My man is a gambling addict. What to do?

Casinos and slot machines have long disappeared from our streets, but for a true gambler there are opportunities everywhere. Especially in our age of technology. It’s just that the forms of addiction change a little (betting, underground casinos, online casinos, forex, etc.), but the essence remains the same.

People usually avoid this topic (what do they care about gamblers and other people’s problems), but only until the moment when a gambler appears in his own family, in the person of his own husband. This is where the question arises - what to do?

Signs of a gambling addict - how to identify a gambling addict in your husband?

It all starts, as always, with small things... “Write a little bullet”, “Why not try an easy way to make money? I won't lose anything! And in general - everyone is in the family! ”, trial attempts to play on the betting, etc. The first steps to gambling addiction are always an opportunity to get distracted, a game, ordinary entertainment. Or the way is to get away from problems in the family (a grumpy wife, difficult conditions, problems at work). The first loss sobers you up, the first win inspires you and pushes you to reach new heights - what if it works out again!

And wow, it really works again.
Step by step, harmless entertainment develops into a continuous race for winning
, and fixing broken “brakes” is becoming more and more difficult every day.
How do you understand that this moment has already arrived and it’s time for your spouse to be treated for gambling addiction? Let's understand the “symptoms”...

• Immersing himself in the gameplay, he sincerely believes that he will literally soon become the richest man in the world, “and then you will live!”

• He disappears for days on end in a virtual or real gaming establishment.
• He is not interested in everyday and family problems, but his eyes light up when he tells you about the great “strategy” of his game.
• He increasingly withdraws into himself. Even outside the game, he is unable to focus on his wife and children.
• The family budget, if it hasn’t burst yet, is already bursting at the seams.
• His emotional companions range from unbridled joy and delight to anger and aggression. Mood changes occur suddenly, constantly, and sometimes even for no apparent reason.
• If he is out of the game for a long time, he begins to experience withdrawal symptoms. Irritability appears.
• The need to increase the size of the bet or increase its frequency is growing every day.
• He begins to get into debt, coming up with a variety of excuses to make excuses for you (car repairs, a gift for his mother, a friend getting into trouble, etc.).
• He tries to give up his “hobby,” but breaks down and comes back.
• When there is an urgent need for money (to pay bills, pay off debts, etc.), he begins to play more often and intensely.

• At the “altar” of gambling addiction, he abandons not only his usual hobbies, but also his work.
• Intimate relationships gradually fade away.
• All conversations are limited to formal phrases.
• Relationships with friends are gradually deteriorating. Guests are coming less and less often.
• The number of loans taken is growing.

Courage, the first euphoria of winning and excitement are quickly replaced by complete hopelessness and loneliness. And, unfortunately, the main “symptoms” appear when the gambling addict can no longer stop on his own.

4 stages of gambling addiction:

• 1st phase
  . He plays periodically, from time to time. In dreams there are winnings. Doesn't raise rates. He wins quite often, sometimes big.
• 2nd phase.
  He often loses. Quit work so that he has enough time to play. Starts to get into debt. Unable to pay debts, I have to take valuables to a pawnshop. Often - without asking his wife.

• 3rd phase.
  The reputation is hopelessly damaged. Relationships with friends are severed, relationships with loved ones are on the verge of breaking. The family boat is going down. Even when he feels remorse, he seeks an excuse for himself. Panic attacks occur periodically, and it is no longer possible to cope with addiction alone.
• 4th phase.
  Complete despair and hopelessness. Thoughts of suicide or escape arise. Problems with law enforcement agencies begin, and a craving for alcohol appears.

How to help a family member who is a gambling addict.

If your relative has a gambling problem, he or she may:

• Become more defensive about gambling. The more a gambler becomes immersed in the process, the more he will want to protect his passion as a way to make money. Your relative may become secretive, and even blame you for his need to play, saying that it is all for your sake and you just need to believe in a “big win” in the future.
• Suddenly hide the financial state of affairs. A loved one may have a sudden desire to control household expenses, or a sharp lack of money may be discovered in the context of their previous income and spending. Savings may suddenly disappear, or they will be needed to “lend to a friend.”
• Feeling desperate because of lack of money. Your loved one constantly asks or borrows money from friends or relatives. Decorations are missing from the house.

