How do I feel now?
The conditions in which a woman is going through a divorce are sometimes tantamount to suffering for a deceased relative.
“I refuse to believe that my loved one could do this. Still, it was good, three months ago he couldn’t live without us, and now he says he’s divorcing me. It can not be true. I can not believe! Maybe he will change his mind and everything will be as before?
"Hate you! I would like to never see you again, it would be better if I never met you! You don't care about me, the child, the parents. I’m so sick of everything!”
“I was just a bad wife! I was not kind, caring, or understanding enough. I needed to take more care of myself and not give all of myself to my children. I am simply unworthy of such a man, and now he is leaving. Serves me right!”
“Why do I need this life now?”
"I do not want anything. I do not need anybody. Leave me alone everyone. You don’t need to feel sorry for me, don’t help me, don’t look at me with your sad eyes.”
“Please advise how to get through a divorce from your husband easier? What to watch, read, who to contact? What can I do to make it easier?”
A woman goes through all stages from denial to acceptance during a divorce. Sometimes it is impossible to cope with the pain, and then the hand itself types in the search phrase: “how to survive a divorce from your husband: advice from a psychologist.” And he receives a lot of advice: change his image, play sports, get a pet, switch to children, start traveling, find a new job.
Both friends and relatives advise. It seems to everyone that they already know how to cope with pain in such a situation. The “best” phrase that those around you say during this difficult period is “time heals.”
Doesn't cure! Recommendations don't help. There is no strength or desire to even follow at least one piece of advice. But were they written for someone?
Why is divorce a new life for some, but the end for others? Yes, we are all different, people have different characters, desires, views and aspirations. In the unconscious of a person there are desires that drive him. In this article we will learn how to identify, understand and fill them.
Why do I feel so bad?
The condition of any person is determined by innate properties and desires. Namely, the extent to which the properties of the psyche are developed and filled. Every woman suffers in her own way from a breakup, divorce, or betrayal. And he copes with a difficult situation in his own way.
Online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan defines and characterizes the natural properties of a person, calling their groups vectors.
To get out of difficult states of hopelessness and impasse, it is important to gain knowledge about your vectors and be able to apply the information received, survive the pain and become happy.
There is a set of properties due to which a woman experiences divorce most painfully.
For example, on the one hand, she can love selflessly, completely dissolve in her partner and die of a broken heart; When parting, consider that life without your loved one is over. On the other hand, a woman may be unhappy in her marriage, but is ready to endure her whole life for the sake of her children; can survive her husband's betrayal, but accumulate resentment for years.
Women with a combination of visual and anal vectors have similar properties. Let's take a closer look at each vector and figure out how it is easier for such women to survive a divorce from their husband without complications in the form of psychological trauma for life.
How to survive the collapse of my ideal world?
And I will be the best wife, I will be the most faithful and the wisest. I will hug you when you are angry, and wake you up with sweet kisses in the morning.
M. Kutkar
A woman with an anal vector is potentially the best wife, mother, homemaker, housewife, clean and smart. Such a wife’s husband and children are always well fed, clean and neatly dressed, and the house is a full cup. For such a woman, family is the meaning of her whole life.
And then “suddenly” - divorce. And this means the end of stability, the destruction of the usual way of life, the loss of a sense of security. The stress caused by divorce often puts a woman into a state of complete stupor.
A woman with an anal vector needs to know the key features of her psyche that make her strong, and understand how to apply them:
- The value of the past, a wonderful memory
The first man, the first experience is extremely important and significant for a woman with an anal vector. This is the kind of woman who is capable of loving one man all her life. By nature the owner of an excellent memory, a woman with an anal vector remembers her first experience and her first man all her life.
An excellent memory makes it possible to remember everything that happened in family life. On the other hand, a woman is capable of storing in her memory the slightest negative moments, offensive words, unworthy actions. She can remember and experience them for many years in great detail. Over time, resentment and pain will only increase and negatively affect the woman’s future life.
You can dwell on the resentment and continue to suffer. Or you can try to realize your own qualities in a different direction.
Of course, it is very difficult to control yourself during a severe blow, loss of the meaning of life. But it is important to understand that a good memory can not only store old negative memories and accumulate grievances. She can help in obtaining new knowledge, useful information that will fill and develop a woman.
