How to understand that your man is a “mama's boy”
A man who is able to build strong relationships and subsequently start a family is distinguished by maturity of judgment and strength of character. Men who are “mama’s boys” do not possess such character traits. If you suspect your chosen one of “immaturity,” then it is recommended that you first take a closer look at him.
With proper observation, you will be able to notice a number of characteristic features of “mama’s boys”:
- Distance from any difficulties. “Mama’s boys” do not strive to provide “male” help when necessary. For example: your faucet is leaking at home, and you turned to him for help, but in response he tries to make an excuse by being busy or, as a last resort, recommends contacting a specialist. An immature or childish man will always distance himself from any everyday difficulties.
- If your relationship has already entered the stage of living together, and you began to notice that in case of disagreements he complains to his mother or other relatives, then such behavior should alert you. No, we are not talking about the fact that he should not seek advice from family and friends, but everything should be in moderation. If a man seeks advice whenever he needs to make a decision, then this is one of the “symptoms of a mama’s son.”
- In conversations with you, a man constantly uses his mother as an example. A terrible habit that openly says that “you can’t cook porridge” with this representative of the stronger sex. Mom is the standard woman for many men, no doubt. Often they also look for a wife in her image and likeness. But when, in a conversation with you, he constantly compares you or mentions her ways of resolving this or that situation, then think hard about the advisability of building a relationship with such an “instance.”
Who is a mama's boy?
It’s not easy for women who date so-called mama’s boys. This is a category of men that is distinguished by its character and behavior pattern. Who is a mama's boy? This is a man who has reached his majority, who completely submits to the will of his mother. Often such men remain with their mothers forever. Even being 30-40 years old, they don’t really think about getting married and having children. But if mom says, then...
Mama's boys have the following characteristics:
- The only authority in their lives is their mothers. As mom says, so it will be. What mom says is the truth. They cannot resist their mother's word. If mom needs help, then the man will drop all his affairs and worries and rush to her. If mom needs all the money a man has, then he will give it unconditionally. If such a man has a beloved woman/wife, then she must also obey his mother. At the same time, the man himself decides only when the mother does not interfere or allows it. If the mother expresses her opinion, then the man agrees with it.
- Traditional views on family and public opinion are the most important. In second place after mom is public opinion. “This is how it should be,” “the age has already come,” “that’s how everyone does it,” and other phrases when society dictates how one should live are authoritative for a mama’s boy. He will not resist tradition. Moreover, he will follow them and force the woman to adhere to them. Otherwise, he may think about breaking off relations with the rebellious lady.
- Family is the main value, where the mother is in charge of everything. Having created his own family, a man will value it. However, the main thing in it will not be him, but his mother. The hierarchy will look like this: in first place is the mother, then the husband (her son), then the daughter-in-law (the son’s wife). Moreover, those who are lower must unquestioningly obey those who are at the top level of the hierarchy. The wife will not have the right to say anything to her mother-in-law (husband's mother). If the mother-in-law doesn’t like something, then the daughter-in-law must listen to her. The door to the bedroom should not be closed from the mother-in-law. If she wants to come in, she can do so at any time.
Often the mothers of such men live with the new family. This is done so that the mother continues to control her son and, in addition, his wife. The mother-in-law will be happy only when her daughter-in-law obeys her as obediently as her son. Otherwise, loud battles will arise between women, about whom many jokes are written.
- Such a man continues to remain a child. Just as his mother looks after him, cherishes him, supports him in everything, so his wife should baby him. If she doesn’t follow him, doesn’t cook for him, doesn’t read him bedtime stories, etc., then she’s considered a bad wife. Added to all this is that the wife must do everything the same as her husband’s mother. In other words, the mother-in-law must show how her son needs to wash his socks, cook food, set the table, iron his shirts, etc. The wife should not deviate one step from her mother-in-law’s word. She must do everything exactly as she was told. Only then will she be considered an ideal wife and daughter-in-law.
- Such a man has childish character traits. He loves flattery and admiration, even if there is no good reason for it. He can be cheeky and rude in front of men, but he always cowers in front of his mother or boss. He can tell some stories in an exaggerated way, but in fact he doesn’t experience any of it.
Having children with such a man makes no sense, since the woman will only get one more child. She has already married one boy. And if a child is born, she will have to be torn between her husband and baby. Mama's boy will not tolerate less attention being paid to him. If his wife stops pleasing him the same way as before, then he will begin to be jealous and inadequate.
go to top
Why does a man become a "mama's boy"?
The answer to the logical question “Why is he like this?” extremely simple - that’s how he was raised. So what exactly were the reasons that led to this “result”? It is worth noting a number of points that have such a detrimental effect on the formation of character:
Excessive care on the part of parents. Basically, this situation occurs in families where it has not been possible to have a child for a long time. The long-awaited baby finds himself in an environment where he is literally “wrapped in cotton wool” and protected from any trouble. Most often, it is mothers who subject the child to excessive care and unnecessarily pamper. They believe that the more they love the child, the better. Of course, the child should feel care and love in the family, but everything should be within reason. Excessive guardianship forms an overly strong connection with your parents, which is very difficult to break, especially if the parents live nearby and your chosen one does not limit his communication with them.- Low self-esteem and rejection by peers also pushes the child to seek the care and support of parents and mother, in particular. If a child cannot find his place in the hierarchy of friends, he begins to doubt himself and feels the need for consolation. In this case, he goes to the closest people. Well, most mothers, of course, feel sorry for the “child” and often excessive pity provokes the development of infantile qualities. Why overcome your own difficulties if you can complain to your mother and she will help? So, in this context, parental support does more harm than good.
