what does it mean to pay attention to your wife?
I recently accidentally found an article by a believer on the topic of irritation. I read it and realized that the author thinks correctly, parents sometimes irritate children without even realizing it. This is what he writes about...
And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, so that they do not lose heart (Col. 3:21).
With great regret I remember the moment when my brothers and sisters and I somehow greatly upset our father. I still remember his desperate words: “Half my life was taken away!” As a teenager, I didn’t understand how it was possible to take away half of my father’s life through such a trifle. Only now am I beginning to fully understand what these words meant.
It's no secret that our physical health is directly related to our emotional, mental and spiritual state. Therefore, for example, doctors recommend that heart patients not be upset and live a calm, moderate life. But where is a person most upset if not in the family? In this article we will talk about irritation and what to do to prevent not-so-beautiful scenes in our homes.
Who annoys whom?
It is interesting that we, adults, read and understand well only verses of instruction to children, and pay only fleeting attention to what is said to parents. The question is: who tends to irritate whom, the children of the parents or the parents of the children? Usually mothers complain that their children irritate them. But the Bible says that fathers should not provoke their children.
To irritate means to touch a person’s heartstrings, to cause him anxiety, leading him to an excited feeling. Literally it means “to cause anger.”
Irritation is a feeling of annoyance and dissatisfaction.
God speaks to fathers and tells them not to provoke their children. Do you know what God revealed to me? When I come home upset and start reproaching my wife, my irritation is transferred to her. It's not like that for an upset person. They often say about the boss that he is not in a good mood today and it is not worth going to him. The boss’s mood is transmitted to the entire team. So it is in the family. My irritation is transmitted to my wife, through my wife to my children, and then everything comes back to me. Fathers are responsible for not annoying their children. Children learn irritation from their parents. But how often do parents place all the blame on their children for their shouting, anger, and tense atmosphere. As they say, the powerful are always to blame for the powerless.
How can fathers annoy their children?
1. Children get irritated when their parents do not pay enough attention to them. A child has many questions, maybe even childishly stupid, but important to them.
For example, why does the moon follow us? Why is sugar white? Why is the water wet?
We can't even answer these questions. What are we doing? We can simply yell at the child so that he stops asking stupid questions. But the child most of all wants communication and attention. The answer to the question is not so important to him. He will believe everything you say, but he wants communication with you.
Many people know the example of a tape recorder, but I will give it again because it very clearly conveys the child’s need. The daughter kept asking dad to tell her the same fairy tale. He had already told it to her many times and finally suggested to the girl: “Let me record this fairy tale on a tape recorder, you can turn it on and listen as much as you want.” To which the girl replied: “Dad, but I can’t sit on the tape recorder!”
People know fairy tales with numerous repetitions. Why so many repetitions? Of course, there are other purposes in fairy tales with repetitions, but one of the main ones is to give children the communication with their families that they so want. But when we don’t pay attention to them, we irritate them, and then we wonder why they start acting up, crying, screaming...
2. We can irritate a child by humiliating and insulting him.
Often mothers or fathers, without thinking, hurl rude and even obscene words at the child. It costs nothing for a mother to call her son a fool or a blockhead, and it is also, so to speak, considered very polite. But if someone calls out to mom like that, then hold on! Why is a child worse than an adult? On what basis can he be insulted, and if he says something like that to an adult, is it punishable for him?
Once I had to observe how one, I hope, a respected high school teacher, behaved in public. She drank, smoked, said obscene things. But at school she was involved in raising children and demanded that they not be rude, not be rude, not smoke, and not drink alcohol. Let me say that a child sees right through how an adult behaves, and it is incomprehensible to him why we use different standards in relation to ourselves and him. This approach irritates children.
3. Children also get annoyed when we ignore their needs. Parents do not pay attention to the small and large needs of the child. For example, one day my little daughter came to me in tears with a doll in her hands, whose leg had been torn off. I was busy and there was no time to “fix” the doll, but this time I stopped and after a minute or two I put the doll’s leg back in place. My daughter, now happy, ran to play again. But I didn’t always act this way. And how often do parents completely ignore their child’s needs? The boy's car broke down - for him it is a tragedy, but for us it is a trifle that should not be paid attention to. It is not right!
Someone will say that children also have needs that we cannot satisfy. Yes, but we can contribute to these needs.
There was a time when my son studied at a music school. He needed a trumpet, and my wife and I truly wanted to meet his need. But then they were not sold in Belarus. Once we were in Lviv and there, in a store, we saw new American pipes. Having inquired about the price, we came to despair. At that time, one pipe cost more than five hundred US dollars. But so what, my son still needs a pipe. It is difficult for us, parents, to admit our powerlessness in front of our children, but I admitted it, saying that I was not able to buy him a pipe. However, believers have a way out, and I suggested to him to simply pray to God that God Himself would satisfy our need. It didn't take long for the Lord to answer our prayers very simply. The pipes were sent to us via humanitarian aid. We didn’t pay a penny for the instrument, we just thanked the Lord as a family.
