When a child appears, all strength, emotions, time and resources are given to the little miracle lying in the cradle. We stop thinking about how we look - heels and sophisticated makeup give way to simple and comfortable clothes with a minimum of makeup. How to become a beautiful and good mother?
It is customary to write that this is a terrible trend, leading to the fact that a woman ceases to be desirable for her husband, focuses only on the child and destroys her beautiful image. Pediatricians do not agree: this position is absolutely unacceptable! The birth of a child is an amazing time for mothers and fathers. Yes, it is difficult to maintain ideal beauty and be a flawless mother during the breastfeeding stage. But the concept of beauty is completely relative.
When a large number of mothers come to see a pediatrician, the thought immediately arises that mothers need to be conveyed the understanding that beauty can be natural and that the mother herself is beautiful, and the fact that she takes care of herself is in no way does not distract her from the child.
It has been noticed that it is mothers who are satisfied with themselves and harmonious who endure the feeding period more easily. They suffer less from postpartum depression, they adjust much faster and learn proper feeding. How to hold a baby, how to take care of your body and not harm the baby.
Moms have no time to go to cosmetologists and salons during this period; all that remains is the good old way of asking the doctor how to take care of themselves.
Beauty secrets for young mothers
And yet, how to become a beautiful and good mother? We will not go into details about the self-esteem of young mothers. Let us dwell only on the thought that during the birth of a child, a mother should be beautiful in a different way than during the period of conquering a man. First of all, a woman should perceive the refusal of “war paint” as a blissful period for resting the skin. So that the mother does not worry that the chosen care products will have a bad effect on the child, you just need to choose those creams that are developed specifically for this period in a woman’s life and can be safely used during feeding.
Skin care for a new mother
The secret to maintaining beautiful, glowing skin is that your supply of nutrients and vitamins must be constantly replenished. Because the skin loses them, it looks dry and tired. In winter, the skin dries out and looks dull. When dehydrated and in spring, it needs to regain its elasticity so that the feeling of tightness and dryness disappears. Young mothers often have rough skin, and when sunny, warm weather arrives, folds and wrinkles intensify. It is necessary to constantly moisturize it to maintain a healthy and beautiful appearance and prevent age-related changes.
At the same time, when feeding, the problem of cracked and irritated nipples often arises, and sometimes they simply turn into an unbearable source of bleeding and pain. Then mommy definitely has no time for beauty! There are many factors here - sometimes mothers simply do not hold the child correctly, sometimes they do not follow hygiene rules. There is a share of personal characteristics and skin sensitivity.
Vitamin A for moms and babies
For a quick and non-destructive solution, it is necessary that the product not only contain a lot of vitamin A, but that it be highly purified, and this is only possible with pharmaceutical production that meets international quality standards.
The fact is, vitamin A interacts with the skin, stimulating the healing process. In addition, highly purified vitamin A quickly restores the skin to its previous condition, moisturizes and soothes it. Let's add to this the effect of the cream base of the ointment, which allows you to maximally soften and moisturize the skin of mother and baby. At the same time, the ointment should not contain perfume additives, and it should not smell like fragrant herbs of traditional treatment. The absence of perfume additives in the ointment with a high content of vitamin A makes it low-allergenic. And the use does not in any way affect the quality of milk and does not even reduce the child’s appetite. In addition, such a product should not stain clothes; it should have qualities that ensure ease of application and rapid absorption.
If we analyze the problem of solving the complex with one remedy, taking into account the entire arsenal of actions listed above, then not a single cosmetic product or traditional medicine can have such safe multifunctionality. Among pharmaceutical products, we can recommend Videstim, which belongs to Russian developments and is made on the basis of retinol palmitate (this is highly purified vitamin A). At the same time, the use of any medicine does not negate hygiene issues that are important for beauty.
