Olga Ivanova. Single mother: evil fate or conscious choice?

Single mothers law

Russian legislative acts do not define the exact concept of a “single mother” . Understanding who is the only parent, the requirements for him, as well as the procedure for recognition depend on the scope of the regulatory document. Thus, the most important laws defining the term “single mother” are:

1. Resolution of the Supreme Court of the Russian Federation No. 1 of January 28, 2014 (for labor relations).
2. Letter of the Ministry of Finance No. 03-04-05/78050 dated October 30, 2018 (tax area).
3. Regional regulations (social benefits).
4. Art. 17 of Law No. 143-FZ of October 22, 1997 and the Family Code (the basis for local legislation regulating benefits and payments).

Who is eligible to receive the status?

The clear concept of “single mother” is not fixed by law. When determining who has the right to count on acquiring such status, it is worth focusing on the requirements provided for acquiring benefits in a particular area.

In order to receive the benefits provided by labor legislation, the mother must meet the requirements provided for in paragraph 2 of clause 28 of the Resolution of the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation No. 1 of January 28, 2014. In particular, a single parent is obliged to raise and provide for the child independently, without the participation of the father . The father may be absent due to:

• Death.
• Deprivation or restriction of rights to education.
• Official declaration of missing persons.
• The presence of incapacity.
• Serious health problems that do not allow him to take responsibility for financial support and participation in the life of his daughter/son.
• Convictions of stay in correctional institutions.
• Evasion (refusal) from paying financial resources for the maintenance of a minor.

At the same time, labor legal acts do not consider it mandatory for the father to be absent from the birth certificate. A parent may be included in the certificate, but avoid paying child support, or do not have the physical ability to do so.

To receive tax benefits, a woman will need to meet the requirements described in Letter of the Ministry of Finance No. 03-04-05/78050 dated October 30, 2018. According to the criteria specified in the regulatory act, a mother can receive single status if:

1. The father is not included in the birth document.
2. The parent died or was officially declared dead.
3. The pope is missing in action, about which there is a court order.

For tax benefits, therefore, the criteria are stricter than for labor benefits.

Divorce and failure to fulfill parental responsibilities are not considered grounds for recognizing a mother as single.

Allowances and other social compensations and benefits are established by regional legislative acts. Therefore, the requirements for a mother to obtain single status may vary significantly. However, most laws of the constituent entities of the Russian Federation are guided in determining the mandatory criteria of Art. 17 of Law No. 143-FZ of October 22, 1997 and the Family Code.

In particular, social benefits will be provided if the father is not identified and there is a dash in the corresponding metric column. It is also considered acceptable to indicate the father from the words of the mother. In this case, it is legally considered that the father does not exist and has no rights or obligations in relation to the child. This entry is made if:

1. The marriage has not been officially concluded, the parents have not submitted a joint application to indicate paternity, and there is no decision from the judicial authorities.
2. There is an appeal from an unmarried woman about the need to include the pope in the documents from her words, the man himself did not show any initiative to establish kinship.
3. The mother was married, but the marriage was dissolved more than 300 days before the birth of the baby; other candidates did not file applications to indicate paternity.
4. The woman’s husband passed away (died, died, was declared missing) more than 300 days before the birth of the child.

Svetlana Anokhina

Family lawyer, website expert

In the social sphere, the mother will be recognized as the only parent only if the father is not legally established. Divorce, incapacity, conviction or failure to pay alimony are not grounds for establishing status!

Single mother and single mother - what's the difference?

In accordance with Russian legislation, there is no difference between the concepts of “single mother” and “single mother”. These concepts overlap with each other, implying that a single mother will be considered a woman who raises children on her own, without the help of their father.

Of course, these concepts, from a legal point of view, are expanded by additional conditions and requirements, one of which is the mandatory absence of a father and paternity of the child. It doesn't matter if he has an actual, biological father. It should be clear from the papers that he is not there.

Please note that if a “paper” father exists - for example, if he pays alimony, then the status of a single mother cannot be obtained.

A citizen who has adopted a child can also obtain the status of a single mother. The important nuance here is that she should not be married at the time of adoption.

Civil registry offices can and are obliged to issue a single mother a certificate in form No. 25

, where its status will be indicated. This certificate will confirm her status - even if she gets married.

In order for a spouse to stop being a single mother, the new spouse will have to register paternity of her child or children.

Let's take a closer look at the example of tabular data when they can assign the status of a single mother, and when it will be impossible to obtain it.

In our other article you can find out how and where to obtain the status of a single mother, what documentation is required for this

How to get status?

