Wedding in the Orthodox Church: responsibility

The essence of a wedding

In the modern world, unfortunately, many people misinterpret the very essence of the sacrament and treat this church rite as a fashionable and beautiful event that can brighten up the solemn wedding day. Without even thinking about the fact that a wedding is not a simple formality. Only those people who believe in the eternity of marriage on earth and in heaven should take this step. And such a decision can be made only with mutual consent, as a conscious and well-thought-out act. We should not forget that the rite refers to one of the seven sacraments, as a result of which the grace of the Holy Spirit is transmitted to a person, and this happens in an invisible way.

How does the wedding take place?

The ceremony is divided into two stages: engagement and wedding. It is worth noting that the priest will call the newlyweds exclusively by their church names. The newlyweds are engaged before entering the temple.

The bride always stands to the left of the groom. The priest blesses them and hands them lighted candles, which the young people hold until the end of the ceremony.

Wedding rules

If, nevertheless, the relationship in a couple is time-tested, the feelings are deep, and the desire to perform the ceremony is well weighed, then it is worth familiarizing yourself with the conditions without which a wedding in the Orthodox Church is impossible. The rules are mandatory:

The basis for a wedding is a marriage certificate.
The main role in the family is given to the husband, who must love his wife selflessly. And the wife must obey her husband of her own free will.

It is the husband who has the responsibility to maintain the family's connection with the church. Debunking is allowed only in the most urgent situations, for example, when one of the spouses cheats or in case of mental illness. By the way, the latter can also become a reason for refusal of a wedding.

In ancient times, there was a custom when young people submitted a petition to a priest for a wedding, he announced this at a people's meeting, and only after a lapse of time, if there were no people who could report the impossibility of marriage, was the ceremony carried out.

The total number of weddings a person has throughout his life cannot exceed three times.

Only baptized young people and their witnesses are allowed to participate in the ceremony; everyone must wear a pectoral cross.

If one of those getting married does not know whether he has been baptized or not, it is imperative to discuss this issue with the priest. As a rule, a positive answer is possible if the young people agree to give birth and raise children, following Orthodox traditions.

Age restrictions: a man must be at least 18 years old, and a woman must be at least 16.

Wedding is a primordial Christian rite, therefore people professing another religion (Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, etc.), as well as atheists, are not allowed to participate in it.

A ban on weddings is imposed if the bride and groom are related, even in the fourth generation. And it is undesirable to enter into a marriage between godparents and godchildren.

If one of the newlyweds has a secondary marriage, the wedding is prohibited.

But circumstances such as the wife’s pregnancy, or if the newlyweds do not have parental blessing, are not grounds for refusing the wedding.

What do you need for a wedding?

You can have a wedding ceremony in an Orthodox church at any time - on the wedding day, a few days later, a week or a year later. It doesn’t matter to the church when you decide to take this step. The main thing is that you need to comply with all the conditions that the church provides.

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One of the important conditions for carrying out the sacrament is the presence of a marriage document (certificate). Also, young spouses must be baptized. However, the last rule can be circumvented. Today, more than one church allows a ceremony to be performed when one of the spouses is not an Orthodox Christian. But at the same time they set the condition that children born in this marriage must be baptized in the Orthodox Church.

There is one more rule for the wedding ceremony. It is important that spouses meet the marriageable age:

the groom must be at least 18 years old;
bride must be 16 years old.

Don't worry about being rejected if your wife is pregnant. This will not happen, since there is an opinion of the church, where children should be born only in a married marriage. It is also possible to perform the sacrament when the spouses have not received parental blessing. In this case, the confessor can give the blessing.

There are not many restrictions on the ritual. The Church does not give permission to the owl in the following cases:

when the spouses are spiritual or blood relatives;
when unbaptized or atheists get married.
When you have registered your fourth marriage, the ceremony can only be performed three times.

When can the wedding take place?