It is recommended to use a similar method for solving many problems using a single method in matters of personal hygiene. For example, cracked nipples during breastfeeding can occur due to the fact that clothes and underwear are made of synthetics. So the nipple becomes irritated, or the skin is not rinsed and moisturized on time. Peeling of the skin, also in both mother and child, can also be caused by the roughness of the fabric or allergic reactions to the composition of the fabric. And synthetics do not emphasize the amazingly natural beauty of mothers that they radiate at the birth of a child. Synthetics always look untidy, cheap, simple and cause many problems, especially with cracked nipples. There is only one way out - clothes and textiles in the house made from natural fabrics.
“How I became a successful mother.” Real stories
You can be a successful woman not only within the walls of the office, taking one career peak after another. Often mothers realize themselves outside of work and feel great at the same time.
This is especially true for mothers with many children.
In order to be successful, they do not necessarily have to leave their children; on the contrary, it is the children who are for them the source of strength and inspiration that helps them bring all their ideas to life.
Successful mothers with many children and simply happy women share their experiences with “Beautiful and Successful”.
Story one
- Ekaterina, mother of four children, journalist, yoga instructor, author of a book about easy childbirth, says:
“I gave birth to my first child in my youth, against the wishes of my husband. The first experience was very difficult and left its mark on my health; I didn’t want any more children. But one day the editors ordered me an interview about home birth, during which I learned that childbirth can take place in another way: without stress, in love, at home...
I gave birth to my second child, again without any support from my husband, but this time consciously and easily. After his appearance, I realized that motherhood is a whole world with many new opportunities and hobbies. I became proud of myself, I loved being a mother of two children, and I also loved writing about these topics. I didn’t even think about whether I was a successful mother, I just enjoyed the knowledge that I was a mother.
I gave birth to my third child, thinking that this way I could save the family. Nothing worked out: my husband left for someone else. But I did not grieve, and began to devote the time that I spent on him to children and my hobbies. This is how yoga came into my life.
With my second husband, everything was completely different: courtship, romance, a large friendly family and the decision to have another child.
The decision to write a book also came during my second marriage. When I broke up with my first husband, I wrote a lot on the topics of motherhood, pregnancy, family psychology, but not everything went into print. A lot of material remained in my archives, and when my husband discovered it, he said that I needed to publish a book. So, at his suggestion and with his help, she appeared.
My children and work are one thing for me. Children make me a successful journalist and mother. Every day they discover something new for me, I get carried away by it and don’t even notice how it becomes the topic for another article.”
Story two
- Elena, the mother of a very active son, a “blog mom,” the author of several Internet projects, tells the story:
“Do I consider myself a successful mother? Yes, that is right. I have a strong family, a wonderful son, and I also run a blog about sewing, within the framework of which I also created an original project about the upbringing and development of a hyperactive child.
How did I come to this? Thanks to my hyperactive son: I looked online for educational activities for him.
One mother on her blog told how she works with her child, creates lessons, shares tips with other mothers, writes books and all this brings her income. I liked this idea, I took a course on blogging, and that’s where it all started.
My blog is about sewing, turning a flat piece of fabric into a three-dimensional product is a passion of my life, which is also supported professionally. When I prepare publications or master classes, I get great pleasure from the work and from the awareness of my usefulness.
I think this is my success as a mother and a person. My blog also taught me how to plan my time and distinguish the important from the unimportant. The main thing for me is to be happy, because a happy mother, as you know, has a happy baby!”
After giving birth, mom becomes even more beautiful!
Give up everything artificial, including the imposed stereotype of beauty. Mom is beautiful in her own way, and her husband sees her with completely different eyes during this period. And when a woman’s condition is good, when she is a confident, beautiful mother, then illnesses and problems, and physiological and psychological changes pass more calmly, without traumatizing the psyche of mom, dad, or child! This wonderful period is of interest to both specialists and dads, who understand that this is the main achievement in life - procreation. And to mothers who see that they are loved and beautiful, and their baby is happy. The condition of the child and his illness depend on the environment and on the atmosphere in which he is born and lives in the first months of his life. Therefore, problems with skin, clothing, and appearance are small and private compared to the need to care for a child. But they become global when you look at them from the perspective of the further development of the family and taking into account many years of medical and personal experience.