A naturally phenomenal memory provides enormous opportunities to realize oneself in society as a professional. Thanks to the ability to detail, remember, and systematize data, a woman can create an ideal mental or man-made product. This will give satisfaction and awareness of one’s uniqueness and usefulness not only in the family, but also in society.
It is important to understand that your qualities can and should be used for the benefit of yourself and your children, and not for self-destruction.
- Monogamy, reluctance to change and change
Owners of the anal vector do not like change, they are conservative, they are comfortable being in a state of constancy. They have a permanent partner and place of residence. Regular places they visit. Women can use the services of the same hairdresser or cosmetologist for years. Even minor changes lead to stress.
Such women, when they get married, sincerely believe that this is once and for all. Even if the relationship with her husband is already far from ideal, such a woman will endure, try in every possible way to save the family, and will be ready to put up with humiliation, drunkenness, and betrayal of her husband.
During a divorce, situations often arise when the pain does not go away and the woman tries to return everything. She is literally “jammed.” It is vital for her that any task is completed completely. She wants to sort out the broken relationship, she can pester you with calls and messages, hoping to get everything back.
And then comes resentment. The first thought is to take revenge, to compensate for what was “not given”, what was “deprived”, to fill oneself at least in such an elementary way. Only revenge can bring fleeting satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment, but in the end it only gets worse.
The way to fill yourself and your desires is very important . For example, the implementation of natural properties in society, receiving an award, approval or praise, recognition of the good result of one’s work will give much greater pleasure and impetus to further development, and in the future - the possibility of a full, happy life. No matter how difficult it may be, only consciously can you get away from negative thoughts about revenge, resentment, and deprivation.
- Perfectionism
The natural desire to do everything perfectly is inherent in a woman with an anal vector. An ideal wife, mother, housewife, daughter - it's all about her. The terrible word “divorce” leads such a woman into a dead end, all ideality collapses, and the question of what people will say eats away at the soul. I’m ashamed in front of children, people, everyone. Shame is accompanied by a feeling of guilt. Family is the main “work” of a woman with an anal vector, and in the event of a divorce, she believes that she did it poorly, not perfectly.
It is important to be able to look at guilt from a different angle. The psyche of the owner of the anal vector is rigid, and guilt can be a “start” button, an incentive to action to correct injustice. The swing of states of shame-resentment-guilt is described well and in detail in the free online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan, after which an understanding arises of how to use such “swing” of states in a positive way, to your advantage.
How to survive a divorce from my beloved husband when he is the whole world to me
My meaning of life is you, my love, my soul. And the abyss of black emptiness, When you are not with me.
V. Romanov
Love is the main feeling of a woman with a visual vector. The presence of this vector gives its “mistress” the opportunity to experience a gigantic amplitude of feelings and emotions. She is distinguished from other women by her gushing emotionality, desire and ability to dissolve in her partner, create a strong emotional connection, and see beauty in everything.
A divorce for a visual woman always means tears, hysterics, a catastrophe on a universal scale. These are fears, panic attacks, threats of suicide. “Parting is a little death” - this is what the spectators think and say. If a woman has both anal and visual vectors, it is doubly harder for her. After a divorce, she may be in different negative states at the same time. Resentment can be accompanied by hysteria, a feeling of shame, guilt - complemented by rivers of tears and emotional swings from “let him go where he wants” to “I can’t live without him.” Without knowing herself, an anal-visual woman will become psychologically exhausted.
Often, psychological exhaustion leads to physical illnesses and manifestations of psychosomatics, which women cannot cope with with the help of medicine.
But there is a way out. It will not be difficult to understand how to survive a divorce for a woman with a visual vector:
- Using mental properties for their intended purpose
The natural desire of the visual vector is to create emotional connections. When one emotional connection is broken, a visual woman can only “heal” by understanding the nature of love. You should realize your properties - give your love to those who need it. Child, parents, friends, older relatives - there are always those who need your kindness, love, compassion, who can and should be helped. And then, when solving problems together, having sympathy, experiencing, while helping another person, there will be no time and desire to remember the one who betrayed or abandoned, or suffer from emotional dependence. In this way, emotional life is brought into balance, which prevents the occurrence of fears.
