What promises should a woman hear from a man before getting married

Does he still not get out of your head? Do you know if the same thing happens to him? Or maybe he has already forgotten that very meeting? There is nothing left but to unobtrusively remind a man about yourself: SMS and social networks have made this as simple as possible.

There is nothing more ridiculous than for a man to “unobtrusively” remind him of himself after the first sex. Only he should call here! Source: Flickr (Yuri_Figuenick)

When to “hint” about yourself, and when not to

Before you remind a man about yourself, think: do you need it? Spend your energy on it. Is it worth breaking into walls where there are no doors, or is it better to look for new positive emotions? And we shouldn’t forget women’s pride: why hint to the conqueror that you need to be conquered?

You do not need to do this in the following cases:

If your relationship history only includes a first date. If during this period you call first, it will always be so.
If the relationship has not yet begun. You are not very close yet, but he is actively courting you. So don’t interfere with this - let him be a knight, not a lady.
There is nothing more ridiculous than for a man to “unobtrusively” remind him of himself after the first sex. Only he should call here! Otherwise, the young man will perceive you as an annoying and insecure young lady. Whether it is necessary?
If you recently quarreled, and he was to blame. Or both of you. There is no need to humiliate yourself and beg for forgiveness; let him take the initiative.
If you usually call each other first equally often, and then he disappeared. What if he's in trouble and your call is clearly off topic? It’s not necessary, because he will associate you with negativity.

When such a hint would be appropriate:

If the young man doesn’t have your number (and he was actively asking for it from you or mutual friends). In this case, there is nothing left but to remind the man about yourself - an SMS would be appropriate.
If you are already a couple. No comments here.
If he ran after you for a long time. At the same time, you didn’t give him a chance, but suddenly you realized that it was yours. But he already forgot and stopped calling. There is no other choice but to remind the guy about himself.
If you are about to have your first date.
If you promised to call him. The question here is not how to unobtrusively remind you of yourself, but the fact that he may be offended if you do not dial his number.

There are plenty of ways to remind a young man about yourself; the important thing here is not to become too annoying and not press him. Source: Flickr (Pixels_Poet)

Why do men promise and not keep their promises? Why men don't keep their promises

There is a big difference between promises that a man keeps 100% and promises that a man says just to get rid of the barrier when communicating with a woman.

The man said it, the man did it

Men are quite straightforward and logical creatures. Every time a problem arises, they can measure it, assess their own strengths and tell them when they will deal with it. Those. answer the basic question: “When and how.”

However, the peculiarity is that men consider each problem as a set of some characteristics, and not as a qualitative indicator.

Therefore, if a man says that he will do renovations in the apartment in three months, this means that he accurately calculated the cost of materials and time labor costs, and everything came together at the three-month mark.

But if you ask him: “When will you make a beautiful renovation?” — he will stand in a stupor. Since it is impossible to calculate the cost of a beautiful renovation, since this is a quality characteristic that is not considered. A renovation can be “beautiful” for 100,000 rubles, or it can be for $1,000,000; it’s different for every person. Therefore, a man will almost always answer such questions with a great deal of skepticism, and most likely will not do anything. We need specifics!

A man's empty promises

We have already realized that men are very straightforward creatures who do not like vague concepts. Therefore, they will never promise or do anything that they themselves are not sure of. However, there are also other, “lower” reasons.

Tell them to leave.

Sometimes you need a woman to stop nagging you and stop demanding something from you. Therefore, a man can simply tell a woman that “everything will happen.” And when she leaves him, she will calmly forget about this promise and will never fulfill it.

Impress a woman.

The second reason is the desire to look like a knight or hero in the eyes of a woman. Many male representatives have no idea that a woman will remember this promise and will remember it after a while. Many people hope that their beloved wife or girlfriend will simply forget and continue to go about their business.

An outright lie.

The third reason for men’s empty promises is the desire to achieve their goal. How many naive girls have fallen for empty promises of getting married and living happily ever after?

So there are a number of men who start dating a girl, promise her mountains of gold and a bright future, and when they achieve their goal - sex, they immediately forget about their promises and about this girl.

Also, gigolos like to work in this manner, who skillfully lie to a woman about her beauty, about her intelligence, about her gentle and affectionate character, and gradually gain her trust. And then either a scam for money, or a happy life as a freeloader with a wealthy lady.

