilities, we could at least cook something healthy for dinner, and not feed the family with store-bought convenience foods.”
I didn’t listen any further, quietly went out and closed the door. For some reason I was ashamed of Valentina Vasilievna. And it’s very unpleasant for my soul. And in the evening I fried store-bought semi-finished chicken cutlets for dinner, and my mother-in-law devoured them with pleasure.
And she proudly told how our Masha was praised by her gymnastics coach. And then she asked me so sweetly and smilingly: “How was your working day? Everything is fine?"
In the following days I tried to behave as always. But that unpleasant telephone conversation cannot be forgotten. Now I am tormented by doubts. I think, should I tell Valentina Vasilyevna that I heard everything then?
I want to calmly explain to her that we are not burdening our daughter. This amount of activity is normal for her age. After all, a worthy future must be laid out from an early age. At the same time, I am very afraid of insults from my mother-in-law. After all, we have been building our good relationship for so long. I don't want to destroy them.
And then she must understand that Igor and I are trying for our child, for our family, and that’s why we work from morning until late evening. I simply don’t have time for culinary and healthy delights.
I can't figure out how to start a conversation with my mother-in-law. I'm afraid that she will suddenly realize that I overheard her telephone conversation by accident.
Author's opinion:
The problem is not worth a damn. Your mother-in-law does not insult you or quarrel, but lives peacefully with you in her two-room apartment. It’s just that, as an elderly person, sometimes she wants to grumble. Forget this telephone conversation, don’t stress yourself out and move on with your life in peace. Otherwise, you will only provoke conflict. You can ruin a relationship in an instant, but then it will take years to restore it. Remember the wisdom - a bad peace is always better than a good quarrel. And in conversations, by the way, mention that now times are completely different, children in preschool age are already reading and learning foreign languages.
Thu, 11 Jun 2020 22:23:36 +0300
@ Oksana Abramovich
Mother-in-law: “They left you the apartment for no reason, so you look after your grandmother”
My mother-in-law has three children. The eldest of them is my husband. In the family, Yasha always stood apart. The reason is simple: his mother-in-law gave birth to him “as a girl.” His younger sister and brother appeared already legally married.
The mother-in-law managed to seduce a rather wealthy man with her 3-year-old child. My husband’s stepfather was one of the first to start his own business, opening some kind of cooperative back in the late 80s. I survived the 90s safely and didn’t go broke in the 2000s.
Yakov’s stepfather never divided his children into his own and those of others. I bought clothes and toys equally, and I could also buy an equal amount of belts if there was a price. But the mother-in-law divided the offspring:
“Why did I give birth to you,” I often told my son, “you’re ruining the whole family picture.” All of us are white, but you look just like your dad. Black as coal.
What Yakov was to blame for, who did not beg his mother for a ticket to life, is unclear. Moreover, he did not prevent his mother from building her personal life. But my stepfather always had enough money and an extra mouth in the family did not burden anyone.
His mother’s attitude towards Yasha was learned from childhood by his younger sister and brother. Already in children’s quarrels: “you’re nobody,” “you’re not ours,” “my daddy drinks and feeds you,” sounded generously from the lips of sister Marina and brother Artem .
— You know,” my husband said in the first months of our marriage, “I have a feeling that my stepfather is my only relative in this family.
I almost didn’t communicate with my mother-in-law, well, she wasn’t interested in the wife of her unloved son; when we met, she looked at me with disgust and said:
—Well, what else could you expect from him? Live how you want and where you want.
And we lived. We rented an apartment, but we didn’t depend on anyone for anything. And a year after the wedding, my stepfather passed away. Suddenly. More precisely, suddenly for the whole family, the father-in-law himself, as if feeling something, put the papers in order.
The house went to the mother-in-law, and each of the children, including the stepson, was given a two-room apartment by the stepfather. All real estate was registered as a gift. And the husband’s stepfather decided to open the main will, which concerned the company, in six months.
- Why does he need it? — Sister Marina was beside herself, pointing her finger at my husband, she repeated, “What does he have to do with dad?”
My mother-in-law was also unhappy: I didn’t deserve it. However, we ended up being homeowners. We lived quietly in the new apartment for two months, and then our mother-in-law deigned to visit us.
—“So,” said the mother-in-law, “you will take the old woman.”
What old woman? We didn't understand anything.
“What, what, my mother-in-law,” said the husband’s mother, “why did she give in to me, I couldn’t stand her all my life, and now she comes to me?” So that I change her diapers?
It turned out that neither Yasha’s sister nor brother also wanted her grandmother to live with them, and she could no longer live alone and needed care: after a stroke, the woman’s legs gave out.
—“Dad left you an apartment,” said brother Artem, “so work it off.”
