How to understand that your ex wants to come back

When a marriage breaks up, plans, dreams and desires disappear along with it. But according to statistics, 40% of men want to return to their ex-wives after a divorce, despite the fact that they themselves initiated the separation. The spouse sometimes so persistently breaks away from the family that weighs him down that, once released, he experiences real shock and disappointment. Why does everything end up not turning out the way you dreamed?

Why ex-husbands come back

Divorce is perceived by spouses in completely different ways. As a rule, a man first blossoms, frees himself, feels a surge of strength and energy, and is ready to conquer those peaks that he never reached in marriage. Women are haunted by emptiness, powerlessness, loneliness, sadness, depression and other negative feelings. But after a while, everything turns 180° - women completely gain inner freedom, and ex-husbands are overcome by depression and deep loneliness. It is at this moment that a man begins to experience an irresistible desire to return to his previous family.

In family psychology there is a term “seventeenth month syndrome.” This is the time, the moment of truth, when the ex-husband realizes the mistake of divorce. At first, he feels independence with all his guts: no one demands a salary, he can drink every day, run around with women, play on the computer all night, eat pizza in bed, disappear for days with friends. But soon other feelings take over: no one is waiting for work, you miss comfort, home-cooked food, and heartfelt conversations at dinner. During this period, interest in work, intimate life, and entertainment is lost.

The fastest to return are those who fled in search of “fresh air” and freedom. For such husbands, the realization that loneliness is more of a challenge than a joy comes quite quickly. Cheaters are also quick to return. Naive husbands think that each subsequent woman is better than the previous one, but in practice these expectations are not met. Romance quickly ends, and the sweetness of the nights is shattered into pieces by the harsh life. And here’s the paradox: you have to pay your salary again, and you can’t sit with friends, and the borscht is not so tasty, and they force you to do sports in the morning. This is where the comparison comes in: the ex-wife brought breakfast in bed, organized vacations, and wisely allocated the budget...

There comes a moment when values are rethought, mistakes are admitted, everything bad is forgotten and the understanding comes that love is still alive. The ex-wife is no longer looked at as a saw. She appears in a different light: a caring, compassionate, attentive, loving, gentle, fair woman. The family is remembered as support, support, protection, a cozy nest where children's laughter sounded, a delicious smell wafted, and there was a warm atmosphere. During this period, the ex-husband decides to return and restore the old relationship.

There are many reasons and factors why spouses dream of reunification. But psychologists know one thing for sure: if ex-husbands were 100% sure that they would be forgiven, every second man would return to the family!

How to understand that your ex-girlfriend wants to come back?

The main symptom, which can manifest itself in the most, even sophisticated, forms is persistent attempts to get in touch, to remind oneself. The problem with guys is that we don’t understand hints, so even with fairly obvious attempts to attract attention, girls can maintain the distance necessary for their game until the last moment. It is extremely rare for an ex-girlfriend to call/come to meet a guy and directly say: “I want to renew our relationship.” This happens a little more often if we are talking about an ex-wife who realized that she had made a mistake. But usually girls do not act so directly - so as not to give all the initiative into the hands of a man. Although it would be a sincere and simple conversation that would show a man the purity of the girl’s intentions and arouse trust in her.

So how can an ex-girlfriend who wants to return act?

Calls and messages.
She can write or call as if by accident (provocation, supposedly she got the wrong number) or invent an excuse for which she needs to get in touch, although she, of course, didn’t really want this. The situation will further develop depending on how you react to her attempt to get in touch.
Meeting proposals
. If you communicate, she may suggest a meeting or arrange it. In fact, you can remain friends, she says. If a guy is initially not eager to communicate with his ex, then it’s not difficult to come up with a reason for a meeting: “give over the keys,” “pick up things.” And, of course, she knows where you go, so arranging a “casual” meeting is not difficult. All these intersections do not seem to oblige you to anything, but they allow the girl to take a closer look at your behavior around her.
Building bridges to the past.
You communicate as friends, but she often recalls your past together with nostalgia. This is already a pretty obvious hint, but again she seems to be out of business - you’re just remembering the old days, and this means absolutely nothing.
Flirting.
The most obvious sign, and I wouldn’t talk about it if we men understood the hints. Flirting is difficult to describe: it is frivolous behavior, which, if something happens, can be presented as just friendly banter.

It is important to understand that after a breakup, in 95% of cases, ex-girlfriends remind you of themselves in one way or another - no matter who initiated the breakup. And their behavior should not be unequivocally assessed as a desire to return. Girls love to possess, and often for years they lead a string of exes with them, whom they periodically feed with hope. Therefore, it is very important how you react to such “beacons”. The advice to take your time will always be useful here. In most cases, unnecessary initiative on your part will only do harm, but complete control of emotions is unnecessary. But the most important thing is to understand what you want in this situation.