Bad memory.

The fourth reason for empty promises is simple forgetfulness. A man can promise something and then forget about it. There is nothing criminal about this, since men like to focus on some matters and throw everything else aside. Therefore, if he did not write down his promise, and the woman did not remind him, then the man will 100% forget about him. And then he can assume that I didn’t say that.

How to make a man fulfill his promise

There are three simple principles that will help every woman achieve what she promises from her man. Pay attention to the word “yours”, i.e. a man you trust, who trusts you. This does not apply to male liars.

Specific task.

A man must clearly understand what problem he needs to solve. What exactly is a successful solution to a problem. In what time frame does he need to solve this problem? Those. actually set a goal for a man and clearly state the criteria for achieving this goal.

Write it down.

So that the promise does not go into the abyss of our memory, but is still fulfilled, it is better to write it down in a notebook/diary/task manager. So the details will be remembered and it will be impossible to joke that “nothing happened.”

Repeat.

In order for a man to keep his promise, he needs to be reminded of it as often as possible. No matter how much this irritates a man, at one point it will “get” him, and he will be forced to fulfill his communication. Of course, the method is long and may take more than one day, but it is still correct.

Men's love for all kinds of promises has long been a topic for jokes and anecdotes. Psychologists say that 60% of the stronger sex with enviable regularity shower women with promises that they do not even intend to fulfill. Is it possible to wean a man from this bad habit or force him to fulfill his promises on time?

Women often complain that men are completely unwilling to fulfill the promises they once made. One has been promising his wife a luxurious mink coat for years, the second has been forgetting to book a table in an expensive restaurant for two weeks, the third is planning to give his beloved a vacation in Bali every year... In many couples, the list of women's expectations and men's promises, as if hanging in the air for an indefinite period, is constantly growing. Such uncertainty destabilizes a woman’s psychological balance, she becomes nervous and irritable. A man is genuinely surprised by this nervousness, so he chalks it up to stress and PMS. Some of them manage to put the family at risk of divorce with their promises. What are the causes of male amnesia?

Why do men make obviously impossible promises?

To correct your lover, you first need to understand the motives for such behavior. Men make a vow, and then just as easily abandon it for a variety of reasons. The most popular among them are the following.

Pathological lies.

The worst case scenario is that your partner is used to lying to everyone all the time, and he himself no longer really distinguishes lies from the truth. He does not want and cannot be honest, because he considers sincerity boring and banal. After all, the world of illusions seems much more attractive than harsh reality. Don’t expect to change him - such a man will stop lying to others only after undergoing a long course of treatment with a psychologist.

White lie.

A common reason for male lies is an unhealthy climate in relationships. With promises of expensive gifts and romantic trips, your partner is trying to solve an urgent problem. For example, he lies that he will quit his low-paying job tomorrow so that you stop being hysterical.

Manipulation.

Most often, a man practices manipulation of promises in the initial stages of a romantic relationship. The reason is simple - he wants to get you into bed as quickly as possible. Therefore, he will not fail to mention the seriousness of his intentions, even if he does not intend to continue communication after the first sex. If you don't take the bait, he will promise you material stability or love until death - anything to make you fall into his arms. You will not have time to complain that he did not fulfill his promises - in the morning the knight will disappear forever.

Banal forgetfulness.

Yes, among them there really are characters who forget about their obligations in just a few hours. A man may lose sight of his own promise because he is busy or tired.

Psychological pressure.

Men simply cannot resist the assertiveness of some women. Usually false promises are given after harsh ultimatums (either you will fulfill my request, or we will break up) or demands (buy a fur coat, nail a shelf, make repairs, break up with your mistress). The partner has no choice but to agree to the demands of his beloved “terrorist”. Although he has no intention of fulfilling them.

How to get a man to make a promise come true?

First, learn to adequately evaluate men's promises. Some of them are a priori not destined to be fulfilled. If you know that your husband’s salary is clearly not enough for a trip abroad, then why hope that he will somehow contrive and take you to Goa? A womanizer who carnivorously evaluates every girl passing by will never become a faithful husband. Learn to look soberly at unrealistic promises - fence yourself off from unnecessary worries and suffering.