Maggie Dent is a writer, mother of four sons, and one of Australia's most popular parenting experts. Her book “Mothering Our Boys” is designed to help mothers understand their boys and build close and trusting relationships with their sons.
Maggie Dent is an Australian writer, mother of four sons, and one of Australia's most popular parenting experts. Her book “Mothering Our Boys” (it has not yet been translated into Russian) is designed to help mothers of boys better understand their sons and build close and trusting relationships with them.
- Boys under 7 years of age develop more slowly than girls
- How to make it easier for a boy to adapt to kindergarten/school
- "Roosters" and "lambs"
- Game and movement
- When boys misbehave
- My reading impressions
Boys under 7 years of age develop more slowly than girls
Throughout the book, Maggie emphasizes that the idea that boys are stronger than girls and that they need to be raised more strictly in order to raise a “real man” is a dangerous and harmful prejudice.
In fact, boys are more vulnerable than girls: research shows that boys' brains develop more slowly than girls' (this is due to the influence of testosterone). This delayed maturation means that both psychological stress and negative environmental influences (such as toxins) have a more severe impact on boys. According to statistics, boys are more likely than girls to die in utero, at birth and in the first year of life.
Turning to attachment theory, Maggie writes that for all children, without exception, it is vital to be close to “their” adults - usually a mother, father and other close people who regularly care for the child. Attachment is as important to a baby's development as food and sleep. Because of their greater vulnerability, attachment disturbances often have a more profound impact on boys than on girls and lead to serious psychological problems later in life.
Boys experience the same strong emotions as girls (the idea that boys are supposedly less emotional is a dangerous myth), but they find it difficult to recognize and articulate them. All unprocessed emotions (sadness, fear, doubt, etc.) turn into anger, and under the influence of emotions that they cannot cope with, boys become aggressive. Boys' language is their behavior.
It is absolutely necessary to provide boys with emotional support and teach them how to deal with their feelings. It's also important for moms to protect their sons from people who send them false messages about proper masculine behavior (such as the popular "boys don't cry").
Slower brain maturation also manifests itself in other areas: for example, boys' speech does not develop as quickly as girls' - girls begin to speak earlier, and by school their vocabulary is larger and their speech is more complex than that of boys.
The development of fine motor skills is also lagging behind - so you should not compare your son with a little girl who, at the age of three, can accurately color pictures, while your boy is capable, at best, of a sweeping scribble!
It is very important not to speak negatively about the abilities of boys under the age of 7 and try not to compare them with girls - this can affect the formation of their self-image (“I’m stupid, clumsy, I won’t succeed anyway”).
Boys usually catch up with girls around 8 years of age.
How to make it easier for a boy to adapt to kindergarten/school
There is an opinion that if a child does not go to kindergarten, he is not “socialized.” However, Gordon Neufeld, a famous Canadian psychologist, believes that premature socialization is more harmful than beneficial. Other child psychologists note that until the age of three, children are not yet able to fully master social skills.
It is especially important to be careful when choosing child care facilities with boys, who are 6-12 months behind girls in development and are more emotionally vulnerable. Most boys will do better in a family setting than in an institution, especially in the first three years of life.
However, if a mother needs to send her son to kindergarten, then it is better to choose one that focuses on building relationships with children, and not on their development. It is optimal when the same teacher takes care of the child - he will become a “substitute” mother for the baby.
As for school, Maggie strongly recommends, if there is the slightest doubt, to postpone the boy’s enrollment in school (if such an opportunity exists). Boys may be ready for school intellectually but not psychologically or socially ready (or vice versa).
Maggie urges mothers not to ask their sons about what happened at school or kindergarten when they just picked them up from there! Most boys need to first relax after stress (and school or kindergarten is stressful, especially for little boys) and simply are not able to answer questions. Maggie recommends having a snack with you and returning home with your child as soon as possible (not dragging him to the shops).
