How to kick a gigolo out of the apartment if he threatens in every possible way?

Advice from a psychologist: 4 signs that your man is a gigolo

In the classical sense, a gigolo is a man who lives at the expense of a woman in exchange for intimate services.
Previously, it was believed that they were found in secular circles, where there were many wealthy women. However, now many boundaries and boundaries have been erased; any man who uses a woman for profit can be called a gigolo. This exchange is not always direct - sex for money; modern forms of gigoloism are better veiled - a man can build a career, solve his housing problems at the expense of a woman, or use women's capital for his business. One thing common to all forms is that a woman, directly or indirectly, invests materially in a man. The man doesn’t invest in any way. He uses the woman’s resources and remains in a relationship with her exactly as long as they, the resources, are there. There are also women who are kept. But it seems to me that the conditions and consequences of relationships “with peak interest” for women and men are not initially equal. For many women, one of the basic needs is marriage and motherhood. When they become kept women, they receive money in exchange for refusing to satisfy this need. A man will not marry them and is unlikely to give them a child, but he pays generously precisely for what he does not marry and will not give.

A gigolo man, unless of course he is an obvious, classic man who will immediately voice his price, is silent about his selfish interest in a woman. On the contrary, he hides it under sincere interest and disguises it as a desire to build a relationship. The woman takes the bait. In return, she will not only not receive marriage and motherhood, she will also waste a material resource. Good sex with a gigolo is unlikely to compensate for such significant losses. Therefore, for women, relationships with gigolos are more destructive than for men, relationships with kept women.

How to recognize a gigolo?

Let's start with the fact that the risk of falling for a gigolo exists with any social inequality in relationships. Do you have your own apartment, but your man doesn’t? You have a high position and salary, and the man works as a simple clerk? Do you have your own business, and a man works for you as an employee? All this is inequality. However, in itself it does not mean anything. A man may not have his own home and live in a woman’s apartment, but still earn good money and invest money in both the woman and the home.

— The lack of investment in a woman and in a relationship with her, while using her resources without constraint, such as living in her apartment, driving her car, suggests that a man is not interested in a woman, but in these same resources. In this case, you can protect yourself and check the man by offering to split the bills: “yes, you live with me, but then we pay in half for utilities and split the bill on groceries.” Or “take my car, but please fill it up when you return.”

— Obsessive interest in a woman’s work and connections. When a man directly asks to introduce him to someone, to ask someone for some benefit for him, to introduce him to a certain circle - this can also indicate that the man is interested in you for your capabilities. This point is easy to check, for example, by refusing a man’s request. If there is no self-interest, the man will react normally to refusal and will begin to look for other opportunities, without losing the relationship with you. But if it exists, requests will be repeated, and refusals will be perceived with resentment and pressure.

- Direct requests for money, even for credit. But when debts are not repaid on time or are completely forgotten. Money itself is energy. This is why financially successful men are so attractive. Not only because of finances, but because energy emanates from them. Energy is power. Power attracts. If a man takes money from a woman rather than earns it, then the woman becomes a source of strength and energy and takes on a male role. Sooner or later this has a negative impact on sex. Because in bed a woman begins to feel like a man. Therefore, you can lend money once, force majeure happens to everyone, but if he asks again, especially when past debts have not been repaid or were not returned on time, he is almost certainly a gigolo and it is better to end the relationship;

- NOT only direct requests for money, such as your savings, but also requests to take out a loan for a man, because... he himself cannot do this for some very good reason, and he also “oh, how he needs” money, and this need is simply a matter of life and death. This sign suggests that in front of you is not just a gigolo, in front of you is a swindler and a swindler. Here it is better to immediately call the police; almost certainly his information is already in the police database.

