Why do we quarrel with our loved ones?

Why you might quarrel with a guy

In the case of “Twitter” revolutions, risks can be diversified, by analogy with cinema, by seemingly many different companies with different messages for different social and demographic groups.
We tried to compare pairs of films selectively - and even in pairs it is clear that there is no linear relationship between promotion on Twitter and box office receipts in the first weekend. But maybe we chose the couples incorrectly?

First of all, there are purely commercial messages on social networks, messages from bots, and there are messages from real people. According to some studies, there are 48 million bots on Twitter (https://www.cnbc.com/2017/03/10/nearly-48-million-twitter-accounts-could-be-bots-says-study.html). That is, every sixth. Some well-known media figures, according to some estimates, have two-thirds of their subscribers and three-quarters. These are all estimates.

One sign caught my eye - about cinema and reactions to cinema on a social network - on Twitter. And this sign seemed quite funny to me. Because in fact, we see an indicator of the real effectiveness of the social network. A good indicator is expressed in numbers. And for this reason, it lends itself well to analysis and gives food for thought.

Let's now look at such a boring thing as passenger transportation. Let's take air transport - it is easier to obtain data on it. After all, if there is a crisis in the country, people will obviously fly less, right?

We write a lot about one neighboring country, that the neighboring country may go bankrupt, because a lot of loans have been collected, and it will be difficult to repay them. And there are two points of view on the development of events - that there will be a terrible horror in the event of non-repayment of debts and that nothing terrible will happen in the event of default. Although there is nothing good to argue about here - there are countries in recent history that have failed to pay their debts, and all that is needed is to study their experience. Let's see how this happens.

Why do we quarrel with our loved ones?

It's understandable why people quarrel.
Outlooks on life, different judgments and thoughts do not coincide. Yes, everything is different. But why do those who have two hearts beat as one quarrel? Why do we quarrel with our loved ones? Why do those who promised each other to always be together and share grief and joy argue and sometimes conflict? Why in a family, no, no, yes, there are clouds over the heads of lovers... What should they share? What usually causes disagreements and quarrels in the family? Everyone has quarrels. The main thing is to sort things out correctly. This happens, you ask. Yes. Want to learn? Study the article “How to quarrel and swear correctly?” on the “Sunny Hands” website.

After all, at first everything seems to be perfect. No one openly shows negative character traits. He tries to please his partner, listens to his desires, knows how to not only listen, but also hear. But... a little time passes, people get used to each other and take the relationship for granted. As if it were quite natural that two people meet, fall in love, get married, start a family, and so on. People stop appreciating what fate has given them. But it really is a gift of fate to find “your” loved one at the crossroads of many roads. Someone walks, searches, wanders in the labyrinth of life, but... still remains alone. Or, having given up on everything, he connects his life with the wrong person, thinking that he will endure it and fall in love. Can't stand it. And he won't fall in love. It is torture, not life, to be under the same roof with someone to whom the heart is silent.

Appreciate every minute spent together. Be grateful to fate that you have a loved one. After all, not everyone has such happiness. Not everyone can find their soul mate. Some people only dream about it. And you have it. And you just have to be ungrateful to then find reasons to find fault with your person, to provoke him into conflict and aggression. Fortune does not like the ungrateful and pays them in the same coin.

Developing this topic, we can add the following:
people also quarrel because they begin to demand too much from their partner . Without appreciating what he does and gives, a person turns into the old woman from the fairy tale about the “Goldfish”. More more more! Everything is not enough for us. But human resources and capabilities are limited, and it is impossible to walk wider than your pants allow. Another thing is how to motivate a man to achieve high achievements! But this is a separate topic. (If she worries you at the moment, I recommend reading the article “Don’t become a “mommy” for a man .” It will tell you how to behave correctly towards your chosen one so that he achieves success)
So you need to not only value relationships, but also be grateful for what a person does for you.

Don’t forget to say a simple “thank you”, it can sometimes warm you up more than a hot radiator, and the person will want to do more and more pleasant things for you. Don’t miss every little thing, sometimes little things add up to something big and bright.