Don't try to get what you want with blackmail and threats. The best way to teach a man to fulfill his own obligations is to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Tell your significant other that this kind of attitude hurts your soul. That you have empty hopes for him, which clearly do not contribute to building a healthy relationship. His lies will bring nothing but anger and hatred.

A sense of responsibility is your main trump card. Your partner must understand that every time he promises to find a job or fix your car, you are counting on his help. You plan your future life based on what you promised, so any deviation from the planned plan could negatively affect your health, career or children.

Don't demand from him what you yourself cannot give him. If you yourself keep your promises every other time, it’s stupid to force a man to remember all the given obligations. You will have to play by the same rules that you want to establish for your lover.

If you have tried all of the above methods, but you still have not managed to re-educate a man, you will have to take extreme measures. Do to him the same way as he does to you. Promise to wash your clothes and accidentally “forget” to turn on the washing machine. Skip the fact that he wanted to watch a football match and go visit friends. You will need acting talent - the man must be in your shoes, and not feel mocked.

Understanding whether your man is going to keep his word is not as difficult as it seems at first glance. Promises that are close to reality usually have a specific date, deadline, and conditions for fulfillment. “Maybe,” “probably,” and “most likely” should not be taken too seriously.

What to do if you have mutual feelings with a woman from another city?

Question:
I met a woman online, we corresponded, called on Skype, in general we like each other and our life positions are similar.
We already feel some kind of feeling, if not love, then infatuation. This is noticeable both in the messages and in the atmosphere. What should we do? The distance is confusing, we are in different cities. Volgograd and Astrakhan. Answer from Alexander Biryukov:

The question is not just common in our network age, but one of the most pressing. I get asked this question almost every week.

Distance is the weakest factor, which should not confuse anyone at all in our time. I would also understand if you were in different countries on different parts of the world. Or at least you are in a taiga village 100 km from Yakutia, and she is on a farm in the Kaliningrad region. But there is a train between Astrakhan and Volgograd! 10 o'clock - and you're together!

What to do? The scheme is like this. I didn’t come up with it, but I put it together from rational pieces and thought through the steps. I warn you that this is a general outline. And each case requires adjustment in one direction or another. But the scheme works.

After you have received primary and even in-depth information in your case through correspondence and conversations on Skype, you need to meet in real life. The matter is made easier by the fact that you already know each other relatively well and are accustomed to each other. You are already experiencing mutual warm feelings. This means that you will no longer be strangers to each other; immediately after the meeting you will feel comfortable together.

Before all this, it is better to try to make inquiries about the woman. It is not necessary to delve into some intimate details of life. The main thing is that she is not a whore/prostitute, an alcoholic, a drug addict, mentally ill, has a criminal record, and that all this does not happen to her closest relatives. Everything else will be visible in real life by her behavior.

It’s better not to delay the meeting in real life. Once you both understand that you care about each other, already plan a meeting. Let's say in a couple of weeks. Until the time comes, acquaintance will deepen and feelings will strengthen. You will meet almost like family.

The real meeting should be relatively long. Not one night, but at least three or four days, more if possible. For what? See a person, his behavior. In all aspects: the ability to create comfort in a couple, the ability to do household chores, sexual compatibility and much more. You look at how well a woman's behavior matches what she wrote and said online.

Where and how to invite? Here you decide for yourself. If one of you lives alone, then the second one can come to him. If both live with relatives, then you can rent at least a small apartment somewhere on the outskirts of the city. It won’t cost that much, but it will be your first (and perhaps not your last) home together. Spending is by agreement. If you both work, you can divide it in half. Or the visitor pays for the tickets, and the local pays for the accommodation.

When to do this? If people of free professions or generally have the freedom to do so, then whenever they want. If someone (or both) works on a strict schedule, then there are holidays: New Year's, February 23, March 8, and soon there will be long May holidays. In the summer - vacation. You can take time off and add it to the weekend. In general, a solution can always be found.

You met and everything went well. You are happy with each other. What's next? It is better to repeat such a meeting again after a short period of time. Now you can go to another city and meet your parents. You can do this a couple more times if in doubt. But don't delay. Any delays in the relationship blur the matter.

Between trips you actively communicate on Skype. These are the same dates, the same communication and getting used to each other, like walking in the park.