Husband gigolo

I am young and objectively beautiful, slim. I work 2 jobs (graduate student, leading economist of a company, fashion model), I have a child (I pay for kindergarten, a rented apartment - and my net earnings are 2 times more than my husband’s salary). With a child my parents help. It seems like a common budget, but he fights to withdraw money from his card, and it goes to HIM for brakes, haircuts, birthdays of his employees, travel, all sorts of rubbish: crackers, chips and low-alcohol drinks, at most once we skimp at the grocery store with his salary, and he also buys himself a bunch of junk in installments). The husband lives and WANTS TO LIVE beyond his means, to vacation only abroad and in 5-star hotels. Whenever you try to persuade him to try to earn more, he rears up and proves that he he’s a breadwinner, and I’m mercantile. And if there’s not enough money for a vacation, let my mother or sister give it. His parents never have “no” money, or rather, no money for our family—they change their own cars, do repairs, go to seas and oceans .Conscience still allows them to ask us for money. They will never come to see their grandson. My dad gave me the car right after the wedding (for my family), I don’t have a license, my husband drives. If I need to go somewhere, you can’t interrogate him , but he’ll take his mother to the ends of the earth, even on the sly from me, which I later learn from strangers. His parents constantly tell me to find a “decent job.” And they advise their son to stay at a bankrupt factory, where there is no salary they pay for six months. My husband reproaches me for not doing much at home with the child, it’s always dirty for him (even if people from the cleaning company do the cleaning - I did an experiment), he only wants to eat delicacies and delights (his parents eat borscht, pasta a la the USSR )They give us sour vinaigrette and swollen canned food as “help”. I cook tastier than them, but he doesn’t eat my borscht and says that I’m lazy. He constantly says that I’m fat (even though after giving birth I weigh 2 kg more than before pregnancy) I had to have an operation, he didn’t even think about where to get the money. He also came at me with his relatives, which made me “impatient” to have this operation (why wait until I die?). Sometimes it feels like he is jealous me, my family, what they are doing. Discusses me with everyone. Sometimes he gives flowers, gifts on holidays. But these are feats, I have to pray for him. He doesn’t want to earn money, even though there were a million opportunities, he comes and lies down on the sofa, reproaching that he’s tired. I’m tired, I don’t know what to do, the child is growing, my husband is like a suitcase without a handle, I think I still love him, but the disrespect for me is killing me. What should I do?

Who is he?

Alphonse is a man who is partially or completely supported by a woman. In return, he may provide some personal services. This also includes intimacy. A sort of rogue who doesn’t need to bother, because everything can be done for him.

Alphonse realizes his value in communicating with women and understands that this can be used. He gradually begins to learn women's secrets and becomes more interesting in order to increase his demands on the lady.

Now look what I found! Step-by-step instructions on how to become a gigolo. It was written for a boy who was desperately trying to acquire the qualities of a male scammer. Here's what happened:

1. Pump up your body
2. Contact a stylist
3. Attend etiquette courses, acting courses will also do
4. Become an excellent pick-up artist
5. Educate yourself
6. Hanging out in theaters, clubs, fitness clubs, restaurants
7. Select the “processing” object
8. Seduce the victim

I’m not sure that the guy was satisfied, because this is also work! And gigolos really don’t like to work...

And some people don’t even need to take a steam bath. They easily trick the victim around their finger, using manipulation tricks that don’t even smell like etiquette.

How did he become like this?

Why do men become gigolos? For various reasons, the origins of which stretch back to childhood. Psychology will tell us about them now. So,

• he was brought up in a family where his mother carried everything on herself, and his father stayed quietly and peacefully on the sofa. Such a family model can instill in a boy the confidence that he can not sweat, but enjoy women’s benefits;
• he grew up without a father: a situation in which most often the mother feels guilty towards her son for the absence of a father. Trying to fill the gap, she tries to indulge him in everything. The son discovers what motivates his mother and begins to use it;
• parents put pressure on him with excessive care: as a result, the boy becomes unfit for independence. It lacks purposefulness and self-sufficiency. Therefore, in the future, he is looking for a woman who will take care of him (i.e., in fact, replace his mother);
• He has been irresistible since childhood and takes advantage of this: even at a young age he has many fans. Over time, the thought comes: “why not take advantage of your impeccable appearance?”

It is very difficult to change the perception of the relationship between a man and a woman that developed in childhood. Life with gigolo will follow the same scenario as in his family. Therefore, date a worthy man. And what are the chances of meeting him, you will find out in this article.

What is the name of a gigolo girl?

In this article, psychologist Evgenia Dvoretskaya answers the question “What is the name of a gigolo girl?”

So, who is a gigolo? How do you think?

There are plenty of scientific characteristics of this type. But each individual person has his own gigolo! Darling. and, like its opposite side, a vile type (for women and most men).

