What to do if I'm freaking out about anything

What to do if your husband is constantly dissatisfied with everything?

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Perhaps almost no one can honestly boast that they have an ideal relationship in marriage. It is natural and normal to strive for harmony, intimacy and a friendly emotional atmosphere in your family nest. But the achievement of such a relationship is the result of a lot of daily work by each spouse. Therefore, if difficulties arise, you should not give up and give up; it is better to adequately assess the situation, understand the problems and solve them together.

Spouse's dissatisfaction

It is very difficult to endure a tense emotional atmosphere in the family. Many women are forced to put up with the fact that their husband constantly finds fault, criticizes, reproaches and insults. Moreover, this can often happen for practically no reason or for far-fetched reasons. A man, as they say, “starts up at half speed”: he screams, expresses dissatisfaction with the prepared food, housework, reproaches him for any shortcomings, or reproaches his wife with money.

Hurtful words may be repeated over and over again without further apology. The claims are becoming smaller and more far-fetched. Tired of enduring this, many women are ready to decide to divorce and break off relations with their once loved one. What are the reasons for this behavior of the spouse?

It is possible to change the current unpleasant situation and improve relationships only if the root of the problems is eliminated or at least corrected.

A man may exhibit negative emotions towards his wife due to one or more of the following factors.

Often a woman complains that her husband constantly yells, even without good reason, and is dissatisfied with everything, but at the same time she does not try to assess the general emotional state of her other half. Such manifestations may be a signal of accumulated stress, chronic fatigue or prolonged psycho-emotional overload. Most often this may be due to problems at work. Tired after a day of work and unable to relieve stress in other ways, the man, returning home, screams and reproaches his wife over mere trifles.
Perhaps rude behavior in the family is a manifestation of the personality traits and character of the spouse. Before cohabitation, they could simply be invisible. Common everyday life can often very unexpectedly reveal a person from a completely different side. For example, it is simply characteristic of a choleric person that he is almost always angry, often grumbles and always makes comments to others. Unfortunately, even a close and loved one cannot avoid such manifestations.
It is mistakenly believed that a man is almost always satisfied with his sexual life, especially if it is regular. But this is not true at all. And it is precisely violations in sexual relationships that very often become the cause of quarrels and loss of mutual understanding. The situation is further aggravated by the fact that not all couples are ready to adequately discuss intimacy or correctly express their wishes or comments to their partner. Often, a woman is generally not inclined to look for the root of problems in this area, not seeing the connection between sex and communication in everyday life. This leaves the problem unresolved and over time increases tension between the spouses.

Like women, representatives of the stronger sex tend to create a certain ideal for their life partner. Having begun to get to know her much better, the husband inevitably faces one or another disappointment. This is especially often manifested in dissatisfaction with a wife on maternity leave. During this period, a pregnant woman undergoes physical changes, as well as fluctuations in her emotional state. Of course, a man may understand that he cannot reproach her for this, but he simply cannot restrain himself in many cases. The fact is that he himself is in some confusion and does not have time to accept the new qualities and image of the woman he loves. It seems to him that in front of him is almost another person, previously unknown to him, connected to him by marriage.

Remarks, criticism and reproaches expressed towards the other half are an attempt to embody the image previously invented and idealized by the man.

A mother-in-law can pit her son against a chosen one she dislikes. For whatever reason, having initially disliked her, the mother will try to cause discord in the couple’s relationship. If a man is strongly attached to his mother, for the most part he will blindly take her side and unconsciously agree with her opinions and claims.
can be a very unpleasant and serious reason for a husband’s harsh and rude behavior . These may be very fleeting feelings that will soon fade away. But during their height, the life partner fades in the eyes of the spouse. But the new passion, on the contrary, simply blossoms with virtues and often imaginary advantages.
can serve as reasons for irritation and reproaches . Often, inflated self-esteem prevents us from adequately assessing our qualities and actions. Listen and take a closer look at yourself. Do you exhibit similar negative behavior in your relationship with your spouse? Are your housework and meals really impeccable? Sometimes a woman simply does not want to admit that she is doing something badly or untidy and stubbornly stands her ground, repeating her mistakes over and over again. And the husband is forced to express claims and comments in a more rude, harsh and irritated form in order to “get through” to his wife.
Perhaps your husband has observed tensions between his parents. Often in adulthood, such children, without a positive example, in their marriage begin to practically copy the behavior model of their family members.

