"I have my own hobbies"
Hobbies that your spouse does not share will not ruin your relationship - such hobbies will help you not irritate each other, which often happens when a couple spends all their free time exclusively with each other. Your own hobby is akin to meditation: it helps you calm down and overcome problems that seem serious.
Rules for strong relationships
Creating a happy relationship is a purely individual matter, but there are some principles that can be followed to significantly improve the situation. Here are a few of them:
- Respect. When emotional talk about love subsides and romantic actions take on a slightly different direction, it becomes extremely clear how much the partners in a couple respect each other. To be able to remain silent when you are offended, not to insult when the situation is heated to the limit, not to share family matters with strangers, to respect the personal point of view of your spouse - these seemingly insignificant little things play a huge role in building strong relationships . They are like a fixing solution that firmly holds the family “foundation” together.
- Sincerity. An equally important component of successful personal cooperation, on which the trust and integrity of the family are based. A strong relationship with a man will reach a qualitatively new level if a woman is frank in everything and does not create labyrinths of intrigue and deception. The same applies to male behavior. Once deceived, trust goes to a lower level, and over time it will lose its value, reducing the relationship to nothing.
- Common interests. For successful coexistence in society, a couple must develop together, visit interesting places, and travel. This does not mean that you need to spend the whole day together. Not at all! But in order for the masculine and feminine principles to be in harmony, it is necessary to spend time together and do activities that will be interesting to both and enrich the spiritual world of the partners.
- Personal space. In any relationship, there comes a time when the partner wants to be alone and put things in order on his personal territory. Often, this does not find a response or understanding from the opposite sex, and misunderstandings begin - “you’re tired of me”, “you have someone”, etc. There is an opinion among psychologists that every person needs to spend at least 30-40 minutes alone with himself every day in order to achieve balance between soul and body. If the partner does not need such privacy, you need to explain in a calm tone why this is important to the other. After all, respecting personal boundaries is a very important condition for the successful existence of family relationships.
- Care and attention. Each stage of a relationship is characterized by some changes. And at a certain period, a certain mutual fatigue and detachment appears. It is during this period that spouses may move away from each other, become irritated, and ignore family values. It is very important at any stage, especially if a crisis is approaching, not to relegate caring to the background. No matter how the relationship deteriorates, it is always worth finding the strength to show sensitivity and attention, which were so important at the very beginning of a romantic story.
- Intimate relationships. An equally important component of a harmonious relationship, which is often not given due attention by couples who are accustomed to each other and have lost the novelty of sensations. This fact can cause many misunderstandings and conflict situations. If there are some disagreements in the intimate sphere, you should not put off having a frank conversation. Having cast aside all complexes and omissions, you should share your pressing problems, because having connected your life with this person, you become responsible for creating a healthy and strong relationship. Therefore, omissions and silence can be completely detrimental to a happy family life. But frankness and honesty are what is needed to improve the spiritual, moral and physical aspects of the union of two people who love each other.
A fulfilling and harmonious relationship is not just a beautiful romantic fairy tale where everything ends with a magnificent wedding and happy smiles. In real life, it’s just the opposite - it’s at this moment that everything begins.
Complex, but interesting spiritual and moral work, which consists of improving oneself, developing one’s best sides, demonstrating qualities that are not characteristic of oneself, changing the worldview of both men and women for the better.
"Share household chores with me"
In 2020, many, but not everyone, are familiar with the need to divide household work according to the 50/50 principle. Coming from the office, a girl actually finds herself in a “second job” if cleaning and cooking are considered exclusively her tasks. If your spouse does things together with you, he will appreciate your efforts more and will understand how much energy you have to spend on maintaining your life.
The secret to a strong marriage? Psychologists have discovered how happy spouses argue
What is the secret to a happy relationship? An important role in them is played by how exactly the couple argues. Psychologists from the University of Tennessee have found out how couples who have been married for many years resolve conflicts.
Conflict in marriage is inevitable, and even the happiest couples argue about a variety of topics. But what distinguishes successful couples from those that end up breaking up?
A group of researchers led by Amy Rauer decided to find out how conflicts are dealt with in different families.
Psychologists divided couples who rated themselves as quite prosperous and happy into two groups. The first group consisted of 57 couples who had been married for an average of nine years. The second included 64 couples who had lived with each other for an average of 42 years.
The age of the spouses from the first group ranged from 35 to 40 years, and the average age of the second group was 70 years. All study participants were asked to rate how important various topics were that caused conflict.
Couples from both groups considered topics related to intimate relationships, leisure, homework, communication and money to be the most serious. Older couples also included the topic of health in this category.
