Young husband or experienced: how to build relationships in a marriage of different ages

From foundation to roof

Let's imagine figuratively, comparing the process of relationships with building a house. If you need a visual representation, then you can take a pencil, paper and an eraser, and draw a house from the very beginning - from the foundation to the roof. This is how proper relationships between a man and a woman are built. And why this image is needed - you will read in the article a little later.

You might be interested in: How to tie a man to you forever

Foundation

Cement, sand, crushed stone, water are mixed - the result is a concrete mixture from which the foundation is made. Initially, this mixture is liquid-viscous, not at all durable - just for pouring formwork. In a relationship, this is falling in love. Or at least sympathy.

In order for the foundation to strengthen and settle as it needs, time and patience are required. The longer, the stronger the foundation. And this, accordingly, is love. Without a solid foundation of love, nothing further can be built.

It will also be useful: How to take revenge on your husband’s mistress

Walls

Both external and internal interior walls are built brick by brick. Only from different materials. On the facade these bricks are made of mutual understanding, respect, support, tenderness, friendship. But the internal ones are from what should be hidden from prying eyes: from the personal secrets of two lovers, affection, sex.

Smooth and neat laying of bricks on a solid foundation is the key to future strong relationships. The more such bricks, the higher the house, and accordingly your feelings. It is also customary to insulate the walls - this is every brick you lay.

Another interesting article: How to prepare for the first time

Windows and doors

One immovable picture is always visible from the windows: the street, the forest, the garden. An important aspect in a relationship with a man is to look at life the same way, both up close and in the long term. If, figuratively speaking, he sees a beautiful landscape outside the window, but you don’t notice the beauty, because cows are grazing in the meadow and everyone is crap, then in the future it will be difficult for you to be together.

Doors are the entrance to your personal relationships. They must be closed to those who are trying to destroy your walls, painstakingly built brick by brick, from the inside. But these doors can be opened to those who come to you with goodness. And also through the doors you can give a kick to traitors from your own home.

It will also be useful: What a man should not forgive

Roof

The roof is built last, when the foundation and walls are firmly in place. Which means these are future children. After many years, with proper upbringing, they will “protect” you and your husband, that is, protect you from all adversity, illness and other misfortunes.

It is precisely the strength of the roof that is your upbringing. Loving you mutually, they will protect your relationship from the elements, keeping the foundation and walls intact. And if you do not pay due attention to the construction of the roof (that is, to raising children), then the roof will blow off - and the children will not care about you in old age.

The house has been built, but inside it can only be the microclimate that you create together with the man. Petty quarrels are like old trash - it’s better to burn it than to wash dirty linen in public or throw it in the attic or basement. It’s better not to bring it into the house at all in the first place. The main thing is that the house turned out to be chic and reliable.

It will also be useful: Are quarrels useful in relationships and is it possible to do without them?

Cabinet

Unfortunately, the number of divorces has recently reached 50%. This trend is especially noticeable in European countries, where starting a family is approached seriously and with all responsibility. Therefore, we have selected 14 simple tips for maintaining relationships and mutual understanding in the family.

Don't wait too long to make an offer.

This point applies more to men, although there are some ladies who “rule” in relationships and prefer to take the initiative into their own hands. According to research by American scientists, the number three is a kind of landmark. If a couple has been dating for about three years, then they have every chance of building a strong family. But if, even after so many years of relationship, the chosen one has not decided to present “that same ring,” then, alas, his intentions regarding you are not so serious and he is still in search of his ideal person. And according to experts, couples who got married after 32 years have a chance of getting divorced in the first years of marriage. And all because at this age a person has already developed certain habits that not everyone can come to terms with.

You shouldn't get married before age 23

According to 2020 studies conducted by the same American scientists, people who decided to live together or marry before the age of 23 broke up in almost 70% of cases. The reason for this, oddly enough, was also receiving an education. Experts explain that those young people who had only a secondary or secondary specialized education separated much more often than those lovers who had a higher or incomplete higher education.

