How to deal with bad grades and do homework without stress

How to properly respond to children’s bad grades at school October 4, 2020, 09:03

Doctor of Psychological Sciences, Director of the Scientific Research Center “Personality Psychology” of KazNPU named after Abai Zhamilya Namazbayeva told how parents should react to a child’s bad or good grades at school, the correspondent reports.

The psychologist focused on how parents should behave with children who received bad grades at school.

“Our task is not to scold children, but to find the root cause - why this happened. There can be many reasons. The first reason is reluctance to learn, that is, the child has not been instilled with readiness for school, he has no motivation, the second reason and the most important is that a lot of children come unprepared for school. They want to walk, but their level of intelligence and readiness is lower than necessary. They simply don't have the foundation to behave correctly, respond correctly, or be successful. Another reason has to do with teachers. We have many common problems. Class fullness, overload or poor psychological situation in the class,” said the psychologist.

She added that for primary school children the authority of the teacher is very high. And most of them come to school with a desire to learn. However, teachers are not always sensitive to their students.

“It’s better to leave the assessment situation alone. Leave the rude voice. How parents and teachers talk to children. They are always trying to dictate, manage, lead. We must try not to constantly influence children, but learn to interact with them. On normal, human terms,” the psychologist advised.

How not to get divorced because of raising a child

Even in the most friendly and wonderful family, disagreements arise from time to time. And especially in raising children. What if mom is not satisfied with dad’s methods or, conversely, dad categorically disagrees with mom’s approach?

Who should the child listen to in this case? And how should parents behave so as not to spoil not only the child’s psyche, but also their own relationships?

Situation 1. What is prohibited is allowed

Every family has a system of certain prohibitions for the child. Some people have an indisputable taboo – chips and harmful sodas, others strictly ensure that the child does not eat sweets before lunch, so as not to spoil the appetite, others care about maintaining the regime and do not allow the child to sit up in front of the TV after a certain time, etc.

But it happens that one of the parents decides to ignore these prohibitions. The reasons may be different - the father was tired of listening to the child whine, begging for candy or chips, and with the help of such an indulgence he tried to motivate the child to clean the house, and he simply did not want to spoil his nerves because of such, in his opinion, nonsense .

First reaction

It is clear that most mothers in such cases will immediately tell their husband everything they think about his teaching abilities and attitude towards the child’s health. After which they will solemnly announce to the child that he and dad have done something unacceptable. To complete the effect, you can also add: “This will happen again...”

What to do right

First of all, try to restrain yourself. As psychologists say, even if the father allowed the child to replace a full meal with chips, the harm from this will be less than from the psychological stress that the scandal you started will cause.

In addition, you should not put dad and child on the same level of guilt. In general, give up the idea of blaming the dad in the presence of the child. Firstly, in this way you irrevocably destroy dad’s authority (and you will need it more than once in raising a child). And secondly, you give the child a weapon to further manipulate you. Having quickly grasped the contradictions that exist between you, he will masterfully play on them in the future, achieving what he wants. And finally, children are sensitive to any conflicts between their parents. After all, for a child they seem to be an indivisible whole. And if the cause of these conflicts turns out to be the child himself, then this becomes a powerful stress for him.

Therefore, any disagreement with dad’s decision must be expressed to him in private. And explain to the child that what happened was a temporary deviation from the rules, which you and your dad in this case considered possible to allow. But in the future, try to adhere to the established rules.

Situation 2. Evil and good

Dad demonstrates strictness of character. For example, he demands that the child put away his toys in the evening, scolds him for a bad grade, or simply behaves too coldly. It's obvious to you that dad is wrong. For example, the baby is already tired, and he is clearly unable to collect toys; a bad grade, in your opinion, does not deserve severe reprimand, and in general, the child needs his father’s affection and warmth no less than his mother’s.

First reaction

Intervene in your father's upbringing process by expressing everything you think about him. After this, feel sorry for the child and explain to him that dad is wrong.

What to do right

Even if it seems to you that dad is being unfair, you shouldn’t immediately rush to stand up for the child, reprimanding dad.

This does not mean that you should turn away from your child, leaving him alone with what you think is an unfair situation. Explain to him that dad was just very upset because he didn't put away his toys or got a bad grade. But at the same time, he in no way began to love the child less. This is the main idea that your child should learn from early childhood - even if the parents are dissatisfied with some of his actions, they still continue to love him and will always do so. The child must firmly know that his parents will never stop loving him. Then discuss the situation with your dad separately, find out whether his severity was justified or whether the issue could have been resolved in milder ways.

