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Going through a divorce is not easy: for many, this already not the most pleasant event is accompanied by small and large scandals, division of common property and mutual reproaches and insults. It is not always possible to part with your soulmate peacefully.
Few people usually think about at least trying to maintain a good relationship with their ex-husband. In an effort to defend their interests in court, many forget that the help and mutual assistance that the former spouse will be able to offer in the future, if they part amicably, can also be useful.
In this article we will talk about the so-called “rules of divorce”: our advice will definitely help you separate from your husband peacefully.
Why is it important to maintain a good relationship with your ex-husband?
Before you take action that will help you maintain a good relationship with your ex-husband, you will probably be curious to know why this is even necessary. Here are a few reasons that may well justify all the efforts aimed at a peaceful separation from your spouse.
You may need your spouse's help in the future . If you think you might need help from your ex-spouse in the future, this is another reason to maintain a good relationship with him. Even if your husband cannot help you at first glance, do not rush to draw conclusions: in the future the situation may change dramatically.
So as not to humiliate yourself in the eyes of your spouse . Many ladies mistakenly believe that when they argue with their ex-husband, they look extremely powerful and attractive, but in reality this, of course, is not the case. A brawler arguing over a plastic salt shaker cannot be attractive or “cool.” So if you do not want to humiliate yourself in the eyes of your spouse, do not make a scandal, but establish a relatively calm, peaceful relationship with him: this way you will look decent.
Rules for peaceful divorce
So, we’ve figured out the reasons why you should separate from your spouse more or less peacefully. Here are some tips that will help you get through your divorce while maintaining a good relationship with your ex-partner.
Don't give in to provocations . Even if you want to remain on good terms with your ex, your partner may provoke you into quarrels and conflicts - consciously or unconsciously. If you want the divorce to be peaceful, your task is not to succumb to such provocations.
Even if your ex-partner is intentionally insulting you, try not to stoop to his level and do not respond in kind. Most likely, over time, the ex-husband will understand how stupid he behaved, and the relationship will improve.
Think about it every time you want to make a claim or start a quarrel. People do not always quarrel with their partners (including ex-partners) for certain reasons. Even when voicing something very specific, a person can be angry with his significant other for a completely different reason. Therefore, whenever you want to present another claim to your ex-spouse or start a quarrel, think about it and slow down a little. Pausing will give you the opportunity to understand why you are angry with your ex.
As you can see, maintaining a good relationship with your ex-spouse is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance: this does not require you to humiliate yourself or go against your own life principles and principles.
If you still question the possibility of a “friendly” separation from your significant other, read our article: we have previously tried to find out whether friendship with ex-lovers is actually possible.
Tell us what you think about this: do you think it is necessary to maintain good, friendly relations with your ex-spouse, or not? Why?
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08.01.2019 04:26
How to work with your ex
One of the pitfalls of an office romance is that if you break up, you will have to meet your ex-lover at work every day. This can be a difficult ordeal, especially if your breakup was not on good terms. How to work with your ex? It is very difficult to deal with a person every day with whom you just recently had a relationship. You might even want to quit, but think about it, is it worth it? Of course, psychological comfort is very important, but if you work in a good job with a decent salary and prospects for career growth, you can’t just give up everything. In addition, separation is stressful, there is no need to aggravate it with the stress of changing jobs
.
So, if quitting isn't an option for you, you'll need to figure out how to work with your ex. First, remember one very important word: subordination
. Ideally, you should have kept it while you were together, without making your relationship public within the office. So even after the breakup, little should have changed in your behavior and communication at work. If you are equal in status and are used to communicating over coffee, lunch or in the smoking room, simply limit communication exclusively to work issues.
How to work with your ex if he is your boss?
This is a difficult situation, because you are in a dependent position, and if the separation was not easy, and your ex is vindictive, he can give you a “sweet life”. Sometimes it's easier to transfer to another department or quit, but if you want to keep this job, you will have to do everything perfectly so that there is nothing to complain about.
If your ex-passion harasses you with unreasonable nagging, you can try complaining to your superiors
, enlisting the support of colleagues as witnesses. And in cases of violation of the Labor Code, the labor inspectorate will help you - if you cannot come to an amicable agreement with your ex.
You may also be tempted to take revenge on your ex, but you need to fight it.
. It is unlikely that this will help you ease your mental pain, but the chances of making problems and enemies in the team are quite high. If on duty you have to criticize the work of your ex, do it as correctly as possible. Criticism should be constructive and strictly to the point. There is no need to give in to emotions and mix relationships (“Again, you’re late for work, you’re always late for dates!”).
