Why do we meet men for one night stands?
Most often there are two reasons for this: the partners did not have the same goals or one of them did not like the sex.
“It is inherent in nature that when a woman meets, she evaluates a man as a possible father of her offspring, and a man is primarily impressed by a woman as a potential sexual partner,” notes Irina Smetanina, psychologist, trainer, founder of the training. - It `s naturally.
At the beginning of the novel, both “sniff” each other about continuing the relationship, and sex (its quality, compatibility, openness, intimacy, orgasm) will play an important role in the decision-making of both partners. And maybe someone won’t want to continue; this also happens with men who are aiming for a serious relationship. So no offense. Sometimes sex becomes the beginning of a passionate, whirlwind romance, and sometimes the man disappears.” In this case, the psychologist recommends having an honest discussion with the man about what went wrong. “This will also allow you to work on your mistakes or breathe a sigh of relief that this hero has disappeared from your life. Ignorance always gives rise to a million thoughts and illogical conclusions in a beautiful woman’s head. You don’t need this, so ask,” comments Irina Smetanina. But it also happens that a woman subconsciously chooses men who do not need a serious relationship. These, according to Irina Smetanina, include:
- Men in relationships (whether they are officially married or not does not matter) are looking for adventure and variety. In this case, the married lover needs the new girl only for sex.
- Pick-up artists . “They want sexual experience, but there is no money for a relationship or their mother does not allow it, so their main goal is to have as many girls as possible and spend as little money as possible,” says Irina Smetanina.
- Men in crises: crisis of thirty years, crisis of forty, midlife crisis. “Sex with young girls here is a search for emotions, confirmation of being in demand as a man, but there is no moral strength or desire for a serious relationship, to find oneself,” explains Irina Smetanina.
- Careerists . “They build themselves, dream of being like Tony Robbins, take a very active position and for any “kipish”, collect all the medals in running, triathlon, crossfit, yachting, and at night they watch webinars on successful success. At this stage of life, relationships are simply not part of their ambitious plans to conquer the world. Well, or at least until he pays off the loan for the car of his dreams,” says the expert.
- Divorced men. “They have not yet come out of the previous experience, they have just freed themselves, a new sexual life has opened up, which was prohibited in marriage. They just want to go for a walk, such men only need a girl for sex, but they definitely won’t tell you about it,” adds Irina Smetanina. In all these cases, a woman has only two options: agree to be just a mistress or break up, saving her own time and energy. It is impossible to convince such a man - he does not need a relationship, he only wants sex.
Impatience
When a man needs sex only, he won’t beat around the bush for too long. Immediately, as they say, he takes the bull by the horns. “He starts with compliments, and they all lie on the physical plane,” says Irana Smetanina. - The gentleman will talk about your exciting seductiveness and sexuality, the exciting curves of your body. You won't hear a word about your rare talent or outstanding mind. And wait for a request like: “send your photo, I miss you.” On the first date, the partner will move on to physical contact: he will touch your hands, your back, and try to hug you. His goal is to determine how quickly he can get his trophy.”
Greed
It is known that the more a man invests in a woman, the more he values her. This does not apply to guys looking only for sexual adventures. This type will save on everything. He won’t invite you to a reputable restaurant, won’t take you to an expensive resort, and won’t pamper you with gifts. “If all your dates take place in a minimally expensive environment, on March 8, New Year, your birthday, at best he gives a modest gift, and at worst, he leaves for urgent matters (missed - no gift needed), you should think about it,” says Irina Smetanina. “When your intimate meetings with your boyfriend take place mostly in the interior of his car, you don’t even need to think about it.”
Stinginess will manifest itself not only in material things. It’s a pity for a gentleman interested only in sex to spend too much time on passion. "Baby, let's make this real quick!" - that's his motto. “Time costs nothing, but it is the most precious thing we have,” says Olga Turometseva, family psychologist . — The willingness to spend this invaluable resource on another person is an indicator of how much it means, what an important place it occupies. This shows the seriousness and depth of feelings.”
"She's so damn sexy!" — not long ago I unwittingly overheard a conversation between two men at a nearby table in a cafe. They were discussing the singer of a famous restaurant in our city.
In general, I respect live music nights in restaurants. Especially any instrumental ensembles...
Immediately the idea came to me to ask them what they mean by this concept of “sexuality”. I asked permission to join their company and move to their table. Outlining the goal to them
interest, the men kindly treated me to coffee and answered my questions.