However, this is not always the case. Often children ask for what they will never get. However, in any case, parents should respond to the child's needs by offering him an honest fatherly response.
4. Children are also irritated by the preference we give to one child over another. Therefore, all children in the family must be treated equally with love. Otherwise, the offended party will constantly cause problems.
5. Parents can also irritate their children with unreasonable demands and petty nagging.
An example would be a case where a father forced his son to work all day without giving him time to prepare for lessons, and the next day the son brought a bad grade from school. It would be unfair to demand that the son only get straight A's in this case.
6. Children are very sensitive to the fact of a bad relationship between their parents. If mom and dad are in conflict with each other, this is a great irritant for the child.
We can say that this is similar to simply stabbing a child with a needle over and over again in the most painful place. When family ties are broken, the rupture goes right through the child’s heart. I think there’s no need to talk about this much - it’s already clear. And yet, how selfish parents can be. They mercilessly tear the child in half. It is unbearable! This is a wound for life.
The result of irritation in children is despondency.
The apostle warns parents not to irritate their children, lest they become discouraged. Dejection is hopeless sadness, oppressive melancholy. Dejection leads a child to disappointment and mistrust of parents.
If they are believers, then the child cannot possibly believe in God, in whom the parents believe.
He doesn’t understand how someone can be a believer and be so callous. Often children consciously reject God only because they themselves are rejected by their parents. For example, the Bible says that God is the Father, but if in the life of a child the father does not care for him, does not participate in his needs, then the child automatically believes that the heavenly Father is the same.
But the child does not need such a father and he turns away from faith in God. In fact, the child comes to a dead end and feverishly looks for a way out. He begins to make different and often the most incredible and stupid plans. But for him this is a way out. Such children may run away from home, join a group of street children, etc. Moreover, despondency often leads a child to thoughts of suicide. The child does not want to live. Parents should be attentive to their children, especially during adolescence. All children have a crisis.
Not long ago in Germany, three teenagers jumped from a 78-meter-high bridge and died. Statistics show that a large percentage of teenagers are thinking about ending their lives. If parents show composure and inattention at this time, then the fatal decision may come true. What to do? Personally, as a father, I had to repeatedly convince each of my children that I love them and everything will be fine. I prayed to the Lord with each child, and together we went through the crisis. Children cannot be left to survive. They need our parental support and help.
Bring them up in the admonition and teaching of the Lord.
Parenting includes direction and correction. It will include, in extreme cases, punishment.
But often parents understand that raising children consists only of physical punishment. How far is this from what the Word of God means. The word “educate” in this case means taking care of the physical and spiritual needs of children. The Russian word “educate” implies human nutrition (education). Parents must nourish their child physically and spiritually. Feed on the teachings of the Lord!
Children need spiritual nutrition. But materialistic parents ignore this need of their children, paying attention only to their daily bread. And, by the way, everyone knows that man cannot live by bread alone. But in order to feed children with the teaching of the Lord, you must feed yourself with this teaching. A mother who does not eat anything cannot feed her child with her breasts.
Spiritual nutrition should not be once a year, but constant.
Instructing children is connected with the practical part of life. It is necessary to show children in practice how this is done. It is not enough to just teach a child to say hello to people, but you need to show them how to say hello.
I know children of my friends who never say hello. And why? Didn’t their parents really tell them that they needed to say hello? Because their parents, when they pass by, also try to turn their gaze in the other direction and not say hello.
When we mentor a child, he may become frustrated because he can't do anything. But we should not be convinced that he will never succeed.
One man once told me that his father instilled in him the idea that he was good for nothing, his hands did not grow as well as others. For a long time this thought was a paralyzing agent in his work. God forbid!
We need to have patience and long-suffering to instruct and teach a child. And even if he is truly incapable, for example, of music, then there is no need to humiliate or insult him. You just need to find a use for it in another area.
So, dear fathers, do not irritate your children. It even takes a toll on your health, not to mention the terrible damage it does to a child's heart and soul.
Bring up your children in the admonition and teaching of the Lord. This is extremely important. With gratitude to God I remember my parents, who, despite our meager circumstances, found time to educate and instruct us in the teachings of the Lord. For me, this turned out to be the most important thing in life. And now I dream of only one thing, so that my children will one day remember with bitterness their disobedience and remember with joy and gratitude to God how their parents raised them in the teaching and instruction of the Lord.
