My acquaintances often try to accuse me of overstuffing myself or simply putting on a good face at a bad game, but my boyfriend does not ask me to marry. No, really, I really don't want to get married. I guess I just don't have the value of a wedding.
It seems to me that many people, more often girls, focus on the ring, stamp and married status than on the state of the relationship within the couple.
But I don’t force my opinion on anyone. Do you want to get married? Advice and love to you!
Olga: “Every year I waited for him to propose marriage”
- We have been living together for 15 years, from the outside, anyone who doesn’t know will never think that we are not scheduled. My mother-in-law is coming to visit us, yes, that’s what I call her.
When we started dating, my husband had recently divorced and, of course, did not want another marriage. We were together for 3 years before our son was born. Naturally, every year I expected him to propose marriage to me. I won't lie, I really wanted a white dress and a wedding, and when we found out about my pregnancy, we decided to get married. But some acquaintance of her husband with the same unpleasant experience of divorce advised him not to sign, they say, let her be a single mother, receive additional payments and benefits for the child.
I was upset, but decided not to show it. She pretended that she didn’t really want to. As a result, when the child turned 3 years old, all the benefits ended, but the wedding was no longer relevant. We could have signed, but this is not a wedding, it’s just an entry in the passport. What would this give? Who cares?
My son is now 12 years old. I don’t work, I have a hobby that brings me a small income, but my husband provides for everything else. All these years we have been living together like an ordinary family, only without a stamp in our passport.
A family without a stamp in the passport: in Russia cohabitation can be equated to an official marriage
The author of the initiative, Senator Anton Belyakov, proposes to amend the Family Code and introduce the concept of “actual marital relations.” To recognize a union as a marriage, a man and a woman must live together for five years and maintain a common household. In addition, if a couple has a child together, the period of cohabitation, which equates the relationship of an unregistered couple to marriage, is proposed to be reduced to two years. Also, cohabitants must be of marriageable age, not be in another marriage and not be close relatives.
The parliamentarian is confident that the current legislation does not sufficiently protect citizens living together. “From the point of view of the law, so-called cohabitation is not recognized and does not give rise to any legal consequences, which puts members of such a union in a very vulnerable position,” Belyakov told reporters.
Division of all property
In accordance with the bill, all property acquired by people during the period of cohabitation will be recognized as their joint property. The only exceptions are those couples who have entered into an agreement with each other on a different method of dividing values during the period of cohabitation. A change in legislation in favor of couples who have not officially registered their relationship is necessary in Russia, since the number of such unions is growing every year, says lawyer Sergei Zhorin.
The main weak point of the law is the issue of division of property, since at the legislative level it is difficult to determine when a man and woman began to live together and run a joint household. Therefore, the bill needs to clearly define the time frame, as well as develop a mechanism for resolving property disputes among cohabitants
— Sergey Zhorin.
The interlocutor of “360” noted that it will not be difficult to prove the fact of cohabitation between former common-law spouses in court. For example, evidence may include testimony from neighbors, friends and relatives. In this case, confirmation of the joint budget can be money transfers to each other during the union.
As State Duma deputy Oksana Pushkina said in an interview with 360, the new bill could lead to the fact that marriages in Russia will no longer be registered at all. From a legal point of view, property disputes can be resolved with the help of current legislation.
Property relations can be secured by a civil contract. However, the rights to a child do not depend on marriage. The only problem is signing a marriage contract, which is valid only in a legal marriage
— Oksana Pushkina.
The institution of marriage in numbers
Over the past five years, the number of Russians who officially plan to legalize their de facto relationships has been decreasing. Almost 40% of civil marriages are not registered, according to the latest Rosstat survey. In 2020, the number of officially registered unions became the lowest in the last 16 years - less than seven registered marriages per thousand people. For comparison, in 2020 this figure was almost eight marriages per thousand Russians, in 2014 - 8.4 officially registered unions per thousand people.
It is curious that in recent years it is women who increasingly refuse to go to the registry office. Thus, in 2020, 40.8% of common-law wives intended to formalize their relationship, while five years ago this figure was almost 44%. Among men, the attitude towards the stamp in the passport has practically not changed. For example, in 2020, 39% of common-law husbands planned to get married, compared to 37% in 2012. Children are also not a determining factor in the formation of a relationship. The share of women who planned to get married after giving birth fell over five years from 64% to 55%.
Due to the reluctance of Russians to get married, the new bill will make it possible to financially secure not only each of the spouses, but also their children, Vladimir Rodin, a member of the State Duma Committee on Property Issues, is confident. “Equality between civil and official marriages will facilitate the collection of alimony and the division of joint property. In Russian judicial practice, there are often cases when women who were not officially married were left with children without an apartment and financial support. If the law comes into force, children will receive a financial guarantee regardless of whether their parents were officially married or not,” notes the 360 interlocutor.