My husband and I consulted and took Irina Egorovna to our place. She turned out to be a woman with humor, a very interesting and cheerful person. Naturally, she was offended that her own grandchildren did this to her, she said in the very first days:
—Their mother spoiled them, my daughter-in-law, and you, Yasha, my son always loved and praised. You have always been family to him, but for me now you are more than family.
Marina and Artem did not consider it necessary to visit their grandmother. No call, no visit.
It was not difficult to look after Irina Egorovna; she even managed to cook dinner for my husband and me in a wheelchair.
And after another 4 months, the stepfather’s will was announced, concerning the assets of his business. He bequeathed everything to his mother. You should have seen the faces of the mother-in-law and her younger children.
—“I’m picking up grandma,” Marina said, approaching us.
“Not you, but me,” Artem soared.
—Who told you that I want to move? - Irina Egorovna asked her greedy grandchildren, “I feel good with Yasha and I won’t go anywhere.”
She stayed with us, almost immediately, giving my husband everything that she received according to the will of Yasha’s late stepfather.
The mother-in-law, sister-in-law and brother-in-law tried to challenge this, there was a trial, but they lost.
They already got a lot, but the wealth did not benefit them. Artem managed to get into some dubious situation, the apartment had to be sold for debts, he returned to live with his mother.
Marina got married, but did not get along with her husband, her mother-in-law is also raising her child, and her husband’s sister herself arranges her personal life.
Irina Egorovna recently passed away. While sorting out my grandmother’s things, we found a neatly folded piece of paper, Yakov’s stepfather wrote:
“Mom, if something happens to me, go live with my Yasha. In my opinion, of all my children, he is the most worthy, even though he is not related to us by blood. I’m sorry that I couldn’t raise Marinka and Tema to be the same”...
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Mother-in-law: “Now I’m the mistress here!”
There are families from which you have to run away immediately without looking back. I only met my husband’s family when I got married. My mother-in-law, father-in-law and youngest son came from a remote village especially for our wedding, on the eve of this solemn event.
We placed my husband's relatives with my parents.
To begin with, my mother-in-law almost managed to quarrel with my mother. My husband’s mother was not happy with the fact that even though my parents had a car, she had to sit on the bus. Mom doesn’t remember her exact words, but the meaning was this:
“I’m not welcome or respected here.” But I am practically a member of your family. I’m even afraid to imagine how you treat my son. - the mother-in-law cried.
My mother was aware that we sent money to my husband’s family for a taxi so that they could get to us comfortably. She asked my mother-in-law:
— They gave you money for a car, right? Why did you take the bus?
- What right do you have to count other people’s money? What my son gave me, I spend it however I want. They could have come for us, but they wouldn’t have given up. - The mother-in-law pursed her lips.
She wore a black dress to the wedding. The toast made by the husband's mother was rather strange:
- Well done, son! I'm proud of you - you're hooked in the city. I'm waiting for you to take your seven to you.
She didn't like anything at all. When the waiter brought my husband's parents a dish of seafood, the mother-in-law squealed when she saw the little octopuses:
- Do you want to poison me? Are you coveting an inheritance?
My father-in-law sat red with shame, my husband barely calmed his mother down. If anything, the legacy is there - a rickety house and a pigsty.
My spit on my dress, pushing away to take a photo with my son for the newlyweds' photos, starting a fight with my great aunt - that's not all that my mother-in-law did at the wedding. It all ended with the secret removal of the contents of the envelopes and the unexpected departure of the mother-in-law and the company.
The husband apologized for a long time for his mother’s behavior and promised to personally compensate for the stolen goods:
“Now you understand why I don’t communicate with them.”
I was very surprised then: how they could raise such a wonderful person like my husband in such a terrible family. I wonder where I got the idea that my husband is different from his relatives?
My parents, as promised, gave me an apartment for my wedding. My husband and I lived in it before, but it belonged to dad. The husband was offended that the apartment was not his property. And I, a fool, gave him half - we are one family, we love each other and will never divorce.
From the moment my husband became the second owner of our home, our life changed: my mother-in-law became a very frequent guest in our house. She stayed for weeks, coming sometimes with her husband, sometimes with her youngest son. And when the time came for my husband’s younger brother to enroll, my mother-in-law and him moved in with us for good.
To my indignation, my husband replied:
- This is my apartment too. And if I want my mother to live with us, you don’t tell me.
The mother-in-law was very happy about such words to her sons. She encouraged him:
- That's it, son! Otherwise, we are completely greedy in our city - they don’t even consider us villagers to be people.
And I filed for divorce because my husband’s younger brother tried to get under my skirt. My husband was not at home, and my mother-in-law, in response to my screams, advised me to shut up:
“You’re wagging your tail in front of the boy.” It won't hurt you.
