Increasingly, our rehabilitation center has begun to receive requests for help in getting rid of emotional dependence, and the vast majority of those applying are women who have realized that they are in emotional slavery from their men. All of them are concerned that every day emotional dependence constrains, devastates and destroys them from the inside more and more, and they do not know what to do about it. Let's understand the mechanisms of occurrence and ways to overcome emotional dependence.
It all starts very romantic: flirting, courtship, the desire to do something for him. Further, the woman becomes more and more interested in where the object of her passion is, the desire to call becomes more and more intrusive. A need arises for his constant presence, and the need to surprise him with your appearance, abilities, and your whole self becomes more and more insistent. This is how the idea of a joint future, family, and children is formed.
The primary feelings of falling in love - they are, as a rule, very hot and exciting, but at the same time, they are capable of driving a woman into a corner: loss of desire to do something in his absence, or if done, then purely for him, evaluate all actions performed with his positions, renunciation of personal interests and complete passion for his interests (even if there is not the slightest attraction to them) and much more. And as a result, the woman expects praise, support and approval from him, and if suddenly this does not follow, disappointment and despondency eats her up, but does not stop her, and she continues in the same spirit until, as it seems to her, will attract his attention. It is in moments like these that feelings of doubt and jealousy appear: “what if he doesn’t love me, what if he has someone else, what if I’m doing something wrong...”.
What follows is the formation of self-doubt in one’s strengths and beauty, self-pity, interest only in him, imposing one’s desires and arguments on him, apathy, neuroses, depression, pain…. And behind all this are somatic illnesses and the inability to leave, to refuse, even from painful relationships. emotional dependence arises .
Women tend to fall into emotional dependence more often than men for reasons related to the psychophysiological characteristics of the female body. By nature, a woman is a mother, and she tends to give up her life in favor of her child. Therefore, when a man appears in a woman’s life, she is also capable of giving up herself for him. And this process is very difficult to control, since it is rooted in the biology of a woman’s origin. But learning to manage your emotions and feelings, if desired, is possible and even necessary, since this is the only way to prevent or overcome emotional dependence . To this end, our rehabilitation center provides therapeutic sessions for women who help them understand the causes of their addiction and get rid of it. In other words, treatment of emotional addiction, like any other chemical addiction, is only possible if a person consciously decides to change his life and his place in it.
There is one undoubtedly simple feature of recognizing addictive behavior - fear. Fear forces you to be in constant tension. It’s like codependent wives of alcoholics or drug addicts are systematically in fear because of the unknown state in which their husband will return from work, for example. It’s the same here, any action directed towards him makes you doubt and fear: “what if he doesn’t like it, what if he leaves me...”. And strange as it may seem, it is fear that does not allow a woman to look at things soberly. Just as her instincts work in relation to her child - she is afraid of losing him, offending him, disappointing him, the same way female instincts very often work in relation to a man. And, as you know, instincts are stronger than reason, and this is the trap, from which you can only get out when, having turned off your emotions and feelings, a person begins to realize the realities of what is happening. After all, in fact, if you look at it: what will happen if the man suddenly leaves? Will the woman die, cease to be a woman, or will something else happen? No! Everything will remain with her and with her! The truth lies in the fact that somewhere on a subconscious level, a person is afraid of remaining unnecessary, and, as a rule, associates this feeling with a break in relationships and loneliness. Although, in fact, a breakup or loneliness does not mean at all that the woman is no longer needed by anyone, especially not by herself.
Causes of psychological dependence
Before starting treatment, the doctor makes a diagnosis and determines the nature of the disease. In psychology, everything works according to the same principles. Before you stop depending on a man, you need to determine the root cause of moral attachment. The origins of this painful condition always live in the woman herself, in her psyche. Moral dependence usually goes hand in hand with material dependence. Women can be divided into several types, each of which meekly submits to their chosen one for certain reasons:
Women of fantasy
Since childhood, they have been living in their own world of dreams, where the well-known fairy tale about a beautiful princess who is waiting for her equally beautiful prince is repeated over and over again. These women are “sick” with ideals. As soon as they find a suitable man, a whole host of qualities are immediately added to his image that a real person may not (and most likely does not) possess. In order not to upset her ideal, a woman begins to indulge him in everything, put up with his whims, and obey any orders. Preserving a dream is the main goal of a woman who is not mentally prepared to face harsh reality.
