My poor. Should a man earn money?
Although some men are not particularly worried about the fact that they are sitting on their wife’s neck.
My neighbor is working two jobs, and her husband, a creative person, has been looking for work for three years. In one place he is not satisfied with the boss, in another the size of the salary, and in a third he does not see serious prospects for himself. At the same time, you won’t even ask him to throw out the trash.
And there are a lot of such examples - women complain about their husbands who are dragged through life - no money, no help, no care. True, they are in no hurry to leave their unlucky husbands.
This is explained by the fact that such women like the role of the victim. It gives them the opportunity to feel their exclusivity and irreplaceability. Women with low self-esteem gravitate towards playing victims. As a result, by their behavior, they themselves essentially form parasites out of their husbands.
Moreover, sometimes it happens that if another woman is next to this man, then he changes radically. And suddenly it turns out that he is able to support his family and take care of it.
My friend’s husband lost his job just when she returned from maternity leave. For a long time he tried to find a new one, then he got a job as a security guard in some bank. The fact that his wife earned more did not bother him, and at first, neither did she. And then desperate melancholy set in and she filed for divorce.
“I want an interesting man next to me, who strives for something, and does not sit at home watching TV,” she explained.
But the funniest thing is that her ex-husband, having remarried, turned into an exemplary breadwinner. He works hard at two jobs, provides for his wife and newborn child, and, apparently, he likes it.
We tried for a long time to understand why he behaved differently with his previous wife, and came to the conclusion that men often behave the way women themselves allow them.
What to do?
Stop putting everything on yourself. A man should feel responsible for his family. And if the wife constantly strives to put the burden on her, then the husband very quickly gets used to the role of another child in the family. In this way you are only raising an egoist and an infantile person.
Encourage any attempts by your husband to correct the situation, let him understand that you believe in him and need him. Under the weight of responsibility, men usually begin to act.
Another thing is that there are individuals who stubbornly do not want to shoulder this very responsibility. And all the woman’s efforts in this regard will be defeated by the infantilism and consumerist attitude of the chosen one. And in this case, you need to think about whether it’s worth spending your energy and life on it.
What do they think about this?
“Even if a low-earning husband has the most wonderful human qualities, I don’t want to pay for his spiritual comfort and dedication to his profession, and I don’t want family happiness with a gigolo, it’s humiliating.” Mashshsha
“Get rid of these guys!!! or not spend the money you earn on them. What's the point of keeping this ruminant? Marusik.
“If a woman is worried about her income, and a man sees this and does nothing, then the woman is not significant enough for him.” Ilya.
“I think that in a family people have the right to live in a way that is convenient for both of them. And if it so happens that the wife wants (and succeeds) in building a career and working hard from morning till night, while the husband takes care of all the rear issues with children, apartment, cleaning, etc., then this is very cool.” . Svetlana.
“The woman in this case is to blame herself. Why does she even work three jobs, her husband doesn’t earn money and she doesn’t tell him anything? Will this husband look for work in such a situation? Of course not". Denis.
“This is a private matter between the two partners. But only as long as both are satisfied with it. The money in the family should be earned by the one who does it better . Margot.
"New Business"
My husband earns little. What to do?
What is your man's relationship with money? What mechanisms control the financial well-being of the family?
Let's look at the main points.
From time to time I receive letters with something like this:
“My husband works a lot, but he doesn’t do very well (low income). He gets upset about this. What to do?"
This is the most general idea. There can be quite a lot of subtypes of this situation when different factors are combined:
- The husband is employed;
- The husband is developing his own business;
- The husband is very tired and feels unhappy from the huge amount of work;
- The husband is very tired, but he feels inspired and works with pleasure, despite his fatigue.
Plus, we can’t forget about you. You, as a wife, can:
- Work for hire;
- Do business;
- Don't work at all.
Add here also your attitude to what is happening:
- You are generally satisfied with your family income;
- You are generally not satisfied with your family income.
