Where does love go: why does it pass, how to understand, and what to do?
Does love pass
Perhaps no one would like to believe that there comes a time when love passes. But, unfortunately, this is inevitable, and thousands of couples break up due to the fact that for some reason the love has passed. But it often happens that a couple has not broken up, but love, as each or one of the partners believes, has already died. But why then do people stay together? Out of a sense of duty or out of fear of being alone? Both may be the reason for the reluctance to separate. But there is another reason why people who think that love has passed stay together. And this is the reason - love transformed into another feeling. Yes, yes, love is not only hugs and kisses, tenderness and jealousy. Love also has other manifestations - care, kindness, help, etc. Therefore, before you wonder where love goes, think, maybe it never went anywhere, but simply took on a new form.
When love passes
Many people are interested in how long love lasts. But there is no clear answer to this question, and there cannot be one. This happens differently for all couples. It happens that love dies before it has time to arise, or it may be that the feeling passes after a long time. But this does not mean that love must ever end. There are many loving people whose love only grows stronger from year to year. And there are also many couples who, having created love once, carry it through their entire lives.
Why does love pass
If love does pass, then for what reason does this happen? Why doesn't this feeling last forever? Many people think that love fades because a loved one one day greatly disappoints. But this is not necessarily the case. Having fallen in love once, every person may think that it is forever. He is led to this conviction by the feeling of falling in love, which is caused by certain biological processes in the body. But some time passes, and the person adapts, i.e. gets used to the desired object.
Imagine that you have acquired for yourself what you have dreamed of all your life. You love it and are incredibly happy. But after a while you get used to what you have, and you no longer feel any delight. But what you once loved so much can remain with you for a long time, and maybe forever. This comparison may seem wrong to some, but in fact the same thing happens with love. It passes, that is, the feeling of falling in love disappears, but the habit may remain. According to some psychologists, love does not pass away, but passes into another state - habit, friendship, hatred, affection. Therefore, sometimes it is difficult for us to understand whether love has passed or appeared before us in a different image.
How to understand that love is passing
It is generally accepted that the concepts of “love” and “infatuation” are completely different. Although many believe that falling in love is the beginning of great love. Be that as it may, people who confuse infatuation with love eventually realize that they made a mistake in choosing the person. As the relationship develops, love begins to fade, and great love does not always come in its place. There is another option, when falling in love develops and degenerates into love, but over time, when adaptation comes to its end, the relationship with the person begins to deteriorate. This is why love fails in marriage. How can we understand that she is really leaving us? By what signs can you determine that love is dying and can never be returned? It's very simple.
If you try to avoid communicating with a person or even don’t want to be around him, then most likely your love for him has passed. At the same time, you must distinguish between hostility and indifference. If a person has annoyed you, and you are angry with him or offended, then it may be too early to say that love has died. But if the person you once loved has become indifferent to you, and you communicate with him, making an effort on yourself, it means that love has passed after all.
In the same way, you can understand that love has died in relation to you. Indifference, a condescending manner of communication, and avoidance of your company by your loved one may mean that you are no longer loved.
What to do if love has passed
If dislike happens to young people who have not yet tied the knot, they can easily separate. It may not be easy for one of them, but this exit will not be as painful for him as it is for a family man. What to do if love has passed? Try to get her back or leave everything as it is and let the person go? This question is quite complex, and sometimes it is impossible to do without psychologists.
Of course, you can try to return love, but you need to decide whether you need it. If a person is truly dear to you, but you no longer feel those tender feelings for him that you had before, then it is definitely worth reanimating your love. There are no special rules for this, and each of you must act as your heart tells you. You can try to remember why you loved the person and try again to see those qualities in him. You can change your attitude towards your ex-loved one by turning a blind eye to his negative aspects and habits. Try to do everything you can, but don't force yourself.
If you have firmly decided that the relationship cannot have any continuation, then you should not feel sorry for your partner or stay with him out of a sense of duty. Understand that such relationships will not last long anyway. Therefore, you should not put the conversation on hold, but rather try to break up with the person correctly, i.e. calm and beautiful.
When faced with the opposite situation, when they stop loving you, be able to either return love to yourself, or let the person go on all four sides. Breaking up is not easy for anyone, even those who are no longer in love. But you need to leave with dignity, and most importantly, with the thought that you are opening your heart to a new relationship.