Well, you are wrong! Well, what did Alphonse do to you that was so bad? Well, they live off it.

But not by force! Those others themselves agree. And even more - they raise them themselves! Sometimes a man doesn’t even want to - but she’s right there! "Lady with a dog". Or a lady with property! And ready to pay for his love and attention. take care. service. Although no! He is serving her - Alfonsik. This is his great purpose for the “Giolo Woman”.

Once these two! attracted - you will agree that they are very useful to each other!

And not only! They are necessary! For what? That is the question.

Let's see: I think for this. This is what we will discuss further and everything “about” this topic.

First, let's divide gigolos into 2 categories:

Agree - these are 2 big differences.

The first is looking for somewhere to make money.

And the second is looking for something of his own - love, for example. And she is all so “giving” that to his weak “no” she strongly objects and gives. And now he is becoming more and more dependent on her, like on a mother who gives to him, because suddenly he will run away and abandon her.

And he no longer wants to run away. Since she is “Mom”, he is her “child”. And it’s so nice to do nothing and have it!

Of course, there are exceptions - a woman accidentally “comes to her senses” and “cuts off” the oxygen to her child - she suddenly wants to become, well, if not the daughter of a former gigolo, then at least his partner. Because we ran out of gas.

But he is not ready for this! For him it's like a flood! like a volcano! Like this? This is for himself! do everything. What does she allow herself? How is it.

And the gigolo turns on his manipulation mechanisms in order to return the “beloved” - the methods are different, depending on the trauma of our gigolo.

Often these are childhood traumas with his mother: from “slight ailment” to hatred.

If a slight malaise was the cause of gigoloization, then the “Golo Woman” was incredibly lucky! she will get away with whining and complaining. True, quite long.

And, if it’s hatred of “mommy” - oooooooh! These will be “hard measures” - from threats to violent measures. He will literally threaten and not so much her as her children and loved ones.

He will make fun of her on social media.

He will watch her near the house.

True, the “shocking” will end with the same whining.

As a result! The gigolo woman will become stronger and more confident. She will now be more careful in her choices.

It is possible (and even certain) that she will turn to a psychologist (she will have to, as in my practice, for example). And she will discover that she also has “childhood traumas,” which it was her gigolo who helped her “fight”!

Well, what would she do without HIM. She would have lived in ignorance, she would have never developed, she would not have changed her life.

The only problem is that often a gigolo woman chooses “his beloved” all her life.

Until she is forced to see a psychologist.

It will be forced. The reason is a threat to the lives of her children, for example.

If not this, she will continue to engage in sponsorship, altruism and sacrifice - to the fullest - and will even imagine that she is happy!

If she finally does not turn into a friend of the gigolo, or even dares to offer him to become his daughter.

Not explicitly, of course. Yes, from afar.

How to do this and stop sponsoring someone in need? - easily. We need to start asking him. more and more. So to speak, switch roles.

And then he himself will run away! to another gigolo woman. Stronger and more grateful for his service. Look! I dared to ask! Whom! His! How is it! Does she lack his devotion (even feigned one)? Well, what for then is she a gigolo if she herself needs a request (money, care, clothes, food), and not his service (high-quality sex, external beauty, coffee in bed, tender hugs and kisses.). You think it's easy! Having no feelings and not loving? It’s not even that easy! No. Of course he loves her. especially when she is generous and anticipates his wishes.

But! Suddenly ask him for a loan! This is too much! It's time to get rid of it. and quickly.

And those who don’t ask for a loan, but want to suddenly leave it without any reason - all the more “in the groin” - and even harder!

So, dear “gigolo women” - choose: “either you are him or he is you!!”

There is no way to make friends with a gigolo! He's not a weakling. And he didn’t care about your friendship. heh. is your friendship for him? Does this have any practical purpose? He doesn't even have friends. For some reason.

Agreeing to “part on good terms” with a gigolo is also not easy.

Therefore, you will either have to ask capriciously and he will run away on his own.