Insecure women
This is the most common type. As you know, most complexes are formed in childhood. When she was still a girl, she was oppressed by her own parents/humiliated by her peers/bullied by her classmates. The girl has grown up, but the role of the black sheep has not disappeared. She has become insecure, with a huge inferiority complex, which forces a woman to please everyone, but first of all her man.
Morally healthy women who cannot withstand the pressure of a man's leadership qualities
He was always used to being the first and the best in everything. At first, this is exactly what his chosen one liked about the man, but over time, watching him climb higher and higher up the career/social ladder, she herself begins to be overcome by complexes. The woman begins to feel that she is “not worthy” of her chosen one, she has nothing to offer him. She develops self-doubt. To compensate for her own insignificance, a woman begins to submit to a man in everything.
Keepers of the Hearth
It is not surprising that a woman becomes a housewife, gives up her own ambitions, raises children and begins to live with her husband. Having made such a choice, it is very difficult not to lose your own independence. The longer the boat of family happiness floats, the less opportunities a woman has to jump out of it and swim to the previously abandoned shore. The worries drag on, and the housewife becomes completely dependent on her husband.
Many women, having fallen into addiction, harbor illusions with which they reassure themselves: a man gives much more than he takes, and at any moment the situation can be changed, show character and they will listen to you. This is wrong. A person gets used to power. If he is dealing with a weak-willed woman, then her opinion ceases to mean anything to him at all. There is practically no way back to the beginning of the relationship, when mutual respect still existed.
How to make a man a man
I was asked an interesting question a couple of days ago: “ How to make a man a man ?” It was not about sexual development, but about masculine qualities, functions, parameters, and requirements for a woman. In short, how to make a man what a woman needs. It was this question that I decided to take as the basis for my article. Well, let's start “making a man out of a man”...
A Real Man - what is he like?
Every woman, to a greater or lesser extent, values the qualities that, according to the majority, a real man should have. But the list of these qualities for each representative of the fair sex is approximately the same:
♣ kind, romantic;♣ generous;♣ with a sense of humor;♣ strong, decisive;♣ purposeful;♣ successful;♣ self-confident;
♣ responsible, obligatory.
Can one man have all these qualities? Is it possible to make a spouse such a man who meets these parameters? – Do you want to know my answer? – I will say: “Yes, you can!”... But if he is not exactly like that, then perhaps he will be even better.
Often a woman wants one man, but she needs a completely different one. Why? — Because some qualities are mutually exclusive, that’s it. Two - some "good" qualities in a man have side effects.
An example from life: if a man is successful and purposeful, he has no time to sing serenades under your window, bother with surprises and other romantic wisdom.
He will stay late at work and will not tolerate control over himself and his life.
If not for one “but”
You risk:
1. Spend a lot of effort and time. Very soon I will reveal to you some practical tips that you can use to make a man a man .
This is what need to cultivate certain qualities, abilities and habits in him.
But be prepared to put in a lot of effort, fail more than once, and find the strength to change yourself before a man does. The work ahead will not be easy.
2. Lose this man. The most unpleasant consequence for you may be the passing of a loved one. After you “make” him, his vision of his ideal woman may change and he will want to choose another candidate in your place, in the event that you do not correspond to this new image.
Now that I have warned you about the possible consequences of changing your half, we can proceed to the main part and move on to action.
Have it my way
For a man to become kind, find out what makes him tough and angry, what makes him irritated and what throws him off balance.
Once you know the reason, your task is to eliminate, or minimize the impact of these irritants.
In addition, try to please and please your beloved, show him by personal example a friendly attitude not only towards him, but also towards everyone who surrounds you.
For a man to be generous, a woman needs to make sure that he can afford to be so. Does he earn decent money, but is stingy? – cunning and/or validity (arguments and facts) will help you.
A reasoned request will require you to accurately state the purpose of the purchase, justify your need for it and a full report on the funds spent. If you can convince a man that you need this thing, he will be generous and fork out for it. But you will soon get tired of such “begging”, so use a trick:
Give yourself an expensive gift (borrow an item from a friend or save money and buy it), and say that your friend/colleague/acquaintance gave it to you. CAREFULLY! This method is dangerous in relationships with jealous men, whose trust in you for some reason you once undermined. In this case, he may tell you to go to the person who gave you this expensive gift.
If a man loves you, considers you his property and under no circumstances wants to let you go, share you with someone or have competitors, with the right behavior a woman can get what she needs.
“Correct behavior” does not imply boasting and reproach, like: “You see, other men give me gifts?!...”, but something like: “I was so happy about this gift that I could not help but accept it.