When the trips are over, the main thing is not to be stupid, but to take the bull by the horns. Move in together. Reader, you are a man, and therefore you take upon yourself to make decisions. You are thinking about where you will live. If there is a free apartment, go there. If your parents have an apartment, they rent it out and live on this money (+ pension) - rent from your parents for the same amount. And your parents won’t be offended, and it’s better for you than to wipe other people’s corners from other people’s owners. If this is not the case, then simply rent a small, inexpensive apartment and live there.

Having thought through all this, you tell the woman that she is moving in with you. Now is the time to stop shaking your ears. If she says she can't, find out why. If she is a top manager or a deputy, then moving is, of course, difficult. Not everyone will leave such a trump position. If she’s a teacher or a hairdresser, then don’t let her talk bullshit. You can get a job as a teacher and hairdresser anywhere, it’s not such a unique profession and position. Studying - transferring to a similar university in your city. My students, even at the most bureaucratically complex medical university, married military men and were easily transferred to other universities. If you're studying part-time, there's nothing to talk about at all. The transfer is done even during the semester in a few days. And so that she is less driven, you will help her on the spot to transfer and find a job. you are a native, you have an advantage. Use it for your woman.

If she is a freelancer and works remotely, then there is nothing to talk about at all.

Missing mom and dad is not a problem. That's what Skype is for. The main thing is that she is not psychologically dependent on them, and the father-in-law and mother-in-law do not try to control you personally through this Skype. Your family should live independently. And the leader in her is you, not her parents. In your family, from now on, the law is your word. She must understand and accept this.

If a woman loves you, she will only be glad that you showed persistence and determination in your actions. I brainstormed a lot of problems and found a solution. He didn’t mumble or smear the snot with his fist, but just took it and did it.

Just don't act like insecure men. There is no need to dump a bunch of these questions and doubts on her head. Where to live, how to live, etc. There is no need to discuss all this with her for a long time and tediously. I thought about all the options, found the best one, and presented it with a fait accompli. As a last resort - a choice from a couple of alternatives. You are a man, and you still make the decision. So why bother with the topic? Be firm and don't be afraid to make decisions.

So all the paddocks are a waste of time. Distance, different cities - such a minor problem in our mobile age that it’s even embarrassing to talk about it. Everything that I described is very easy to implement if you take it upon yourself. The main thing is not to slow down, to be decisive and firm.

It's really simple. Trust me.

Of course, this is a general scheme, and some special cases will need adjustment.

Answers to additional questions that arise from readers.

1. It makes sense to maintain long-distance love only if you have real and serious intentions towards a woman. They are determined after a relatively long period of communication by correspondence and after mandatory repeated communication on Skype

I repeat once again that communication on Skype is the same as a regular date without sex. Like a walk in the park. Both interlocutors see each other, can evaluate appearance, voice, manners and everything else that everyone needs. Even the sincerity of words can be verified when you see the interlocutor. The fake is easy to read. In addition, now webcams have good resolution, and you see a person as if he were sitting opposite him at the table. So, correspondence and especially Skype will give you the opportunity to get to know each other as if you had already been dating for some time. It is possible and NEEDED to clarify all aspects regarding your and her mood for the future. Attitude to the family model, marriage, children, budget, family hierarchy, etc. So that you meet without any misunderstandings, practically like family.

As you can understand, there is no point in starting all this just for the sake of sex. At least in my opinion. Long-distance love is long-lasting and much more labor-intensive than finding a date in your city. Long-distance love is worth starting only if there is a real soul mate on the other end. At least I would never bother with all this for the sake of banal fucking. Write, call, share your views, somehow rub in - and all for the sake of sex alone, and even then short-term, for a couple of days? It's just not worth it. Besides, there is so much sex now that finding it is not difficult. Right in your city.

This is the request we received from one of our students. Literally: how to make a man keep his promise? Let's figure out where coercion comes from, whether it should be used, and how to effectively influence your partner.

The word that gives me tension in this phrase is “force.” To force is coercion, it is a lack of desire on the part that is being forced, it is inequality of rights between the parties, it is pressure, it is a lack of freedom and air. What kind of role model can you get someone to do something?

1. The parent forces the child. 2. Warden - prisoner. 3. Aggressor - victim.

If you want to force a man to do something and do not consider yourself one of these role models, then your attempts are in vain.

