Syrnikov lived in two houses.
Legally married... and in love.
In his fate, these two concepts were separated in time and space.
Article on the topic
Relationships in a new way: is it necessary to “remain friends” after a breakup?
And he didn’t know what he was suffering from more: the fact that Olya, his beloved, lives three hours away in the sunny south, while he lives with Zina, his legal wife, in the cold capital of our homeland. Or because you can only get out into the sun once a month or two. And always under the guise of business trips: an alibi was provided by his faithful friend Vovka, who picked Syrnikov from home and took him to the airport. This story has been going on for 20 years already - as long as the son Slava, born in a legal marriage, was. But Syrnikov was drawn to the south more and more, ever since Olya’s daughter was born in Crimea...
At 45! How much Olya begged her, how much she asked her to forgive her sins for her secret life with Syrnikov. They met at a Syrnikov wedding and since then they have been tormented by the thought: but everything could have been different... God, it seemed, turned away and left her only light in the window: once a month to go to the airport, run into a fragrant beard, drag her home to a covered table with South Russian borscht, then not getting out of bed for two days... For 20 years she wanted a child from this man, for 20 years she waited, if not for him, then at least for his little blood - and last winter God heard Olya. Syrnikov has a daughter - and an additional incentive to fly more often on “business trips.”
His conscience, it seemed, did not torment him: at least his faithful friend Vovka, an exemplary family man, was always perplexed with what calm demeanor he carried out his monthly route. And one day he even specially arranged it so that he could be present when Syrnikov returned home: cabbage soup was waiting for him there, as well as unfinished tests for the blockhead Slavka and Zina, who silently hugged him and pulled his hat off his head. No one seemed to notice her tears or facial expression. And Syrnikov was impenetrable - as if it wasn’t he who, three hours ago, had inhaled the smell of his daughter’s diaper, trying to remember it for a long time, and then kissed Olya’s hair, and then, stuck at the threshold and risking being late for the plane, kissed her all...
What kept him at home? Son, probably. And in general he was decent - he once promised Zina to love her and take care of her. And the fact that I couldn’t stuff my love for Olya into a suitcase and put it away on the mezzanine—well, there’s only one life...
So Syrnikov would have lived in two houses, if not for... Olya, who set an ultimatum: either my daughter and I, or Zina and her son. Syrnikov did not want to make such a choice: in this case, either one or the other family would have to be lost. And he dreamed of persuading Olya so that everything would be as before. Zina is patient. So why can’t Olya?
By the way
■ The whole world learned governor of the Altai Territory Mikhail Evdokimov A dark-skinned young woman, Inna Belova, even took part in the funeral procession.
■ The actor had to tell about journalist Tatyana Sekridova , the mother of Yevgeny Zharikov’s two sons, in the press after Tatyana herself publicly announced this secret. legal wife, Natalya Gvozdikova, bravely accepted this blow and did not file for divorce.
■ The entire Internet was full of stories that Oksana Lavrentieva , a businesswoman, model and TV presenter, gave birth to the head of VTB, Andrei Kostin, a son. She herself never publicly confirmed this information. The rumors ended when Oksana married another man, and A. Kostin began to go out with his wife Natalya.
■ Singer Slava never hid her relationship with Anatoly Danilitsky , ex-head of the National Reserve Corporation. Photos of them together often appeared in the press; Slava gave birth to a daughter from her loved one. He himself did not hide the fact that he was married and fully provides for his wife Lyudmila and two daughters.
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“My husband has another woman and a child from her”
“We have been living with my husband for 20 years,” said the reader. – He is a successful businessman. We have our own house, several cars, and travel to different countries every year. The daughter is receiving higher education abroad. About a year ago I found out that my husband has a woman in another city, and they have a child together. Their son was then 2 years old. Secretly, he often visits them and practically lives with two families. I know that he has known this woman for a long time. They are connected by common work matters. I was in shock. At first I wanted to swear, make trouble, file for divorce. He was not at home then. Then I calmed down and thought about everything. I decided not to tell him anything. My daughter and I are completely financially dependent on him. Although I have a higher education, I have not worked for many years. And I must admit, he is a good father, he helps his daughter with everything. And I am silent. But it's difficult. I cry constantly, I often don’t believe him, emotionally we have completely moved away from each other.”
Psychologist Ekaterina Alekseeva.
Psychologist's comment
– Zhanna has already decided for herself whether to separate from her husband or not. I calculated and weighed everything. But this begs the question: if she has chosen the path for herself, then why can’t she let go of the situation and come to terms with it?
We are dealing with the fact that the man did not just have some kind of affair on the side. There is a child there, he spends time with his second family, even if their relationship is not officially registered. Surely, a man financially supports another woman and their child. And all this directly concerns our heroine, and we can’t turn a blind eye to it. If this were a minor affair, I would recommend “letting go” of the situation and distracting yourself - going to trainings, finding yourself a guru, or taking care of yourself.
Everything is much more serious here. I see only one way out. Zhanna needs to calmly, without scandals, discuss everything with her husband - clearly define the boundaries of how they will live now, given that he has a second family. New people have appeared in his relationship, and he will not be able to live as before.
