Why does a married man need a mistress?

A love affair with a married man: the psychology of relationships

Being a lover is not easy. Using the example of student Lenka, who is occasionally sponsored by a “rich daddy,” this seems like an ideal carefree leisure activity, but if you don’t look at it so superficially, it’s really hard. It’s easy for Lenka, because she started dating a married man for selfish reasons, however, she is not immune to the addiction that mistresses fall into. Yes, the psychology of a relationship between a married man and a free woman is characterized precisely by dependence, which has no connection with bright, deep feelings.

Women find themselves in a love triangle for various reasons, but at the end of the journey they are all captured by their own feelings and emotions. At first, regardless of the root cause, girls feel more or less comfortable, at ease, and inspired. They are pampered, extolled, surprised. The meetings may be rare, but they are so intense! However, later, each representative of the fair sex experiences an intrapersonal conflict: love struggles with dissatisfaction, jealousy, resentment, pain and remorse.

This is where addiction occurs. Demands, hysterics, tears, depression, and reproaches appear. A woman forgets about herself, completely concentrating her attention on her lover. Now he is the center of her world, which is important to take possession of at any cost. Calm women endure in silence, sobbing into the pillow between periodic meetings, more persistent women hang up their phones, write endless SMS, beg for meetings, insist on serious conversations, threaten, etc. Self-destruction of the individual occurs: unreasonable hatred, anger flares up, apathy towards work appears , friends, hobbies. Believe me, this moment comes to everyone! It's just a matter of time!

If a girl from the very beginning is deliberately in a love affair with a married man (in the name of Great Love), these are typical representatives with a victim complex. Women are considered morally stronger than men: despite the pain of childbirth, broken hearts, and emotional disruptions, they are able to believe in miracles to the last. It’s the same in relationships with married men: they will wait, swallow endless promises, hope for a divorce, dream of reunion. This can last forever.

In other words, women who date married men are unable to love, value, or respect themselves. It is important for representatives of the fair sex to give care, affection, give warmth to a partner, get to know his surroundings, lead a life together, go shopping, go on vacation, freely call each other, celebrate holidays, support a man in crisis situations, etc. This is female psychology, the need to love and feel loved. Mistresses are deprived of all these privileges, because in the life of her chosen one there is already a companion who occupies this niche. A person with adequate self-esteem will never be able to accept this, but a woman with a victim complex is sure that the path to love must be patient, long and thorny, suffered for years, cried at night. Needless to say, these irrational life attitudes require correction? Obviously not.

Reasons for the silence of a married lover

A married lover may remain silent, not call, write or make appointments for many reasons. Much depends on how long your relationship lasted, how often and well your dates were, as well as your lover’s attitude towards you, how close you were.

If the love relationship with your lover lasted no more than a week or two, this may indicate that you simply did not pass the “probation period”. A married man tried you as his mistress, and you didn’t suit him, or he realized something (for example, that he doesn’t want to cheat on his wife). In such a situation, he will definitely stop contacting you, most likely forever.

If the relationship lasted a long time, then the reasons for the silence of a married man may be:

Busy. A man can be busy with anything: family, work, on a business trip, or simply relaxing at home or with his family. Since you are just a mistress, a man may not consider himself obligated to report to you where he is and why he doesn’t call you.
Fading passion. A man may simply stop having feelings for you over time. At first, you worried him and turned him on. However, now he no longer feels attracted to you. This can be understood by the fact that your meetings become more and more rare each time, and when they do occur, they become shorter and shorter in duration.
Only sex. If you and your lover are connected only by sex, then he will call you only when he is “hungry” again. The rest of the time he doesn’t communicate with you, you don’t have common interests or topics, that’s why he doesn’t call or meet.
Family problems. A man may be busy solving various family problems. Your mother-in-law could come to visit, which clearly interferes with meetings and conversations with you. The wife could notify about her pregnancy. The child could have gotten sick. Or you just need to do some renovations in your apartment. While a man is solving his problems, he has no time for you.
Another. Don't think that a man can't find another lover. It may be difficult for him to find a wife or even a replacement for her, but finding a mistress is quite easy. There are many beautiful women. If a man has been dating you for a long time, then his feelings for you may have already faded. In other words, if another lover appears in his life, then he may break up with you for a while or even forever (if he likes her more than you).
Upbringing. If at the last meeting you and your lover quarreled, insisted on something with which he does not agree, seriously offended him or angered him, then he will not call you to teach you a lesson. With his silence, he forces you to reconsider your position, perhaps even abandon it. He seems to be saying: “If you insist on your way, then you won’t see me again.”
Inability to call and contact. You should not exclude such options that your lover simply does not have the opportunity to meet or contact you yet. He could have gone to the hospital with a heart attack. He could spend all his time with his family, so he wouldn’t call you. In other words, a man simply does not have circumstances under which he could even write to you. Although this reason is quite rare.
Care. A married man does not call or write to you for a simple reason - he broke up with you. Everything is very simple here. Unfortunately, he chose the option of leaving in English, when he simply stops contacting you, without explaining any reasons and without warning about his decision. Such a man is either cowardly or simply does not love you. You should also not exclude the possibility that your lover’s wife could find out about you and force him to break up with you. If he is afraid of his wife leaving, then he will immediately delete your phone number. If a man has become attached to you, then his silence will be temporary.

Don’t worry too much if your married lover doesn’t write or call you. You should always be mindful of who you are dating. He can break up with you at any moment. And it’s good if he warns you about it. However, it often happens that a man simply disappears.

Men in this situation are very simple: if they want something, they will definitely do it, and if they don’t want it, then they won’t even make an effort. In other words, if a man doesn’t call you or see you, it means he no longer wants you in any way. And why this happened should no longer concern you, since it will not change anything.

Also, one should not forget another male characteristic: often partners disappear, and then appear after a while. A lover may start dating another lover, meet his wife halfway who wants him to break up with you, be on a business trip or not be able to contact you, and then show up a few months later. He may apologize, explain the reason for his silence, or even pretend that nothing happened.

But here you should remember one thing: the fact that a man showed up does not mean that he loves you! It’s just that you are still more accessible or a better match for him than other women with whom he communicates today. He returned to you not out of love, but because he “wanted” quickly and without refusal. But as soon as he gets enough or finds a better option, he disappears again.

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Pros and cons of relationships with married men

“Is it worth dating a married man?”, “Can you trust his promises?”, “Is it realistic to live with him all your life?”, “Do they actually leave their wives?” – women’s forums are full of the same type of questions. If you are at the crossroads of any important decision, weigh all sides of the proposed situation.

What positive things can you take away from dating a married man? Apart from financial gain and sexual satisfaction, if this is what you are looking for, perhaps nothing... Except maybe some bitter experience that will help you avoid mistakes in the future. But will it help?

But psychologists count a myriad of shortcomings. Girls, deciding to have a relationship with a married man, naively assume: “Even if nothing works out, everything will end as quickly, carefree, simply as it began!” But they don’t even suspect what a cruel joke circumstances sometimes play on us!

Why you shouldn’t date a married man, what this union brings:

Loneliness. Lack of support if necessary, a strong shoulder, independent leisure, holidays without a lover, moral despondency, etc. Everything that is meant by this definition is all experienced with a married man.
Self-deprecation. Only a few women admit that they date married partners. Because it insults, humiliates, shames. No one likes that they were used, which is why emptiness, self-contempt, pain and other destructive feelings settle in the soul.
Condemnation. Even if you don’t care about the whole world, recognition and approval are important for every subtle female soul. A mistress is perceived as negative, evil, destruction, callousness, meanness. And it is impossible to build harmonious relationships based on such judgments.
Fatigue. Hiding, hiding your feelings, making up stories for relatives, suppressing the desire to show off a gift... All this is very tiring.
Waste of precious time. After meeting a married man, a woman thinks that she is in control of the situation and at any moment can end this relationship with any outcome (get together with her lover or fall in love with another). But the catch is that this union is unpromising, and therefore the plans are absolutely groundless. While we are wasting our time, life passes us by!
Wasting yourself. It’s hard to devote your emotions, beauty, time, health to a person without receiving anything in return. The relationship between a man and a woman is a symbiotic relationship. Meetings with a married man bring burnout and emptiness. You give, he takes away, and the connection is broken.
Jealousy. She eats even the most persistent girls who date other people's husbands. But this is natural, because the person to whom you give yourself gives to another in return. Her problems, life, leisure, health, children, etc.
“Eternal standby” mode. This is a sore subject for all lovers. Postponement of dates, hasty hour-long trips before work, sudden cancellation of plans, changes in mood, relationships, etc. “You have to understand, be patient, everything will change soon.” And while you are “eating” those boring breakfasts, turn on the endless standby mode!
Self-deception. Where does the notorious female intuition go when a beautiful lady starts dating a married suitor? It is buried under a thick layer of empty promises, warm confessions and great hope. Yes, hope dies last. But over time, the fact is still realized that the man is not going to bind himself to new obligations. Having a good time and love are completely different things!

In addition, psychologists recommend that women who are dating a married man realize the precariousness of their position. Any rash movement, word, hint, deed, and you risk being left out of his attention. Married men are cowardly people who do not like to experience fear, confusion, doubt, stress. Believe me, for the sake of his well-being, he will step over your meetings! Are you still tired of stories about your always-sick wife, small children, and problems associated with the family business? Well, everything is about to be resolved. That's it, you can meet openly!

Analyze at what period of your life did you agree to a relationship with a married man? What are they giving you now, how do you feel, how do you see the further outcome of events, can you be truly happy?

Is it worth saving a marriage if your lover asks for a divorce?

Statistics say that 90% of couples who experience infidelity break up. The remaining 10% manage to overcome this difficult time and save their family. When a new lover insists on a divorce and wants to make you his wife, or a mistress takes a man away from the family - in such cases, only every second couple develops successfully. That is, half of those who went to those with whom they had an affair in parallel with marriage are able to create a new family. The reason for failure may be a feeling of guilt, the lack of the spice of secret meetings, the charm of which people like so much after a long relationship with a regular partner.

What to do when your lover asks you to get married

Women are romantic natures, so new relationships always inspire, give strength and take a little away from reality at any age. Therefore, it comes as a shock to many when their lover begins to insist on divorcing her husband, invites her to marry her and talks about starting a new family with him. The situation is far from simple, delicate, and it is not always possible to share or consult with someone.

To understand what to do if your lover demands a divorce from your husband, you need to weigh the pros and cons:

whether your lover will become a better partner than your current husband - first analyze what you don’t like in your husband, what is missing (what qualities or actions), and then give yourself an honest answer whether your new lover has all this and whether all his qualities will be always please you;
will your new husband bring you happiness - often couples notice that they felt good only when they met rarely, hid, this added fire and passion to the relationship. But, having started a life together, people understand that this way of life is not particularly different from the previous marriage and therefore cannot be liked;
relationships with children - will your decision to create a new family affect your relationship with your children, will your lover be able to accept and love them, will they like him and will you be able to establish contact between your children and your ex-husband;
what will happen to your husband - have you really stopped loving him and are you ready to break ties with him, how hard will it be for him without you.

Legal aspects of divorcing a husband due to infidelity

Ignorance of your rights often leads to conflict situations. For example, your lover demanded a divorce and offered you his hand and heart, you agreed, then told everything to your husband. But the spouse threatens to sue all jointly acquired property in court, citing the fact of treason. The legislation in the Russian Federation does not indicate that the infidelity of one of the family gives the right to all the property of the other or monetary compensation.

Humiliated and offended spouses can blackmail by publishing information about infidelity. For the court to make a decision on divorce, it is not necessary to indicate the fact of infidelity in the application. In general, there is no such mandatory clause, and this will not affect the divorce process in any way. This does not affect the division of custody of joint children. Therefore, if you decide to change your life, be prepared for provocations, especially if your spouse does not like even the very thought of a possible end to the relationship.