And after that, gather together at the negotiating table and calmly, kindly discuss the current situation. If the inevitable disagreements in your life are discussed openly and calmly, then in the future it will be easier for your child to negotiate with others and find solutions to complex issues.

Situation 3. Roaring cow

It's no secret that many dads are very sensitive when their child starts crying. Mothers, as a rule, quickly find a way out of such a situation - they stop talking in a raised voice, hug the baby, and try to calm him down.

Dads, on the contrary, often, at the sight of the tears of a child, and especially a son, literally lose their temper. They raise their voice, call to stop the hysteria, etc. Most often, men behave this way, whose crying in childhood also did not evoke much sympathy from their parents and was perceived as an attempt to achieve what they wanted. Well, they generally perceive a crying son as a disaster: “What, you look like a girl!” It is no secret that in the minds of many parents there is still a harmful stereotype that boys should not cry.

First reaction

Often mothers in this situation take dad’s side and begin to demand that the child calm down right away. The mother herself seems to feel guilty for such behavior of the child and thus tries to atone for her. “Let’s indulge the hysterics, then she/he will sit on your head,” this dad’s argument often turns out to be more effective than common sense.

What to do

In this situation, dad is captured not only by the stereotype that a crying child is necessarily a capricious hysteric, but also by the false idea that dad should be strict. In fact, dad, like mom, first of all needs to be loving. Of course, the task of maintaining discipline and basic norms of behavior usually falls on dad's shoulders. But this does not in any way imply that dad should demonstrate emotional callousness. And even more so – to demand it from a child.

The ban on tears causes fear and a feeling of helplessness in the child. In addition, the ban on expressing feelings (and the ban on tears falls into this category) is one of the most distorting to the psyche. And at the same time – the adult fate of your child.

Boys, having gotten used to the fact that they are not supposed to cry since childhood, in adulthood get used to keeping all emotions to themselves. And this is fraught with all sorts of problems - both with the psyche and with health.

In addition, the girl’s dad should not show excessive severity at all. Because a girl gets her first acquaintance with the world of men through her dad. And if she received full protection, warmth and love from him, then in the future she will not have problems choosing a worthy life partner. Daughters of emotionally cold and overly harsh fathers, as a rule, choose as partners men who are incapable of warmth or care.

Therefore, under no circumstances should mother and father call on the child to “stop crying immediately.” However, making comments to dad at this moment is also pointless.

As we said above, your husband, apparently, grew up in a family where there was a ban on emotions. Therefore, first of all, you will have to gradually teach your husband to open up. This won't be easy.

Be interested in his feelings, thoughts, plans, but in no case criticize what you hear. Your husband should feel trust in you, understand that you love him in any way - both strong and weak. That feeling that he did not receive as a child. Of course, it is difficult for an adult to change. But gradually he himself will learn not to be ashamed of his emotions and will become more understanding about their manifestation in the child.

Situation 4. Become what I want

It is no secret that many parents dream that their child will realize the dreams that are dear to them. Therefore, in their upbringing, they try to instill in their child an interest in precisely the area in which they themselves dreamed of becoming successful. There are often situations when each parent tries to cultivate directly opposite qualities in the child, pulling the rope over themselves. Mom, for example, dreams of seeing a musician in her son, and father – an engineer.

First reaction

Stick to your line, hoping that sooner or later the child will admit that she is right.

What to do

If you want to raise a confident person who is capable of achieving success in the business that interests him, it is only important to carefully follow the nature of the child himself, his inner inclinations, without imposing your own vision of his destiny.

In a word, in the matter of education, as well as in matters of family life, it is very important to try to listen and understand not only yourself. This will allow you to establish a common language with your child and maintain mutual understanding with your spouse.

Nella Pributkovskaya, “New Business”

Steps

Part 1

Keep calm

Let the panic pass quickly.

When we get a bad grade, we panic (unless this is something you're used to). We feel like we have lost our mind, our focus, our talent and our strength. But this is not how things are in general. Each of us can stumble. In fact, the mistakes we make in our lives are what make us the people we are, they teach us how to improve and do better next time.