Husband is a gambling addict - what to do, how to behave correctly with a gambling addict in the family?

When a beloved husband turns into a gambling addict, family life becomes unbearable. Addiction brings suffering not only to everyone around him, but also to the man himself. Is there a chance to return him to normal life without medical help? Yes, if phase 3 has not been completed. How to cure your gambling addiction - expert advice:

• The first and most important nuance: without the help of the husband himself, it is almost impossible to return your gambling addict to a normal life. That is, the husband must understand and admit that he is addicted
  , and that it is time to treat this addiction before the family boat finally sank. And this is the main problem. Because not every gambling addict is able to admit his addiction even to himself. To open the husband’s eyes, a rather serious shake-up will be required, which will force him to look at everything from the outside (serious problems at work, a large debt, the risk of a complete break in the relationship, etc.).

• Have a serious talk with your husband.
  Explain what is happening, what is at stake, what needs to be changed to avoid complete family collapse.
• Pity for a gambling addict and any indulgences are strictly prohibited.
  Yes, addiction is a disease. But this does not mean that you no longer need to work, go to the store, take care of children, etc.
• Constantly tear your husband away from the monitor
  with any requests or urgent matters.
• Find something more exciting for your husband to do than play.
  Preferably, not a one-time interesting event, but a regular new hobby, so that there is simply no time left for playing (fishing, driving, sports, etc.). It is advisable that you both share this hobby. This will make it easier to control the “treatment” process.
• Do not sort things out and do not try to solve the problem through a scandal
  - this will not help, and will even worsen the situation.
• Convince your spouse to see a doctor
  . Find an experienced specialist who can help your gambling addict rediscover the meaning of existence. Modern specialists have many “tools” for treating this addiction – from laser exposure to coding and acupuncture.
• Switch your husband to another addiction
  . The game is, first of all, chemical processes in the brain, excitement and adrenaline. Knock out a wedge with a wedge - find an activity that causes an adrenaline rush. For example, skydiving.

• Your main enemy is the hope that “everything will go away on its own
  . It won't work. No pity for the gambling addict! And the more decisively you act, the faster he will recover.
• Return your husband's interest in real life
  - use any methods that will tear him away from the game and make him remember real pleasures.
• Have you gone through all the stages and nothing helps?
  Prepare insurance for yourself against a financial hole , threaten divorce and leave your husband alone for a while. If all is not lost, he will come to his senses. Create for him, if not the conditions, then the appearance of them, in which he will be left alone with his addiction.

How to prove to your husband that he is a gambling addict?

As a rule, when the husband is a gambling addict, he does not realize the problem and does not recognize it. In general, he does not consider himself addicted and that he needs treatment. So one of your main tasks in this case is that you must make it clear to your spouse that everything is not so simple. He must understand that he has become dependent.

• To begin with, it is enough to have a serious conversation. Try to convey to him that he is not behaving normally. Talk about what his behavior might lead to.
• If he doesn’t react to you in any way, then start taking action. Ask him to do things around the house or outside. Distract him in every possible way. Be prepared for the fact that he will refuse, press for pity, or maybe he will simply say that he does not want to. It doesn't matter what the answer is, but you must insist on your point. No pity can be shown.

• Show him that he spends a lot of time on the computer if it's about games. Set an alarm for him or keep track of time. Let him understand how much time is passing. It is also advisable to show him something interesting. For example, you visited some place where you have long wanted to go together. He will be offended that you went without him.
• If the problem is money, then just don’t cook him another dinner or buy him something he asked you to do. Answer all questions that there is no money. He must understand that he really spends a lot. Another good way is to record all the amounts spent by him.

This really helps, but not when the problem is already very advanced. Usually in such cases a person no longer perceives anything around him. He does not care about the material well-being of others and no amount of persuasion helps. Here you will have to turn to a professional for help. You will have to try to persuade your husband to come to him, but you must do it. Otherwise, your family life can turn into a real hell.

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Is it necessary to live with a gambling addict, and when should I put an end to my relationship with my gambling addict husband?