Reasons for fathers' intemperance

If a dad yells at a child very often, family relationships gradually become tense. The baby begins to be afraid of his own parent and tries to communicate more with his mother. For what reasons do even the most reserved and kind fathers begin to shout at their children?

In fact, psychologists identify several reasons for this phenomenon. Firstly, many fathers, by shouting and swearing, try to strengthen their authority and demonstrate that they are the heads of the family. Often, a man’s authority in a child’s eyes rests precisely on his constant outbursts of anger, and the child is simply afraid of making the parent angry.

Secondly, such screams directly indicate that men are unadapted to children’s tricks. Mothers a priori spend much more time with their own child, so they are always aware of the child’s possible pranks and hysterics. When the father begins to communicate with the baby, all the little tricks, his constant whims and tears over every little thing turn out to be unthinkable for him. This is why fathers lash out at their children, which they later greatly regret.

Thirdly, psychologists have found that the features and nuances of raising a child directly depend on the atmosphere in which the man himself grew up. If the father of the current head of the family often shouted in his own home or even raised his hand to his children, the man will subconsciously try to impose the same educational algorithms in communication with his child. Various psychological experiments have proven that men brought up in an unhealthy environment and in fear of their own father, over time become just as aggressive towards their children.

Of course, the constant shouting of the head of the family at the child cannot bring any good. Almost always they turn out to be that the relationship between the baby and the father is too strained. A woman in such a situation needs to show all her wisdom in order to cope with the problem in time before it takes threatening turns.

You shouldn't automatically take sides. You should find out the source of the conflict, and only then stand up for either the child or the husband. Often, women instantly take the position of their own child, which irritates their spouse even more. During a quarrel, it is best not to get involved in the conflict at all, but after it is over, you should clearly and clearly state your position to both the child and the husband.

How to help yourself and your husband?

First of all, understand the fact that if you let the situation take its course, it will almost certainly not change for the better. In mending shaky marital relationships, sincerity, love for your partner, and patience are important. Without these qualities, it is impossible to build trusting and mutually respectful communication even in the premarital period, and even more so after the conclusion of a union and the beginning of life together.

Take the time to have calm conversations. Representatives of the stronger sex, although more inclined to keep their experiences to themselves, still react very positively to any friendly and confidential conversation with a loved one. If your man is having problems at work, support and encourage him, show him that you believe in him. If an argument starts to flare up, try not to start it up. Do not shout back and do not escalate the conflict situation. A constructive, calm discussion of a problem is much more effective than any scandal and mutual insults.

Sometimes it's better to leave a man alone and let him calm down. Tell him gently and without challenge that his words are very offensive to you. Explain that you would like to talk about the problem calmly, so ask him to still control his emotions. After this, leave the room or go for a short walk.

It is better to reason with a conflict when it arises, rather than exchange insults in the heat of the moment, which will cause pain and shame for both.

Try to correctly discuss your feelings in bed with your husband. If it's clear that you and your spouse aren't ready to have this conversation, don't be afraid to reach out to a couples sexuality counselor. Listen to the advice of a psychologist who advises in this area. Unfortunately, in our country many people still have prejudices and shame regarding intimate intimacy. But such consultations help many couples to harmonize their sex lives and relationships, and also to avoid breaking up.

Help your man realize himself in a business or hobby that interests him. Life shouldn't be all about work and family. Such a limitation of one’s horizons and activities is very exhausting and leads to nervous and emotional exhaustion. Offer him interesting options for a joint weekend getaway or some creative activity. Perhaps your couple will have a new common hobby. And this is the right path to rapprochement and resolution of disagreements.