Your partner should be around your age

Research from 2014 cites statistics that the greater the age gap between spouses, the higher the likelihood that they will divorce. In addition, many experts claim that young ladies who choose an adult man as their life partner lose their attractiveness over time and begin to look much older than their years. But such a union, on the contrary, makes the representatives of the stronger sex look younger. Next to a young person, they blossom and begin to feel much more confident.

Don't spend all your savings on a luxury ring with a big diamond.

An expensive wedding, just like a luxurious ring, is not really a guarantee of a long life together. Scientists analyzed the relationships of many couples and came to the conclusion that lovers who, for example, spent from 500 thousand to 1 million rubles on a wedding, soon filed for divorce in 46% of cases. But those who were ready to organize a wedding for, say, 300 thousand, got divorced only in 17% of cases. Psychologists claim that the same applies to choosing an engagement ring. In their opinion, the larger and more luxurious the stone, the more likely divorce is.

Choose a calm and balanced person as your life partner

Researchers from the University of Chicago have found that a healthy, balanced man will be able to provide a decent life for his chosen one, which means that the marriage with him will last for many years. But the restraint of wives, by the way, is not such a prerequisite, according to the same scientists.

Be sure to legitimize the relationship

Couples who decided to get officially married in 46% of cases break up less often than those who do not see the point in putting a stamp in their passport. After all, men, for example, do not perceive civil marriage as something serious and consider themselves free and without obligations.

Learn to communicate

Psychologists claim that most family conflicts could be resolved if spouses learned to express their thoughts and desires. A 2020 study found that most couples simply do not know how to communicate and, accordingly, grow apart over time.

Give each other free time

You shouldn’t be too intrusive and try to please your chosen one 24 hours a day. To be honest, this is quite tiring. And after a while you want to run away from such worries somewhere far away. If, for example, your spouse says that he “doesn’t want to discuss it,” just believe it and close the topic. Give your spouse time to be alone with himself, do his own business or enjoy moments of silence.

Keep your relationship passionate

The American Sociological Association conducted a study and came to the conclusion that the majority of married women between the ages of 35 and 45 deliberately seek relationships on the side because they lack sex and romance at home. Therefore, before going to great lengths, you need to try to bring passion back into the relationship and discuss with your significant other options that will help you feel loved and desired again.

Don't be afraid of commitment

Psychologists point out that marriage is not a voluntary cohabitation, which ends immediately as soon as passion leaves the relationship. The decision to start a family is made by two adults who understand that they will have not only rights, but also obligations towards their partner. Spouses should think alike; this, according to experts, is the main condition for a happy family relationship.

Find common interests

Unions where partners have the same (or similar) interests and values break up much less often than those spouses who like absolutely opposite things and who cannot agree in any way, for example, on raising children, maintaining a budget and further planning expenses.

Happiness should be a priority

It’s not for nothing that people say that “a happy wife means a strong family.” Psychologists assure that the more comfortable a woman feels in marriage, the stronger this union will be. Such a lady will be able to make her husband happy (and it doesn’t matter that at first he was very skeptical about the idea of marriage).

Don't become a housewife

Researchers explain that those couples where both spouses work and have a very good income are much less likely to think that something is not working for them and they need to get a divorce. On the contrary, they feel confident in the future and their chosen one. But those families where one spouse works until exhaustion, and the second prefers to sit at home or focus only on himself, in 51% of cases decide to separate after a certain time.

Share household chores

In today's world, the traditional divisions of responsibilities that were imposed on us decades ago no longer apply. Men and women work equally, and often ladies even manage to build a more successful career. Therefore, you should not demand from your wife that she come home from work and start the “second shift” in the form of cleaning, cooking, and providing full service to family members, while the husband is quietly resting on the couch or relaxing at the computer. If both of the couple work, then in this case it is necessary to reconsider household responsibilities and, possibly. even hire a professional person who will take care of all the hassle of cleaning the house while you enjoy each other. See how much less conflict there will be in the family!

Why relationships fail

But now that you have drawn a picture of the house, you will need an eraser. Well, at least imagine figuratively what will happen if you start to destroy this home-relationship. Even if you remove some detail, change its places, or build relationships initially incorrectly, you may end up with a “house upside down.”