Remind yourself that one bad grade will not ruin your entire academic career.

An academic career consists of many different tests and tests, not just the assignments and presentations you give in class.
It depends on the relationships you build with your teachers; on the influence you have on your friends; and most importantly - from what you learn
. Judging the success of your academic career by one assessment is like judging the success of a party by one guest who arrives. Such judgments are far from accurate.

Just in case, make sure, go back to the test and recalculate your scores.

Make sure that the teacher did not make a mistake when calculating your points or summing up the final grade. Remember: even math teachers make calculation mistakes!

If you do find an error, check again and then take the time to talk to your teacher. Instead of focusing on the error - “You made a mistake on my test, quickly change my grade!” – try to be more understanding. Remember that you will attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. Try something like this: “I noticed that something is missing here, or am I missing something?”

Carefully find out what grades your classmates received.
You probably won't be too upset if you got a "3" or a "3 -" when everyone else also got a "C", because it means you got a grade within the normal range. However, be careful when asking others' scores - they may not want to share with you or may want to know your score in return.
If your teacher proportionally lowered everyone's grades, then your result will be looked at taking into account everyone else's grades. Thus, if “4 -” is the maximum score on a test, then it becomes an “A”, and a “C” becomes a “Four”.

Part 2

Seeking help to improve the situation

Talk to your teacher about possible ways to improve the situation.
Teachers love it when students who have received a bad grade show a desire to learn and improve their grades. This makes teachers feel successful, doing the right thing, a good thing. Therefore, if you approach your teacher and say something like “Hello, Yulia Sergeevna, I didn’t like the way I showed myself on the test. Is there any way to forget about this and work on writing a better next paper?”, your teacher will simply faint with satisfaction.
- Even if it's challenging, you can get a lot of good out of meeting with your instructor: Your instructor will explain to you problems you got wrong and ideas you didn't understand.
The teacher may give you an assignment for extra credit.
Ask for help from students who did better on the test.
Helping others feels good, and that is why many students who do well on a paper help those who did worse. Just make sure that you actually spend your time studying and working, and not on jokes and chatter. And try to choose someone who you don’t find very attractive and for whom you don’t have a secret crush - we all know what “study” will be like when we are in the same room with a handsome guy or a beautiful girl.
Consider telling your parents about the bad grade.
Although you may not want to do this, talking to your parents about this topic is still a very good idea. Your parents are worried about your progress. That's why they care about your bad grades - not because they want to make you feel bad. Keeping this in mind will make it easier for you to open up to them and hopefully get the help and support you need.
- Your parents can sit down and explain to you where you went wrong; they can hire a tutor to help you with your studies; They may also arrange a meeting with your teacher (although it is unusual to do this after one bad grade) to find out how you can improve your performance.

Part 3

Success in the next test

Exercise effectively, not necessarily for a long time.
Many people believe that studying correctly means studying for a long time. This is not always true. Purposeful study with enthusiasm often beats long hours of monotonous work.
Read also: Is it true that cabbage makes breasts grow?
Write down your notes and comments by hand, rather than on a computer or laptop.
Studies have shown that writing with pen and paper improves your memory, as opposed to simply typing on a computer. This happens because writing letters and numbers activates the parts of the brain responsible for motor memory. Improving motor memory means improving your memory in general and remembering the information you write down.
Take a break from time to time to refresh your memory.
10-minute breaks once an hour help in memorizing and mastering the material. You can spend one-sixth of an hour walking, playing with the dog, or calling your friend and commiserating with him before returning to your studies.
Take a practice test before the real test.
Practice tests are a great solution if you can get your hands on them. They give you a good idea of your problem area and what you need to work on. Practice is the way to an ideal result.
Try not to cram.
If you can do without cramming, it is better to give it up. It is exhausting, impairs your understanding of the material, and sometimes reduces your confidence in your abilities.
Get a good night's sleep before the test.
Research has shown that for every hour of sleep lost at night, stress levels increase by 14%. This doesn't seem like much of a problem until you see how much stress affects your performance. So get a good night's sleep at least a few nights before a big test to give your body the best chance of success.
Have a good breakfast the morning before the test.
Your brain and your body require fuel to do well on a test. So a great breakfast is an important priority that should not be overlooked. Try unsweetened cereals, whole-grain baked goods, yogurt and muesli, oatmeal and fresh fruit to give your body the energy it needs to perform great.