Try to work on your shortcomings. Talk to close friends or parents and ask them to point them out to you objectively and honestly. You should not defend and cherish your weaknesses. Such tactics will only lead to moral laziness, complacency and arrogance. And these qualities are very noticeable and unpleasant in any communication, not only within a married couple, but also in other areas.

Look after yourself. Maintain a neat appearance even at home. Sometimes change your image, this will create the effect of novelty in the eyes of your spouse. Try to establish good, trusting relationships with your husband's parents, loved ones and friends. Even if one of them is unpleasant to you for some reason, maintaining communication with them will give you two big positive aspects.

What to do when your husband is hot-tempered

If you are a woman and find yourself head over heels in this situation, you constantly endure shouting at yourself; coping with the situation will require effort. As soon as you start behaving differently than before, you will be perceived by a man with misunderstanding and dissatisfaction. To avoid violent emotions, you need to act carefully and slowly. Follow the recommendations I have provided below. The task is to constructively work on yourself and your perception of the situation, since it is unlikely that it is possible to change another person, in our case the husband.

To pacify a screaming spouse, male psychology advises the following:

Don't initiate conflict personally;
It’s also not worth it to “nag” your husband’s brain over little things (for example, because of an unwashed plate after eating);
Do not follow the lead and do not show aggression in response;
Try to listen to your husband with restraint, even if these are complaints (it is not at all necessary to do what he wants, but the person will at least speak out and it will become easier for him);
Resolve conflicts that have arisen when everyone has calmed down (as soon as the charge of emotions has passed, you can try to understand the situation and resolve the troubles that have arisen);
Do not burden your spouse with household chores if he is the only person in the family earning money. He can, indeed, get very tired at work. (You shouldn’t think that today is a weekend, so let him do household chores. He works 5 days a week, comes home and goes to bed and goes back to work in the morning. A man needs proper rest, both physically and emotionally. Requirement in the form of “take out the trash now” will be perceived with aggression.);
Harmony and comfort should reign at home with the dinner expected by the husband (hunger obviously will not calm him down);
Show more care and affection, say more kind words to him. (It is possible that he lacks your attention and feels forgotten. Take the initiative and show his importance in your life.);
Analyze the relationship and decide for yourself whether you are ready to put up with this or whether it is better to end it before it is too late.
Go to an appointment with a family psychoanalyst.

To improve your relationship with your husband, this article will help you

Share your methods in the comments that you think can help in this situation.

Why is your husband always unhappy and criticizing you? What to do about it?

Harmony in relationships and a consistently friendly emotional atmosphere are what you should strive for in any marriage. But we are all people with our own “cockroaches” in our heads, no matter how much we want the ideal, it still remains unattainable. Problems and difficulties arise, this is normal.

To get closer to the desired beautiful relationship, both partners need to work on it every day. It’s better not to delay: quickly assess the situation and try to solve common problems together.

Why is your spouse always unhappy with you?

There is no desire to endure further or to understand. Although, first of all, you need to understand what happened.

Try to gently find out the reasons for your spouse’s behavior, instead of throwing tantrums

The reasons for this behavior of the spouse:

Best intentions. Yes, criticism, especially excessive criticism, is unpleasant. The first reaction to it may be frustration and anger. But your husband is your closest person, he sees you from the side, sees your shortcomings. Sometimes he just wants you to get better and improve. Such criticism is useful, so you can even rejoice at it, and not turn it into an excuse for another scandal.
Hidden dissatisfaction with something significant. It happens that a husband will not forgive his wife for some serious mistake, but he does not dare to say so. It turns out that dissatisfaction with the main problem is accumulating. He throws it away little by little, little by little. If you feel that he is just being nagging, try asking: “What else doesn’t suit you about me?” There is a chance to figure it out.
Inability to communicate. A man may not even imagine that he is offending a woman with his words. He wants what’s best: for himself or for his family—that’s another question. He expresses his observations, not realizing that he needs to communicate differently. After all, a woman loves with her ears. In such a situation, you should not isolate yourself and suffer alone. Resentment is harmful to health, especially since it will not help, and the man himself will not understand. The solution is to talk to your spouse and explain what exactly it is that offends you in his words.
Emotional release. The reason for this is if the husband turns out to be an energy vampire or simply relieves emotional stress after work. In this case, he can cling to his wife for almost no reason and wait for a response with a release of energy. It is not necessary that he does this on purpose, but rather unconsciously. To save your energy, in such a situation you need to remain calm and answer as succinctly as possible. It is ideal to simply leave for a while after exchanging remarks.
Translation of arrows. There is such a point of view that a person sees in others, first of all, the shortcomings that he has. If your spouse constantly reproaches you for mismanagement or unpunctuality, then perhaps this is his way of trying to hide his vices. The phrase “Look at yourself” will not help the situation. But you shouldn’t let your spouse humiliate you and lower your self-esteem either. Be constructive: offer to work together on your problem.
Manipulation. If a man suffers from self-doubt, then he benefits from a woman’s low self-esteem. Such a wife will obey him all her life and look into his mouth. Therefore, he seeks to use any manipulation to reduce her faith in her self-sufficiency. By criticizing endlessly, he belittles her feminine importance and causes a feeling of guilt. Develop self-love and self-respect, improve yourself, and you will not be subject to manipulation. The feeling of self-sufficiency makes this almost impossible. Learn to recognize various manipulative techniques and learn to resist them. Know your worth, don’t stoop to endless apologies and excuses. It is enough to apologize once. For example: “Sorry, I understand the reasons for your irritation, but I didn’t mean to offend.” And further according to the situation. Understand that you have the right to make mistakes, this is not a reason to consider you stupid or bad. Don’t let guilt settle in your soul for a long time, it causes illness.
Love is gone. This also happens. But men often cannot decide to break up on their own and prefer to delegate such a decision to their wife. Therefore, they deliberately turn her life into hell with their critical remarks, hoping that she will leave on her own. And if you convince yourself that a woman is stupid and a bad housewife, for example, then it’s easier to leave her yourself. If you find yourself in such a situation, then the choice is yours: stop this torture or fight for your husband.

School of Relationships for Women

If someone or something explodes, you need to lie down on the ground, put your head in your hands and lie there until it's quiet!

This is standard behavior from Civil Defense. And it works in the area of personal relationships with a man!

Now seriously. If your husband “exploded” and began to raise his voice, then the first thing you need to do is under no circumstances to continue the conversation further. As long as one of you (or both) is in an unstable emotional state, it is useless to talk further.

Why is talking in a raised voice useless?

Because a person in an unnatural state can do anything and say anything. At this time, he is not him. Therefore, if your situation has become tense and you understand that you can no longer talk calmly, your task is to stop this conversation and reschedule it for a later time or another day. Get up and go into another room with the words: “Sorry, dear, I can’t talk to you like this!”

Every person has two natural reactions to stress and violence. He either gets into a fight or runs away. As a rule, a person chooses to “run away.” But if there is no longer an option to “run,” a person can only “fight.” This has been the case since the time of primitive man.

Now you have the same situation. Your husband has “exploded” and is behaving emotionally unbalanced. You can either “fight” (start arguing, defend your point of view) or “run away”. Leave the “battlefield”: leave, wait out the storm in another place with the goal that when everything calms down, calmly discuss this situation in a normal, calm tone.

Do it as productively as possible. Understand that “fighting” is useless. You won't achieve anything useful anyway. You think you are having a reasoned argument, but in reality you are not. You are having a fight.

Arguing will not lead to anything good. You can't achieve anything with higher tones. Never.

You need to go into a normal, quiet state so that all emotions subside. And then it’s already in a normal state to resolve all the issues: “Let’s sit down with you and try to consider what we did yesterday. You wanted one thing, I wanted another. Let us calmly decide everything, using our rational brain. Not seething emotions, but your logical, sound brain.”

This is what you need to do when your husband raises his voice or “explodes.” If you are confused, read my advice again, put everything in its place. I hope you will use my advice and do the right thing.

These courses will help you quickly learn how to “cope” with your husband:

How to live with a man in perfect harmony Relationships with a man from A to Z Myths about men How to raise your man