You may be interested in: How to choose one of two men

"Roof on a damp foundation"

The biggest mistake many women make is deciding to have a child at the stage of still frivolous meetings with a man. The child is unwanted by anyone. She needs him as a means to get married and thereby “get” a man. Yes, there are casual relationships in which it is advisable to protect yourself. But some women resort to cunning, even if there was protection. There are many tricks.

But now imagine a house where there are no walls, no doors, no windows, and the roof has collapsed onto the damp concrete of the formwork. There is no relationship with a man yet, just slight sympathy. There is no reliability, no affection, no mutual understanding, no respect. A loose brick of sex was laid and that’s it. It will be impossible to live in such a house with a man, and the child will suffer. And all because of my mother’s stupidity - to marry a guy at all costs, even by “flying up.”

Having children, especially at an early age, is truly unwise. You still have to enjoy your free life and still learn a lot. Here, read an article on this topic: 10 things to do before having children.

Another interesting article: How to understand that it’s time to break up

"Walls Inside Out"

Do you remember which “building blocks” of relationships should be on the facade of the “house”, and which ones inside it? That is, some good relationships between spouses can be visible to people - for example, respect, tenderness towards each other, but some intimate things and family secrets should be hidden from others.

A fool is the wife who babbles secret things to everyone that her husband told her. He trusted her with secrets, and she wags her tongue. There is no more trust and there never will be. And it’s even worse when she blurts out very intimate problems. For example, the husband has a problem with his erection - and all his wife’s girlfriends begin to discuss this. Are they sexologists to help, or just gossips?

So, if you mix up the places of the “bricks”, both on the inside and on the outside, then soon those around you will create such legends about you that you will not be able to wash them off.

Another interesting article: How to bring back passion in a relationship with your husband

"Open Days"

But this is the case when the spouses destroy the house they built not with their own hands, but with the help of strangers. There is no need to involve even those you care about in your conflicts. Of course, if these conflicts are not of a criminal nature: for example, a husband beats and physically humiliates his wife. And so, the little things in life - misunderstandings, quarrels.

Here's an example. This morning you had a fight with your husband because he spilled coffee on the tablecloth. Word for word, he insulted you, and you responded to him. As a result, these little things in life turned into bitter resentment. He left for work, slamming the door, and you grabbed the phone to complain to your mom. The mother-in-law, saving the honor of her daughter, was right there in the evening: on the threshold of the house, when her husband had already arrived home.

Here comes the angry mother-in-law, and let’s “knock out bricks,” and so loudly that her son-in-law is sure to hear:

“I told you, daughter, that his hands grow from the wrong place” - and bam on the “brick” of respect.
“Yes, he’s stupid, he doesn’t even hear you when you tell him reasonable things” - bam, the “building block” of mutual understanding.
“He can’t even make me grandchildren. Obviously for the reason that you told me in confidence - you froze your entire household in childhood, that now you won’t even have children” - then all the internal interior walls collapsed at once.

This is just one example. In general, anyone can get into your relationship with a man: curious people, spiteful critics, envious people (we even have a separate article about envious people). And your doors are wide open. The house will first crack, then tilt, and then simply collapse. Same with relationships. If you let everyone who is not too lazy into that house that you have been building for so long and painstakingly, soon everything will go to hell.

LiveInternetLiveInternet

I communicate with people a lot and I realized one thing a long time ago. Each person belongs to some process that reflects his inner essence. This is such an internal flywheel of a person. And to create a successful team or a happy family, it is important that people’s processes coincide. Yes, people are all different, but their processes and aspirations can be the same. Let me explain this with a personal example.

The process of helping someone has always prevailed in me. When I look at a person, I think how to help him. And people feel this subconsciously, so they often turn to me for help. Yes, it drains my inner strength. This is neither good nor bad. It’s just that each person has his own process, his own role in life.

When I met my future wife Anya, I realized that this is the first and only person in my life who does not want help from me, but thinks how to help me. Anyuta was a fashion model, traveled to different countries, talked a lot with people. She saw girls everywhere with internal blocks and problems and pulled them out of their personal swamp. This is Anya’s inner flywheel; she learned to live by helping others.