By May, parental anxiety about school assessments reaches its peak. The children are already tired of classes and are thinking about vacation. The adults are even more tired: the hard winter is behind us, sleepless nights, preparing children for tests... And now, when there is one last push left before the end of the school year, the nerves begin to fail.

“Letidor” asked psychologist Alina Aleksanyants to tell parents how to cope with their emotions and what is really important to do if they are worried about a student’s grades.

April is in full swing, May is just around the corner. And, of course, grades, grades, grades rain down on the children... For a quarter, and then for a year.

Nowadays, schoolchildren often hear from their parents: “It doesn’t matter what grades you get, knowledge is important.” But children's fours, threes, and even more so twos continue to be a red rag for a bull for adults. How to survive the annual certification?

Evaluation is a strong irritant for a parent. It evokes emotions. Five - wonderful, joy, two - disappointment, dissatisfaction.

Reacting to assessments means reinforcing dependence on them and increasing their importance.

Not to react is to show indifference and let everything take its course. Both options, as a rule, do not suit parents. What to do?

Return to the knowledge that the child receives.

Once you look at knowledge rather than grades, your perception will change. Each assessment will be good because it shows a cross-section of knowledge and practical skills (although you must remember that this is relative). A child may get a bad grade not because he didn’t learn the topic. At the time of the answer, he could feel bad or worried, for example, because of a quarrel with a friend or because of a quarrel between his parents. After all, he could get tired and distracted. How can parents react correctly to different grades?

Five

- a good grade indicates that the student has a good understanding of the material. As a rule, he doesn’t need help.

Four

- a good grade, indicates that the child understood the material, but did not understand something or was distracted during the lesson. Here the parent’s position is: “If you need help, I’m here.”

Troika

- a good assessment, indicates that this topic still needs to be understood, the material has not been mastered. Parent’s position: “What help do you need?”

Deuce

- a good grade indicates that this topic has flown by or the student has difficulties that are related not only to studies. Your reaction: “I’m ready to help you.”

When parents begin to see something besides grades in the diary, the subject of conversation becomes the study itself and the knowledge that the child receives or does not receive, the search for the reasons for the unlearned knowledge and finding ways to correct the situation.

Don't let school ruin your relationship. School years are over, but relationships are for life.

Read our other article on how to make sure your child enjoys studying at school.

A small child perceives “5” or “4” not just as a mark, but as an assessment of his personality - whether I am good or bad. It is not without reason that in some pedagogical systems they abandon grades altogether, so as not to create unnecessary reasons for... How adequately a child can perceive assessments depends, for the most part, on the family. After all, sometimes parents forget that not only the result is important, but also participation, and studying is a process of obtaining not so much grades as knowledge.

In addition, grades are always subjective: the result may be affected by the teacher’s anxiety or attitude. But often the child’s perception of grades is influenced by the parents’ attitude towards them, and the latter, in turn, can be divided into several types.

Anxious parents.

Most often, anxious parents worry about grades: for them, it is an indicator of their child’s success, and, therefore, it is their assessment as an effective or ineffective parent: in other words, how their contribution to the child was assessed by society. “For such mothers and fathers, a bad grade is catastrophic - if he has a “2”, it means that I am a bad parent,” explains Anna Fateeva, a child psychologist at the Crisis Center for Assistance to Women and Children.

Authoritarian parents.

The situation with grades is no less difficult for children of demanding, controlling, critical parents. Often such people are forced to rewrite the assignment until it is perfect; they meet a grade of four, and even more so a grade of three in the diary, with stern silence, lectures, or punishments. The child begins to fear evaluations, especially if he has already encountered punishment - physical or emotional.

Narcissistic parents.

It also happens that it is important for parents to present the child’s results to the public: to be proud, to brag, to brag, and then the parents - obviously or not - convey to the child: “If you are not successful, you do not live up to our expectations, we don’t need you like that.” Here we are dealing with a situation of rejection, which, accordingly, will lead to excessive and panic before showing the diary to the parents.

How a businessman correlates children's grades with a possible path of life development

Seeing that the child gave a low grade, Alex explains to him: “The way you are studying now, it looks like a low-paid specialist or a business founder.” It’s not surprising, because to become a good, highly paid specialist, such as a doctor or lawyer, you need to study well. Assessing the protest character of the child, the businessman notes that his child is not “suited” even to be a manager - specialists of this class must be able to work well in a team, within the framework of certain rules established by the company.