We draw a conclusion from the phrase “didn’t pay attention”
Then you will never have to hear the offensive phrase about the fact that while you worked three jobs, you did not pay attention and you were cuckolded without any twinge of conscience. After all, a modern woman gets married not in order to sacrifice herself to the idea of family, but in order to receive maximum opportunities and emotions from life.
And if the level of these possibilities and emotions decreases, then the man turns out to be to blame, and the woman does not owe anyone anything and just wanted to be happy. Which is where the universal phrase “didn’t pay attention” lies.
Good day, our dear readers! Welcome to the portal! Today we will have an article about a painful problem... About a painful problem for many women. I think men will also be interested in reading this. Today I received an interesting letter from our reader Polina from Nizhny Novgorod. Summary of the letter: “ We’ve been living together for a year
.
Previously, everything was great - flowers, gifts, hugs, kisses, holding hands, but now he pays little attention.
WHAT TO DO?
“...
Well... I have a lot to say on this topic, and give a lot of examples not only from my life experience, but also from the experience of other men and women. I also did an express survey of guys’ opinions on this topic. What happened in the end?
Well... The topic is as old as time. He stopped paying attention
.
Women are monogamous, men are polygamous. But families are still being created early, children are still born, but... Where does the polygamy of men go? She most often goes underground. Yes, go to any dating site! I spent a good half of my youth there in search of my other half. And 70% of the men we wrote were married! Did you start living together?
Soon his polygamy will affect you too.
Example of treason:
An acquaintance of my friend (let's call him Kirill) has been married for 6 years. I saw his wife - a very beautiful slender girl. My son is now 5 years old. So what do you think? He always has someone. He goes on a dating site, meets girls (most often from the region), sleeps with them (fortunately, his external characteristics allow him to hook up with many), and then after a while he tells them straight up that he is married and has no intention of getting a divorce. How do girls react? Most often, girls say that they don’t care and that suits them!!! And on a subconscious level they say to themselves - I’ll take him away. Since he started sleeping with me, it means he fell in love with me. But after a while, he still does not leave his wife and does not leave. Girls begin to resent this behavior. But he does not leave his wife. All. He sends them away. Fortunately, there are a lot of visitors in our city. And so on all the time. And what is it? Love for your wife?
So much for pure polygamy. Everything at home has already become boring. Not interested. Kirill already knows perfectly well what his wife will say about this, what she will be offended by, where she will invite him.
As Slepakov’s song says:
“There is no need to hide it from your wife
The best sex is sex with your wife. You can eat garlic before sex
The best sex is sex with your wife. No foreplay needed
The best sex is sex with your wife. You can interrupt it to go to the toilet
The best sex is sex with your wife. You don't have to change your position at all.
The best sex is sex with your wife. If you want to fart, you don't have to endure it
The best sex is sex with your wife. No need to go home after sex
The best sex is sex with your wife.”
Every second girl complains that her boyfriend does not pay enough attention to her. What's the matter: are our men so cold, or is it we who demand too much from them?
Of course, any woman needs to feel loved and be the best for someone. If she doesn't feel like herself for her man, it torments her. And it’s not even about compliments (not all men know how to speak beautifully, and the words of some representatives of the stronger sex may mean nothing). But attention... it manifests itself not so much in words as in actions.
Take a closer look at your man. Perhaps he does not call you a goddess, does not swear eternal love and does not stand under your windows all night, hoping to see your silhouette. But he buys you gifts, he carries heavy bags of food from the supermarket, on weekends he cooks you his signature dish. And this is exactly how he shows his attention to you.
You take it for granted and reproach him for not caring about you, that you are not in first place for him. And then it’s his turn to be surprised. He sincerely does not understand what kind of lack of attention you are talking about, because in order for you to spend this evening together, he gave up friends, football and beer! And now, instead of having a good time, you begin to reproach him for not being capable of anything for your sake.
Men and women show love in different ways. For example, you cooked him breakfast in bed, gave him an erotic massage, walked his dog in the morning so that he would sleep more. He bought a dishwasher to make your work in the kitchen easier, and talked on the phone with your mother to please you. All these are manifestations of attention, care and love.
But we, women, expect from our men high-flown words, beautiful compliments, armfuls of roses, and songs under the moon. But agree, if your loved one sang serenades to you every day, but did not even serve you tea when you were sick, would you need such a manifestation of attention?
If you lack romance, talk to him about it. A loving man will listen to your words. But don’t expect drastic changes, it’s better to set an example yourself. Arrange a romantic evening or invite him to visit some romantic city for the weekend. And learn to appreciate the efforts of the person you love, because he really tries.
“The guy pays little attention to me,” many girls regretfully state. But in order to understand the situation, it is necessary not only to be offended and make claims, but to find out the true reasons for such an attitude, and then eliminate them.
