At what age do men cheat most often: a professor from the USA came to an unexpected conclusion

The main reason for adultery in women is dissatisfaction in marriage.

It is worth noting that in this text dissatisfaction is understood as its psychological component. According to most psychologists, sexual satisfaction has a lesser impact on marital relationships. Of course, passionate sexual relations between wife and husband with orgasm will be a positive thing in the relationship.

But you can’t even imagine how many women have never experienced an orgasm. Approximately their number reaches 12-14%. And only one in four is lucky - she achieves orgasm regularly. If sex came first for women, then the number of cheating wives would be much greater.

In order for a woman to achieve maximum pleasure during sex, she must feel truly desired and loved. Unfortunately, not many men are able to give so much emotion to their wives.

Lack of attention

After entering into a marriage relationship (and sometimes even earlier), men stop complimenting their companions, giving flowers and gifts. The candy-flower period is over and you can relax.

However, this is not only the fault of men. Wives often ask not to give them gifts, trying to save the family budget. And herein lies a big mistake, which leads to serious changes in family relationships.

Trying to seem like a wise wife, a woman puts her desires and needs on the back burner. Dreaming that someday her dreams will come true. But every year the number of compliments and gifts becomes less and less. At the same time, the man thinks: “If she doesn’t ask, then she doesn’t need it.”

After all, he is not obliged to guess what is going on in a woman’s head.

And when a man appears on the horizon who wants to give gifts to even a married woman, showering her with compliments, then the woman blossoms, and for the sake of gratitude she is ready to cheat. After all, her cold and callous husband is waiting at home.

How to prevent your wife from cheating in this case?

Recommendation for men:

- Start praising your wife, even for simple household chores. I prepared dinner - “How divinely you cook.” I cleaned the apartment - “How well you create comfort in the house.”

— Learn to notice changes in your wife’s appearance, because she is trying for you.

- Give gifts, even if not big ones. A wise woman will appreciate even a mere trifle.

Recommendations for women:

- Learn to ask for gifts. Men are not psychics and are not required to read your thoughts. Tell your loved one what you are missing. And if he loves you, he will try to fulfill your desire.

- You need to ask correctly. Try to formulate your desires more clearly; there is no need for ambiguous hints. You shouldn’t go too far and demand the impossible from a man. Start by asking him to do something easy and be sure to praise him for his efforts.

- Know how to thank. Let it be a compliment or a small gift, but strong positive emotions on your part will be a worthy reward for your husband. And if you also surprise him in the bedroom, I think that he will awaken the desire to give you gifts again and again.

These small recommendations will allow you to easily eliminate your attention deficit and fill your family life with new emotions.

It is worth noting that for a woman, cheating is a very serious step. And in most cases, if a wife decides to have sexual intercourse with another man, then the matter is heading towards divorce.

Male infidelity. Reasons 2

They surrounded the men with this treason like wolves with flags. They instilled in them polygamy, instilled in them the idea that everyone would cheat, labeled them “male,” and with a sense of accomplishment they sat down to wait for them to cheat on them.

Yes, men cheat. But why? The answer is simple.

Differences in sexual temperaments. Just don’t say that sex doesn’t play a special role in marriage. How he plays. Unfortunately, the difference in temperament has a direct impact on the quality of a couple’s intimate life. And it’s not even a matter of liberation or abilities and skills. A couple may well have intense sex, but it is extremely rare. In this case, we are talking about the physiological need for sex of a woman. A wife may often experience desire no more than 2 times a month. And this is determined by her physiology. Often the peak of sexual activity occurs on the days of ovulation and the premenstrual period. On other days, she doesn’t need sex.

But with my husband things are different. His hormone levels are high, and he needs a lot and often. Moreover, a lack of sex can also affect a man’s physiological state. “The balls jingle” is not just a mocking expression. A man may experience severe discomfort in the groin. Some people solve this issue on their own, while others go for a walk. Who is to blame for this? Physiology? Weak moral stability? But a man may well love his wife. If such a person commits treason, then he will not destroy the family. Moreover, he will try to make sure that the mosquito does not undermine your nose.