Treating a gambling addict is an even more difficult task than treating a drug addict or alcoholic,

due to the lack of motivation for treatment on the part of the gambling addict himself.
The same addict is at least able to realize that he is addicted and needs treatment. But a gambling addict sees no reason to change anything, and even serious problems with work and family are not arguments for a person. For a person who has passed phase 3 or 4 of gambling addiction, the period of treatment can take up to several years, and it is not a fact that it will be successful - according to experts, the percentage of those who have finally recovered is quite low. Therefore, the decision - whether to continue the fight for her gambling husband or to burn bridges - is made only by the woman, based on the situation.
If there is no talk of any feelings (except pity), if the children begin to suffer from the husband’s “hobby”, and the situation worsens every day, then, most likely, the most correct decision will be to break off the relationship. In this case, there is at least a chance that the husband left alone will feel that he is going to the bottom and will draw the right conclusions.

Psychological educational program: what to do with a child if he is a gambling addict

The recent story about a teenager from Miass who stabbed his mother and wounded his father shocked the whole country. It was initially reported that the reason for the crime was a ban on playing World of Warcraft. And although another explanation for his action subsequently appeared - excessive demands on his studies, the first version is also too similar to the truth. Experts are sounding the alarm: the number of complaints about aggressive child gambling addicts is growing every year. The EAN agency was told what to do to prevent family tragedies by Igor Timchenko, a clinical psychologist at the Department of Neuroses and Crisis States of Children and Adolescents at the Regional Psychiatric Hospital, and Elena Khlystova, Associate Professor of the Department of Special Pedagogy at the USPU.

Why is GTA better than football?

As Igor Timchenko says, recognition is important for any person. Being cool in an online game is much easier than, for example, in football. There you need to strain, run, and most importantly build real relationships with real people. But here you don’t have to go anywhere, and although my mother scolds me, she carries the food to the computer herself. At the same time, visual-motor reactions, that is, the habit of pressing buttons in response to a particular picture, develop much faster than the skills for a successful sports game.

“It catches the eye, but for some reason they don’t really react to it.”

According to a psychologist, addiction develops most quickly in children who are seen by a neurologist. As for gender and age, teenage boys most often suffer, adds Elena Khlystova.

How to recognize addiction?

According to Igor Timchenko, it is difficult not to notice the dependence. “It catches the eye, but for some reason they don’t really react to it,” he admits. The child begins to refuse some activities in the real world in favor of sitting at the computer. For example, he used to happily walk, but now he has to be kicked out into the street. Surprisingly, this makes many parents happy: he sits to himself, doesn’t bother anyone, and doesn’t risk getting into bad company. But the calm does not last long. The child becomes more and more aggressive and reacts extremely emotionally to attempts to “pull” him out of the virtual world. And then his social activities begin to suffer. According to Igor Timchenko’s observations, they usually get hooked on one game.

“Once I saw teenagers fighting, one hit the other in the jaw and broke a finger in the process. So the second one screamed louder than the first one. Apparently, he did not imagine that it hurt not only his jaw, but also his fist, and did not know that his fingers could break.”

As Elena Khlystova adds, parents should be wary if their child sits at the computer for more than five hours a day. The player simply loses control over time. Naturally, at the same time, all his relationships with others are disrupted. Another alarming symptom is headaches, sleep disturbances and high irritability that occur when the child is not playing. A condition very similar to “withdrawal”, like that of alcoholics or drug addicts.

What does all this mean?

A person may be lost to society. “There have been episodes in practice when people come with a 20-year-old “eccentric” and complain that he sits at home, does not study, does not work, sleeps and plays, but regularly goes out to eat,” says Igor Timchenko. True, when gambling addicts go outside, it gets even worse. After all, they go out into the world with a ready-made form of behavior associated with the behavior of their character. Igor Timchenko notes that every year teenagers are becoming more and more violent. They don't understand that another person can be in pain and that even their own body can be vulnerable. “Once I saw teenagers fighting, one hit the other in the jaw and broke a finger in the process. So the second one screamed louder than the first one. Apparently, he did not imagine that it hurt not only his jaw, but also his fist, and did not know that his fingers could break. It’s all simple in GTA,” says the psychologist. Meanwhile, a gambling addict does not have to fight to develop health problems: physiological harm is already guaranteed. Firstly, a growing organism remains in the electromagnetic field of the device for a very long time. Secondly, he is in a static position, and this is a violation of posture. The so-called tunnel syndrome often develops - persistent pain in the hands from the wrist to the elbow due to prolonged use of the mouse and keyboard. Thirdly, it is an overload of vision with all the unpleasant consequences. After all, during the game, a person focuses primarily only on visual information, in contrast to reality, where there are smells, sounds and sensations.