According to the Orthodox calendar, weddings can be held throughout the year, with the exception of days of major fasts - Nativity (from November 28 to January 6), Great Lent (seven weeks before Easter), Peter's Lent (from the second Monday after Trinity to July 12), Dormition ( from August 14 to 27), Maslenitsa, on the eve of all major church holidays. Wedding ceremonies are held on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. But, according to popular belief, Wednesday and Friday are not suitable for performing the sacrament. It’s also better to avoid getting married on the 13th.

But the happiest periods for marriage are considered to be the periods after the Intercession in the fall, from Epiphany to Maslenitsa in the winter, between Petrov and the Dormition Lent in the summer, and on Krasnaya Gorka in the spring.

Many couples want to get married on the day of official marriage registration, but this cannot be called correct. Priests, as a rule, dissuade young people from such hasty actions. It is best when couples get married on their wedding anniversary or after the birth of children. The later this happens, the more conscious this act will be. The wedding year will be a memorable event that will testify to the sincerity of feelings and confidence in family ties.

Preparation for the wedding

The process of preparing for such a ritual as a wedding in the Orthodox Church is also of particular importance. The rules are also present here.

The very first thing that needs to be done is to decide on the church and the priest who will conduct the ceremony. This is quite a responsible task, since the choice must be made with the soul. Young people in the temple should feel comfortable and calm, only in this way will the whole process be of truly great significance. Whether it will be a small church or a majestic cathedral depends primarily on the wishes of the newlyweds; absolutely the entire atmosphere of the holy place should harmoniously fit not only into the spiritual essence of the ceremony, but also correspond to the mental state of the young couple who have decided to link their fate forever.

You also need to talk to the priest, discuss not only organizational issues, but also take a closer look at each other, find a common language - this is also very important for the ritual. Many priests pay special attention to talking with the newlyweds; sometimes they may advise postponing the procedure or holding off, then the priest’s advice should be heeded.

Also, what is important, not all priests have the right to perform wedding ceremonies; for example, those who have been tonsured as monks and are under canonical prohibitions are prohibited from doing so. Sometimes the ceremony, at the request of a young couple, can be performed by a clergyman from another church or cathedral, if, for example, he is their spiritual father.

Wedding ceremony

Betrothal (engagement)

Betrothal is an independent rite. It can be separated in time from the wedding. In practice, already in the 15th century it was usually performed together with the wedding. According to tradition, the betrothal takes place not in the temple itself, but in the vestibule - as a sign that the bride and groom have not yet become united in marriage.

The order of rites is as follows:

The priest carries the Holy Cross and the Gospel from the altar.

Then he blesses (baptizes) the bride and groom with the lit wedding candles, gives them into their hands, takes the censer and burns the censer. – Candles symbolize spiritual triumph, Divine grace that will abide in marriage, and the love that the hearts of the spouses will (should) burn towards each other. Cross-shaped incense means the invisible, mysterious presence of the grace of the Holy Spirit, who performs the holy Sacraments of the Church.

The priest loudly proclaims: “Blessed is our God...” - Every sacred ceremony begins with praise to God.

The peaceful litany (a series of petitions (requests) to God) is the same as at any other service.

Betrothal prayers - the basis of the betrothal ceremony - have been known since the end of the 8th century. In the first prayer (“Eternal God, who has gathered together in unity...”, the betrothal of Rebekah to Isaac is remembered and a blessing is asked for the betrothed. In the second (“Lord our God, from the tongue of the Lord we betrothed the Church to the pure virgin...”) a blessing is asked for the betrothal, peace and unanimity in life. future spouses.

Betrothal - The priest places the rings on the newlyweds and then switches their places. This happens three times. Historically, the husband was entitled to silver (early manuscripts usually speak of iron), and the wife – gold: a woman’s ring should cost more. There is no symbolism here, it just used to be a custom to give the bride or her family a marriage gift. If the gift was accepted, it was considered a guarantee of a future wedding.

Today, the exchange of rings has a symbolic meaning: it is a sign of an inextricable, eternal union between spouses. Before the betrothal, the rings are placed in the altar on the right side of the holy throne, as if in front of the face of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. The rings are changed three times in honor and glory of the Most Holy Trinity, which accomplishes and approves everything (sometimes the priest himself changes the rings).