Now it becomes clear how many variables are involved in this issue.
Obviously, it is very, very difficult to give some kind of universal recipe in such a situation, so you need to approach the issue taking into account your specific situation.
First, pay attention to how a man feels about what he does . It’s no secret that one part of women complains that you can’t force a man out of work, and the other complains that a man works too much, and this harms relationships.
At the same time, working a lot, a man can earn both a lot and a little. We will not consider the first option now simply to stay within the stated topic. Therefore, let’s consider a case where a lot of effort and time are invested, but the results are far from desired.
So, the first thing you should pay attention to is what feelings his work (or business) evokes in a man.
Yes, he works very hard, yes he tries his best... But what is his real attitude towards what he does?
In most cases, this is visible to the naked eye. It’s one thing when a man, although tired, works with sparkling eyes and enthusiasm, and quite another when he perceives his work in a different way - he feels unhappy and unfairly oppressed by fate.
In the first situation, the man is happy to work hard because he sees meaning in what he does . He feels that he has something meaningful in his hands, he is dependent on him, he is somehow transforming this world and positively influencing the lives of other people.
In a situation where overtime is perceived as punishment , a man rarely sees some kind of meta-goal, some kind of mission “at work.” He does not see deep meaning in the activities he performs or in the business he is trying to develop. Those. here we are talking, as a rule, about simply making money - no more, no less.
Now let's change the angle of view and look at the situation through the eyes of a woman .
Let's say your husband doesn't earn as much as he would like and is somehow upset about it.
The situation is quite typical. A man wants the best, i.e. bring more money to the family, but when it doesn’t work out, he feels wounded and defeated, which is why he gets upset.
And here a woman needs to ask herself: “What, exactly, do I want? What suits me and what doesn’t?”
Those. just ask yourself how comfortable you are with your husband spending so much time at work . Perhaps you will understand that this is not such a traumatic factor for you.
In addition, if you see that a man is investing in a business with pleasure and enthusiasm, you should even support him. Support carefully so that he appreciates your support, but does not work even more (you don’t want a disabled husband because he works 18 hours a day?).
In other words, you approve of his efforts , but you mention that you would be much happier if he could devote a little more time to you.
Another option is when you suffer from the fact that your husband is constantly busy and working. In this case, you should talk to him and explain that your relationship with him is suffering due to his excessive busyness, and invite him to think about what can be done to improve the situation.
If you are not categorical and harsh in your statements, the man will almost certainly meet you halfway, and you will be able to work out a solution that will suit both of you.
But what does the financial well-being of an individual family depend on?
There is an interesting version according to which each family has its own predetermined level of wealth, above which it is very difficult to jump.
This level is determined by the piety of the spouses , often drawn from past lives.
Why does such a “ceiling” exist?
It exists for one simple reason. Money is a huge challenge. Money is a great danger to self-development .
The energy of money and power that can be obtained through it is very difficult for a person. That is why not everyone can be not only rich, but even simply “wealthy.”
And you must always remember that the situation in which your family and you personally are now is the situation that is most favorable for your personal and spiritual development .
The level of wealth that you have is a reflection of how ready you are for the challenges that come with increasing income.
This is an indicator of how capable you are of using the money that comes to you for the benefit of not only your family, but also other people. In other words, we are talking about charity in the broad sense of the word.
How ready are you not to focus on money, but to use it to improve the lives of other people - even those you don’t know at all?
To put it simply, money comes only when you and your family do not radiate the energy of greed, when you stop focusing only on yourself and your needs, but look more broadly and strive to bring benefit to many other people.
Greed and stinginess are harbingers of poverty . Therefore, one of the ways to increase family wealth is charity, selfless service to other people.
At the same time, it is not at all necessary to create good with the help of money. There are a huge number of ways to help other people by “investing” your energy, time, positive emotions, etc. in them.
Financial assistance is only one facet of charity.
Another important idea that I want to convey in this article is that work is simply asceticism, with the help of which we can survive in this world .