How to understand that your ex-husband wants to return

When a man goes through all three stages of separation, he makes an important decision - to leave the distance or return his ex-wife to his life. If everything is clear with the first option, then with the second there are minor problems. You can’t just admit your mistakes (it’s shameful, scary), so all that remains is to move towards your goal in small but sure steps.

By what signs can you understand that your ex-husband wants to return:

Looking for reasons to contact you. “Kat, do you remember the master who repaired our refrigerator? Drop me a contact, otherwise my numbers have been lost”, “I need documents for a laptop, can I come (take it with you to work)”, “I found a contract for a phone, if you still need it, I’ll bring it.” In this way, the ex-husband is testing the waters - will you pick up the phone, will you agree to a meeting, in what tone will you speak, and answer.
Gets closer to your family, loved ones, colleagues. He can become a wonderful son-in-law who is interested in the affairs of his former mother-in-law or a caring friend who suddenly asks about pressing matters. Or he will begin to visit your brother, where he will hint all evening that he wants to return to you.
The ex-husband becomes the ideal father. If a dad unexpectedly goes to a parent-teacher meeting, goes to football with his son, takes his child for the weekend, buys him gifts - he wants to return a broken marriage.
Jokes about how good you were together. If your ex-spouse constantly reminds you of the past, he misses that time. “You didn’t look so stern with me,” “Have you learned to dance yet? I remember how five years ago someone crushed my toes,” “Do you remember how we ran away from the police on a moped? I've never seen you so excited."
He hides his personal life. If you find yourself thinking that you don’t know anything about your ex-husband, it means that he is protecting your feelings and hopes to return.
The man begins to often catch the eye of his ex-wife. Shop, cafe, work, parties in clubs, swimming pool. Where you are, “unexpectedly” he is there too.
The ex always looks sad when we meet. He can joke, hide his problems, seem proud, carefree, but his eyes will always be filled with sadness and despondency.
Jealous of you. If you have already listened to a portion of dissatisfaction from your former companion about your inappropriate lifestyle, they definitely have their sights set on you.

How to understand that your ex wants to come back

The girl wants to come back

davidovd | September 7, 2020

Stanislav | September 7, 2020

I don't think this is a good idea. It looks like she tried it with a new guy, he took advantage of her and left her. And she decided to return to you with her tail between her legs. So don't start this relationship just yet. Moreover, it was not you who abandoned her, but she who abandoned you.

Thoth777 | September 7, 2020

I've known relationships where people broke up and then started dating again. And they lived in a happy marriage with children and smiles. But they connected after two or more years. When everyone was able to see life and realized that they really felt bad without that person. I tried this, it didn’t work, so let’s do it again. It's not sincere.

Thero | September 7, 2020

I dated girls and broke up. Then they really wanted to come back. I reconnected with some of them. But this does not lead to anything good. Damaged good attitudes and faith in honesty cannot be restored.

Gosha | September 7, 2020

It is impossible to restore a relationship after such a breakup. Especially if she slept with another guy. If she wanted to come back to you, she wouldn't allow it. And this is a variant of throwing from side to side.

drozde | September 7, 2020

Give yourself another six months. If she starts dating someone again and twirling her butt. It’s not you that she needs, but she needs to get married. And you are just a good guy who will marry her. No more.

Dejurn | December 28, 2020

Perhaps she misses you, perhaps she regrets what happened. But is the reason why you broke up resolved? I think no. And if not, then there is no point in being together.

Elba | December 28, 2020

It's not a matter of a girl wanting to get back with a guy. The guy himself must return his girlfriend. What if she already slept with someone else? That's definitely not now. If it is destined, then fate will give you a second chance. And if not, then let her go.

Elder | September 7, 2020

If you want to be together, be together. Life is a funny thing and you can do whatever you want. All you have to do is take the first step towards a girl.

MSMK | September 7, 2020

If you doubt it, then you have already said “no”. When they love, they either say “Yes” or something else.

Leo | September 7, 2020

Ex-girlfriend wants to come back. What to do?

So, you have seen one or several signs that your ex-wife (girlfriend) wants to return. The question arises: what to do? This is important, because if you just meet her halfway, you can be left with nothing. Perhaps her interest will end immediately after the reciprocal manifestation. So before doing anything, I recommend reading our forum, where there are a huge number of detailed return stories, or my works on this topic.

Actually, the answer to the question: what to do? If you want her back, then in most cases you will have to seduce her again. But that's a completely different story. To do this, you need to study the return process thoroughly so as not to make mistakes.

The most important thing is to decide whether you want this yourself. In fact, it is not as simple as it seems at first glance. It’s one thing that a girl wants to come back, another thing is whether you want it yourself. You may have to find answers to important questions.

Did she have any men?
How do you feel about the fact that she is already?
Was she the initiator or you?
If you are, do you still have any resentment?
Do you trust her? If she left you, especially for someone else, and now wants to come back, can you trust her in the future?
If you were the initiator of the breakup, then think carefully about whether you need her. Remember why you left her. What changed?