Daria: “There is a feeling of uncertainty about the future”
- In fact, this is a very sore point for me. For my boyfriend, other people's opinions are very important, and among our friends there are no married couples. True, there are no people who have been together for so long; we have been dating for 10 years.
We met when I was in school, then I entered the same university where Zhenya studied. We dated all this time, and after I graduated, we rented an apartment and have been living like this for 4 years.
Photo source: unsplash.com
I would like us to sign, because you often hear unpleasant things from different people. For example, many people believe that Zhenya will not marry because he is not sure that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. Previously, I didn’t attach any importance to this, but every year that we live together, and there is still no marriage proposal, these thoughts take root in my head, and I begin to doubt. Thanks to my parents, they don’t pester us too much about this, but our grandparents are simply attacking us.
Everything seems to be fine: we live together, travel, communicate with friends, but there is a feeling of some uncertainty about the future.
Why is the stamp in the passport so important for women?
In the modern world, civil marriages are becoming more and more common; boys and girls are in no hurry to burden themselves with marriage, believing that no one needs a stamp in their passport. But how insignificant is this formality if they are so afraid of it... After graduating from college, I got a job in a small company as a legal assistant. It was there that I met my boyfriend, he worked as a courier. We started dating, and two months later he moved in with me, since he didn’t have his own place and had to rent. Probably it was love, at least on my part, he had nothing but ambitions. I forced him to return to college and get a higher education. She protected me from friends whose interests were only to drink beer. My parents introduced him to the right people and helped him get a good job with a decent salary. We lived for our own pleasure, bought high-quality expensive things, took a new car from a car dealership, flew on vacation twice a year, visited a lot of places and saw a lot of things. But we were never registered, since the stamp in the passport is a relic of the past and just a formality that has nothing to do with real feelings. And so, my young man has already risen to the rank of deputy head of the department. I loved him like crazy and was proud of him, rejoicing at his successes. We decided to buy a larger apartment by taking out a mortgage from the bank. The money for the down payment was saved together quite quickly. A mortgage was issued for him, just like an apartment, and was paid of course together, from our salaries and money from renting out my apartment. I was already 30-something and I began to think more and more often about children. But my loved one said that it was too early, that we needed to live for ourselves, that we were so young and had not been to many places on our travels. That with the birth of a child everything will change, and we will no longer be able to spend much time together, the child cries at night, eternal lack of sleep and everything like that. Of course, there was some truth in his words, because raising a child is a colossal work. He said very convincingly that I still had 2-3 years left. And we lived carefree, enjoying our freedom. After some time, the moment came when he wanted a child, but somehow at first I couldn’t get pregnant. We did not see any great tragedy in this and continued to live for our own pleasure. After a year of unsuccessful attempts, I turned to specialists for help. It turned out that I have certain health problems in terms of bearing a child. They prescribed a treatment plan for me, but they said that if I had come to them earlier, there would have been more chances. And before the New Year, my loved one gave me an unforgettable gift! He said that we need to break up, that we can’t be together anymore, that he wants children, and I can’t give it to him. And that he met and fell in love with another girl.
And what did I end up with? From a courier drinking beer with friends in a rented apartment, I made a respectable man with a higher education, a prestigious position and a decent salary, with a good apartment and a good car. Now I understand perfectly well that the stamp in the passport plays the role of a certain “airbag”. If we were married, he would not have left me so easily and naturally. Of course, this might not have affected my feelings, but in marriage I wouldn’t delay having a child; health problems would come to light faster. And certainly, I would not have stayed in my old apartment without a car and without money. After all, in fact, I paid for everything and was left with nothing, since according to the law, only in marriage property is divided equally. And of course, it’s a pity that part of my life was wasted. Source: detkam.su
Olga: “You can be a married couple, but live like a cat and a dog”
— We have been living together for 5 years, and together for 11 years. It seems to me that now there is a different attitude towards civil marriage. For me, it is unacceptable to have children out of wedlock. Now we sometimes talk about children, but there is no such goal yet.
For me, Nikita is a dear person, regardless of whether there is a stamp in the passport.
Well, maybe the attitude of those around you is different. What, they say, is a married couple. But, I don't really care about it, to be honest. You can be a married couple and live apart. Or live like a cat and a dog. If people want to disperse, will a stamp in their passport stop them? No.
Without a stamp in the passport, the marriage will remain cohabitation
The State Duma Committee on Family, Women and Children refused to equate an unregistered union of a man and a woman who have lived together for five years with an official marriage. Deputies did not support the initiative of Senator Anton Belyakov, saying that it does not contribute to the preservation of family values and the legalization of extramarital relations will give rise to many unresolved conflicts. Moreover, most property and non-property disputes in a civil marriage are already regulated by current legislation.