Lack of love

Many families in Russia live together for the sake of their children. They have already forgotten what feelings connected them before. Routine and monotony took over their lives. The feeling of love has long been lost from both the husband and the wife. In such cases, women may begin to look for love relationships on the side. Again, I note not for the sake of sex, but for the sake of the emotional component. She wants to love and be loved.

Often a woman loves her husband, but does not feel reciprocity from him. This may be a lack of attention, as we talked about above, or the other extreme, aggression and violence on the part of the husband. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon in our families for women to tolerate aggressive husbands and forgive them for their insults and betrayals.

Financial difficulties

A man is a breadwinner. Bringing home a mammoth, especially if that mammoth is a big one, makes him feel like a really cool guy. Unfortunately, financial stability is a variable value, and if money problems start in the family, this greatly affects a man’s self-esteem.

If, in addition, the wife begins to humiliate his dignity, constantly remind him of his failure and escalate the situation, the relationship may completely break down. Do all men cheat on their wives if they constantly attack their pride? Perhaps not all, many simply break off the relationship.

Tell your man that he is strong and that everything will work out for him. Inspire, and he will move mountains!

Lack of communication and positive emotions

Men need their own space and freedom, that’s how they are designed. But for women, pleasant communication and emotions come to the fore. We so want to discuss with our husband how our day went, to share our impressions of a purchase or meeting. But often pragmatic men do not want to waste time on such trifles. And they can be understood. After all, we are different, and we have different needs.

But if a woman is deprived of communication and emotional experiences, she will begin to look for them elsewhere. God willing, if she has enough communication with her friends. But if there is an attentive male interlocutor, and even shows sympathy for her, then sexual relations on the side are not far off.

Often women deprived of positive emotions allow themselves to have fun in a bar or relax at sea without their husband. Thus, they make up for the lack of emotional experiences. These women are easy prey for other males.

How to make up for the lack of communication and emotions?

I understand men perfectly well, but if they want to save their family, then they should pay more attention to their lovers. Spend time with them and discuss everyday matters. Tell her about your experiences and she will try to understand you. After all, she really misses communicating with you.

Lack of self-love

Many would think that this is a rather strange reason. How a woman who does not love herself will cheat on her husband. After all, she takes such a step to satisfy her needs. But unfortunately, this is a deep-seated problem for many women. And often, in order to feel loved and increase their own self-esteem, women are ready to have sexual relations on the side.

For example, Yu.V. Shcherbatykh cites an interesting dialogue between a woman and a doctor:

“I’ve been married for nine years now. Three children, twins not yet two. I love my husband, my friends consider us an ideal couple. - You can be envied. You don't hear this very often. - Yes, that’s just the point... Well, I won’t delay. I cheat on my husband all the time. And my connections with other men are not fleeting, but long-lasting. - And you suffer? Is that why you came? - Yes! After each such meeting, I don’t sleep well and am tormented by remorse for my husband and children. I really love them, I can’t live without them. And I have never had a man better than my own husband. But I can’t help it. Time passes, repentance disappears, and now there is a new betrayal. - This means that you have a constant need for a parallel life, where you can build relationships that you are deprived of in marriage. What do you think: why are you constantly looking for another man? “I’ve already said that my husband and I have complete sexual harmony.” I don't want to cheat on him! But you see, I need to feel that men are in love with me and compliment me. I want them to go crazy with me in bed..."

The woman’s last phrase illustrates well how she lacks self-love. The constant need to feel that she is beautiful, worthy, desirable arises from low self-esteem. She does not consider herself this way, and therefore she needs confirmation of her positive qualities from other men. Unfortunately, her addiction, on the one hand, satisfies her ego, on the other, destroys the marriage and creates intrapersonal conflict.

Lack of self-love is a problem that comes to us from our parents.

It is with upbringing that we receive the installation that loving ourselves is bad and selfish. You need to sacrifice yourself for others. Such installations will greatly complicate our lives, but this is a topic for another article.

What can be done if a woman does not love herself?

On the part of a man, showing more attention and love can melt away a woman’s insecurities. But it’s better to consult a psychologist to work through negative attitudes and increase self-esteem.

Selfish motives

There is a certain type of woman who is ready to sacrifice themselves in order to achieve material wealth. Let’s not go far, prostitution is one example when a woman is ready to enter into a sexual relationship with a man, even while married, for the sake of material well-being.