The man is a gigolo, and the woman is. Yes, there is a woman. When a man supports a woman, this is completely normal. This happens everywhere, even in families where wives work but earn much less than their husbands. This is completely normal. But if a woman supports a man. Well, let’s put it this way, if this is not a stupid use of a woman by a man, but a forced life situation that both understand, then in this case the man cannot be a gigolo. Alphonse is someone who, using his qualities, gains a woman’s trust, makes her fall in love with him, uses her money for a certain time, and then abandons her. In general, gigolo is, perhaps, a profession that is not much different from the oldest profession for women.

If a man is called a gigolo, then this means that he has no moral principles, and he is supported by a woman, often much older than him, but with one who supports him completely financially. But the type of girls and women who live off moneybags, and no matter what age, more often they are older men, they are called kept women. Such a man completely supports such a lady at his own expense and gives her good gifts, but on the condition that she provides him with other services of an intimate nature. And more often than not, such ladies end up in a golden cage, which they later become unhappy with, because they do not live life, but are a toy in someone’s hands.

It is customary to speak about exes either well or nothing (just like about the dead). However, few people comply with this. Moreover, there are many who have encountered SUCH exes about whom it is impossible to remember with a kind word. This article will focus on one gigolo, who for a certain period was my boyfriend and roommate. I was definitely unlucky, but the same cannot be said for him. I was lucky in only one thing - I gave in at the right time. And about six months later, Arthur (let’s call him that) married a rich loser - but that’s another story, which I don’t plan to delve into. For me, what is more important is the conclusions that I drew from this relationship, namely from the relationship with the gigolo.

1. Alphonses talk a lot.

And most often not to the point. Or rather, all their conversations and plans are divorced from reality. At the initial stage of the relationship, they try to lure the girl with their feigned masculinity and the image of a “real man.” Specifically, my ex once made a speech about how he wanted to build a private house with a pond in which fish would swim. After these words, he sighed, looked at me sadly and said: “If only there was a keeper of the hearth in this house.” It's as if this house (with the pond) already exists. At such a moment, you need to think about it, girls! Don't be fooled!

2. Alphonses promise a lot.

If you still fall for this chatter (like I did at one time) and your relationship has become closer (perhaps the first sex has happened), continue monitoring. Alphonses promise a lot, and for the sake of the promise, and not for the sake of its fulfillment. Specifically, Arturchik once promised me an iron. And there were witnesses to this promise - the girlfriends with whom I rented a house. Moreover, no one pulled his tongue - he decided to promise it himself. I (or rather we) have been waiting for this iron for a long time. In the end, Arthur timed this gift to coincide with the New Year. Actually, the example with the iron is just an example. And there were many such small situations. If something similar happens to you, this is a reason to think about it!

3. Alphonses are not always handsome!

Alphonse, in the minds of many, is a kind of handsome guy, a beefy metrosexual with a seductive squint. My Arturchik visually did not look like one. He didn’t look 25 years old—he could have been 32, at a minimum. In addition, he was overweight and had a round beer belly. No, well, if he could lose 20 kilograms, pump up, go to a cosmetologist and cure acne on his skin, he could be called handsome. As it was, he was a typical unkempt lout, shaving every now and then and wearing dirty clothes. Yes, now you will think to yourself what I found in this. My answer is that he appeared at a time in my life when I needed a strong man’s shoulder. Who knew that, thanks to him, I would almost grow balls - next to someone like that, it’s almost impossible to remain feminine and sexy.

4. Alphonses press for pity and understanding.

So, Arturchik decided to finally lure me into his network, offering to start living together. The mistake of a naive fool is to agree to pay in half for a rented house. Well, I understand! As soon as he realized that I was his, he immediately “calmed down.” I practically lived in a rented apartment myself, and Arthur went to spend the night with his parents (as he said), under various pretexts. By the way, Arthur’s family was problematic - his parents drank, as a result of which his mother received an incurable disease. And Arthur spent a lot of money on her treatment.

Because of his constant absence, we almost broke up (although we should have). And one day he came and said: “Lola, I want to buy a car, I’ve already agreed with a friend who will give it to me cheaply. But we still need to take out a loan, so let’s move to live with our parents.” And it was precisely because I was kind and understanding that I agreed, thereby driving myself into hell.

Further more. On February 14, he said to me: “Zaya, you understand, my financial situation is not very good, will you be offended if I don’t give you a gift?” How could I be offended, I’m understanding! The same thing happened on March 8th. I didn’t listen to my friends, who even then told me to stop letting him get away with it.