Concluding prayer - “Lord our God, who came to the youth of Patriarch Abraham in the midst, sending his master Isaac’s wife to warn him...” It asks for God's blessing on the betrothed couple.

A special litany (a series of petitions to God) is the same as at any service.

There is an assumption that in Byzantium church betrothal could be a sufficient form of marriage: in the manuscripts there are indications that after the betrothal the spouses could begin family life. In the manuscripts after the ceremony of betrothal there are the following words: “If they want (at the same time) to get married,” that is, “if they want (at the same time) to get married...”. And then comes the wedding.

Organizational aspects of the ceremony

It is necessary to agree with the priest on the date and time for which the Orthodox wedding is scheduled. The rules of church life oblige this. Sometimes several couples can get married in a church at the same time; this nuance also needs to be discussed. You should be concerned if several cameramen will be taking photos and videos at the wedding, so that there is no confusion and this does not spoil the entire ceremony.

A week before the wedding, the newlyweds must begin to fast: do not eat meat, do not drink alcohol, do not smoke, and abstain from marital intimacy. Before the wedding, the newlyweds must attend a service, confess and receive communion.

It is also necessary to worry in advance about purchasing icons of the Savior and the Mother of God, which must be consecrated, wedding rings, which must be given to the priest before the ceremony, candles, two white towels and four handkerchiefs. It should be noted that according to church canons, rings should be bought for the groom from gold, for the bride from silver. As a rule, the acquisition of all necessary attributes is entrusted to witnesses.

The tradition of using icons in wedding ceremonies also has ancient historical roots. Since ancient times, parents blessed their children using holy icons: a son - Christ the Savior, a daughter - the Mother of God, thus giving guidance on the true path.

It is customary to leave a reward for performing a wedding ceremony; you should also ask the priest about money. If the couple does not have the financial ability to pay the entire amount, you can talk about it. Sometimes the amount is not announced at all, and the priest offers to give alms to the church, in the amount that is possible for the newlyweds.

General rules

A wedding is a sacred rite in which the Church gives a blessing for a joint family life, the birth of children and grace in the family, with the future spouses promising to remain faithful to each other. In this regard, all preparations must begin with spiritual cleansing.

If the future spouses have not yet been baptized, they must be baptized. Next, you need to fast for at least three days, not eat food of animal origin, in order to prepare for the Sacraments of Confession and Communion.

Also a mandatory rule is abstinence from carnal relations. All the conditions described are the same for preparing for the wedding of married people. And for them, intimacy is prohibited a few days before the ritual.

Choose a church in advance and discuss with the priest the date of the ceremony, what needs to be done before the wedding. Find out what prayers need to be read when you can confess and receive communion.

Choosing an outfit for the bride

Regarding the bride's wedding dress, which she will wear to a wedding in the Orthodox Church, the rules are as follows:

the dress should not be very tight or short, but too fluffy and chic outfits are also not suitable;
In no case should the shoulders, neckline or arms above the elbows be exposed;
you can use a cape that will cover exposed parts of the body;
the outfit should be white or another pale color;
the head must be covered, for this a scarf or veil is used;
Do not use too bright makeup or a rich aroma of perfume;
Instead of a wedding bouquet, the bride should have a wedding candle in her hands.

You should also take care of your shoes in advance; closed-toe shoes with low heels are best, because the wedding ceremony lasts about an hour, the bride should feel comfortable throughout this time.

There is a very interesting belief. The bride's dress must have a long train. According to folk legend, the longer the train, the more time the young couple will be together. If a train is not provided in the outfit, it can be attached only for the duration of the wedding.

Also, when a wedding takes place in an Orthodox church, the rules apply to the appearance of all guests present. Women should wear dresses or skirts with their knees covered; they should also not expose their neckline or arms; their heads should be covered with a scarf or scarf. It is not necessary for all wedding guests to be present at the wedding ceremony; these can be people who truly believe in the sacrament of the ceremony and treat this process sincerely. To maintain formality, it is better not to attend such events, but to come only to the banquet.

