Life is like a fog
As the head of the family, Oleg was the first to tell his story: “My parents divorced early. I was raised by my mother. She was very good to me, but she passed away very early in life - when I turned 16 years old. My father drank alcohol and also died early. I lived with my grandmother. Like many, he served in the army, returned, and got a job at the Chemical Fiber Plant. At the age of 20, I got married and had a son. Then, like many people in those years, problems with work began. Well, as usual, friends and drinks went. And what kind of friends are with alcohol - you can guess for yourself. There can't be any normal people there.
I destroyed everything I had. The marriage didn't work out. My grandmother was a respected person; she worked in the police for many years. She, of course, suffered with me. I contacted a woman who essentially had a brothel in her apartment. And I don’t even remember how time passed: I just lay there and they brought me a drink. With a height of more than 180 centimeters, I weighed 56 kilograms. My legs were giving out. Grandmother could not stand it all and died. I understood that drinking would not lead to anything good, I tried to quit, but again and again I returned to the damned potion.”
The drinking was accompanied by terrible depression. Everyone gave up on Oleg, believing that he was a complete loser. Poverty and hunger became his constant companions. He stupidly collected the bulls to take out the remaining tobacco from them and smoke. Oleg knew nothing about social assistance, about who he could turn to for support.
Leave him alone!
Leave him alone!
There are no hopeless situations, remember this, from the very beginning do not even think of condemning your man, no matter what causes his dismissal. Men need to be believed in, to be trusted, and sometimes to be left alone and allowed to think. Yes, yes, they need privacy to calmly think about the situation and find a solution. It is we, women, who must talk through the problem with someone in order to find a way out, to receive a double portion of support, so we run to our girlfriends to discuss something. Men ask for help from friends and colleagues only if they themselves cannot come to a decision. And this request will be more specific than our feminine “just talk to me.” So give him the opportunity to think carefully and be “in himself”, without being distracted by external stimuli. Help only when he asks for it, do not impose, but from the very beginning clearly indicate your willingness to silently give him ammo.
Don't judge and don't give it to others!
Whatever happens, do not reproach him for anything, do not let relatives, friends and relatives get into your husband’s soul with such conversations. Men fear judgment and disrespect more than we do. Support him in any endeavor, believe in him, love him and protect him from human condemnation, because at this moment he is very vulnerable. Believe me, he himself knows what your mother thinks about him. And unnecessary reproaches will only lead to his hands giving up and his eyes becoming dim.
Needle time
Oleg led such a lifestyle not for a year or two, but for almost ten years. He was ashamed and tried not to meet his acquaintances. Oleg admits: “Everything was drunk, everything was destroyed. I lost my job, people's respect. I didn’t even have electricity in my house—everything was turned off. And one day the time for the needle came.”
Oleg injected ephedrine. His drinking buddies got him hooked on drugs. Once the group drank all night, and in the morning Oleg remembered that he needed to go to the factory, to work. Despite his strong intoxication, he understood that absenteeism would threaten him with dismissal, and he panicked: he couldn’t go to work in this state, especially since his bosses said that local television would come to film a story about them. One of his “friends” calmed him down. They say he has a miracle cure: give him an injection and everything will be fine. "Drug?" “Even though Oleg was drunk, he was scared. “No, just a tonic,” the friend reassured. Oleg agreed. And, indeed: he sobered up, worked a normal 12-hour shift. By the way, something didn’t work out for the TV people back then, and they didn’t come.
...A gram of ephedrine cost 5 lats, it was enough for 2 doses. Oleg spent all his money on drugs, took them out of the house and sold all his things. Life passed as if in a fog. To get something hot to eat, dejected and penniless Oleg went to a soup kitchen for lunch, standing in a line that was essentially humiliating for a 30-year-old man. I didn’t go through trash bins, but I had to beg. The donated pack of pasta lasted three days.
“One day I returned home,” Oleg recalls. – I injected myself with a dose and thought: Lord, what am I doing?! Lord, if you exist, bring me out and I will serve you. He stood up with the last of his strength, took the remaining drugs and poured them into the sink. After that, of course, I had psychological withdrawals, but I didn’t regret it. It helped me that I was a believer.”
How to improve your relationship with your husband? My husband left his family and his job
Svetlana, hello.
You are both similar in that both you and your husband find it difficult to make decisions and choices. Perhaps difficulties with choice occur only in family relationships. Maybe in life in general (choice of study, choice of work, choice of who to communicate with, who to break up with, choice of what to say in any situation, etc.). If the latter is true, then your family situation has only made these difficulties more obvious.
I would like to draw your attention to the following phrases of yours:
“The husband said that his mistress had an accident and left to look after her, leaving his family and work.”
“It was a big blow for me...”