Firstly, it’s worth stating my position: I know everything, but I don’t intend to break up, because:
- we have a child together;
- in principle, everyone is good, and under certain conditions everyone will have what they need. You definitely need to tell your spouse about your feelings: it hurts, it’s unpleasant.
It is worth satisfying your curiosity: how often does he see his second woman and child, what are his plans and intentions. And then together it’s worth determining a future life plan, when everyone knows everything: what their future relationship will be like, how often he will visit the other woman and her child, what material investments he plans to make in both families. Perhaps by doing this she herself will achieve some kind of insight and it will become easier for her. She will stop being tormented by thoughts: where is he and with whom. There will be certainty in life. With such boundaries, it may be possible to somehow regulate relations in this family. Both are adults, so there is no need to remain silent. Of course, deciding to have such a conversation is not easy. But Zhanna has been accumulating all this inside herself for too long. She needs release.
To make it easier to survive this period, it is worth talking to a psychologist. He will help you choose the techniques that are suitable for her and in this particular situation.
If you have a family conflict and you cannot resolve it on your own, write to VB by email:
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We are looking for the culprit
The first thing a woman begins to do after learning such shocking news is to blame herself for the current situation. Moreover, she feels so guilty that this guilt simply burns her from the inside and can lead to a nervous breakdown and deepest depression.
An offended and insulted woman believes that she was a bad wife, since her husband decided to look for affection and warmth on the side, that she was a bad housewife or a bad mother of his children. Or perhaps he doesn’t need her children at all, since he has children from his second wife? Okay, stop! In fact, such thoughts can lead to such depths of problems and sadness that no psychologist can help.
Let's dot the i's and dot the i's. In principle, the woman is not to blame in this current situation - and this is a fact. So, who is to blame? Man, man and again man! After all, it was he who was unable to make a choice in time and brought the situation to a critical end. Such an act only indicates that the man whom you considered your beloved husband is just a spineless creature who was afraid to make up his mind and decided that two wives are better than one.
But, of course, in such a situation you need to give advice, and not figure out who is right and who is wrong. It’s just that in such a difficult situation you need to try to pull yourself together and realize that it is not your fault. Once you understand this, your mind will become clearer and it will be easier for you to respond appropriately to this problem and find the right solution.
Second family - how to catch your husband cheating
My husband has a second family - words that sound like a bolt from the blue for every woman. Having learned about the existence of a rival, many give up, fall into depression, or start a fierce war without warning. What to do is everyone’s choice, however, before you begin to act, you need to make sure that your suspicions are not speculation. In most cases, women learn about their second family in the following way:
- A call from a mistress - a woman is also fighting for her happiness, trying to destroy her family. You may receive a call, an SMS message on your phone, or they may send you a photo of your betrothed in the arms of another.
- SMS messages – correspondence with the second wife on the husband’s phone. Correspondence can also be on social networks.
- Chance meeting (I saw my husband on the street with his mistress).
- A man’s confession is a rare case when a man himself admits to the existence of a second woman.
- Traces of “love” - a lipstick mark on a collar, on a cheek, scratches, lingerie in a pocket, a postcard with someone else’s name, etc. If a man does not have a certain accuracy, then, most likely, after some time you will definitely notice traces of the existence of your mistress.
Stories of real women
There are many stories about how women find out about the existence of a second family with their man. Someone forgives the traitor, someone throws him out of the house in disgrace, and someone suffers for years and does not know what to do. In any case, each of them suffered enormous stress, but still did not give up and decided, at all costs, to find out the whole truth.
Larisa, 35 years old, accountant
Two years ago, I found out that my beloved husband had a second family. I am not one of the jealous women who follow their partners everywhere, read messages on social networks and phones. No, I'm used to trusting. I can say that my trust ruined me. Now, after several years, I understand that there were alarm bells in the form of frequent business trips, constant meetings at work and night calls from unknown colleagues, but then everything suited me. And so, once again, my husband left on a “business trip”, I was getting ready to have dinner. Suddenly I received a call on my phone from an unknown number, I picked up the phone. The woman spoke. The whole conversation was in a fog, I remember that she said that she had been living with my V. for three years and now they were expecting a baby. She asked them to step back and not ruin their happiness. For a long time I could not believe what I heard. I was waiting for my husband. Three days later he returned, and I asked him directly. Surprisingly, he didn't lie. He said that he had long wanted to confess, but did not know how. I was shocked by what I heard. I still can’t forgive. After all, I gave so many years to our marriage, and he just took it and trampled everything.