Wedding in the Orthodox Church: responsibility

Perhaps someone perceives a wedding as a beautiful ceremony that will diversify marriage and provide pleasant memories. In fact, everything is much more serious. Let's leave aside debates about the essence of religion; young people have no time for them. But if the future couple decides to undergo a church sacrament, this means that they voluntarily impose upon themselves additional responsibilities, which they can no longer get rid of on their own initiative. It is possible that additional difficulties will have to be overcome at the initial stage, before marriage and wedding ceremony. There are cases when a church marriage cannot be concluded and the wedding is not held.

Such cases include: kinship between the bride and groom up to the third degree inclusive, if the newlyweds are godparents of the same child, if the parent of one of the newlyweds is the godfather of the second, and also if the bride or groom are not baptized in the Orthodox Church.

But the church these days does not always insist on dogma. There is a chance for those on the “black” list. You should contact the head of the diocese. Perhaps permission will be obtained.

Unlike previous practices, today the church does not prohibit divorce, but is taking measures to complicate the procedure, provide another opportunity to comprehend what is happening and save the family. As you know, time heals. This process is what the clergy hope for.

It is, of course, possible to dissolve a church marriage, but it is much more difficult than a secular one. If an ordinary priest can bless a marriage and perform the wedding ceremony, then only the patriarch or archbishop has the right to remove the blessing.

The procedure begins just like in the registry office, with the receipt of an application. To do this, you must personally come to the diocesan office and write a petition. The term “statement” is out of favor here. It is better to come together with your ex-spouse. All the same, the church will ask his (her) opinion.

However, you don’t have to waste your time if your marriage is less than a year old, if you have a child no older than three years old, or if the desire for a divorce is not mutual. The Church does not consent to such divorces.

The canons of the Orthodox Church do not provide many grounds for divorce. This adultery, according to the now familiar terminology, is the betrayal of one of the spouses, imprisonment, mental illness (madness) or the physical inability to conceive or give birth to a child. In the latter case, medical confirmation of the disease is required, as well as a life expectancy of more than five years.

If a petition for divorce is filed by an infertile spouse, then he is usually refused; a noble step aside, so as not to interfere, will not be supported by the church. But if the opposite “half” considers divorce to be a solution, their opinion will most likely be listened to. After all, the purpose of marriage is children.

Although remarriage is not approved, the church allows weddings up to three times. This is not the first time that a wedding has been called a second marriage ceremony. During the ceremony, a redemptive prayer is read, and the bride and groom are not asked if they want to get married.

An exception is allowed if one of the spouses is getting married or getting married for the first time. In this case, at the request of the couple, the priest can perform the entire wedding ceremony.

As we see, the position of the Orthodox Church on issues of responsibility to a spouse and society is harsh, but quite constructive. In conclusion, I can only wish you one thing: be happy.

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Wedding ceremony

The wedding always begins only after the service. The ceremony consists of two stages: the first is the betrothal, the wedding is the second stage. In the past they were separated by time. After the engagement, the couple could separate if there were reasons for it; the wedding could take place only if the feelings were strong and sincere, because the husband and wife chose each other not only for earthly life, but forever. In the modern rite, both components of the ceremony occur on the same day.

The wedding ceremony itself

How does the wedding ceremony usually take place? Usually the priest talks about how the wedding goes, so it’s better if you are savvy in this matter. The sacrament can be divided into two parts:

Engagement
Wedding

In the first part, the clergyman gives you the blessing of the Lord God and presents you with candles, which will later be in your hands. After this, he gives the rings, which symbolizes the fact that you are being married before the face of God.

The second part involves the actual wedding. At this time, the bride and groom are led to the very center of the church or temple, where they stand on a white canvas. During this time, all guests must remain as quiet as possible and stand at the back. If the couple has witnesses, then their task is to hold wreaths over the heads of the couple. All this time, the clergyman does not stop reading solemn prayers and divine texts, all the time, telling the young people when and what to say.