In order to obtain single parent status, you must contact the organization responsible for providing a specific benefit. For example, to use labor or tax breaks, you must:

1. Prepare a set of documents ( your passport, birth certificate of the baby, paper confirming your right to receive benefits ).

The basis may be: the father’s death certificate, certificate of form No. 2 (formerly No. 25), a court decision on deprivation of parenting rights, his conviction, recognition as absent, or a certificate confirming that the ex-spouse is evading payment of alimony.

1. Contact the HR department (or accounting department) at your place of work.
2. Write an application indicating the type of benefit, the legislative basis for receiving it, your and your child’s details, and the date from which the relief is required to be established.
3. Attach the necessary documents.

To receive compensation and benefits, as well as various benefits of the non-labor plan, you will need to contact the local social protection authority, the MFC or the State Services website. Algorithm for performing steps to assign status in this area:

• Prepare a package of documents.

You will need, depending on the instructions of regional laws: the mother’s passport with a registration mark, a birth or adoption certificate of the baby, a certificate of form No. 2 (formerly No. 25), an extract about cohabitation with the child, a document confirming that the father has died or the marriage has been dissolved before the expiration of 300 days by the time the baby is born. Sometimes a copy of a work permit, a certificate of income, living conditions, absence of arrears in housing and communal services payments and other documents are requested.

• Make an appointment with the social protection authority or MFC.
• Fill out the application according to the established form. You can also submit it through the State Services portal.
• Present a package of documents.
• Wait for a decision ( up to 10 days from the date of application).

One of the main documents for registration of the status of a single mother is a certificate in form No. 2, established by Order of the Ministry of Justice No. 200 dated 01.10.18. It replaced form No. 25, approved by Order of the Ministry of Justice No. 144 of 10.08.17, after as a normative document ceased to be valid.

The certificate is issued simultaneously with the issuance of a birth certificate after applying to the civil registry office at the place of residence of the mother or the place of birth of the child. It is also permissible to submit a petition through the MFC or State Services. To obtain a certificate in form No. 2, you must send an application no later than one month from the date of birth (clause 6, article 16 of Law No. 143-FZ of October 22, 1997)

Papers required to purchase a document:

• Mom's ID.
• Document in form No. 103/u , issued by a medical institution and confirming the birth of the baby (can be replaced by a court decision or witness testimony proving this fact).
• An act recording the death of a spouse or divorce more than 300 days before the birth of a newborn (if this took place).
• Application from the mother for the issuance of certificate No. 2 and the entry of information about the father from her words.

In some cases, the mother's application to be recognized as a single parent will be rejected . The reasons depend on the scope of the benefit (labor, social, etc.). This can be done by:

1. Presence of a registered marriage at the time of the birth of the baby.
2. A court decision to identify the father, as well as a statement from both parents recognizing this fact.
3. Divorce or death of a spouse before 300 days before the birth of the newborn.
4. Availability of official paternity in the absence of assistance from a parent (for social and tax benefits).

Also, the status will not be assigned if the mother applied with an incomplete set of documents, provided false or inaccurate data, or the child is older than the legal age.

Advantages of obtaining status

Acquiring the status of a single parent greatly simplifies the life of a mother raising her children (child) on her own. It gives the right to receive various benefits, benefits, compensation and other assistance, which greatly simplifies the maintenance of a daughter/son. In particular, the advantages of this situation are:

1. The opportunity to improve the financial condition of the family through various monthly and one-time benefits.
2. Receiving compensation for utility bills, visiting preschool educational institutions, clubs, and cultural institutions.
3. The possibility of adopting a child by a new spouse without going through the procedure of refusal of the biological father.
4. Providing a place in a preschool educational institution in a special manner.
5. Obtaining the right to reject employers' requests to go on business trips, work at night and overtime, and thus be able to spend more time with the child.
6. Reducing the tax burden.
7. The right to travel with the child, including traveling abroad, freely, without the consent of the father;
8. No obligation of the child to support the biological father in the future.

Negative aspects in acquiring status

Despite all the positive aspects of acquiring status, after it is assigned, negative consequences are also possible. Negative situations that may follow after recognition as a single parent:

• The obligation to provide for the baby independently, including all possible financial costs for food, clothing, education, medical procedures and treatment.
• Inability to petition the court to establish alimony. Payment of child support from the father will follow only after he is recognized as a parent, which will entail the removal of the status of a single mother and all assigned benefits and allowances.
• There is no chance of receiving the inheritance left from dad in the future. This will become possible only after an examination to establish kinship, a court decision, or a will of the parent himself.
• The inability to force the father to raise the child.

