These days, eating pizza for dinner under the desk lamp in the office at the end of a 10-hour day is more common than one would like to believe. Some people love their jobs, others are saving for an apartment (or paying off their mortgage), and others have simply chosen a career that leaves no other choice. But even if the reasons are clear, many people find it difficult to come to terms with the 60-hour week of their spouses (yes, we are not only talking about workaholic men, but also about workaholic women, since workaholism does not have a distinct gender). What should you do when your partner's excessive commitment to work threatens the relationship?
The main thing you need to understand for yourself is the difference between a workaholic and a hard worker . If a man works overtime to feed his family and pay the interest on the loan on time, then once again analyze your attitude and grievances. But if you think he's working even when he might not be working, follow these 10 steps to get your hubby back "down to earth" and back with the family. However, caution and delicacy are needed here too. If work is truly a part of his life, then you, as a companion “through thick and thin,” should support his dreams and desires.
But it is possible and necessary to improve your relationship with a workaholic! And here are 10 ways to do it.
Don't compare yourself to other couples: there is no template for relationships that everyone should follow
Just because your friend's husband has time to watch an episode or two of House with her every Sunday doesn't mean you should go out of your way to do the same. Remember, you made your choice - you chose a man whose work may take more time than others. Live your life, as comparison can be depressing.
Carefully consider and plan the time you spend together. If you can’t relax at the seaside every summer, try to at least plan a weekend away from the city and the bustle at some base. I'm sure it will work out.
What to do if your husband is a workaholic? How to fix this and get the relationship back
When you got married, you were probably the happiest woman in the world. You promised your beloved man from the bottom of your heart to share both his sorrows and his joys. But then the honeymoon passes, the first happy carefree days, and you begin to notice that something has changed, that your husband begins to pay more attention to work, and certainly not to you. He always finds urgent things to do, stays late at work and only devotes time to you on weekends, and even then not necessarily. Of course, you start to worry and look for the reason in yourself, in your behavior, appearance. But you still can’t find the answer - it’s all just assumptions and conjectures.
But what is really happening? No, you don’t need to immediately think that some woman is involved in this and is trying to “steal” your husband. Everything can be much simpler: your husband is a workaholic. There are several types of workaholics, and you need to try to figure out which one your man is in order to cope with the current situation.
What to do if your husband is a workaholic - tips
1. The first type of workaholic is a man who uses work to escape from his problems. He saw that work was a great excuse to help him put off some family activities and give up his responsibilities at home. Perhaps he actually doesn’t have that much work as such! And he sits for hours at his desk in the office, chatting with colleagues about football or the latest in the automotive world. But when talking to you, he puts on a businesslike face, a serious voice and gives “iron” arguments in favor of additional hours at work. The good news is that it is very easy to change such a man by turning to him directly with requests, such as: “Darling, I can’t cope here without your masculine strength,” etc. Step by step, you can “move” him closer to family matters, some of which are “subject only to him.”
2. The second type of workaholic is a man who cannot imagine a day of his life without work. He is constantly doing something, finding something to do and working tirelessly. He simply doesn’t know what it means to “not work” and how to “rest.” Work is his life. What do you need to do? Yes, just plan your day off yourself, finding the type of vacation that is closest to it. This can be either passive or active recreation for the whole family. You can schedule everything almost hourly, so a man who is used to working continuously will feel that he is busy as before... just relaxing with you - and will relax.
3. And finally, the third type is a man who tries to be on time everywhere. He once and for all once decided for himself that he would achieve certain goals and directly goes towards them without rest. For such people, vacation is a waste of time, during which they can manage to do a bunch of things useful for the future. Well... Here, too, the case is not hopeless, just try to convince him that he needs rest for his health, and that a person who rests well works with double energy, completely replenishing it during rest. Come up with an interesting program such as going to the cinema to see his favorite film or to a restaurant with cuisine that he prefers.
- This is very interesting - How to refresh feelings in a relationship - the best ways and tips
Of course, the disadvantages of a workaholic husband are obvious. He devotes little time to you, all his conversations and thoughts are about work, the phone can ring at any, most inopportune moment, etc.
However, such men also have advantages. Firstly, you will most likely be well off, he is unlikely to cheat on you (he simply won’t have time for this) and he will definitely respect the business that you are engaged in and interested in!
Workaholism - video
Act quickly and tactfully
If you think your man is ignoring his responsibilities as a husband or - especially - a father, don't demand anything. It is quite possible that he does not even understand what exactly is included in his obligations. Often workaholics go through life as if in a trance and are not always aware of what is happening around them. Help him stay informed by discussing all issues non-intrusively and as early as possible. Accusations and grievances can cause an even more “steep” defensive reaction in response. If you want him to hear and understand, convey the information to him calmly. He already works a lot - maybe he no longer has the strength to guess your expectations? 
How to live with a workaholic?
Many women associate a man who is a good earner with reliability and confidence in the future. They say you won’t be lost with him: you’ll find where to live, what to wear, and where to go on vacation. And all this will be at the proper level. And it’s not scary to have children from him, because he can provide for them. But the problem with such men is that they see making money as their main (in extreme cases, only) function in the family.
Fight of opposites
And this is fraught not only with complete misunderstanding and fierce resistance to the slightest requests, but also with the fact that the role of a man in a relationship will really be reduced only to ensuring the financial viability of the family, and you will have to organize everyday life, leisure time and even raising children entirely on your own. What women's secrets will help you avoid this?