At the end of the sacrament, the husband and wife must take three sips of sacred wine, which will symbolize what they will continue to share in their life together - both joy and sorrow. The ceremony ends with the bride and groom going behind the altar one by one, after which the priest gives his blessing with the permission of God.

Wedding. Step-by-step instruction

The essence of the wedding ceremony

Russian wedding in the Orthodox Church. Wedding ceremony

Wedding

The priest takes the couple into the temple and places them in front of the lectern on a white towel. The man and woman are asked whether they came here of their own free will and whether there are any obstacles to getting married. Witnesses take the crowns in their hands and hold them over the heads of the bride and groom. It should be noted here that this is not so easy to do, especially if the witnesses are short and the young people are tall, and the ceremony time is no less than forty minutes in city churches, and if the ceremony is held in a monastery, then more than an hour. Therefore, it is advisable to choose higher witnesses. After the prayers are read, the newlyweds are brought out a cup of wine, which they must drink three times as a symbol of the fact that from that moment everything in the couple will be shared equally - both happiness and bitterness.

The bride should be warned: while drinking wine from a cup, a situation may arise when the veil gets very close to the candle and ignition occurs. To prevent this from happening, it is advisable to worry in advance about the length of the veil, which should not be too long.

The hands of the newlyweds are tied with a white towel and they are circled around the lectern three times. At this time the church choir is singing. The priest leads the couple to the Royal Doors of the altar and reads the edification for eternal life together. After the wedding, all the guests begin to congratulate the newlyweds, and the bell rings, signaling the birth of a young family.

If the newlyweds want to capture a wedding for a long time, photography and video shooting can be done with the permission of the priest. It is best to agree on exactly where the operator should be and how best to stand or move. Usually, churches and cathedrals have quite specific lighting, therefore, in order to ensure that the quality of the shooting does not disappoint later, it is advisable to contact a good specialist. There are cases when photography is strictly prohibited, then in order for a memorable event to remain in the family archives, you can take photographs against the backdrop of a cathedral or temple.

Engagement before wedding

First, the newlyweds are engaged and then married. We will tell you in more detail how this ceremony takes place.

Betrothal is necessary so that the marriage takes place before the Lord God and the bonds are sealed in the church.

The newlyweds are engaged after the Liturgy. This is the only way to experience all the mystery, awe and spiritual purity.

The fact that the newlyweds are getting engaged in church suggests that your husband accepts you as his wife with the permission of the Lord.

The priest personifies God at the wedding and must stand at the altar. When you get engaged, you stand in front of the holy gates (doors) of the church.

You should be led into the temple by a priest who reads a prayer and illuminates you with smoke.

Then, after blessing you three times, he will distribute candles to you.

For each blessing, you take turns crossing yourself three times and accepting the candles.

After the presentation of the candles, the engagement begins.

Candles in the hands of those getting married speak of great love, which they must carry with them throughout their lives.

Next, the deacon begins to read prayers and cry out to God for salvation. The first prayer to be read is the Holy Church, which blesses you for the birth of children and the continuation of the human race.

This prayer also asks for you to fulfill all desires that relate to the family.

The priest reads a prayer to bless any good deed. After the prayer, the clergyman will ask you to bow your heads before God and read another prayer.

Then the priest will take the rings from the throne and put it on the groom, baptizing him three times, and then in the same way on the bride.

After you are blessed, you must exchange rings. You must make the exchange 3 times in honor of the Holy Trinity.

In some churches, the priest himself does this.

Next, the priest reads another prayer to confirm the engagement in the church.

How does the wedding take place?

You stand in the middle of the temple on white towels with lit candles in your hands.

You are once again asked whether you decided to get married of your own free will and whether you made a promise to another and whether you had a wedding (on the state side).

After confirming voluntariness before God, your marriage is concluded.

Now you can move on to the sacrament of the wedding, which begins with the words “Blessed is the Kingdom...”.

Next, the priest reads three prayers:

turning to Jesus Christ;
the prayer of the Triune Lord for preservation and blessing;
an appeal to the Triune Lord for the wedding of the flesh of the bride and groom.