A good time to discuss your day (but not in an interrogative manner!) is before bedtime. Usually at this time boys are more relaxed and ready to share the events of the day with their mother.
"Roosters" and "lambs"
One of the main secrets of parenting, which is sometimes forgotten in our information-oversaturated world, is that all children are born with different temperaments. Maggie Dent suggests viewing the diversity of temperaments as a spectrum, with cocky roosters at one end and gentle lambs at the other. The task of parents is to help children fall approximately in the center of this spectrum: “lambs” need to be taught confidence and courage, and “roosters” - empathy.
Distinctive features of “rooster boys”:
• crave independence;
• strive to do everything themselves;
• they shout very loudly;
• often very stubborn;
• they have a lot of energy - they manage to tire out their parents by 9 am;
• they need less sleep - they often wake up very early and go to bed later than everyone else;
• they ask questions and argue about everything (even before they learn to speak!) - food, clothes, toys, parenting methods, and so on;
• always want to be first;
• consider themselves more important than everyone else;
• do not like to share their things;
• often feel frustrated and angry;
• impatient and impulsive;
• very sensitive to the opinions of others, although they hide it behind the mask of “I don’t care!”
Parents of rooster boys should pay special attention to the formation of empathy, compassion, patience and calmness before the age of 5, otherwise such boys may become overly dominant (even bully other children), selfish, and too self-obsessed. At the same time, one must understand that behind the bravado of roosters hides incredible emotional vulnerability. Rooster boys are especially sensitive to failures and failures (most often they hide their emotions behind anger). “Roosters” are especially prone to testing boundaries, so it is important for parents to calmly and confidently set these boundaries (but in no case use shouting, swearing or corporal punishment, so as not to set a bad example for them).
"Boys-Lambs" are distinguished by the fact that:
• love to sleep;
• do not like noise and excessive stimulation;
• even more sensitive to shouting and punishment, they get very upset if they are shouted at;
• like to be alone;
• very calm, do not mind letting the “roosters” go ahead;
• take a long time to get used to people, even in familiar places;
• they lack confidence and are slow to make decisions;
• can be very shy;
• adapt to changes for a long time;
• hide when scared.
Parents of male lambs should encourage their sons to develop courage and confidence, especially before the age of 5. However, you should not force them to do something they do not want or are afraid of - this can traumatize them for life. It is better to support and encourage them with the words: “You can do it when you are ready.” Avoid scary movies or TV programs - lambs are very impressionable.
“Lambs” slowly “warm up” in situations of social interaction - they need some time to start communicating even with familiar people. You should not force them to communicate, otherwise it will be even more difficult for them to overcome this barrier. At the same time, in many situations, “lambs,” especially older ones, can behave bolder and more decisively than “roosters.”
Regardless of temperament, it is very important for every boy to feel that his mother loves him - and it often turns out that boys are not sure of this, to the great surprise of their caring and loving mothers!
In the case of sons, words are often not enough. To strengthen the connection, you can come up with simple games and family rituals, some secret gestures that only mother and son understand, and so on.
Under no circumstances should boys be shamed, scolded or beaten (as well as girls).
Game and movement
Maggie Dent is convinced that lack of play at an early age negatively affects all boys. Play and the opportunity to move are critical for the proper development of the brain of a child of any gender, especially in the first years of life. However, boys, whose brains develop more slowly than girls', may need even more movement than girls.
In addition, it is in the game that the child learns social interaction skills that cannot be obtained in computer games.
Children's safety is a priority for modern parents - and, unfortunately, this has led to fewer opportunities for children to play with each other and explore the world. Only safe play equipment remains on playgrounds - and risk is a very important element of boys growing up.
The passion for early learning and the penetration of gadgets into our lives also reduce the time we spend playing.
Maggie Dent encourages parents to provide their sons with plenty of free time to play (including play with peers) and get plenty of exercise—climbing, playing catch, jumping and running! There is no need to avoid pain (bruises, abrasions) at all costs - moderate pain is important and even necessary for understanding the capabilities of your body.