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Alex Yanovsky shared that his eldest son, who regularly receives unsatisfactory grades, is confident that he will have his own business, but, according to the businessman, he has not yet taken any steps towards creating it.

Should Alex Yanovsky's son earn money to create his own business? The businessman sees nothing wrong with providing his child with start-up capital. As an example, he cites the life experience of Donald Trump, who once received a million dollars for development from his father and, of course, increased it (and continues to increase it to this day).

Guide The VillageHow to deal with bad grades and do homework without stress

On the eve of the new school year, the Bombora publishing house published a book “Schoolchildren” by psychologist, blogger and “lazy mother” Anna Bykova. In it, Anna talks about how to choose a school, how to do homework without stress, and how to understand that something went wrong in communication with teachers or classmates. The Village publishes an excerpt that talks about attitudes toward school grades.

Are grades important?

So, are school grades important or not important? Is it true that C students are better off in life? To answer this question, first of all, you need to decide on the criterion of “settlement”. If we take material security as a criterion, then school grades are not directly related to this factor. In other words, among people whose income level is above average, there are those who were excellent students at school and those who were C students. A gold medal and honors diploma are not a guarantee of financial security. The Internet is replete with examples of the rich and famous who once repeated grades or were expelled from school altogether. But another assumption is also incorrect: C grades in a certificate do not guarantee good material income in the future.

If we take the subjective level of satisfaction with one’s life as the criterion of “settlement,” then here too there is no dependence on school grades. However, satisfaction does not depend on money or the number of fans. The rich cry too, and the famous can feel lonely.

Yes, it would be very convenient - to be able to calculate the future happiness of a child, find a mathematical expression for it with several parameters and ensure that the child, as he grows up, does not stray beyond the acceptable values of these parameters. This significantly reduces parental anxiety. This gives the illusion of control over future life. “Now I will stretch the child to the required value of parameters A, B, C, and this will be a guarantee of his happiness in the future.”

Sometimes I meet parents who sincerely believe that they have found this expression. Studying at school serves as one of the parameters in it. The parameter limits are defined as “4–5” or even stricter — “5”. It’s good if the child fits into this parameter. If he and his parents understand “happiness” the same way. Then there will be no value conflict with parents. And if not? Then a difficult struggle begins for both sides.

Why don't children need "4" and "5"?

Why is it so difficult for parents to accept that their child does not strive to get good grades? Because in this case, parental anxiety about the future child increases. But appreciation is not a marker of future happiness. It doesn’t even always act as an adequate marker of abilities. The grade is how well the child has mastered the material studied at school. But only. There is no need to attach additional criteria to it.

The score is not an indicator of ability. It may be that there are abilities, but there is no desire. Or the child’s abilities do not fit into the scope of school subjects.

An assessment is not a guarantee of future success. Social or emotional intelligence is not assessed in school, but can help a person make a career.

The score is not an indicator of how far the child has progressed in his or her development. When grading, the child's result is compared with a certain standard norm, and not with the child's previous achievements. It may be that there are personal achievements, but the assessment remains the same.

The grade is not an indicator of how responsible the child is. The child may be extremely responsible in another area where he has a direct interest. I can give an example from adult life, when an extremely responsible middle manager forgets to buy a carton of milk for home and listens to reproaches from his wife for irresponsibility. Yes, he forgot about the milk because he was thinking intensely and responsibly about launching a new project.

Poor grades in school are not “horror, horror, the child is stupid, lazy, irresponsible, and will never be able to get a normal job.” Poor grades mean that for some reason the child cannot or does not want to do what is required at school. That's all. There is no need to hang any labels. There is no need to derive a personality assessment based on assessments in the diary. In the adult world, it is considered tactless to ask “How much do you earn?” However, for some reason it is considered normal to ask a schoolchild: “How are you studying? How did you finish the quarter?” I don’t think that a child should report to all his grandparents, aunts, uncles, mother’s friends, and father’s friends who come to visit, how many threes, fours and fives he has in his diary. Allow your child not to answer this question. Teach him verbal formulations that allow you to evade the topic and laugh it off. Make a joke yourself if you feel awkward talking about your child’s grades. You don't have to answer to anyone.