Elena, 50 years old, cashier
It would seem like a strong marriage. More than 20 years together. I was 100% confident in him. As it turned out, it was in vain. We have two adult children, a big comfortable house, everything was fine. I didn’t see any prerequisites for the appearance of a mistress. Of course, over the many years of living together, a lot went through - jealousy, scandals, and tears, but we overcame all the troubles. My husband spent every weekend at home, went on business trips once every two or three months, and always came home after work. I didn’t have any suspicions that there was another woman. I found out about the second family by accident. I was leaving the store; my husband, as he told me, was at work. And suddenly, on the other side of the street, I notice a familiar coat. I was happy, I thought he was preparing a surprise for me. But suddenly, a young lady with a child came out of the café building where my “betrothed” was standing. And guess who she approached? That's right, to my husband. They kissed and went somewhere. At home, a scandal awaited him with everyone around him. It was hard, long conversations, tears, explanations. For several months, a series of incessant apologies and late-night conversations in the kitchen dragged on. In the end, I decided to forgive. Still, we've been together for so many years. Now my husband is behaving perfectly, carrying her in his arms and caring for her. A second youth began, but still a residue remained.
Anna, 42 years old, assistant director
I can’t say that the relationship with my husband has always been ideal. They often fought, quarreled, wanted to divorce several times, but still made peace. Probably the children stopped him. I didn't want to be a single mother. I had long suspected that my husband was having an affair. I can’t say that I’m ugly or unkempt, no, I have more than enough fans. However, apparently he was missing something. I turned a blind eye to his lateness, night shifts and lipstick on his collar. She pretended to be a naive girl who believed every word he said. This went on for a year, until one day my friend came to me. It turns out she saw a long-legged blonde getting into his car, and judging by their passionate kiss, this is not just a colleague. That day I finally had to open my eyes and stop pretending. My husband and I divorced, now both are happy in their new relationship. We maintain friendly contact with each other. I don't hold any grudges.
Marina, 27 years old, housewife
My ex-husband wants to live in two families. I learned about this from him. We were only married for 5 years. This is not a good time for family life. Happiness overflowed, as I thought. We thought about children and built a country house. Everything went as usual until one evening my husband ruined our happiness. He came home with flowers and champagne and said that there was a conversation. I thought that it was probably a good reason, since I was so prepared. It turned out not. After a glass of champagne, my husband told me that he had met a beautiful girl and loved her with all his soul. But here’s the dilemma - he loves me too. He suggested that everyone live together or alternately - a week with her, a week with me. She kicked him out the door with the bags without hearing all his plans for the future. I don't regret anything.
There are a great many similar stories - some tell themselves about their “adventures”, others are caught red-handed. Of course, you can guess about the second family on your own - friends, colleagues, and relatives can tell you about this fact. In addition, it is quite easy to notice that money has begun to leak out of the family budget.
If your husband has changed, has become less likely to be at home, takes better care of himself, disappears from work, and has stopped paying attention to you as a woman, you should start sounding the alarm.
Happiness is a bird in the hands or someone else's crane
I always thought she was very lucky. After the birth of her first child, she went on maternity leave and did not return to work. Egor, her husband, fully provided for the family and brought in sufficient income. He is a truck driver who is able to pay all her expenses. And all her life she was happy taking care of the kids, preparing delicious dinners and spending a lot of time for herself.
My husband often left home on business trips, but with his profession this is the norm. She always carefully prepared for his arrival: she thought through new dishes, bought beautiful linen and always tried to come up with something interesting so that the family could be together.
But one day her friend Natalya said that she saw Yulia’s husband with an unfamiliar woman in another city. Natalya was on a business trip in Norilsk. Having gone to the nearest supermarket to buy groceries, Natasha was surprised to see Yegor in the next aisle. He was choosing groceries with a beautiful young woman and a boy of about four years old. Natalya decided that she had made a mistake, but she still warned her friend.
This news was a revelation. Julia did not believe that this was cheating. And my husband should have been on the other side of Russia at that time.
Second family - forgive or divorce?
After you find out that your husband has a second family and a child from another, you need to start taking action. Remember, inaction is also your choice.
Advice! Don't chop rashly. Let your emotions subside a little, calm down, and only then start a conversation. Screaming, mutual reproaches, a scandal will not allow you to understand the reasons for what happened.
Intimate talk
How to properly talk to your husband about this rather sensitive topic? The issue is complex and requires increased attention. So, a heart-to-heart conversation should be based on several rules:
- Calm down, don't be nervous. The conversation should take place in a calm atmosphere. Avoid yelling and blaming.
- Ask your husband what he missed in your family life.
- Try not to get emotional - be cold and reserved.
- Try to listen to all the arguments the man will give
- Don't jump to conclusions right away. You will need some time to make a final decision.
Attention! Never compare yourself to your new lover. You risk getting a lot of unjustified complexes. For example, her legs are slimmer than mine. Or the breasts are more magnificent, etc. Remember, a man is looking on the outside for what he lacks at home. Therefore, it is important to listen to all the wishes of your spouse in a timely manner. For example, experiments in bed, a new haircut, clothing style, etc.
Divorce or forgiveness?
After all the arguments and explanations have been heard, the moment comes that determines everything. A woman must decide whether she forgives her husband or files for divorce. In both cases, you need to act according to the situation - listen to your inner feelings and honestly answer the following questions:
- Can you forgive a person?
- Won't you remind him of what happened every time you quarrel?
- Will you be tormented by jealousy and thoughts that the situation will repeat itself again?