Before registering the status of a single parent caring for a baby, the mother needs to weigh the pros and cons of such an event. Perhaps going to court to determine paternity will be more beneficial for both her and the newborn.

Do you consider all the disadvantages listed above to be a sufficient reason not to receive the status of a single mother?

Yes

66.67%

No

33.33%

Voted: 6

Is it hard to be a single mother?

The other day a girl wrote me a letter who asked me to help solve her problem - to understand what to do in her seemingly hopeless situation.

The situation is as follows: a young girl was abandoned by a pregnant guy and asked to deal with her “problems” on her own and forget about him forever.

And now I receive a cry for help from a girl who wants to know “ Is it hard to be a single mother?” "

The situation is certainly not easy. And I know it firsthand. That is why I would like to develop this topic for young girls who are faced with the question “To be or not to be?”

parents and children

Once upon a time, 7 years ago, I myself was in a similar situation. I was left alone with the baby in my tummy. The situation was aggravated by the fact that I no longer had parents and, accordingly, there was nowhere to consult with them and wait for support. Plus, I was worried about the work that brought me a meager income. Of course, for the very young me, the question arises: What should I do?

And the subsequent ensuing questions fell like a waterfall on my green head: “How can I raise a child alone? How will I feed him? How will I provide for it? Am I ready for the role of motherhood? Do I have the right to condemn a child to an incomprehensible existence in my situation? Is it hard to be a single mother?” And a lot of questions that poured down on me as if I was doused with ice water.

And no matter how much they tell me that everything will be fine. “Every child comes with his own good into this world” - I was scared.

Probably only now I understand that the worst thing at that moment was to take responsibility not only for myself, but also for the life of the little man who was born.

Questions haunted me, fear and despair were in my soul. And youth probably played its time. I'll be honest - I was afraid! I was afraid that I would not be able to take on such responsibility and become a good mother.

Although undoubtedly this child was desired and very long-awaited.

But when your whole world collapses in an instant and you are left completely alone, and the closest and once beloved person betrays you, then fears appear.

The main thing here is to pull yourself together in time, throw off all your fears and, despite the blurry future, decide for yourself - I can do it!

family

That's how it was with me.

What happened next?

No matter how difficult life may be, I can firmly and confidently say that I overcame it thanks to my golden baby.

All my achievements that were, are and will be are all thanks to her.

It was my baby who became my inspiration and the generator of all my ideas and actions.

Nobody says that everything was smooth and like clockwork. No one sat like Christ in his bosom.

Yes, there were sidelong glances from strangers and the fear of being left without money, sleepless nights and tears in the pillow, trials and rewards. There was a lot, but we survived it together.

All difficulties and adversities were forgotten when I hugged my daughter and leaned against my little blood.

Therefore, my dear girls, if you are faced with the question: “Will I be able to bear the burden of a single mother,” I can answer that when God sends trials, he initially knows that you have so much strength to endure all the trials that befell you soul.

I understand that you may be concerned about the financial component of the development of events. But it can be solved even while on maternity leave -

So you shouldn’t even think about the question - To be or not to be? The happiness of motherhood is invaluable!

When is the status revoked?

In some cases, the status of a single mother may be removed. This occurs in connection with various events, often depending on the type of benefit or allowance that is established for the mother.

After removal of the status, the payment of any monetary compensation, the provision of concessions and special benefits ceases.

The most common reasons for this event:

1. Paternity has been officially established (by a court decision, a joint agreement and filing an application with government agencies, etc.).
2. The mother was deprived or limited in her rights to raise.
3. The child has reached the maximum permissible age ( 18 years , or 23 if he was in full-time education).
4. It has been proven that false information was provided in documents for obtaining status and benefits.
5. The baby was seized and transferred to state care;
6. The mother or child herself died.
7. The woman got married.
8. The baby is adopted by another man.

Video: Talks about who has the right to receive the status of a single mother, what benefits and concessions are provided for by Russian legislation.
To determine who is considered a single mother by law, it is necessary to establish in which area the woman plans to receive benefits. This is due to the fact that there is no single concept of the term, and for help in the tax, social or labor areas, various requirements are presented to the mother.

To assign status and receive benefits and concessions, you must contact the social security authority or your place of work, having previously completed a package of mandatory documents.

Single mother. Complex of defective education.

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Now the attitude towards children and parenting has changed. It has gone beyond traditional models and now there are no clear guidelines for what parenthood is. How should you behave? How to educate correctly? What does it mean to “be a mother”? Everything was mixed up. Children and their upbringing are now everyone’s personal business. Personal care and individual choice.