Another reason why lovers quarrel is the misconception that a person should feel you and know all your thoughts and desires. Here it is worth explaining the essence of the statement. Feeling means that only by looking, facial expressions and gestures can the one who loves determine the mood of his other half. Is something bothering her (him), is the person worried or, on the contrary, is he in an excellent mood? It is undoubtedly important in a family to feel each other. But not everyone can know their thoughts and desires at the moment. And not at all because the person doesn’t love you. We are not fortune tellers or clairvoyants. Well, how can you guess what’s in your beloved’s head at the moment?

This is especially common in women.
Many people sulk at the other half if the man suddenly did not understand what you meant when, for example, you wanted to go to a restaurant, but remained silent and went to the cinema instead. Everything needs to be discussed. There is a good article on this topic on the “Sunny Hands” website by Rashid Kirranov , called “Does a man not understand you?
Say directly what you want!” Let me give you one example from life.

March 8. My friend’s husband runs around the city for half a day, choosing gifts for relatives, employees and his beloved. Katya at this time, sitting at home, is already obviously sure that her darling will buy some kind of nonsense as usual. Sensing her tense mood, Sergei specifically called home and asked what she would like to receive as a gift? It may no longer be a surprise, but he certainly won’t goof up and anger his beloved with the “wrong” gift.

- I do not care. Buy what you see fit. “I’ll be happy about everything,” Katya changed her anger to mercy.

Although deep down in her heart she dreamed of receiving a bouquet of yellow tulips on March 8th. Yes, it was them, and not the usual luxurious burgundy rose that Sergei gave her from year to year. The girl decided to check how well her loved one feels. Will he think of buying her yellow tulips?!

- Happy holiday, dear! – Sergei congratulated Katya, presenting her with... a burgundy rose.

“He doesn’t feel me at all,” Katya later complained to her friend. - He doesn’t understand what I need...

Perhaps, if there were sorcerers or magicians in Sergei’s family, he would have read the information from Katya’s subconscious and given her these ill-fated tulips. But we are ordinary people. How can you read the thoughts of another when a person’s moods, as a rule, change?! Sometimes a person has not studied himself well, so what can we say about others?

Read about how to make a man understand you and do something for you in Anastasia Gai’s book “What Happy Women Are Silent About, or How to Make a Man Get Off the Sofa?”

The misconception that a person is obliged to read your thoughts leads not only to self-disappointment, but also to conflicts in the family. You came up with something for yourself. Your chosen one is an ordinary person, not a magician. He can sense your mood and well-being. He can also remember your wishes and dreams that you once said, and fulfill them at an unexpected moment, giving you a pleasant surprise. He can study you so well that he can predict your reaction to a specific statement, event, and so on. But knowing what you are thinking about at the moment, what you are dreaming about, is very difficult. So don't complicate your relationship yourself. Don’t invent illusory fairy tales for yourself that have nothing to do with real life. Talk to your partner, don't close the door to your inner world, let him study you well enough to read your eyes. And speak out loud about your desires. I recommend that all women study the article “Mine is yours, don’t understand,” or how to make a man understand you” on the “Sunny Hands” website . This is a treasure trove of valuable advice on family relationships.

One of the misconceptions is also that a person believes that since we have a family, then our loved one should do this and that. Must! Must!

Resentment arises due to failure to carry out specific actions, instructions, or requests.

- You are a man! You have to take out the trash!

- Why me? This is a woman's responsibility!

Sound familiar? And such disputes most often arise around banal, everyday things. Isn’t it better to calmly discuss all the nuances and exciting issues, so to speak, “on the shore”? No one owes nothing to nobody. People who love each other will do everything so as not to darken the mood of their other half. However, love does not accept orders and whims. She begins to rebel, kick, resist.

Resolve all issues through constructive dialogue. Talk to each other. Determine the circle of household chores that you will distribute among yourself. So that already in family life it will not be a surprise to you that your partner is not going to fulfill any specific responsibilities that, in your opinion, should fall on his shoulders. Peaceful dialogue is the key to calm family relationships. There must be compromises in any case. Since your partner is already an established adult with character, habits and outlook on life. You also have a character and to adjust your soul mate to yourself, thus breaking his personality and essence, no one gave you such a right. Negotiate, look for a middle ground, give in somewhere, and somewhere your partner will give in to you.