I really had been dreaming about such a thing for a long time and, indeed, I probably needed to find the strength to refuse so as not to hurt your feelings... I’ll return it tomorrow...”
Combined with your tenderness and love, a slight tear and a sincere desire not to offend a man, such a strategy will bring you the desired result. Just don’t be frequent, otherwise the man will get tired of indulging you and will soon expose you.
with a sense of humor . If your loved one has not had the opportunity to train this feeling in himself since childhood, it will not be easy for you to make him laugh and show wit.
He may not immediately be able to master the skill of treating everything with humor, but it’s worth a try.
How to develop a sense of humor in a man ? – Start by instilling in him a positive attitude towards life and everything that happens.
Start watching comedies, various videos, sign up for special courses where a person develops charisma and “life of the party” skills. Spend time with people who know how to joke and lighten the mood, learn from them yourself, and then teach your man and train on each other.
How to make a man strong and decisive . An equally difficult task for us is to recognize his complexes in a man and help him cope with them. Once your male becomes more self-confident, having gotten rid of complexes and limiting beliefs, he will become more decisive, stronger and emotionally resilient. It is also important to work through his phobias, i.e. fears.
You can help a man become physically strong by visiting the gym - give him a certificate for classes or sign up together. Budget option - buy a machine or dumbbells, but be sure to make sure that your man exercises regularly, at least half an hour a day.
add determination to a man and make him successful with the help of motivation and faith in his potential, talent and the implementation of any project. You will have to give an objective assessment of his skills and abilities, to discern in him what he himself, perhaps, did not notice in himself.
In what area can he succeed? How can he realize himself? What talents and abilities has he not yet fully revealed? – you will need to find the answers to all these questions. Next, believe in him and inspire him.
How to develop responsibility and commitment in a man is a question that worries many representatives of the fairer sex. First, stop doing everything yourself. Let a man promise you to accomplish something within his own deadlines. Don’t do the work for him “to spite him.”
Promise a “reward” for keeping your word and keeping your promise. And most importantly, allow yourself to let something happen so that he suffers punishment and learns the lesson: “If you didn’t do what you were supposed to do, answer with your head.” Only in the latter case, the punishment should not come from you, but from the outcome of the situation.
For example: the husband did not apply for the installation of new meters, although he promised to look into this issue, and as a result, the amount for utilities this month increased significantly. Moral of the story - didn't complete the task, forgot to call the technician? - Pay.
Now that you know what a difficult job you have ahead of you, it’s time to think about whether you need to mold your man into a new man, or whether it’s easier to find this new man.
Either you accept your man for who he is, appreciate his strengths and show tolerance for his shortcomings, or you don’t. You can also use my advice and try to influence your man.
Nothing is impossible - try!
But I want to warn you. One day my client told me: “He became what I wanted, and now I don’t need him.” Be careful what you wish for and do.
How to get rid of psychological addiction
There are six universal methods that will help dull the pain of moral dependence, weakening the latter. The methods are indecently simple and accessible to every woman:
Find yourself a hobby
A new activity will distract you from obsessive thoughts about a person. A hobby opens up the opportunity to realize untapped potential and even become a specialist in a new field.
Take a break from work
Work is the best cure for painful attachment. The more you take on yourself, the less time you will have to think about a man. A pleasant bonus to this way of distraction is success in a team and possible career advancement.
Chat with friends and girlfriends
Rest is also a good way to forget all the bad things and stop living as a different person. The main condition is that you need to relax in pleasant company. Gather your friends for a noisy party, go on an overnight hike, visit a neighboring city, have a tea party with board games at home.
Realize a man as a separate person from yourself
This is perhaps the most difficult thing. You need to separate yourself from your chosen one, calmly imagine life after the end of the relationship, when he will no longer be around. One of the signs of addiction is fear of a lonely future. You need to get rid of this phobia and look forward with optimism. If this man does not exist in the future, then another, much better one will appear.
Play some sports
Another great option to distract yourself and get yourself in order. Along with a beautiful body and a lot of compliments on her figure, a woman will regain self-confidence and become more independent.
Go on a trip alone
New countries - new experiences. Travel is exciting. If a woman is far from a man, their moral connection will significantly weaken. During your vacation, you can turn the heads of a couple of foreigners, which will add self-confidence. For greater success, methods can be combined so that there is simply no time left to think about your unhappy fate. A busy weekly schedule will leave no chance of survival for a painful addiction.