Often, husbands do not even know about their wife’s additional profession. They can only guess about this when their spouse buys herself new expensive things or comes home from work slightly intoxicated. Many men, even guessing, turn a blind eye to this. Sometimes because they are too lazy to get off the couch and start earning more. Sometimes because they are afraid of losing their wife.

What motivates women?

Self-interest or the need to support a family? This question is individual in each individual situation.

Can a loving man cheat?

The moment a woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, she begins to think that only she is to blame for this. Why does my husband cheat? Of course, because, she thinks, the other one is younger, smarter, more beautiful. Obviously, I did something wrong, which pushed my husband to cheat.

Is it really? Not really. Usually the prerequisites for adultery are on a deeper level. Yes, of course, for some men the appearance of his wife is really very important.

But such men, as a rule, even from a beautiful and well-groomed wife can be drawn to a new partner, because they constantly need a change of impressions. So a smart robe does not protect against cheating on your husband.

Cheating under the influence of others

One type of male infidelity is social or forced infidelity. This group includes infidelity, when it is believed that a man is entitled to a mistress simply because of his social status. Or the man was forced to commit treason through blackmail.

Pure provocation also happens, in which a man is deliberately set up, and then the filmed video material is used for personal gain. Sometimes a man cannot refuse a boss who forces him to be intimate.

Weak-willed and insecure men cheat because they have become the butt of jokes from their friends, who intentionally put a woman in their bed and then tell their wives about it with a sweet smile.

This type of betrayal can hardly be characterized as voluntary; all this is actually psychological violence, primarily against the man himself. The best thing a wife can do in this situation is to understand what happened and help her husband get out of this trap.

Inner licentiousness

Some men cheat because they are a special type, which is generally not characterized by constancy. These are either males who are ready to enter into a relationship, as they say, at any opportunity, or Don Juans, who, due to their specific character and appearance, actively attract women and cannot refuse them. True, the last type of men very rarely gets married, since they simply do not need it.

Man was born this way - unfaithful. He does not know how to feel and worry, he only knows how to want. Usually the wives of such people know about the inclinations of their “other half” and humbly wait for them from work or, conversely, just as spontaneously cheat.

Alienation from spouse

It also happens that during the time that the spouses live together, they have experienced a psychological distance from each other, and betrayal only indicates this alienation.

Cooling the feelings

Over the course of a long relationship, there are quarrels. You quarrel, someone gets offended because of you over trifles. Something is missing in the relationship and this is the reason why men cheat. One of you meets a person who is not burdened with all the burden of a serious relationship, who has no claims against you. As a result, either the understanding comes that this new thing will not outweigh what is there - “the dear ones scold - they are just amusing themselves.” Then everything falls into place and everything is fine. Or, alas and ah, one spouse leaves.

Internal search result

A kind of midlife crisis, when they start chasing a myth, trying to catch up with something. And age has nothing to do with it. Everyone comes to this search at different times. Of course, as with any rule, there are exceptions. And some never come to this, and some never come out of such searches.

Seeking sexual variety

Cheating involves only sex. Such betrayals are almost inevitable. Naturally, over time, everything becomes boring and one of the partners is looking for something new on the side.

Emotional doping

Married life is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday... You wake up, have breakfast, go to work, come home, have dinner, have sex... Bored? On the other hand, you understand that this is life, the rear where everyone is comfortable. It is impossible to live your whole life on an emotional high.

At the same time, you understand that you will never again have that trembling in your soul, the excitement of touching and waiting: he will call or he will not call. But you really want to feel whether there is still gunpowder in the flasks, whether you have not yet forgotten how to fall in love.

The feeling of falling in love gives a kind of lightness, a lift in mood - momentary happiness. While a person is in demand and sexually desirable, he is in a hurry to hear as many “I love” as possible. This is why men cheat.

Uncomfortable house

This is a wife who is always nagging, for whom everything is wrong. Repairs need to be done, the trash needs to be taken out - and stuff like that. And he wants to feel at home, like in a relaxation room: soft music, soft light and a desirable woman... and a hearty dinner, of course!