“In clinical psychology this condition is referred to as psychosis. In everyday life we ​​call this madness.”

In addition, there is an emotional build-up - on the one hand, the game gives acute emotions, on the other hand, parents who do not like this game. Even an adult in such a situation risks developing neuropsychic exhaustion. “Sometimes a teenager ceases to distinguish between reality and play. He starts talking and behaves strangely. In clinical psychology, this condition is referred to as psychosis. In everyday life, we call this madness,” warns Elena Khlystova.

What to do?

Psychologists admit that we cannot do without gadgets now. But it is imperative to control how much and what their child does. It is possible to effectively influence a child’s relationship with a computer only up to the age of 10–12 years, says the psychologist. And you need to be ready to change your lifestyle in order to organize a life for your son or daughter that is more interesting than a computer game. Elena Khlystova points out that it is not enough to simply “pass” a child into clubs and sections. It is important to choose them in such a way that he gets joy from it. No matter how trivial it may be, it is necessary to deal with the child, and not try to “neutralize” him from an early age with the help of all sorts of devices. “The lack of common ground with loved ones is one of the factors in the development of gambling addiction,” notes Elena Khlystova. Therefore, she advises building trusting relationships and having heart-to-heart conversations more often. It is interesting that there are more gambling addicts in those countries where it is customary to hide feelings.

Are you weak?

Convincing a teenager to leave the virtual world is very difficult. After all, there, for example in War Thunder, he is a level 50 aviation general, almost single-handedly “bending over” a team of “crabs,” but here who is he? Elena Khlystova believes that you can try to take it “weakly”. Offer him a bet: can he go without playing for a week? According to Elena Khlystova, a healthy child will be able to withstand this. At the same time, it is necessary to agree that if a student fails the test, that is, begins to get irritated and lose his temper, then he will have to sharply limit the time he spends sitting at the computer - literally to one hour a day. The main thing in dialogue is not to adopt a lecturing tone, but to reach an agreement on equal terms. It is very important for a teenager to feel like an adult.

“The child behaves one way or another because he is allowed to behave that way. If, despite all his mother’s dissatisfaction, he is allowed to sit and play, he will sit and play.”

“The lecturing tone is really harmful, but I strongly disagree with the rest!” — retorts Igor Timchenko. He argues that parents and teenagers will never be able to negotiate on equal terms, because they are still parents, and he is still a child.

“In addition, in this situation, it is psychologically beneficial for them that the teenager cannot stand it, that is, they themselves will react sharply to the slightest reason and state the fact of irritation, and the child, in turn, will feel deceived and will actively resist.

“There have been episodes in practice when people come with a 20-year-old “eccentric” and complain that he sits at home, does not study, does not work, sleeps and plays, but regularly goes out to eat.”

Igor Timchenko is convinced that bargaining is inappropriate in relations with a computer: parents should use their power based on several positions: 1. I don’t like that you... so it will be like this... 2. I also like to play and have fun, but you can have fun then... so it will be like this... 3. When I come home, I want to be calm and pleasant with you... and not to sort out a bunch of problems because you... so it will be like this... 4. In the end, it is I who provide the opportunity to play and I don’t need headache because you... therefore it will be like this... And you can only bargain with the child on some parts of the parent’s position “therefore it will be like this...”. Naturally, the child will resist in every way available to him, and here it is important for parents to do without “military” actions, but to be unbending. “The child behaves one way or another because he is allowed to behave that way. If, despite all his mother’s dissatisfaction, he is allowed to sit and play, he will sit and play,” warns Igor Timchenko. European-Asian News.