Labor should not become overwhelming. We shouldn't overextend ourselves in pursuit of money.
Maximum efforts need to be invested in developing yourself, in developing your best personal qualities and spiritual growth. Only as a consequence of this comes true prosperity and happiness.
By investing in yourself, in your growth, you turn out to be a more and more useful person, until one fine day you suddenly realize that you don’t have to put in much effort in order to earn decent money .
Yes, they will not flow into your hands, but the process of earning them will become much easier and will give you more pleasant emotions.
You will no longer need excessive effort because now you truly deserve it and you don't have to fight for it.
Therefore, the hardest currency is your continuous growth and self-improvement.
This is the ability to engage in charity even when it seems that there are no opportunities for this.
This is your understanding that activities that are meaningful and valuable to other people will inevitably bear fruit.
This is how you can break through the financial “ceiling” that was initially set for you and your family. This is how you can reach a new level - the level of prosperity and abundance.
Household chores are women's responsibility
According to the UN, increased employment and education among women directly affects economic growth. However, many women dream of not working because they simply do not have the energy to work due to household chores, on which they spend on average three times more time than men.
For a man, this situation is also difficult. Most of the burden of providing for the family falls on him. And the woman cannot support him if he loses his job.
Why is it harmful
Many Russians (both men and women) would like the man to be the breadwinner, and the woman to sit at home and not work. But this is not at all due to a woman’s reluctance to realize herself in society, but to the incorrect distribution of the load, which was accepted back in the USSR and often still exists in families.
It is believed that Soviet women supposedly had “equality” with men, but in reality this was not the case, because the opportunity to work did not relieve them of responsibility for the family (the so-called “second shift”).
And in modern Russia, a man can come after work and relax on the sofa, while a woman, after the same working day, still needs to clean the house, cook dinner, do homework with the children, put the children to bed.
That is why, when women have to do both, they want to relieve themselves of at least some of all these responsibilities.
However, the dream of our citizens that women should not work is really just a dream, which to this day supports the idea of male breadwinners. Because, according to Rosstat, more than half of Russian women work, whether they want it or not.
How to do it right
Now the average salary in Russia is 49 thousand rubles. Whether it is possible to live well on this money depends on the composition of the family and the income of the partner. For example, living with four people in a rented apartment on the average salary of one working family member will definitely not be easy. Living together in your own apartment without debt is much easier, but in any case you want to improve your standard of living. Therefore, when both a woman and a man work in a family, this is the most effective approach to increasing the family’s well-being.
There needs to be an equal distribution of household work in the family between partners or, if no one in the family has time for this, the involvement of outside employees who can do housework for a fee. This will enable all family members to realize their working potential.
The quarantine showed that in families where only men were the breadwinners, the financial situation worsened significantly. Because of this, cases of depression and alcoholism among them have increased - it is difficult to bear everything on oneself and be responsible for everything alone. Cases of domestic violence also increased during quarantine, and such a risk is always high when one person is completely dependent on another. Economic violence is a separate and very serious topic.
Read on the topic: What is financial abuse and how to get rid of it?
So when two people earn money in a couple, it is obvious that it is easier for them to bear the burden of financial responsibility for their family, and plus they can make their own decisions, better protect their borders and defend their interests.
How can a woman protect herself financially from a legal point of view if she is a housewife and depends on her husband?
Even on maternity leave, it’s worth at least trying to run your own business: a hobby can be turned into a mini-business.
Due to the current situation, running a business remotely has become very popular and in demand: this could be running online fitness classes, yoga, or organizing master classes. Various online stores do not lose popularity.
Also, many realize themselves and make good money on social networks, running, for example, a YouTube channel or a Telegram channel.
Of course, in order to do all this, a woman needs to pay attention to her education in the field of finance and business promotion, and she should also register as an individual entrepreneur or self-employed. This is the most common option. Or, if you wish, you can work with an existing company under a service agreement or find a job remotely with the company.