After wandering around the forums, I became convinced that these two seemed to express the opinion of the majority. Indeed, men have their own view of female sexuality, which is similar for all individual male individuals.
So what
What
is female sexuality through the eyes of a man -
read on.
«
AG: Why did you call the singer sexy in the restaurant? How did this manifest itself?
S: — The way she presented herself, the way she went on stage, the way she sang. She looked beautiful and happy
willow She exuded self-confidence, lightness and enthusiasm.
AG: — Is it easy to get to know her?
R: - No, she seemed inaccessible. Like a star in the sky, it shone brightly, but very far away. And so alluring...
S: — In general, sexuality manifests itself, first of all, in a woman’s gait and gestures. Smoothness and harmony of movements - I immediately pay attention to this. For me, a woman is not sexy if he fidgets in his chair, stiffens, makes sudden movements and is nervous.
AG: — What about appearance? Is sexy a shorter skirt and high heels?
R: — It’s beautiful and it turns you on. It may be seductive, but it's not always sexy. How-
then so... I didn’t understand what I said... (laughs - author’s note)
S: - It's sexy, if appropriate. For example, your beloved woman put on a minidress (note, not a miniskirt or a dress, but a “mini dress” - author’s note) and heels - of course, she is more than sexy at this moment. But if a primary school teacher dressed up like that, it’s vulgar.
R: - But tempting!
AG: - Then what is the difference between the concept of a sexy woman and a seductive one?
S: — You should have warned that the questions would be so difficult! (laughs). Probably, a seductive woman is closer to the line that separates her from frank and...
R: - Naked! A sexy girl can be dressed up. But the seductive one - what she does is seduce a man with her forms, her body.
S: — I figured out how to formulate it! Seductiveness is sexuality in a tougher form.
AG: - Okay, I understand you. The question is, what does a woman need to do to be sexy?
R: - Be confident and love men.
S: — Pleasant tone of voice, smooth movements and gait, well-groomed manner and smile. This is probably the main thing."
I came across some romantics that I still need to look for. Thank you, Sergey and Roman, for your sincerity and kind words addressed to women. Here are a couple more interesting opinions from men's forums:
“A sexy woman is one who controls her body in bed, knows what she wants and knows how to enjoy herself.
Women's sexuality is beautiful big eyes (I'm talking about eyes) and a sincere smile. Long legs, of course, are also not forbidden... And also the absence of parasitic words in her speech and the inner mood when she is confident in her attractiveness,” MEN.
I’ll add on my own: sexuality is in every woman. You just need to awaken it, educate it in yourself, and learn how to use it correctly. A sexy woman does not always mean a “beautiful woman” who corresponds to some beauty templates. Sexuality is hidden in a woman’s behavior, in her manners and ability to express herself.
Do you have any more questions for men? — Write in the comments!
— Your Anastasia
Meeting place can not be Changed
Choosing a date location can tell you a lot about your partner. When a man is interested in a full-fledged relationship, he does not attach much importance to this - the main thing is to meet his lady of the heart. When the goal is only sex, the rules of the game change. “He meets you where it is convenient for him,” says Irina Smetanina. - Most likely, it will be near your or his place of residence. This makes it easier to ask for a cup of coffee, or to lure you in under a plausible pretext, for example, to show a rare species of butterflies brought from Mozambique. He doesn’t want to spend a lot of time and money (remember, right?), He has a goal, and also butterflies, and maybe a rare wine, elite tea, a great movie and the list goes on.”
Sign #5 - Mesmerizing voice
Gradually, frequently communicating with a man, for example, on the phone, at some point you may notice that his voice has changed - it has become more sensual and measured. And not only the voice, but also the speech itself became different. Many riddles appear in his conversation; he seems to begin to provoke you to ask him more questions.
To understand whether he wants you or not, compare how he talks to you and how he talks to other people.
If he begins to drawl his words a little in a conversation with you in order to insert something more interesting or smart, then yes, you definitely arouse passion in him. A man who wants you will try his best to stall the conversation and not hang up first when you talk on the phone. Try to play along with him, and don’t end the conversation. You will be very surprised after talking to each other for several hours.
At all times, the relationship between a man and a woman was difficult and resembled a kind of game.
It’s the same today – boys and girls are not used to talking directly about their feelings, intentions, or simply desires.