Among the list of reasons I described why people in love quarrel, there are no reasons such as rudeness on the part of a partner, insults, humiliation, or submission to one’s will.
Because this is no longer love. This is a destructive force, dictatorship, destruction of a person’s personality. This is also a different topic and has nothing to do with the post about why lovers quarrel. Where there is strength and humiliation of a person, there is no place for love. Beats means loves, weak people came up with this idea to justify their powerlessness and low self-esteem. Those who tolerate this attitude towards themselves and do not want to change anything. (If you have low self-esteem and are unsuccessfully struggling with it, order Rashid Kirranov’s book “How to become confident in yourself in 3 months .” In it you will find exercises and tips that will help you gain the long-awaited self-confidence. Order the book on the website “ Sunny hands" here )
I would like to say in the end that without quarrels, of course, it is very difficult, since we all have our own ambitions, character, and sometimes a spoiled mood, which we take out on our loved ones. But...at such moments, look around. Someone dreams of a loved one, someone cannot give birth to a child for years, someone's roof is leaking and a cold wind blows through the cracks. And some people know how to enjoy even a piece of bread. Do you still want to yell at your loved one and for you he is the worst?

How to quarrel with a guy, inflate the conflict and make him angry

How to quarrel with a guy, inflame the conflict and piss him off. Men's advice to girls.

The beauty insists that she treats you warmly,

You want to hit her on the bridge of her nose.

Do you want to bury it like Pol Pot Kampuchea?

You need to have a fight with the guy. Why, for what – question ten. There are situations when it is necessary. And at the same time, you do not want to be the initiator of the conflict. It is desirable for the guy to perform. And then you can accuse him of conflict, and get some bonuses from him. Well, or pretend to be offended and leave him.

So – we need conflict. It makes sense to consider several possible options here. Actually, there are several types of men. Men who lose their temper extremely easily. They make scandals for any reason and get started right away. If your boyfriend is like this, then there is no point in reading the article. Everything will work out by itself. It makes sense to consider other options. When a guy is very calm, impenetrable, balanced - just like an elephant. And when a guy blows away specks of dust from you, looks into your mouth, allows you to wipe your feet on him - and thus does not give a reason for conflict. What can be done in such not so simple cases?

In the case of a person who is strongly psychologically dependent on you, it makes sense to ask - why the conflict itself? Most goals can be achieved without conflict. Just by ordering him. And he will do it. If he refuses, that’s a reason for conflict. And to conflict... A couple I knew had a case. They were sitting in a restaurant with friends. Suddenly the girl disappears for a couple of hours. She comes back noticeably drunk and says loudly: “Yes, I went to have sex.” And even such a statement did not become a reason for conflict. So, just order and get what you want. And if you want to leave and need a reason, tell it like it is. That he is a wuss and you need someone else. Since this is true, it will be extremely offensive. To tears, simply.

If your guy is calm like a boa constrictor. If he reacts to hysterics calmly or with humor. If by nature he is so slow, thorough, balanced. It makes sense to try stronger ways. As it is written in the Bible: “Love your enemies.” Some extreme interpretations explain it this way. That by loving your enemy, you will understand him better. Once you understand his strengths and weaknesses, you will be able to understand. And having understood, you will be able to hit the enemy more painfully. Because you know his weak points.

The method is effective. But this can be a one-way road. The person may stop communicating with you altogether. Completely and forever. You will cease to exist for him, as a woman and as a person. If this is your goal, good luck. If your tasks are less global, try to moderate the load. If you chose a love theme for pedaling, don’t say that you never loved him. Say that you don’t seem to love him as much/he doesn’t love you as much as before, for example. If it’s football, don’t say that only gays watch it. Tell them that their beloved Manchester is playing somehow disgustingly today, but their opponents are eagles and well done. Well - you understand.

I won’t write to you that quarreling is bad. You are an adult. Decide for yourself.

Why do we quarrel with our loved ones?

In general, quarrels usually occur between people who care about each other. If a person is uninteresting, he cannot do anything to offend you. What difference does it make what and how they are told or done? Even if we are caught up in this, it is unlikely that the conflict will be too violent. Well, let's argue, well, make a remark and calm down. Because he is an outsider. Passing. Another thing is a loved one. Our thoughts, desires, dreams are connected with it. Whether willingly or unwillingly, all of his actions and words, even the most innocent ones, are noticed. And something, of course, touches a nerve. After all, the beloved is very close, right next to the heart. It is quite natural that some awkward movement of his causes, if not pain, then discomfort. Because it concerns us.