Failed experiment
Initiative of Anton Belyakov
proposes to enshrine a new definition in the Family Code - “unregistered union of a man and a woman.”
Cohabitation, according to the initiative, will be considered a marriage if common-law spouses live together and maintain a joint household for five years. If a couple has children, the period required to obtain the status of official spouses is reduced to two years. The senator justifies the need to change the Family Code simply: the number of registered marriages has recently been steadily declining, while civil marriages, on the contrary, have increased sharply. Read on the topic
Cohabitation can be declared a marriage
The idea of equating a civil marriage with an official one is not new. In the 20s of the last century, the Code of Laws on Marriage was adopted, according to which marital relations were established by the court based on factual grounds. In practice, the courts received a lot of lawsuits due to the fact that many citizens were in several marriages at the same time. In conditions of “competition,” who should be considered a real spouse and who should be considered a former spouse, how to recognize children—these are just a few questions that had to be resolved in the courts with the involvement of neighbors, the trade union committee, co-workers and everyone who could help establish the actual marriage relationship. In 1944, the experiment was declared unsuccessful, and since then only marriage registered in the registry office has legal force.
Considering the negative historical experience, the Government, the Federation Council and the relevant State Duma committee gave a negative response to Belyakov’s bill. “This is essentially the legalization of cohabitation, which contradicts the Concept of Family Policy and does not contribute to the preservation of family values,” said Olga Okuneva,
.
Equal rights for children
In addition, the current legislation already regulates the relations of common-law spouses themselves, and the Family Code and guardianship authorities guard the interests of children born in such unions.
This is essentially the legalization of cohabitation, which contradicts the Concept of Family Policy and does not contribute to the preservation of family values.
To establish paternity in the event of a child being born in an unofficial marriage, the father must recognize the child as his own, after which his data will be entered in the appropriate column of the birth certificate. Oksana Pushkina, Deputy Chairman of the State Duma Committee on Women, Family and Children
.
The rights of children born in a civil union are protected in the same way as the rights of those born in an official marriage. At the same time, according to the Family Code of the Russian Federation, the rights of the child are to some extent ensured by the property interests of his mother, if the man or the court recognized him as the father.
Thus, a former cohabitant will not be able to expel his common-law spouse from the apartment if the child lives with his mother, as this will worsen the living conditions of the minor. “Any actions related to the discharge of children are controlled by the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, and if they violate the rights and interests of minors, they are strictly suppressed,” Olga Okuneva clarified.
Checks and contracts will help you defend your property
Read on topic Doctors ask parliamentarians to ban early marriages
As for the duties of spouses to bear responsibility for each other, in a civil marriage this norm, the parliamentarian notes, is not established by law. If the Family Code requires a husband to support his wife, who is on maternity leave and has no income of her own, then in an unofficial marriage this issue depends on the moral qualities of the spouse.
It will not be easy for common-law spouses to prove their rights to joint property even in the event of divorce. According to current legislation, upon divorce, spouses receive equal rights to jointly acquired property. This rule applies to relationships between persons living in a de facto marriage.
However, common-law spouses also have the opportunity to retain their property. “It is necessary to establish a regime of common shared ownership of real estate, keep all checks and payment documents confirming the transfer of money to the common-law spouse or third parties for the obligations of the cohabitant,” advises Oksana Pushkina. In addition, the courts also take into account such financial documents as loan agreements, mortgage agreements, and so on. If a common-law spouse acts as a guarantor or mortgagor in such agreements, he has a great chance of achieving a positive decision in the division of property.
If the apartment is registered in the name of a child of common-law spouses, then the housing remains his property even after the breakup of the unofficial marriage. It does not matter which parent will live with the child. “Attempts to exchange or sell housing will be blocked by a ban from the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, except in cases where the interests of the minor are not infringed. For example, in the case of an exchange for more comfortable housing with its subsequent registration for a child born in a civil marriage,” Pushkina emphasizes.
Attempts to exchange or sell housing will be blocked by a ban from the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, unless the interests of the minor are infringed.
According to the deputy, in the coming years the law equating civil marriage with official marriage is unlikely to be adopted. This means that common-law spouses will have to continue to take care of their own future in some matters.
Documents that the court takes into account when considering cases of division of property of common-law spouses:
- length of life together;
- presence of common children;
- information about the income level of each cohabitant;
- bank statements (for example, in the case of a large sum of money being transferred from the plaintiff’s account to the account of the seller of the disputed apartment, which was subsequently registered in the defendant’s name);
- payment documents confirming the participation of one person in repaying another person’s obligation to the bank (for example, repayment by the plaintiff of part of the defendant’s mortgage loan);
- documents confirming the guarantee or pledge of one cohabitant for the financial obligations of the other;
- witness statements;
- receipts or written agreements regarding property (if any)
Source: Ministry of Justice
