Ask any person who has had an affair at work, why he needs it and how he, in fact, managed to have an affair in such an inappropriate place. We are sure that in nine cases out of ten you will hear the following answer: “It just happened that way...” While psychologists cannot agree on why people decide to have affairs and betrayals (after all, most often family people get carried away with romances at work , at least one of the couple is not free), experts agree that this is not happening by chance. At some point, at some level, the choice was made consciously. Agree, if you enter into a romantic relationship with someone, then you first had to decide that you would do it. No one could force you!
And you hesitated (before making such a decision) for a reason. You should have understood perfectly well that if the hidden becomes obvious, you will face a lot of trouble - gossip and condemnation from employees, complaints from superiors, problems in your own family. And, if you haven't already taken the rash step, we want to urge you to be careful and not start any non-official relationships in the office. Perhaps you haven’t even thought about anything like this, but you feel that some of the male employees are showing increased attention to you, clearly going beyond the scope of his official duties. How to behave in this case? How to resist temptations?
How to prevent unnecessary relationships in the office
Try to adhere to the following ten rules for your behavior in the workplace:
- Never become emotionally intimate with a colleague of the opposite sex, especially if you or your colleague are family people.
Infidelity can insidiously creep into even the strongest partnerships. Even if you didn’t allow yourself anything specific, you just felt that you were not completely indifferent to your employee - you should sound the alarm! Psychologists who conducted a survey among six and a half thousand women found that 92% of them believe that betrayal occurs on an emotional level, even when physical intimacy has not yet occurred. And only 8% of women surveyed believed that they did not cheat on their husbands, feeling sympathy for another man. - Keep All Friendships Outside the Office
Since all office romances begin with simple emotional attachment, we want to warn you that even the most innocuous workplace friendship has enough potential to turn into something more. - Never drink alcohol in the company of co-workers
Drinking alcohol during or after work with a colleague of the opposite sex is one of the fastest ways to start a relationship at work, because alcohol leads to a decrease in your control over yourself and removes all inhibitions. Even just having a cocktail or a glass of wine during a business lunch can lead to more intimate conversations and your inappropriate behavior. - Precisely because you are a woman, you should be especially careful.
Most likely, you do not even think about any romances at work; but this does not mean that one of your male colleagues does not dream of an affair with you. Men deliberately try to stay as close to attractive women as possible, try to invite them to lunch and the like, precisely because they want to find an opportunity to date them. Try to avoid situations that may encourage emotional connections. - Do not make appointments outside the office if you are expected to be alone with a member of the opposite sex.
If you take your reputation seriously, then always take one of your friends with you, for example, if there is a need to see someone from male employees outside the office. Try to schedule all your meetings to be group meetings because this helps reduce the intimacy factor. - While in the office, never forget: this is work, nothing personal can happen here
. The office is intended for business, and not for gossip or romantic adventures. Don't allow any flirting, don't wear clothes that are too revealing, try to look and act like a professional and not like a flirty young lady. - If, despite all your efforts to behave according to all the rules, you still feel attracted to your colleague, try to soberly think about your situation.
What could your secret romance at work turn out to be? What kind of trouble does exposure threaten? What are you missing in your own marriage? Unrest? Deep emotional connection? If this is the case, then analyze your marriage and find out why it so happens that you are missing something. If this is not done, the most unpleasant thing may happen - you will fall head over heels in love with your new chosen one, but there is no guarantee that he is ready to change his whole life for you! As most often happens, everything will be forgiven to him, but you can lose everything - your new love, your family, and even your job. - You must be aware that a man who wants to have a relationship with you, most likely, does not feel the same way as you do. Unfortunately,
this is only for us, women, an emotional connection is important when we enter into an intimate relationship. But men who encourage their pretty employees to have numerous affairs at work (can you be sure that this is your chosen one’s first and only affair at work?), in most cases, are looking only for sex, and nothing more. What they won’t say to convince you to put both soul and body at his disposal! But you must understand that you should not always take this seriously. - Keep the boundaries of your emotional space closed.
Do not share too personal information with colleagues of the opposite sex in your office, no matter how friendly his attitude towards you may seem to you. All intimate details should remain only between you and your partner. Don't forget that for women, emotional infidelity too often leads to physical infidelity! If a conversation with an employee becomes too intimate, try to politely steer the conversation in another direction that is related to professional issues. Put up barriers when you feel that a man is trying to get closer to you. - Work on your relationship with your spouse
No matter how tempting an affair at work may seem to you, you may pay too much for this hobby; so avoiding it would be the best option. So get out of the cloud of hormones that are clouding your brain and stop thinking only about yourself. Remember that you have a family, a beloved husband, and do not plunge yourself and him into emotional stress and suffering.
Romance in family life
The topic of this blog is officially: time management and effective organization of life. One of my favorite examples by Gleb Arkhangelsky on the topic of why to plan things and not let everything take its course is an example about contemplating a sunset:
We Jews have known for a long time (like any other literate people, but this is important for us from the point of view of the beginning of Shabbat and the fulfillment of other commandments) that sunset every day begins a little earlier or later than yesterday. And the guru of Russian time management also noticed this and wanted, despite being very busy, to enjoy the sunset every working day (and he has his own business, he is a professor, and in general Mr. Arkhangelsky is a very active person). Therefore, he noted the time of the most beautiful sunset phase and planned his day so that he could leave the office in the evening and enjoy the beauty of the setting sun. Very inspiring, isn't it?
A long time ago, the concepts of “Jewish family” and “romance” did not intersect in my head.
The “Jewish family” was associated approximately with, leavdil, house-building (the husband is the master of the house, and the wife runs around and serves), what kind of romance is there?
“Romance” was fairy tales about Cinderella, classical literature and Hollywood...
Years passed, I began on the path of returning to the Creator. And she met her future husband. Before the wedding, we found an amazing teacher who taught not only the laws relating to family life, but also the Jewish view of marriage.
It was simply the discovery of a new world and a new idea of romance. It turned out that:
- it’s normal if a husband meets his wife from the mikvah with a bouquet of roses (the main thing is that finances allow