Your man is a workaholic
Firstly, even at the initial stage of the relationship, if you notice that your man is a workaholic for whom his career is of great importance, do not push him. He is able to handle this on his own, and even better than you would like.
Do not demand a constant increase in income, climbing the career ladder, and if this does not happen, a change in type of activity.
In general, honestly say that, although you are glad that there is a person next to you with whom you are confident in the future, the financial side of the relationship is not at all the main thing. This does not mean that you should not praise him for his achievements in this area, you just need to show that you value his contribution no less to other aspects of your relationship: exciting leisure time together, timely help, or even good sex.
In family relationships, feel free to shift some of the responsibilities to him
In family relationships, feel free to shift some of the responsibilities to him, especially if you also work. Moreover, these can equally be domestic issues and raising children. In the first case, having heard, for example, that washing dishes and vacuuming is not a man’s job, do not insist. Ask him to take care of long-overdue minor repairs (nailing shelves, etc.) or a major interior change. If he considers raising children to be an exclusively feminine concern, do not ask him to change the baby’s diaper or feed an adult child, but offer to take a walk in the nearest park in the company of the child. A loving father most likely will not refuse.
Stop all attempts to occupy yourself with work in your free time.
Firmly suppress all attempts to occupy your free time with work. Finishing an urgent home project should be the exception, not the rule. If a husband’s working day lasts 12-14 hours, the main thing he should be interested in at home is his family. Prepare a delicious dinner, play an interesting game with your child, and, after putting him to bed, give your husband a passionate night.
Chatting with friends can be a great distraction
Communication with friends and hobbies can be excellent distractions. In the first case, everything is simple: invite them to your place, go to visit yourself, meet somewhere in the city. In warmer days, you can go out into nature with a cheerful group.
If you choose a hobby, do not forget that men are passionate natures, and try to avoid a situation where you have to prove that there is something else in life besides it.
But in general, in order to cure a loved one of “workaholism”, you need to show that there is still a lot, a lot of bright and interesting things in life, and devoting all the time to work, he will hopelessly miss it.
Coordination of joint lunches
If you are thinking of showing up at his office as a “surprise” to have lunch together, it is better to warn him and coordinate such a pastime. Yes, you are planning this with good intentions, but your favorite workaholic may not want to “mix” work and personal life.
I hope you can reach an understanding. And it seems to me that the best way to understand a workaholic is to become a workaholic by finding a job you like!
Your Lady Antikrizis , returned from prolonged inactivity
The husband is a workaholic. What to do if your husband constantly disappears at work?
Do you remember the last time you and your husband and children went for a walk in the park or went shopping together? He leaves for work when you are still sleeping, and comes when you are already asleep. Your timid calls to his office are interrupted by the phrase: “I’m busy, later.” On weekends, he deals with papers at home, tightly closing the door of the room. He throws himself into his work: sometimes his facility is “on fire,” sometimes he’s sorting out reports, sometimes he’s off on an urgent business trip for a few days.
You are pretty tired of this kind of life, with a husband who actually exists only in your passport. But you love your husband, and his hard work allows you to live in abundance, so you cannot and do not want to simply leave, slamming the door on such a life. So what to do?
First of all, you should choose a moment and calmly talk with your husband, without turning to shouting and reproaches that “you don’t see anything else except your work!” Try to explain to him that you lack his attention, which consists not only in allocating funds for subsistence. That children need to communicate with dad (especially if you have a growing son). Ask him to set aside at least half a day for full communication with his family. Perhaps he will like it and over time, half a day will turn into a whole day, and then into a whole weekend.
If you can sacrifice a few hours of sleep, then get up with your husband, and while he is having breakfast, take a moment to talk with him not only about everyday problems, but also about your relationship. Don’t keep your feelings locked away, tell him more often about how much you love him, how much you miss him.
And if he returns from work when you are already seeing the tenth dream, then there is also nothing to talk about normal sexual relationships. Then you will have to sacrifice the evening hours (however, sex in the morning has not been canceled, and if you are tired during the day, then it is better not to torture yourself and try to seduce your workaholic in the morning). Perhaps such a “rise” will also force him to look around and discover another life.
Of course, this is all speculation. It’s not for nothing that such people are called workaholics. Similar to alcoholics. And you can get rid of your addiction to alcohol only if you really really want it yourself, and not to calm someone else’s soul or peace in the house. The same is true for workaholics. Neither hysterics nor scandals will correct them, and to this they can reasonably remark that they are creating a completely carefree life for the family, what else do you need? Such people, overloaded with work, unable to relax, unable to sit idle for even five minutes, simply do not understand that things could be different.
You can complain to your friends, to which they can answer you that he doesn’t “go wrong”, doesn’t drink, he simply doesn’t have time for this, and they will be partly right. In addition, there are cases when the husband is a workaholic, but his activities do not bring any results. He is completely immersed in new projects, ideas, disappears at work for weeks, and you have to carry the household, children and also work yourself, because “just a little more and our project will be approved and then...”. So you don't have the worst option yet.
In general, workaholism has practically no cure. It's just up to you to find ways in which you can fully communicate as a family, and some may even be a little extreme. For example, if you somehow miraculously went on vacation with your whole family, you might “quite by accident” forget your laptop charger. If your spouse’s stage of workaholism is not yet completely critical, then after several hours of thunder and lightning in your address, he will simply have to resign himself to rest, and then everything is in your hands - to make this rest so unforgettable that he will want to rest like that again .
Elena,