What emotions cause bad grades? And what to do with them?

When a child brings home a bad grade, parents may have different emotions.

Pity for the child. “He tried so hard, but it didn’t work out. Now he's worried."

Self-pity. “I spend so much effort so that he learns, and this is the result.”

Envy of others. “Everyone I know has excellent children, and only mine...”

Guilt. “I'm a bad mother. I missed something."

Anger at the child. “Idle man! Slob! Doesn’t work at all!”

Anger at another adult (other parent, tutor, teacher). “Is it really impossible to explain it in such a way that a child can understand it!”

Fear for the future. “How will he continue to live if he studies like this?”

Shame. “What will they think of me?”

Normally, an emotion should pass quickly without leaving devastating consequences. But there are devastating consequences in the truest sense of the word. One of my clients came for a consultation after smashing a computer monitor with a hammer after seeing three deuces in her son’s diary. And these are not the worst consequences. It’s worse when it’s not the object that suffers from physical actions, but the person. Getting stuck in a negative emotion is fraught. Emotions block constructive thoughts. Even pity for the child can become so overwhelming that the parent will be unable to help the child or support him. Meanwhile, all strong emotions are based on some kind of limiting belief.

For example, this:

“Good kids only get good grades.”

“Children with good parents get good grades.”

“Good grades are the basis of a good life.”

If the belief corresponds to reality, that is, the child brings good grades, then you can keep this belief. (The main thing is not to interfere with other people, in other people’s lives.) But if the belief does not correspond to the realities of life, then it becomes difficult to remain calm, it is difficult to avoid disappointment. And there are two ways here. The first is to try to adjust the realities of life to your beliefs. The second is to change your beliefs to the realities of life.

If you have already tried to motivate, stimulate, work with him, and further educate him with the help of tutors, but the grades are still not encouraging, to maintain calm, it makes sense to take the second path and work on your belief, turning it into the following: “I have a good child.” . Good even when he gets bad grades. I know his strengths. I know that there are things that he does best. I'm sure this will help him find his recipe for a happy life in the future. And I’m a good parent because I believe in my child.”

Cover: "Bombora"

How to react to your child's grades at school?

A mark is a necessary thing.
For students, grades are a kind of benchmark for self-assessment and feedback from the teacher. For teachers, it is an opportunity to systematize an idea about each student and track the dynamics of development and learning. But you shouldn’t use a scale of marks to determine who is stupid and who is smart, who is good and who is bad, transfer it to life and measure human relationships with it. If a child gets bad grades at school, should they be executed?

Try not to be too critical of your student’s grades from the very beginning. Even if the scores leave much to be desired, do not dramatize the situation, do not immediately start scolding. Try not to yell at the child; after such a reaction, he is unlikely to want to do anything at all, even for grades, even without them. Or, fearing punishment, a child may hide from you the fact of receiving an unsatisfactory grade. What can he hide from you in the future? If you don’t want to completely lose his trust, then don’t scold your child the next time he gets a bad grade. Pull yourself together, calm the child down and just say something parting and encouraging, because the child is already upset.

It is important for a child how his parents will perceive his school grades - after all, he subconsciously transfers their reaction to the grades as approval or disapproval of him. Of course, parents should be interested in the grades of their children, no matter what their academic performance, but they should not connect the child’s grades in school with the personality of the child himself. You may be dissatisfied with the grades as a result of his work, but he himself must understand that you love and accept him, no matter what.

Teach your child not to react so strongly to bad grades. Tell us how you, as a schoolchild, forgot your diary at home or how you mixed up an assignment out of excitement. Let him know that you are ready to help him overcome and cope.

If your child is already an adult, you do not need to constantly monitor him. There are reasons why a child may give up studying, for example: first love, new hobbies or new hobbies. Therefore, it is better to simply check his homework and grades from time to time than to later accuse the teenager of irresponsibility.

But studying at a university is a time when your control and interest in assessment should be reduced to a minimum. Growing up requires independence in everything. For example, in making mistakes and correcting them yourself.

A child’s good grades at school: should we praise them?

They go to school for knowledge. Grades, although a reflection of them, cannot be a value in themselves. Be sure to convey this idea to your child! Otherwise, he may develop evaluation neurosis - when not only the mood, but also the well-being of an excellent student is spoiled due to a random four: the child begins to literally beg for high scores and behaves inappropriately (cries, runs away, withdraws) if he receives low ones.