“...how he stated that he had met someone else”
You talk about the blow and there is no anger in your words. It's quite strange for a woman to be treated like that. And even more so, twice.
You say that you still love him and at the same time, you write “I want to be with this person.” This turn of phrase is quite unusual for a loving woman. You spoke about your husband in an impersonal manner.
It is very likely that your confusion in your head and soul is due to the fact that you are filled with opposite feelings towards him. And at the same time you try to ignore or suppress some feelings.
For me, in this situation, the question is not what he needs, what he wants and why he started communicating with you again, but how you choose to live on, communicate with him, what to expect (or not to expect), etc. d.
Behind the words “I love him,” in addition to tenderness, the bright memory of the years spent together, there may also be your personal fear of being left alone, not meeting a man who will love you, and many other doubts. And also the pain that is still alive in you in connection with what happened in recent years.
Desperately trying to avoid this pain or ease it, you will continue to cling to your husband. And then, in my opinion, two options are most likely:
1. The triangle situation will continue and get worse.
2. even if you stop communicating, the unexperienced pain will interfere with your new meetings with other men.
I would suggest that you take care of yourself in such a situation. Find a psychologist and give yourself time to get over what has already happened, “digest”, “heal” the wound, and only then decide whether to establish a love relationship with your husband or still get a divorce and look for another man with whom you will be happy.
And in any case, he remains the father of your daughter. Here it is important not to mix your love relationships and parental ones.
How to improve relationships with your husband and is it worth doing?
Good answer4 Bad answer0
Out of grief
Oleg and Vera met in one of the “fun” companies. And it so happened that they were coming out of alcohol addiction together.
“I was born into a full, large family,” says Vera. - Dad was drinking. When Perestroika began, we were already adults; my father lost his job and, together with my mother, began to drink frequently. I had my own family. I was nineteen years old when I gave birth to my first child, and a year later, my second. We lived very well. I always despised people who drank. I didn’t understand them, especially those who had children. But the time came, and I started drinking myself. When my husband drowned, I felt very bad. I was left alone with two children: the girl was seven years old, the boy was six. My nerves couldn't stand it. Friends and girlfriends brought alcohol and calmed me down. It all started with beer, then I switched to strong drinks. And I didn’t notice how I began to drink too much. I lost my job because of drinking. There was no one to help me; all my friends somehow “evaporated.”
Unemployed man becomes millionaire
Photo: pixabay.com The man lost his job due to the coronavirus pandemic, but ended up winning more than three million dollars. “I was stressed about losing my job, but now I’m so happy,” he admitted.
A suddenly rich resident of the Australian city of Adelaide admitted that he bought a lottery ticket after losing his job. As a result, he became the winner of the lottery - translated into rubles, his winnings amounted to 234.8 million. However, the lucky person will not be able to receive all the money at once. They will be paid to the winner for 20 years at 939.4 thousand rubles monthly. The man noted that now he and his family are provided for for life.
“This is incredible! I checked my account many times to make sure I really won. This is an amazing feeling,” he admitted.
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No one needs it
Vera's children were taken away and her parental rights were deprived. She stopped drinking, but soon returned to the addiction. She got married again. But there was no stability, and the children were not returned to Vera. The woman was starving; in her refrigerator, as she admits, at that time “a mouse hanged itself.” Ashamed, she went to the soup kitchen for a piece of bread and a bowl of stew. More than 10 years have flown by senselessly.
Vera was sure that she, as a seamstress, would always find work. However, when going around the city sewing enterprises, which were always experiencing a shortage of personnel, he and his friend were refused everywhere.
“I realized that I was nobody and nothing,” Vera recalls. “My despair was so strong that I knelt down at home and began to pray: Lord, if you don’t help me, all I can do is commit suicide. A little time passed, and a neighbor invited me to church with her. There was nothing to eat at home, but they provided food there. From the moment I repented, everything in my life began to slowly improve.”
Vera maintains a warm relationship with her son and daughter from her first marriage. She is very glad that the children understood her and forgave her. The daughter now has her own family, there is a child, so Vera is a grandmother.
Life after
Everything is fine in the lives of Oleg and Vera now. They have a little daughter. The couple rejoices at her and makes plans for the future. Oleg found a job and dreams of buying a car. Vera is currently staying at home with the girl, but plans to get a job as soon as the child starts kindergarten. Moreover, she has the right specialty.
The couple agreed to tell their stories because they experienced first-hand how important it is for a person to get help in time. Because they hope that what they experienced will become a good lesson for parents and teenagers who are just about to try alcohol and drugs.
By the way, from July 25, a summer rehabilitation camp for drug and alcohol addicts will be organized in Daugavpils. Those who need help in overcoming alcohol and drug addiction can get detailed information and make an appointment by calling 27605843 .