And this happens not only because it is not customary to talk about such things directly, but also for such a simple reason that men themselves are often not sure of what they want and what they feel. However, human psychology is such that gestures, glances, and behavior can reveal hidden thoughts.
Therefore, a sufficiently attentive and observant girl will always be able to guess that the guy is not indifferent to her. And words are often completely unnecessary for this.
How can you reliably understand that a man wants you? Especially if he doesn’t show it in any way and doesn’t talk about his hidden desires?
Not superman
Know that a man who is sincerely interested in you will be happy to come to your aid. “This is one of the ways to express your feelings,” says Olga Turometseva. — True love also speaks the language of help. Reluctance to do something for a partner is a clear sign of a lack of spiritual intimacy and a sign of the futility of the relationship.”
If you want to be convinced (or not convinced) of great and bright love, ask your gentleman for help: fix a leaking faucet, walk the dog, assemble a closet. A man who only needs your body will not rush to help, he is busy. This type will quickly respond only to a request for sex. He's not superman! Dot.
Body language and gestures
The human body can tell a lot. Posture, pose, gestures always mean something. The body gives vent to emotions through them. If a person tries to suppress his feelings, his blood pressure rises. Scientists use this fact for lie detector testing. But how do you understand that a man wants you? Look out for the following signs:
- Tilt of the body or head towards the woman. Shows the man's strong interest.
- Conversation in close proximity. A man filled with desire will strive to catch the scent of a woman, which can only be done by getting significantly closer to her.
- Accidental touches, straightening hair, removing “specks”. You always want to touch the desired object. And because a man cannot afford to immediately grab a woman’s private parts, he will touch her in a “decent” way.
- Copying a woman's movements and gestures. If a man wants to please, he begins to unconsciously repeat body language. This means simultaneously swinging your leg, squeezing your hands, crossing your legs, and supporting your head with your hand.
- Heat, straightening his tie, unbuttoning his shirt, swallowing saliva, hoarseness in his voice. When a man is sexually aroused, his body temperature rises and his throat becomes dry. To feel better, he will be forced to swallow saliva or drink water(s). He will also try to get rid of excess clothes.
- Tapping fingers, manipulating a wristwatch or other objects, rolling from foot to foot, etc. Reveal awkwardness, nervous tension, a desire to hide something (possibly sexual arousal).
- Touching your “dignity”, placing your fingers behind your belt, barely noticeable movements of your hips back and forth. A man unconsciously gives signals that he is ready to make contact.
- Facial flushing is another clear sign of sexual arousal.
Your feet will tell the whole truth. For some women, confirming a man's desire is not enough. They want to know how serious and direct his intentions are. Feet speak most reliably about honesty. If a man has nothing to hide, then his feet will be brought together and his toes will be pointed in your direction.
Stealth
We remember that one of the main signs of a man’s seriousness of intentions is his readiness to let his partner into his own life: to introduce him to his social circle, to introduce him to friends and relatives. Try to make sure that you begin to share his interests and hobbies - this brings him closer together. When a guy only needs intimacy from you, he won’t do anything like that. “Yes, he will listen to you, shower you with compliments, but that’s all,” says Irina Smetanina. - He will not introduce you to his loved ones and will in every possible way avoid contact with your acquaintances. Some time after breaking up, you suddenly discover that you know nothing about your ex, “aka Goga, aka Zhora, aka Gosha.” Women love to be listened to, but don't get carried away. Ask your boyfriend questions, so you will be more likely to see his true intentions.”
Your plans for the future
If you feel affection for your partner, it is quite logical to ask whether it is possible to take a relationship based on sex only to another qualitative level. “The probability here is no more than 3%,” says Irina Smetanina. - Will you try? Miracles, of course, happen, and a prostitute married a millionaire (remember the movie “Pretty Woman”). However, women are ready to live in such illusions for years, losing the most valuable thing - time. Remember the categories of men? Theoretically, “crisis workers” can get out of the crisis, divorced people can get some exercise, pick-up artists can practice, careerists can build a career, we won’t bother married people. All this may well happen, but there are no guarantees that at this happy moment in his life a man will decide to stay with you.”
Here everyone makes their own choice. If you want to build something worthwhile with a man, first ask yourself what it is that you want from him and what you're not getting. As long as you like guys who are only looking for sex with you, you will avoid other relationships yourself.