Why do feelings cool down?
When a guy and a girl just start dating, it seems to them that love lasts forever. Gradually, the partners grow cold towards each other, and sometimes experience disappointment. To understand why love passes, you need to study the possible reasons for the development of such a situation.
How long a marriage or affair will last depends on many factors. The potential danger to romantic relationships is sometimes obvious. Taking timely measures will help avoid a breakup.
Eats up everyday life
Fairytale love stories always end with a phrase about the long and happy life of the heroes together. But beautiful fictional stories always miss the routine - going to the store, getting the child ready for school or kindergarten, housekeeping. Continuous everyday life without glimpses of romance makes life dull and gray. Love leaves, routine eats it up.
This is especially true for married couples who develop a sense of accomplishment after the wedding. The spouses relax, because the partner is not going anywhere anyway. Interests narrow, a kind of tiny world arises: kitchen, watching TV, children, renovations. The husband and wife stop developing as individuals. All this is complemented by the lack of individual space, division of responsibilities, ignoring each other’s merits and achievements.
Views diverge
Many marriages are destroyed due to divergence of personal interests and opinions on certain issues. For this reason, quarrels and even violence in families may occur. It seems that it is better not to associate yourself romantically or in marriage with a person who has different beliefs.
But different positions are not a reason for separation. In some cases, this even works as a plus, adding dynamics to the relationship. The main thing is that disputes do not go beyond lively discussions.
Differences of opinion do not make people enemies. However, often one-sided and narrow thinking makes people divide the world into right and left, black and white, and be prejudiced against certain groups. But if partners show tolerance and objectivity, their union has a chance of further development.
READ How to love your husband again if your feelings have cooled: advice from a psychologist
Someone new appears
If there is no genuine intimacy, the marriage is forced, then one or both partners will sooner or later have an affair. In this case, betrayal does not cause mental trauma. Both will pretend that they know nothing, and at the first opportunity they will separate, like ships at sea.
But often the situation is different: the third wheel (lover or mistress) can quickly destroy even the strongest relationships. This is painful, especially when the cheater was caught red-handed. To forgive betrayal, you need enormous mental strength. Not everyone has such resources, so in most cases, couples break up when they cheat.
Relationships don't develop
Every couple goes through a period of stagnation. Stability in love often degenerates into stagnation. Partners are burdened by each other’s company and try to attract friends and acquaintances to their company in order to diversify their communication.
They are no longer comfortable being alone with each other, enjoying every glance, word, gesture of their partner, as when they are in love. If a dose of romance is not urgently introduced into such relationships, they will quickly fade away.
Psychologists' opinion
Relationships are not always hopeless. The following ways will help rehabilitate love:
- Overcome routine, diversify everyday life. Every weekend you should go out into nature, to the park or to the cinema. Vivid emotions will not let love fade away.
- Do not complain about your partner to friends and relatives (even your mother). The intervention of outsiders contributes to the destruction of the couple.
- Understand and accept the need for your partner’s personal space and time. This is useful in all aspects, since lovers will have time to get bored. Personality develops more successfully in such conditions, and partners do not lose interest in each other.
- Repeat words of love and gratitude more often. Not all couples follow this simple advice. Saying a phrase that seems obvious seems meaningless.
- Less criticism. This does not mean that a partner cannot be criticized at all and must be placed on a pedestal. But constant accusations and complaints do not help strengthen love.
- More romance and attention. Surprises and gifts should be given not only during the candy and bouquet period.
READ For what reasons does a husband not pay attention to his wife, and what to do in such a situation
These actions are rather preventive. If a relationship has outlived its usefulness, psychologists advise not to cling and let go:
- Feelings have become unrequited, the partner is trying to publicly insult or ridicule the person.
- Relationships are built on control and manipulation on the part of one of the partners.
- Embarrassment of your girlfriend (boyfriend), reluctance to take your chosen one out with friends.
In these cases, the affair (marriage) needs to end as soon as possible to avoid getting stuck in a toxic relationship. Breaking up with a person is not easy, but the longer such a connection lasts, the more difficult it is to break it.
The fading of love occurs when a relationship goes through one or another crisis stage. This can be easily determined by some obvious and hidden signs. You need to try to save the relationship, but if this is impossible, then you should let go.