When we met, next to Anya, I realized that this was the first day in my life when my strength was not delayed by the internal process of another person. In further communication, I realized that it was with her next to me that I felt comfortable. When I get tired of giving and helping other people, I come to her to rest. And all because when we are close, our internal flywheels coincide and reinforce each other. Moreover, I noticed that if Anya accompanies me during negotiations, they go very quickly and successfully. If Anya is not around at such moments, then there will definitely be some delays and delays.

Therefore, I am deeply convinced that in order to create family relationships, it is important first of all to understand whether the internal processes of a man and a woman reinforce each other. Because both in a couple can be wonderful people, but if their internal flywheels and processes do not coincide, then they will destroy each other.

How to find a mate? How to correct the mistakes of past relationships? How to build a relationship with your husband/wife in order to become happy? How to understand the very essence of relationships and improve what is?

All these important questions begin in one place - in the subconscious. How a person behaves and how others react to him depends on the attitudes of the subconscious. This is what psychosomatics deals with - the science of the relationship between a person’s subconscious and his behavior, as well as his state of health.

The experience of many people will help you understand your own subconscious, because the subconscious is collective. That is why we need a specialist with accumulated experience in the field of psychosomatics of family relationships.

More details in our women's club “True Self” https://clck.ru/Mopeq

Relationships Post Series:
Part 1 - Does Love Exist? Part 2 - Competition VS Cooperation Part 3 - Listening to hear. Look to see. Part 1 Part 4 - Listen to hear. Look to see. Part 2. Part 5 - How to build a relationship with your husband/wife in order to become happy? Part 6 - What is love? Part 7 - IDEAL FAMILY... Part 13 - Virus and officials Part 14 - Woman of the future. What is the strength of a woman? Part 15 - What is a woman’s insight? Strong woman or strong man?

“Insulate the walls and decorate the facade”

If you have managed to build a strong relationship with your beloved man, and you have already started a family, now the main thing is to preserve it for a long time. You don’t let unnecessary people into your family, you keep secrets secret, you have the same worldview, and your children are long-awaited and desired. Now, the main thing is not to let the walls shake, no matter what happens, and this largely depends on you.

It will also be useful: How to make a guy want you: an unusual approach to temptation

Avoid conflicts

Spilled coffee on the tablecloth is not a reason to make a fuss. It only takes 5 minutes and a few movements, as in the advertisement: you cover the stain with a special cleaning powder, throw it in the washing machine and press the button. This is an example, and how many other solutions can be found when there would be no scandal for other reasons if you showed restraint in trifles.

Distribute finances correctly

“All women love shopping” is a slogan that makes women spend every last penny in fashion boutiques. And I don’t care that there’s nothing to eat at home, that your husband can’t buy a part for the car he uses to transport your body wherever you want. It's fashionable! If you learn to be a family accountant, then you yourself can be dressed tastefully and your family will not suffer.

If you have such a problem, then read how to avoid unnecessary purchases.

Respect your man's interests

Yes, he loves “Tanks”, fishing, football. Yes, he sits for hours at the monitor or with a fishing rod by the lake. But you yourself littered the whole house with some ridiculous little things, with the hope that someday you will have a desire to do needlework, and therefore you are a queen, because your interests are something on the verge of genius, and his are some kind of nonsense... That. No, honey, you need to look out the window at the same landscape with your man. Therefore, if you are not interested in your husband’s hobbies, try to at least come to terms with them and not criticize them.

Be optimistic in public

With this you “decorate the facade of the house.” Everything is fine with you, even if there are omissions with your husband. They will still be resolved quickly. But how many positive things in your life you can tell others! How you learned to cook a new dish according to a recipe you found on the Internet, and really pleased your husband with the deliciousness. I didn’t sleep all night, worried about why the child was crying, and in the morning it turned out that he had his first tooth. Positivity happens every day, the main thing is to notice it in time. But in a warm and strong relationship, the house will never collapse.