There is no need to praise your child too much for good grades, as the reaction can be unpredictable. Too frequent praise quickly ceases to stimulate growth. Either, having become convinced of his own exclusivity and genius, he will stop studying altogether, or, on the contrary, striving to constantly receive your approval and being afraid of losing it, he will become dependent on grades.

In any case, whether your child’s grades at school are good or bad, do not make inappropriate comments (both negative and positive) about your child. Separate personality and actions. You love and respect your child’s personality; you can be satisfied or dissatisfied with his actions. In both cases, it is better to simply encourage your student a little in his endeavors and aspirations to become better than himself yesterday.

Think about how school grades have little impact on a person's future. The child's future is more influenced by the personality of the parents, their reaction to his grades at school, and their attitude towards him.

But often schoolchildren have a reluctance to study, they skip school, receive unsatisfactory grades, do not want and are not interested in their school successes, they are indifferent to the educational process as such. This behavior is typical for schoolchildren of any age, and reluctance to learn can only intensify over time. This can be caused by various factors, such as excessive emotional and physical stress, conflicts at school or in the family, lack of parental control, etc. If parents manage to find out why the child does not want to study, 50% of the problem has already been solved. The further fate of the student will largely depend on the parents and their correct, adequate reaction to the current situation. Swearing, scandals, hysterics, punishments up to and including a belt have never been a good solution to the problem.

If parents are unable to cope with the problem on their own, you can always seek help from a psychologist who will help you understand the possible reasons for the child’s low educational motivation and give the right recommendations.

Understanding the child and helping him overcome existing difficulties is the main task of the parents of a schoolchild whose studies are not going well. Don't let school ruin your relationship. School years are over, but relationships are for life.

Educational psychologist

Filimonova Maria

Algorithm for exiting the state of “failure”:

Acquaintance with objective reality. You should not protect your child from the situation and negative experiences - this will lead to the fact that in later life he will avoid moments where he can lose. The child must clearly know for himself: “Defeat is part of life, and what happened is normal!”;
Focus on success. In order for a child to learn to cope with failures, he needs to be focused on success, and not on the best result. For example, a student should be encouraged not to get excellent grades, but to strive for knowledge. The child must be made to understand that success is the result of certain actions, and not something that “falls from above.” He must understand that if he works and works on himself, he will eventually succeed. Moreover, the child’s orientation towards success should occur in accordance with his priorities and interests;
Self-acceptance. A child must be his own friend - be able to calm himself down at the right moment, treat him with a degree of sympathy and understanding. Such self-perception is impossible at a young age - it takes years, and parents should, first of all, develop such an attitude towards themselves in a child;
Finding the cause of failure. If a child understands that his failures are natural and have a clear dependence on something, it will become much easier for him, his attitude towards failures will change, and his psyche, in turn, will “go” the right path of reasonable judgments and analysis;
Correct prioritization. The child’s brain initially does not perceive failure well, but when he calms down and is able to perceive information adequately, it will be possible to explain to him what is important to him and what is not. It is likely that what the child lost in is far from being in first place in the child’s value system - then the chance for peace of mind increases;
Taking failures with a smile. A lot depends on the parents here. Remember that your condition is passed on to the child: if you smile at the moment of his defeat, he will begin to feel that everything is not so bad, and his perception will change for the better;
Assure your child of unconditional love. This point is very important, since it is the fear of being unloved that often underlies a child’s negative perception of his failures - it seems to him that his parents will stop loving him! You need to dispel this myth, and begin to express your love and respect for him in any situation where the baby tried, regardless of the result.

Attention! The use of any medications and dietary supplements, as well as the use of any therapeutic methods, is possible only with the permission of a doctor.

“I have never scolded children for grades”

Alex Yanovsky (this is the businessman we are talking about) said that he never scolded his children for the bad grades they brought from school. Moreover, he is quite satisfied with absolutely any assessment, because it has no direct relation to a person’s future.

But why is that? Is it possible that this man, being very successful, does not want to instill in his children a desire for the best? Or is it that grades do not determine success in life? In fact, everything is different: it’s just that from the very beginning Alex clearly defined that the grades received for knowledge are only an indicator of what a person can become in life, what path of development he can take in the future.

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