A quarrel with a loved one is an indicator that in a relationship, for its further development, the time has come to solve some problem. There is no point in avoiding it. Otherwise, the problem will grow to global proportions. How it will be resolved then, who knows. If you resolve the brewing conflict at the very beginning, everything will fall into place. People are imperfect, and each may be dissatisfied with something in the behavior of another. But we don’t know how to read other people’s thoughts. Consequently, we cannot know what someone is not happy with about us unless he says it himself. Well, when a neighbor, passer-by, or colleagues don’t like something, that’s okay. You won't be nice to everyone. But when to a loved one, this is already a serious question. Because if you don’t do anything and don’t try to change, you can lose it.

In principle, clarifying relationships helps people get to know each other better and improve. However, quarrels are only useful when there really is love. If it is doubtful, it is better not to worry yourself and go in different directions. Why empty scandals that will lead nowhere anyway? There are enough difficulties in life without them. Well, what if there is love, but quarrels happen too often? This means that we are too hot-tempered and conflict over trifles.

In this case, it would be advisable to work on yourself. And learn, when you feel tension in communication with your loved one, to internally agree with him. Even if, in our opinion, he is wrong. Then, when the tension subsides, we will discuss this issue. In the meantime, the main task is to avoid a quarrel. Well, when we couldn’t do without it, let’s not yell at each other in two voices at the same time. Let's let the man speak, and then we'll start squealing about our own. So, at least, you can hear something and be at least partly heard.

There is a good technique, the use of which helps to avoid any special conflicts. It is enough to come up with some kind of code word and agree with your loved one to pronounce it as soon as you want to make a row. Let it be a word: “giraffe”, “felt boot”, “umbrella”, “rocket”... Whatever. The main thing is to perceive it as a signal that it’s time to let off steam. Said a couple of times before the start of a conflict, this word will eventually turn into a kind of lightning rod.

Well, in general, of course, in order to reduce the number of quarrels to a minimum, you need to determine what their causes are. Perhaps this is a desire to change someone else or a desire to eliminate bad habits, mistrust, or resentment from a partner. All this does not necessarily result in a heated argument. A quarrel can also manifest itself as a painful silence. That's not what's important. The important thing is that two loving people cannot normally discuss the issues that undermine the foundation of a happy relationship. This should be learned. Love is a rare gift, it must be protected. It would be a shame if she disappeared due to some misunderstandings.

In general, quarrels with a loved one are the norm if people try to understand each other and take the opposite point of view. Only the unity of male and female worldviews can find a solution to any problem, no matter how complex it may be. And only such unity opens the true path to happiness.

How to quarrel with a guy?

I really need your help.

How can I quarrel with a guy? and finally part ways (I can’t tell it like it is, it’s not the same situation)

He has no shortcomings, nothing to simply complain about. he corrects himself in all his mistakes. Yes, he doesn’t have any. so little things that make it just funny to break up.

but what to do when you don’t love a person, but don’t have the courage to admit it.

listen, tell me how it is, okay? put yourself in his place - they would dump you like that because of a fake quarrel! Don’t fool a person, otherwise you’ll hate yourself later.

First advice: Say that you don’t want a relationship, that you’re more comfortable alone! Second advice: imagine for a minute that you broke up, and he is very happy with another girl! Did something skip a beat inside? If not, then the first advice is in hand

In such cases, I merged silently. Only once was I stupid enough to explain myself, expressing numerous complaints. I felt petty, humiliated and empty. From then on, she left in English, supposedly sparing the man’s pride.

You need to tell it like it is so that there are no omissions left. So that neither you nor he blame themselves. Just say that you don’t love him, that you tried, but he is not your person and further relationships will not continue and will be false.

If you write that you cannot “confess” to not loving you, does that mean you have confessed your love before? For what?

Why get into a relationship if the guy is unpleasant? And if he’s pleasant, then why break off the relationship?

In fact, imagine, you see him in an embrace with a girl, both have happy eyes, they endlessly hug, kiss and have mercy! Will it be easy? Or do you think that after you, he will walk around all his life with his head down, his eyes dull, and constantly alone?