And one more thing: boys should not be prohibited from playing “war games” and should not be scolded for their love of swords, pistols and sticks - these games are very important for boys. However, it is important to teach them to play in such a way as not to harm each other!
When boys misbehave
Your son doesn't want to upset you! Boys love their mothers very much and really want to be good in their eyes. And more often than not, their bad behavior is the result of poor decisions made under the influence of hormones and impulsiveness. At the same time, you should not put up with this - it is the parents who are responsible for teaching boys to make the right decisions.
To cope with a situation where your son has misbehaved if he is still small:
1. Take a break, take a deep breath.
2. Ask your son with interest: “Did you do all this yourself?”
3. Explain why it is better not to do this again (for example: “We don’t draw on the walls, we draw on paper”).
4. Together with your son, start cleaning up the consequences (do not skip this step!). At the age of about 4 years, boys often become more “violent” - most likely this is due to changes in hormonal levels. During this period, boys find it difficult to express their feelings and thoughts in words - and they often resort to physical force. Therefore, it is especially important for 4-6 year old boys to move a lot.
To teach boys to make good decisions, it is important to convey to them that there are boundaries that must be respected. However, you shouldn't set too many rules, otherwise your son probably won't remember them! Maggie Dent offers three basic rules:
1. Try not to hurt yourself.
2. Try not to hurt others.
3. Try not to break things around you.
These rules must be taught from early childhood.
With older boys who have made a mistake, Maggie suggests talking to them - and doing it according to the following scenario:
1. Understand what he wanted to achieve as a result of his actions and explain what he did wrong.
2. Discuss how the consequences can be corrected.
3. Think about what to do next time in a similar situation (very important!).
4. Forgive and forget.
5. Recognize the value of this lesson.
Maggie Dent emphasizes again: strong character is not developed by humiliation and ridicule. But it will not arise on its own - both boys and girls need to be educated: firstly, by example, and secondly, it is necessary to talk to them about values, about choice, about respect for others and gratitude, about how to do the right thing in certain situations. Good books and films can help with this.
Teenagers who do not want to talk to their mother or do not hear her can write a letter - it is important that it is honest and in a respectful tone. Maggie recommends the "sandwich technique": start the letter with something nice, then say what's bothering you, and end with something positive and encouraging so your son knows you love him just as much as before. Important: do not wait for a response to this letter and do not talk about it!
If your son's behavior is causing you a lot of trouble, Maggie also advises paying attention to his diet - this may be the reason. In Maggie's practice, there were many cases when changing the diet (giving up processed foods, fast food, excess sugar) radically improved the boy's behavior.
My reading impressions
I must say that this text was not easy for me: despite its significant length, Maggie Dent's book contains almost no water - and although Maggie from time to time repeats the main ideas on which her approach is based (about the emotional vulnerability of boys, the importance of close and trusting relationships with mother, etc.), on almost every page of the book you can find accurate and funny observations about boys, very useful (and at times also very funny!) tips and examples, as well as quotes from a survey of men about their relationships with their mothers, organized by Maggie . So choosing the main ideas for this article was very difficult.
Thus, Maggie’s advice about pets did not fit into the text (in short, this is a good way to teach care and empathy!), information from the chapter on how to help a boy cope with loss and what to do in the event of the death of a family member (it is important not to hide the fact of death and answer his questions - in accordance with your ideas and making allowances for age), tips on sex education (teach to respect women and that “no” means “no”) and a very touching chapter on the importance of timing let go of their grown sons. And one more thing: Maggie Dent encourages all mothers to keep an eye not only on their own, but also on other people’s boys (sons of friends, nephews, etc.), so that if a mother is going through a difficult period and cannot provide him with the necessary support, her son I wasn't completely alone. “Let us all try to be kind mentors to our boys—like mothers, aunties and wise grandmothers—so that every boy has a safe haven in which to gain strength when times get tough.”
Alena Khmilevskaya
lamp.im