I tried to kick them out, but my mother-in-law shoved the deed of gift in my face:
- Do you see how children should be raised? I sent my son to the city to get married in an apartment - he did just that. And he gave his beloved mother a share. Now I'm the owner here!
I packed my things and left. Parents and mutual friends were shocked. The apartment had to be changed. I don’t know what my ex-husband and mother bought, but I gave my money to my parents. And I will stay with them.
I will never get married again in my life. Sometimes I think, what if I gave birth to a child? With such and such heredity. And I wanted to, I cried that it didn’t work out.
Character types of mothers-in-law
People are all different, and each mother-in-law has her own character, her own temperament, just like daughters-in-law.
“There are two empty chairs in heaven - one for a good mother-in-law, and the other for a good daughter-in-law.” Eastern proverb.
Mothers-in-law have different personalities, as do daughters-in-law. For some, everything is written all over their faces at once, while with others you can live your whole life and still never know. But we must live, and if possible, peacefully.
The most common character types of mothers-in-law:
- Her Majesty Mom
- Mother-in-law is a leader
- Competitive mom
- Mother-in-law-child
- Mother-in-law girl
Her Majesty Mom
Mother-in-law, showing omnipresent overprotective maternal care.
“Overprotection is excessive care for children. More solidly and scientifically, the same thing is called hyperprotection (from the Greek word hyper - over + Lat. protecto - to guard, protect, patronize). The literal translation of the term hyperprotection is excessive care, hyperprotection.” Encyclopedia of practical psychology.
The Queen Mother loves everyone: her son, daughter-in-law and especially her grandchildren. And everything would be fine and good, but... for her they are all dependent little children. Only Her Majesty knows the right way to act and the right way to do anything. She will wash the dishes, cook dinner, sit with the child, and vacuum. She has enough time for everything. Even if Her Majesty lives separately, she will come running and do everything.
It would seem that a wonderful mother-in-law! One can only dream of something like this! But there’s just a bad thing about this type of mother-in-law... What?
She loves to criticize her son and daughter-in-law, and in front of the children. The authority of mom and dad falls in the eyes of the children, and in the future the relationship is disrupted. Children with such a grandmother grow up to be aggressive and spoiled people.
What to do and how to live with Her Majesty Mom?
There is only one way out! Separate and live on your own. The only thing you shouldn't do is swear and be rude. You should definitely thank your mother for caring, for teaching you how to do everything correctly, then give arguments and try to prove that you are not small children, have grown up a long time ago and are able to live independently.
Of course, the queen mother will not immediately give up her position: there will be tears and resentment. But you need to prove to her that you are still capable of living independently.
Mother-in-law is a leader
The red commander in a skirt or mother-in-law is the leader, head of the family.
She was used to commanding and keeping a tight rein on her husband and children. Son brought daughter-in-law? Mom will immediately, without much delay, take her daughter-in-law in her arms. The mother-in-law, the leader, is not even against the daughter-in-law also leading her husband. In the eyes and understanding of such a mother-in-law, the main woman in the family is the “leader of the pack.” At first glance, the daughter-in-law may like this prioritization, but sooner or later interests will begin to collide: two commanders in the kitchen, that “two bears in one den”... In addition, the grandchildren will receive the wrong example of building family relationships.
What to do and how to live?
Psychologists believe that the Mother-in-Law must yield to the leader. But wise! Talk honestly and openly about what you agree with and what you don’t, giving serious arguments.
And further…
Relations with your mother-in-law-commander should under no circumstances be allowed to lead to a scandal, your nerves will boil, it’s better to remain silent and withdraw from communication. And always be on top!
Mother-in-law girl
There are women who always want to look and be... young girls, and it doesn’t matter whether she is single or married.
Appearance is of great importance to her; she is always made up, with manicure and pedicure. Such a mother-in-law doesn’t even want to hear being called grandma.
A variation of this type of mother-in-law is a girl-mother-in-law - a businesswoman. Such a mother will neither help nor interfere in the relationship of her son’s family. The mother-in-law is always busy and never has time.
The mother-in-law is glad that her son got married, but spending time with her grandchildren is not part of her plans. She lives her life. She only needs compliments from her daughter-in-law, and from her grandchildren too.
Mother-in-law-child
A mother-in-law who is a child is the exact opposite of a mother-in-law who is a girl. Such a lady plays the role of a helpless woman. She is usually an eccentric, creative and soft-spoken lady. She instills in her son from the cradle that his mother must be taken care of so that nothing happens to her. It’s as if mother and son are changing roles: the mother is a little girl, and the son is a big man.
A child-mother-in-law can easily be called a vampire: she draws resources and energy onto herself. Such a mother-in-law really “drinks blood.” It is very difficult to get rid of her; she has clogged her son’s brains to such an extent that he firmly believes that his mother cannot live without him.
The child-mother-in-law is a real actress, capable of acting out hysterics and illnesses.