You cannot spread gossip about your ex, denigrate him in the eyes of your colleagues, and even more so, sort things out with him in public. Be polite and tactful; if colleagues want to savor the details of your personal life, stop these attempts
. You can try to take a vacation immediately after breaking up to get your feelings in order. During this time, the excitement in the office may subside, and you will not be pestered with questions. And a short pause will help you forgive your ex, come to terms with the breakup and get rid of the desire for revenge (or vice versa - return everything back).
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is starting a new office romance to annoy your ex.
. Usually, romances that happen after a breakup “out of spite” do not last long. Now imagine: it’s uncomfortable for you and one ex to be in the same office, but what if there are two of them? After all, they can unite against you, what will you have to do then? In addition, an abundance of office romances will not have the best effect on your business reputation.
So, if you find yourself working with an ex, the main thing to do is to keep the communication down to strictly business matters.
. Just do what you have to do, and do not succumb to possible provocations, behave as politely and with dignity as possible, and do not get personal. If it’s really hard to see him day after day, and you don’t value your work too much, you can quit, but this is a last resort. And think ten times if the temptation suddenly arises to start a new office romance: you shouldn’t step on the same rake.
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Is it possible to have a relationship with your ex-boyfriend?
Start a new relationship or resurrect an old one? Should you start a relationship with your ex-boyfriend? Read about all the pros and cons of relationships with your ex in our article. Last month I texted my ex-boyfriend: “What are you doing this Friday?”
We broke up six years ago. And since then we have only met once. We walked around the park, then I returned home and listened to Beyoncé until late in the evening.
“I’ll be in town,” he replied.
“Do you want to go to the wedding?” - I asked.
I needed a couple for my sister's wedding. It was her idea to invite her ex. He was a great choice. Oleg was an extrovert who could entertain himself or my parents while I performed the honorable role of witness. It was a brave decision!
I met him in my second year. Oleg was a great guy: kind, smart, caring and so funny that I sometimes started to hiccup from laughing. With him I could be myself. We dated for four months. And when he suggested breaking up, I was completely devastated.
For a whole month I wrote him long letters about why we should not break up. I'm pretty sure one of them was in the form of a poem. It did not help. He moved to another city with his new girlfriend. I gave up and shoved thoughts about him into the back of my mind.
When he accepted my invitation, I started to panic. I recently ended a serious relationship. This was hard! It was like my heart had been thrown into a coffee grinder. Now I found myself facing a new relationship.
I told this story to my friends and found that people often rekindle relationships after a couple of years. And often these relationships get better. You know what attracts you to each other. And you understand your strengths and weaknesses in relationships.
Plus, after spending years apart, you could learn from your own mistakes and relationships with other people. Today I better understand who I am and what I want. This was the case with my friend Anya, who married a guy she dated at school. “By breaking up we were able to develop independently,” she said. “I became less critical and less obsessed with ideal relationships. But it’s important to understand how you both have changed over the years.”
Oleg and I were helped by a sincere conversation about our newfound feelings. We discussed our past relationships and what we want in the future. The main problem was that we lived in different cities. Trying to build a relationship at a distance looked like an inevitable failure.
We eventually agreed to “continue to discuss our relationship and see how it goes.” It drove me crazy! I didn't want someone who left once to leave again. But this was the most reasonable option. At university we had no experience of serious relationships. And testing each other for compatibility was critical to relationship 2.0.
We decided to take some extra time before diving into the relationship. I didn't want a new relationship to grow on shaky foundations. I constantly asked myself the question: do I really want this relationship or am I just afraid of loneliness?
It's a bad idea to resurrect a relationship when you realize on the sixth awkward date that you hate dating. Being in a relationship with your ex can ease the anxiety you feel when you start dating someone new. Ask yourself: Am I rekindling an old love because I'm avoiding the difficult process of finding someone new? Or was this relationship so great that it's worth resurrecting again? For me it was the latter. And of course, I would rather agree to have a tooth pulled out without anesthesia than go on a new date. But the serious relationship we started wasn't like a picnic.
Not every date with your ex goes well. My friend decided to meet with her ex-boyfriend, with whom she broke up several years ago. At first the date was going well, but then something went wrong. He continued to pursue her after their meeting. There is always a reason why you broke up.
Oleg and I decided to put aside old problems and move on. Who knows? Perhaps we will do better the second time.