You can, if you wish, add a number of the above reasons, but this will happen through personal observation and communication with a man.
What to do if a man is a “mama’s boy”
If your feelings are so strong that you are ready to fight for your happiness and re-educate your “mama’s boy,” then pay attention to the recommendations of psychologists. In fairness, it is worth noting that these tips are not a guarantee that your venture will be successful, but their usefulness should not be denied.
Experts recommend adhering to the following actions:
- Find the “root of the problem.” The main reasons that led to such an “unflattering” result have already been given above. Take them into account and try to find out more about his childhood: in what conditions he grew up, did he have friends, who did he turn to for help when necessary. Self-esteem problems are the easiest to spot. Try to give him more attention, surround him with affection and care, stimulate him to take various actions, ask him to help you with advice. Perhaps in this way he will feel more confident and gradually begin to change for the better.
- Try to maintain the warmest relationships with your man’s relatives and do not challenge their authority. If you see that the authority of your parents is unshakable for a man, you should not go into confrontation with them, despite your dissatisfaction with their methods of education. If you begin to reject the recommendations of a potential mother-in-law too clearly, then your relationship will end in failure. But at the same time, try to gradually increase the distance between your chosen one and his relatives, involve him in your own concerns, and organize joint leisure time. Let him get used to the fact that strangers, even your mother, are assigned a clear role in your personal relationships, with certain boundaries.
- Find the most suitable option for communicating with a man. Even at the very beginning of a relationship, with due observation, you will be able to notice which format of communication with a man will be most successful. The desire to be on an equal footing with a partner may not always bring the expected results. If your man is not particularly proactive on his own, then you can behave more harshly. This does not mean that your position should be replete with orders and demands, but sometimes they are necessary. A separate problem is a man’s spoiled behavior and obvious selfishness; here you need to look at the situation purely individually, since no one will offer you universal advice for dealing with selfish people. Although, you can try to act like a woman who wants to be weak and taken care of. Perhaps this form of communication will allow him to feel in control and encourage him to be more caring. But it’s unlikely. More likely, you will fall under total control on his part and your destiny will ultimately be the kitchen and children.
Despite all the shortcomings, it is worth noting the most obvious plus - the ability and desire to express your love. “Mama’s boys” do not consider excessive romanticism an indicator of their own weakness and are ready to bathe their chosen one in an ocean of romantic feelings. Well, the fact that he is a “mama’s boy”, you can come to terms with that if you want.
Mother-in-law, mama's boy - the problem is threefold
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been complex and ambiguous.
This can be called: the struggle for a man, the division of territory, the conflict of past and present, a women's war.
The essence does not change - it’s all mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
But now I want to say more about the triangle: mother-in-law, husband, wife .
In the case of this triangle, there is nothing to hope for the reasonable behavior of the husband, who will try to maintain the boundaries of his own family and not offend the mother. Contact family psychologist Yuri Levchenko on Skype and we’ll figure it out yristreamlet
I write about infantile husbands who, to please their mother, are ready to betray themselves and their family.
Exhausted wives often come for consultation in this unequal struggle not only with their mother-in-law, but also with their own husband.
Often these mothers-in-law are single mothers themselves, so they raised a mama’s boy to suit their needs.
They couldn’t build their own life, they live, as it seems to them, for their son, and do not let him go.
And this infantile “child”, approaching forty years old, is not used to being responsible for himself.
And so you became the wife of a mama's boy.
The first thing your mother-in-law will do from the very beginning is to consciously or unconsciously try to upset your relationship.
For her, from the day you appeared on the horizon, a calm and happy life ended.
Not only did you encroach on her precious offspring, raised with such difficulty in such difficult conditions (and, of course, not for you).
You're taking it away from her!
She is sure that since she gave him all of herself - her youth, time, health, freed him from all responsibilities, provided him with everything he needed.
He must still obey her, and so should you!
You are only a sexual partner for her beloved son, and even then indirectly she does not want this relationship.
And by imposing her views, commanding everyone and everything (even if she doesn’t live with you), she undermines your relationship.
This begins to irritate you, your husband takes the mother’s side...
And now the mother-in-law is accumulating arguments that you are a bitch, you want to take her son’s life into your hands.
And this hubby, not realizing that it was his mother who took away his life long ago, goes to his mother.
This option is even worse than the husband having a mistress.
Your behavior is justified and quite predictable: you are losing patience, and, accordingly, your husband.
But if you silently pull the strap of obedience, straining yourself to please both your spouse, who is unable to protect you from terror, and his commander-mother.
And then your life turns into hell!
It is a rare woman who is able to endure family life under the watchful eye of her mother-in-law, and as a result the marriage is destroyed.
It is known that such men are repeatedly divorced.
Each time their interaction with women goes through certain stages, ending in divorce, and the mother again celebrates another victory.