If you write that you cannot “confess” to not loving you, does that mean you have confessed your love before? For what?

Why get into a relationship if the guy is unpleasant? And if he’s pleasant, then why break off the relationship?

Just say that I’m not the heroine of your novel, nothing will work out for us, I’m not worthy of you. Goodbye.

Good people are regretted. then when it's too late!

Probably still young)))..if I decided, then so as not to offend anyone!

Well, ***** you are skins

find novo parnch helps

I really need your help.

How can I quarrel with a guy? and finally part ways (I can’t tell it like it is, it’s not the same situation)

He has no shortcomings, nothing to simply complain about. he corrects himself in all his mistakes. Yes, he doesn’t have any. so little things that make it just funny to break up.

but what to do when you don’t love a person, but don’t have the courage to admit it.

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How to make peace with your loved one after a quarrel

A quarrel with a loved one is a very unpleasant and painful thing. Of course, you want to make peace as quickly as possible and drive away the tension in the air. But let's not rush. Let's do something, trying in the meantime to look at ourselves from the outside, putting ourselves in the place of our loved one and soberly assessing the situation. It is necessary to accept his right to his own point of view. Otherwise, if we approach him with the words: “Stop arguing, but I’m still right!”, the second stage of the quarrel will begin. But that’s not what we need!

In order to restore peace in a relationship, you don’t have to start proving that you’re right again. Because “either no one is right or everyone is right.” Even if a problem really exists, it should be discussed when both are in a favorable emotional state. And discuss the problem, not each other’s personality. At the same time, we cannot assume that we are always right and the man is always wrong. Like, a woman knows better. In this case, quarrels with your loved one will become regular. Because each person sees the solution to some issue in his own way. And his point of view has a right to exist.

It’s better to start a truce with the words: “It’s very hard for me when we quarrel! Let's not do it again! Our task is to improve relationships, and not to emerge victorious from a most often meaningless battle. If your loved one continues to sulk and does not make contact, you should wait. Well, we’ve already cooled down, but he hasn’t yet! Let's give him time. Let him go. For us, the main thing is to learn to listen. Let your loved one speak out if he wants. It may very well be that there is some wisdom in his position. Or that the optimal solution to a problem will emerge from two opposing points of view. After all, it is viewed from different angles!

In general, in order for quarrels with a loved one not to be too painful for both us and him, we need to learn how to sort things out correctly. Firstly, you cannot conflict anywhere and anytime. For a quarrel, you need to choose both the time and the place. You should not make a scandal in the presence of strangers, before one of the two leaves for work or study, or during a pleasant vacation. The quarrel must be thought out. When it takes on a logical form, it will be possible to resolve any issue without offending each other needlessly.

If a scandal begins to gain momentum and cross the boundaries of what is reasonable, you should pull yourself together and stop. Nothing good will come from such a “dialogue”. Instead of trying to come to a consensus, it will result in mutual reproaches and insults. Therefore, when we feel that we are losing the ability to think, and our throat begins to constrict with rage, we slow down. We go into another room or go for a walk in the park and gather our thoughts. And only then, calmly, do we begin to discuss the problem again. If necessary.

I must say that often this is really necessary. Hiding dissatisfaction with the actions of a loved one, for fear of destroying the peace of the relationship, remaining silent and enduring is much more dangerous than expressing your complaints to him. Suppressed irritation will sooner or later burst out with a force similar to the force of a volcanic eruption. Then it will be very difficult to control your emotions. And who knows how this storm of anger will end. It is quite possible that it will be a complete disaster.

If a man loves, and we express ourselves kindly and calmly, he will certainly hear us. No, perhaps he will even object, but he will take note. And we will listen to him and also draw conclusions. If we don’t understand something, we ask you to explain it so that there is no misunderstanding in the relationship. And we will try to understand our loved one, no matter how difficult it may be. After all, if a conflict arose, it means that he is also confident in the correctness of his position. There is a possibility that we are wrong! People can be forgiven for making mistakes.

Well, okay, someone will say. Learning to quarrel is half the battle. How to avoid quarrels with your loved one in general? After all, this is almost the most expensive person in the world! Why are we fighting?

Picture of a quarrel with a loved one