This is the right modern trend. After all, only you and your child know how to live correctly, and not some guy at a lecture or a paragraph in a book. Only your child is a marker by which you can judge what is worth doing and what is not. Modern parenting is a mutual study of the world with your child.

And this all works well in complete or composite nuclear families (husband + wife + one child or several), when there is a designated independence from patriarchal values ​​and there is financial and social stability. But this trend shows a terrible crack when the partner is left alone. Here all this modern plasticity and uncertainty turns from an object of new impressions and new opportunities into a huge parental complex.

A mother who is raising her child, in the complete or partial absence of a father, is constantly struck by the same question: “Am I giving enough to my child?” This parenting inferiority complex is a terrible thing. After all, for us a complete family is a standard. There is a father, there is a mother, and only together can they give their child a full upbringing. No father - no normal upbringing.

It gets to the point where women make a terrible compromise - they look for a father for the child. Not a partner for himself, but a father. Someone who can correct the inferiority of upbringing. “The main thing is not for yourself, but for the child.” Stupid things like that never end well. Any artificial union in which the partners do not have mutual feelings is doomed.

Why? Let's look at the first paragraph. There are no more clear guidelines. It won’t work like in the Soviet Union to assign each other to clear gender roles and live with it all your life. There is no longer a father who must, as per instructions, raise “this and that” in his son so that he becomes a man. Constant involvement is needed. Once again, modern parenting is less about the role of a parent and more about the role of a partner. A parent is someone who, along with their child, explores the ever-changing world. There is no longer a dominant role of patriarchal experience, which must be passed on in the form of attitudes from generation to generation.

This means there is no inferiority complex among single mothers. There is not and may be a feeling of guilt that you cannot give your child the “right” family. Or a father-mentor who should always be there. Or the “chemistry” of a happy complete family.

The main global trend in family psychology is to be as careful as possible in clear formulations. The same thing that guys do at your favorite trainings and lectures. After all, where for one family the role of a “father-mentor” becomes positive and sets the right line for upbringing, in a seemingly similar family, the same role of the father breaks the child in half and causes enormous damage. For one child, family and “chemistry” are a plus, but for another it causes rejection and he loses contact with his parent. Everything is very individual and very personalized. And now we know and understand this. There are many examples where two-parent families have big problems. And there are many examples where an incomplete family, a single mother, determines the right upbringing for her child and gives him a good start in life.

Raising a child alone is normal. More than a third of Russian children had a period in their childhood when they were raised in single-parent families. There's nothing wrong with these kids. They did not become outcasts, withdrawn, asocial. They do not have any obligatory psychological traumas associated with growing up in a single-parent family. There are features.

And it is these features that are the key factor in the formation of the complex in mothers. So in our society it has historically developed that we gravitate towards the concepts of “norm”. There is no obligatory “right way”. And any deviations from this “norm” are considered something bad and require condemnation. This is exactly what happens with two-parent/one-parent families. No one knows better than our women how difficult a marriage can sometimes be, and how much harm a full family can cause to children. But it’s unpleasant to talk about this openly. After all, there is an axiom that “father + mother” is always better than an incomplete family. This is the norm. Generally accepted rule. But life is complicated. There's a lot of stuff in it. There are tragedies, there are divorces, there are casual relationships and children who are born after them. All this was, is and will be. You need to learn to admit it. Work with these difficulties and don’t be afraid to talk about them openly.

A mother raising her child alone is exactly the same mother as one living in a long-term marriage. She is able to adjust her role in raising a child and give him everything he needs. Yes, somewhere she will lack time and attention. Yes, in some ways her parenting will differ from parenting in a full family. But this is not critical. It's no worse or better. This is exactly the path that you will go through with your child. This is your personal experience, which in any case will be different from the experience of other mothers and their children.

You cannot be less or more of a mother if you are alone or in union with a partner. There is no standard for “proper motherhood.” There is a life situation “here and now”. A life period that may change. You can enter into a union, get married, have another child, get divorced, and so on. We already understand that this is how everything happens - everyone’s life is different and all people are different. Therefore, you can throw off this inferiority complex. This is just a special story between you and your child. Like millions of other special stories.

It is important to formulate for yourself that a single mother is not one who does not provide something to her child. She simply faces different tasks from a full family. There is no need to complicate your role as a mother with these feelings of inferiority and guilt. It's too much. It's better to concentrate on more important things. On yourself, as a separate person, with plans and desires independent of the mother’s status. And your child, the relationship with whom is determined not by the status of your family, whether it is complete or not, but solely by your relationships with each other.