Then the priest takes the crown and baptizes the groom, allowing him to kiss the image of the Savior on the crown.

First the groom gets married, and then the bride in the same way.

Then they put crowns on them and begin to read prayers. This is considered the most solemn moment in the wedding.

The crowns are then given to the witnesses, who hold them over your heads.

After reading all the prayers, you will be given a cup of wine, joining your right hands.

The hands are covered with stole, and the priest’s hand is placed on top of them, sealing the wedding.

Then the priest leads the newlyweds around the altar three times, which means an eternal procession.

Next, the priest removes the crowns while performing patriarchal words, which makes the wedding more solemn.

Then 2 more prayers are read, and the wedding is sealed with a kiss.

The young people are led to the royal doors. There the groom kisses his icon, and the bride hers. Then vice versa.

The cross is kissed and icons are given to the young.

When weddings are prohibited

Wedding ceremonies are not permitted in:

posts;
cheese and Easter week;
on Christmas;
before church holidays;
on Saturday, Tuesday and Thursday;
before entering into a civil marriage;
case of atheistic intentions;
at a wedding between relatives;
when in a civil marriage three times;
not baptized.

Remember, a wedding is a very long and intimate ceremony and you need to approach it with full confidence that you will be with this person all your life.

Royal wedding

There is one more ancient custom that should be mentioned in order to bring some historical clarity - royal weddings. This ritual was performed during the coronation ceremony of monarchs, and Ivan the Terrible was the first to start it. The crown that was used went down in history under the well-known name - Monomakh's hat. The obligatory attributes of the action were barmas, an orb and a scepter. And the process itself had a sacred content, the main essence of which was the sacrament of anointing. But this ritual has nothing to do with marriage.

How the ceremony goes

The process includes engagement and wedding. It is worth remembering that during the ceremony the priest calls the newlyweds by the names given to them at baptism. Those getting married are engaged in front of the entrance to the temple.

The fact that the betrothal takes place directly in the church means that the groom receives the bride from God himself. The church orders the betrothed to stand in front of the doors of the temple to explain that the engagement is taking place in the face of God, and the priest at this time portrays the Lord our God Jesus Christ.

The bride should stand on the left hand of the groom. The priest blesses them and gives the young people lighted candles, which they must hold until the end of the ceremony. After reading the prayer, he puts the ring on first the groom, then the bride, making the sign of the cross for each. After this, the newlyweds exchange rings.

The groom, putting his ring on the bride's hand, shows his readiness to love her, sacrifice everything to his wife and help until the end of her life. The bride, exchanging her ring with her future husband, shows her readiness to accept his help, love him and be devoted to her husband all her life. The newlyweds exchange rings three times, in honor and glory of the Holy Trinity (in some churches the priest himself changes the rings).

After this, the priest reads a prayer to the Lord to bless the bride and groom, overshadow the position of the rings with a heavenly blessing and send them a Guardian Angel. After this, the engagement ends.

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The young people enter the temple following the priest, go to the center where the sacrament will take place. The text of the wedding is described verbatim in the church book - the Trebnik. The bride and groom stand on a white towel in front of the lectern. After this, the priest asks each of them whether they are marrying of their own free will, and whether there are any obstacles to the ceremony. Having received an affirmative answer, the priest reads prayers, takes the crowns and prayerfully places them on the heads of the young people, and the Holy Scripture is read.

After reading short prayers, a communion cup filled with red wine is brought. The priest blesses her for the spouses to communicate and gives her three times to drink wine from a common cup. After this, the young people bandage their hands and lead them around the lectern three times, accompanying the procession with the singing of the accompanying troparions. This walk marks the beginning of the eternal walk of husband and wife.

The ceremony ends with the newlyweds being brought to the Royal Doors, where they kiss the icons and the cross. Then the priest hands over the icons: to the husband - the face of the Savior, to the wife - the face of the Most Holy Theotokos. The guests congratulate the spouses.

After the wedding, the celebration continues at the table. The festive meal should be quiet and modest, without drinking and excessive fun.