5. Alphonses love to brag to their friends.

Perhaps there are introverted gigolos, but Arturchik was not like that. He had many friends. And he loved to brag in front of them. In particular, when one of his friends came to see him, he liked to say loudly: “Zaya, give me money for gasoline!” He liked to demonstrate that his partner not only satisfied him, but also supported him financially. And I did this quite often. Having moved to his parents, I gave a considerable amount of money every month for food, and since most of their diet consisted of pork, which I hated, I spent another certain amount on vegetables and other food for everyone. It turns out that most of my salary went to food and gasoline. Before we parted, Arturchik blurted out that he was driving me to work, so why shouldn’t I pay for gas? He almost always had no money. Half of my salary, which was slightly less than mine, was spent on loans and treatment for my mother, the rest half on gasoline and it is not yet clear what. So, when we occasionally went somewhere, for example, to a cafe, I mostly paid, sometimes he, of course, but less often.

As for his parents, for the most part I had no complaints against them. Mom was talkative and sociable, father was less sociable (he communicated mainly with the cat - it was a kind of outlet). He only talked to me when he was low. Their binges occurred periodically and lasted about a week. Sometimes, when Arthur and I returned from work, we would find them unconscious (sometimes half naked). At those moments, Arthur began to yell at them, especially at his father, but a preventative conversation with beatings (sometimes he beat his father) helped for two weeks, or even less. Alcoholism is a disease.

Arthur also had a sister, Larisa, who did not live in this apartment. By the way, she is a rare loser, but overall a good woman (at least, I only felt pity for her). At one time, she mortgaged her parents’ apartment and Arthur had to work hard from the age of 16 in order to “scatter” the debts. From then on, he always treated his sister rudely. With obscenities and raised voices, and she, oddly enough, practically did not answer him, taking such an attitude for granted.

And then one day, on March 8, returning from work, I observed the following picture: my mother, sister Larisa and some other relative were sitting and drinking vodka. At the same time, the sister is wearing only a bra above the waist. Imagine a picture - a 180 kg woman in a bra. This is all lyricism, of course, but I have one question: why did she get her already sick mother drunk? I never found out the answer to this question.

6. Did you think gigolos fuck like gods? Naive.

Well, okay, why am I talking about the bad and the bad! Let's talk about sex! By the way, Arthur had a penis of considerable size. Just such a sledgehammer. However, besides his size, he had nothing to boast about. Sex lasted, on average, 2 minutes. Of course, I tried to correct this, to bring variety to the intimate sphere. But the result was approximately the same: 2 minutes. In the end, when he realized that he was a loser in sex (believe me, I didn’t instill this in him), he began to blame everything on me - they say I’m a log. Like this. In short, let's not talk about sad things.

7. Alphonses like to pretend that it was not them who abandoned them, but them.

After reading all of the above, you will probably think, why was I with him all this time? To be honest, I don’t know myself. All of us girls do stupid things, but some to a greater extent and others to a lesser extent. I realized in time that I had to get out. Of course, we had to give it a couple of chances. My demands were that he stop taking money from me. By the way, shortly before breaking up, he took the nth amount from me for a car because it broke down. Then he asked for money again - supposedly there was a need to change the engine in the car. And this, at that time, was one and a half of my salaries. In addition, I told him to rent a separate apartment, since living with always drunk parents had become torture for me. But, as many have already understood, he did not intend to do this. And I left. This was probably one of the most correct decisions I have ever made in my life.

I’ll end this article with one phrase: Let us go beyond all the sorrows of meeting such assholes!

What kinds of individuals are there?

We figured out who the gigolo is, but we haven’t talked about the species yet. So, there is a gigolo-swindler, a gigolo-pro, a household gigolo.

The swindler is looking for a woman between 30 and 40 years old who is disappointed in men. She does not believe that it is possible to find a worthy, dedicated and decent candidate. And then he appears, overwhelmed with feelings, passion and empathy. The same feelings are kindled in her, she becomes loved and desired, which is why she turns off her head.

Often the swindler invents some unpleasant situation: his mother’s illness, lack of money for his sister’s treatment, betrayal of a business partner, loss of all savings. He asks the woman to help, and she agrees, because she has already trusted him.