Let me make a reservation right away that the one who forces

someone to fulfill a promise, he himself becomes an aggressor. And the partner appears as a victim in this situation. By the way, you may not say the word “force”, but tension is still considered in your field. And the partner feels it. And since, according to social parameters, he is not your victim, he will not fulfill his promise. Moreover, he will probably avoid making a decision and play for time.

Important: everyone who tries to use the “force” tool once upon a time experienced it the hard way, having been in the role of a victim.

How does the word “force” work in childhood?

For example, a parent demands that the child eat semolina porridge. Because it's time for breakfast and we have to run out to work. Because mom is late. Because dad knows better what kind of porridge and how much to eat. Because you shouldn't throw away half-eaten food. Because…

Nobody cares about the child's opinion. The child does not know how to express in words that he has been sick in the morning, that today his body does not want semolina porridge, that he is not hungry at all, because his body has not woken up. And the mother demands that 20 spoons be eaten, only then will she kiss him, help him get dressed, give him candy, and come home early from work to pick up the baby from kindergarten.

Parent and child. Aggressor and victim. They are always interconnected. The child needs love, and for this he is ready to obey the parent. Even if you have to swallow nauseating porridge. And the victim needs to survive, the victim will do what the aggressor demands. Here the basic need must be satisfied - security. But the surviving victim remembers the instrument of violence and in the future becomes an aggressor herself when she wants to satisfy her interests with the help of another.

Should you be forced to keep your promise?

Let's take an inventory and analyze your situation in detail.

Nuance No. 1: who are you in relation to each other in this situation?

Your age, status, your qualities? Ask your partner the same question and get his answer.

Often women in civil marriages say that they have a husband, and call themselves wives. And men, on the contrary, say that they are single and free. This is the difference in perception. Conflicts arise because of it.

By the way, in this situation I agree with the men. As long as there is no stamp in the passport, and there is a marriage certificate in hand, there cannot be a husband. So you are an unmarried woman. And it doesn’t matter that you clean the apartment, or cook him dinner, or wash his clothes. You just live together.

Point #2: What do you want? What is your motivation? What do you expect as a result?

Is his promise the only way to solve your problem? Perhaps you can do this yourself? For example, to buy an apartment you need to save a certain amount every month. Perhaps another person can help you? For example, a plumber will fix a faucet, an electrician will sort out the wiring, or a car mechanic will change tires. Or is it exactly what you need for your task? To obtain the status of his wife, to give birth to a child from him.

Decide for yourself.

Point #3: Did he make you a promise? In what form?

Reminder of yourself from a distance

If you still decide to do this, then the reminder should be positive: a like, a cheerful comment on his page, a positive message, but not whining and burdening him with your problems. If you are a couple, let him rejoice and live in anticipation of the meeting; if not, let him just rejoice and have fun.

How to do this using SMS

A “letter” to a phone is the best way for anyone who doesn’t know how to remind a person about themselves from a distance. But first of all, you cannot write to him first and every day, in addition, you cannot bombard him with letters without waiting for an answer. Let the young man be relaxed, simply enjoying communication, then he will associate you with positivity. Would you be pleased if a young man pesters you with “chain letters” around the clock, and they won’t be very pleasant?

You shouldn’t write to him that he only thinks about himself, or remind him for the hundredth time that you will never call or write to him again, or pester him at night.

The message should be informative (or positive), you should wait one day for a response, but don’t rush to start the stopwatch. There is no point in discussing anything serious over correspondence yet. And in general, let the guy take the initiative.

Another good option is to suddenly stop writing to him: let him be puzzled by where you went.

How to remind your ex about yourself

It’s worth talking about how to remind your ex-boyfriend about yourself. Don't do this if you're in a new relationship or if you're drunk. And don’t let him know that you miss him, even if it’s true a thousand times.

There are many options here, often they call themselves. But if this is what you want, try to make contact, for example, by asking about something in his area of interest: let him help or suggest. Then boost his self-esteem by thanking him for his responsiveness. And also, clearly understand what you want: just friendly communication or continuation of the relationship.

There are plenty of ways to remind a young man about himself. Here it is important not to become too annoying and not to press him, because even the most promising relationships may not stick together. In addition, it is better to give him positivity.