And the search for understanding begins on the side, that is, first of all, a person needs emotional contact. When he finds it, he will most likely leave.

Perfect wife

The opposite behavior leads to the same results. The ideal wife (husband) gets boring. When correctness “rushes over the edge,” it becomes disgusting. This happens to those who are used to doing everything to perfection, without reserving the right to make a mistake or take the wrong action. And the partner just gets bored.

Of course, these are not all the reasons why men cheat! After all, there are so many people, so many situations. However, betrayal is always painful, always unpleasant, no matter what is said about it.

Long absence of husband

Business trips, late returns, separate vacations - all this can provoke the wife’s betrayal. No, not because the absence of a husband gives a woman a free hand. The fact is that a long absence is accompanied by negative experiences for a woman. Firstly, she can spin God knows what in her head. And treason, and betrayal, etc.

And secondly, she extremely lacks attention from a man, we have already talked about this above. To prevent such a situation, dear men, try not to rest without your wife, and when going on a business trip, call her more often. Don't wait for her to call you first. After all, in her imagination, you are already lying in bed with someone else, and therefore do not call her.

What kind of men do NOT cheat?

Again about our “favorite” topic.” I was asked, “Do I think that ALL men walk to the left ?” The question is complex - it is impossible to say for everyone. I think not, but much more than we imagine. Among the huge number of my acquaintances (and we are talking about almost a couple of hundred), only three are decent. But there are very compelling circumstances. The first is sick, the second only cares about computer games, the third got married just recently. I remembered that there is another one - his libido is so low that the girl tells how there is no sex for half a year and no tricks can achieve it. Half the year is busy, half the year there is silence with “hugs”. They call this “seasonal hibernation.” After I found out about my friend’s grandmother, who in her youth dated someone else while already married and having a child, I realized that everything was worse than we imagine. At the same time, they are a “classical Soviet cell of society”, which is usually admired. And later I heard a story about another strong married couple...

There are 3 things that constantly confuse us:

1. The phrase “if he loves, he will be faithful.” She has a twin sister, “ love and loyalty are two different things.” The first was invented by women who believe that men think like them. The second - by men to reassure deceived wives. Both of them are far from the truth - cases are individual, but there are many reasons.

2. 99.99% confuse the concepts of “ keeping a husband in the family ” with “keep him from going to the left.” ALL wise advice heard or read applies to the first situation. And they help a lot. Advice for the second is comparable—forgive me—to treating a serious illness. There are lucky ones who discovered it in time or those who really helped. But there are more of those who don’t. So it’s impossible to stop someone from cheating. This is the decision of the person himself.

3. When we talk about a partner’s fidelity, we forget that this can only be for now. One word, but so much meaning.

Would you like to name the real reasons why representatives of the stronger sex do not walk to the left? They are identified through long observations, reflection and analysis. Here they are:

1) Low libido. Not problems with potency - namely, low interest in sex. Only here you need to distinguish between a lack of interest in intimacy with you personally or in life. It’s often quiet and peaceful at home, but on the outside, wow!

2) Laziness. It’s not necessarily a lazy lifestyle, but you don’t want to strain yourself to get along with someone.

3) Lack of opportunity. Financial too.

4) Inability to make close acquaintances.

5) Complexes, fear of women.

6) Passivity. He himself will not agree to a new relationship, but he may well respond to a woman’s initiative.

7) Complexes, fear of being rejected

Severe stress or depression. True, sometimes an affair outside of marriage is a way to relieve such tension

9) There are other ways, besides sex, to catch courage and adrenaline.

10) Walked around. This usually applies to men who married late. Although it’s worth remembering that there are almost no former revelers, just like former drug addicts. Rather, we are talking more about the ordinary lifestyle of a free person, and not about a lover of women.

11) Newness of the relationship. While euphoria and hormones are raging, no supplement is needed.

12) Decent environment. The husband's friends have enormous influence. If they “fornicate”, sooner or later yours will too, and will not want to consider himself a black sheep. His friends won't necessarily tease him, not at all. He himself will think, “Am I a redhead, or what?” This has little to do with resistance to other people's opinions. Water wears away the stone - even if nothing is imposed on him, the man notes with enviable regularity how everyone except him is “walking around and not worrying.” Therefore, if he has an authoritative friend (or girlfriend) a little older, to whom the spouse listens, often communicates with him (her) and knows how he despises adultery, then his position will also influence the behavior of the spouse. Conclusion - pay attention to who you communicate with.