The characteristics of a professional are somewhat different. He doesn't care about age or appearance. He will adapt to any woman, as long as she is wealthy. He will learn etiquette, pump up his body, and strengthen his intellect. A professional will always find out about a woman’s weaknesses and take advantage of them.

And finally, the most harmless, in my opinion, view. A household gigolo is a lazy man who has forgotten how to work and take responsibility. He was simply lost due to layoffs at work, business bankruptcy or other reasons. He has no goal of finding a wealthy woman, but he is not averse to warming up under her wing. At the same time, he plaintively appeals to her maternal feelings.

Do we need gigolo? Of course not! What kind of men do we need? Read about it here.

Who are gigolos, what are they like?

Alphonse is a man who wants to live off a woman and does not want to work and support himself on his own. His main goal is to find a wealthy companion and spend her money.

There are several types of gigolos:

• Household gigolo is the simplest, but not the most common type. The requirements of such a man can be called quite low. All he needs is to find a place to live, not go hungry and get dressed (not necessarily in expensive branded clothes). He will pretend that he is looking for a job, but at the same time lie on the couch with a calm soul and wait for his missus to bring her salary and give him part of it.
• "Victim of circumstances." Such a gigolo will constantly complain about his life and complain about the circumstances that prevent him from earning money and supporting himself on his own. In the early stages, it is quite difficult to recognize such a gigolo, because he talks so truthfully and plaintively about the fact that he is not appreciated or is being deceived. And a woman who decides to take pity and support this poor fellow will, without a second thought, first pay for him in a cafe, and then provide for him completely.
• The so-called "gigalo". It is very easy to calculate him, since he does not hide his intentions. He initially and purposefully looks for a richer girl or woman and literally immediately begins to “promote” her with money, paying with sexual services, as well as with his attention and numerous compliments. In most cases, it is older ladies who become victims, since they are often deprived of male attention and crave it, and also dream of love. And for a companion who will give all this, a woman will not regret anything.
• Professional gigolo or marriage swindler. This type is the most difficult to recognize. He may not reveal himself for a very long time, earn money on his own and not even spend his companion’s money. But as soon as it comes to the wedding (and this will happen very soon), he will probably show his true colors and will hasten to retreat and start looking for a new victim, not forgetting to share the apartment in which his compassionate wife will register him, and the jointly acquired property.

How to protect yourself from a wolf in sheep's clothing?

In fact, you can easily figure out a gigolo, a man whose essence is not yet clear to you. Now you will see how:

• if there are doubts about his work, how to find out the truth? Feel free to call the organization where the potential gentleman supposedly works and you will find out everything right away;
• avoid asking questions about your financial situation, and in general, it is incorrect to ask a lady such questions. What to do if the topic of housing is raised? Tell us that you live well with your parents or are experiencing housing difficulties or are temporarily living in someone else’s apartment;
• do not provide any, absolutely no, help! No worthy man would dare to plunge you into his problems. He will cope perfectly well on his own, and you are a delicate, fragile flower that is a pleasure to admire;
• let you not be ashamed to ask for help. How else can you figure out what kind of person he is? Therefore, ask to transport the seedlings to the dacha, fix the socket, and take them to the clinic for an appointment. Alphonse does not like this situation, and he will slowly begin to merge;
• when asked to provide financial assistance to his mother/grandmother/sister, answer that you are ready to help, but only after speaking with them personally;
• Be clear that you don't like being asked to introduce him to the right people, and you won't do it. A normal man will understand and will look for opportunities himself. However, his respectful attitude towards you will not change. Alphonse will immediately press for pity and will not get off you so easily until he achieves what he wants;

• Unconditionally call the police when they try to put a loan on you. Perhaps the scam is already in their database, so it would be a good idea to clarify the information about it;
• try to get him to talk, take photos together, introduce him to friends, ask why he doesn’t want to talk about his loved ones. Alfonso cannot be led to revelations so easily, so he will prefer to find a new victim, not so inquisitive;
• in the case of the poor fellow in everyday life, how to distinguish him from the established gigolo? And you stop dragging everything on yourself. Say that you are being laid off or you are quitting so you can spend more time with your family. He will have no choice but to come to his senses and rush to find a job. If this option doesn’t work, ask to free up some space on the couch and in your life at the same time.