Jealousy, religion and family (spouses' relatives) were rated by all study participants as the least serious topics for conflict.
The researchers then observed the spouses discussing marital problems and trying to find solutions. Psychologists also noted how exactly this or that problem was solved (if it arose at all).
Scientists found that couples who were happily married for a long time seemed to experience fewer serious problems. As a result, they did not argue very often. However, the approach to various topics that gave rise to conflicts also turned out to be important.
Thus, happy spouses focused on problems that had a clear solution. In particular, they discussed the distribution of household responsibilities or how to spend their free time.
“Happy couples tend to take a solution-oriented approach to discussing conflict, and this is even evident in the topics they choose to discuss,” Rauer says.
In her opinion, the ability to distinguish between problems that need to be solved right now and those that can be put aside for now may be one of the keys to a long and happy relationship.
Almost all study participants rarely argued on topics related to religion or spouses' relatives. Such conflicts often have deep roots, making them difficult to resolve quickly and easily.
“Focusing on time-consuming and more difficult-to-solve problems can undermine trust among partners,” says Rauer.
Of course, this does not mean that spouses should avoid discussing these topics. But Rauer says couples need to focus on simpler issues first, which will eventually help them learn how to deal with more serious conflicts.
“If couples feel that they can overcome difficulties together, this gives them confidence and helps them move on to solving more difficult issues,” the author of the work concludes.
The results of the study were published in the scientific journal Family Process.
By the way, earlier the authors of the Vesti.Nauka project (nauka.vesti.ru) told what else determines a happy marriage. We also wrote about how long love lasts, what scenarios relationships develop in, and what day you should not get married.
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"Self-love is above all"
Advice that can be heard from any psychologist: if you cannot truly love yourself, you will not be able to give love to another person. Self-love is different from selfishness and it teaches a person not to hush up problems and not to become dependent on abusive relationships.
12 secrets of a successful marriage was last modified: August 31, 2020 by Nastasya Garina
relationships, relationship psychology
How to build strong relationships: debunking stereotypes
The power of love has been an indestructible and omnipresent phenomenon at all times on our planet. Many novels have been written about her, a colossal number of masterpieces of art have been created, and many human destinies have been destroyed.
This unearthly feeling has both creative and destructive power. And this applies not only to past times, when men gallantly won ladies at knightly tournaments, and artists, filled with unearthly feeling, created brilliant works of painting.
In the modern world, love can also destroy destinies, or it can lift to the skies. But one thing is clear - love is fundamental in the creation and development of relationships between a man and a woman. Only it helps to overcome difficulties, conflict situations and the influence of otherworldly forces in the form of the intervention of ill-wishers and envious people.
But what is meant by this hackneyed but always mysterious word?!
Each person develops his own idea of family and ideal relationships. The first considerations are laid down in the subconscious in childhood, when the child sees an example of the behavior of mom and dad within the family.
Then the environment leaves an imprint, in the form of friends, girlfriends, relatives. Reading literature, where “the handsome prince saves the princess” from all the hardships and vicissitudes, also has an indirect influence. Over a long period of life, many factors influence the formation of an image of an ideal relationship. And what do we get in the end?
Regarding the fair sex, relationships with a man can often be of a consumer nature - “I’m a princess, so fulfill my wishes.” There may be love, but in order to prove that he is worthy of her love, a man must go through a considerable number of tests. What awaits such a couple in the future?
The situation will worsen, the woman’s needs will increase and become more frequent, and the man, depending on his patience and character, will have two options - either break off the relationship and call it a day, or submit all his life and be a slave to an unhealthy relationship.
Why does the stereotype that a man should always please a woman and follow her whims still exist in most families?! And there are times when everyone is happy. Well, as they say, every family is happy in its own way!
Let's consider the situation with male behavior, when a woman falls under the influence of moral violence - the cloyingly romantic attitude over time turned into a dictatorial-consumer attitude. In such cases, we are talking about a serious problem that is quite common in society.
This is interesting: The 30 Year Crisis in Men
There can be no talk of any harmonious relationships if the beloved man has completely subjugated the woman’s personal space. We are talking about a territory where a woman can make her own decisions and do things that she likes and brings pleasure. A very sad situation arises when a woman is frightened to such an extent that she cannot resolve even minor issues, let alone break off such a destructive relationship...
These are all extremes, of course, but they exist in modern society, and what’s scary is that neither men nor women imagine that it could be somehow different - better, more harmonious, happier. They are convinced that they should live this way and not otherwise. Because an ideal relationship is mutual, mutual and wonderful work on oneself, which brings happiness and bliss. But for this you need a mutual desire to create this wonderful relationship!