13) The man decided to remain faithful. I’m telling you, it’s quite difficult to influence your spouse; it’s his decision.

If you noticed, the really good reasons are at the end of the list. And there is no love there at all. It could have been recorded under number 14, but I didn’t. In a strong family, it becomes a matter of course and people think less about it.

Now I propose to discuss the female view of infidelity and why it is often wrong. We guess:

1. If he loves you, he won’t betray you. The most important argument. But for many men, love doesn’t really bother them. Their conscience obsequiously tells them that they are not doing anything wrong, because they are good husbands, they take care of their children, they are not going to leave anyone, and this little one-time adventure is only for the sake of reviving their feelings for their wife and making sure that she is better than the rest. And betrayal has nothing to do with it at all.

2. There is a lot of sex at home - there is no need to look for it on the side. No matter how much there is of it and no matter how varied it is, you get used to it. And this ceases to cause the same euphoria. In addition, it is not only sex itself that is interesting, but new experiences.

3. If you keep yourself in shape and behave correctly, then there will be no reason to look around. See previous paragraph. Over time, you get used to the good and stop seeing. Have you noticed that mistresses are often inferior to their wives in many ways? Here's the explanation.

4. Will not cheat if he is afraid of losing. In fact, this doesn’t stop much. Anyone is confident that they can cover their tracks so that no one finds out.

5. Disgust. Yes, that's a little more reasonable. But it works in theory, but in practice - a man falls in love with a specific girl, he likes her and now he doesn’t give a damn. Not to mention the fact that it is not at all difficult for many women to convince of their decency, and even virginity, when they understand how they are wanted.

6. My husband doesn't have time. Home - work, at work only male team - weekends together. I had the opportunity to observe twice how men managed to cheat on their wives, even working with them in the same office in neighboring offices. His “friend” came as a client. Wife for lunch - she’s in the office. Or in the back room.

7. After reading paragraph 6, you exclaimed “Nonsense! I know my partner, he’s not interested in a quickie, he needs passion, play.” But are we aware of the background to this sex act in the utility room? Maybe they have known each other for a long time or corresponded - there are a lot of social networks now. Here's another option. The spouse works among a same-sex team. There are no women there, but a client, or a courier, or a lady from a neighboring building comes. At first it just comes. Then they greet each other politely. Some time passes. After a few times, she smiles when greeting. Then they smile at each other. After another period they start talking. Even later, they chat over lunch, during a smoke break, or just simply. All! When mutual sympathy arises, this is already a relationship! And having sex in the back room is their result. Moreover, the result is bright, passions are seething, blood is boiling. Danger! Risk! Here is your spouse, who is supposedly not interested in leftist sex.

8. “My husband is faithful to me. Our family is too dear to him.” It’s impossible to know what’s going on in another person’s head, especially if that person doesn’t really want it. Remember, after all, you also have something that the faithful person is completely sleepless about. It’s not necessarily shameful or a secret - you just don’t find it necessary to talk, no matter why. Likewise with your knowledge of your husband. You know his position only from his words and your conjectures. Moreover, many husbands deliberately instill certain thoughts in their partners - I’m not like that, I don’t accept this, I’ve had my fill, this is already boring for me, ladies are too accessible (not my type, predictable, etc.). He does the right thing - he takes care of his soul mate.

Sad, right? That makes me sad when I think about it. But the thought is consoling: there are faithful husbands, even if only a few. All the more reason to appreciate them. Well, I’ll share what to do with all this information next time. And to the question - why did you, Olya, write all these nasty things, I will answer - forewarned is forearmed. A little later we will arm ourselves.

“What do you want, women, my salary is 100 thousand, it’s not enough for you! Bring on the oligarchs. I haven’t been able to find a woman for 7 years!”

Men DO NOT marry for love “Things like family, happiness and children are no longer available to me and I’m quietly crying...” A very difficult letter from a subscriber