- Getting rid of fears
Fear is the other side of love for a person with a visual vector. With divorce, there is a loss of emotional connection and there is a fear of repeating a bad scenario, emotional dependence on past experiences and fear of entering into a new relationship. Undoubtedly, this reduces to zero the possibility of creating a new, happy union. Therefore, it is necessary to open your feelings and share your experiences with a new acquaintance or potential partner. In response, he will talk about his thoughts and experiences, share painful things. So, gradually, the couple will learn more about each other, mutual feelings of trust, sincerity, honesty, care and compassion will be formed in the union. These feelings will be the foundation for future relationships.
- Realization of natural talent
It is easier for the owner of the visual vector to survive a divorce if she realizes her natural talent. If her work is related to children, communication, charity, then she can express herself as much as possible in it. If there is no such work, then you can participate in volunteer or social programs - switch from yourself, your pain to the pain of others. Work with those who are in a difficult situation, who need real, tangible help in deeds, and not in words. You cannot allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself, become despondent, and thereby destroy your emotional potential.
Prevention of severe conditions during divorce - understanding and fulfilling your desires. Intense filling of visual vector deficiencies will not leave any room for pain, and over time, after each emotional response, you will feel better and better.
Of course, you shouldn't expect improvements to happen immediately. Recovering from the loss of an emotional connection is not an easy path. The most difficult period is the first three months, and in general, the first year after a divorce. And if a visual woman can help herself during this period using the advice above, she will be able to get out of the crisis period without psychological trauma and subsequently create a strong, healthy couple relationship with a suitable partner.
Reason for divorce. How to understand?
Let's consider and analyze the most common situations and causes of divorce:
- My husband cheated on me and left for someone else
This terrible word is treason. All wives know how to recognize it, but few understand the real reasons for cheating. Online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan reveals to us the psychology of relationships in the family.
Why did your spouse cheat and leave? This can be understood by recognizing its properties, desires, in other words, vectors.
For example, a man is the owner of a skin vector. The natural properties of leather workers are a craving for novelty and constant change. Primary these desires are realized in society, work, society. However, if a man does not have the opportunity to realize himself in society or profession, for example, achieve a higher rank in his career, introduce something new, change his job to a better paid and more prestigious one, he transfers his unfulfilled desires into relationships.
They are the clients of adult stores, lovers of experiments, new positions and places for intimacy. Everything new brings pleasure and pleasure to every man; he is satisfied himself and wants to pass on the pleasure to his partner.
It happens that in marriage, with his wife, a man cannot realize his desires. For example, a woman is not ready to experiment, she considers it wrong, does not accept this, she is not interested in novelty. Then betrayal may occur. A man will satisfy his desires with another woman.
What happens next? And then, if nothing is changed, the situation will repeat itself and lead to divorce.
A wife who understands the mental properties of her husband knows how to satisfy his natural desires, fill him, inspire him to realize himself in society, and create a strong emotional connection.
- The husband left after three years of marriage. Said he doesn't love you anymore
“Our love did not live until the morning...”
Many people give out advice on how to survive a divorce from your husband. And everyone confirms that a modern marriage lasts three years. In fact, three years is not a lyric. For about three years, the couple experiences a natural attraction to each other, the partners “smell” mutually attractive. This attraction is so strong that the couple does not notice the shortcomings, quarrels are resolved by sex, both are happy and in love.
Nature has “calculated” in such a way that it takes about three years for a woman to bear, give birth and carry a child to term. During this period, she is with the baby around the clock and needs the help of a man. During mutual attraction, a couple builds or does not build an emotional connection.
In the absence of an emotional connection, we observe that the passion is gone, the spouses cannot understand what they have in common and why they should be together. “We don’t get along,” “we are different people,” “I don’t love her anymore” are common phrases during divorce in such situations.
The ability to trust, share intimate things, sympathize, empathize, love - these are only part of the components of an emotional connection. The emotional tone in a relationship is set by the woman, so it is very important that she feels safe and protected from her man. Then she is able to convey her good state to her husband, talk about her feelings, and create the soil on which a full-fledged relationship will grow. Knit that thread that will strengthen the sensual connection between partners for the rest of their lives.
- My husband is divorcing me. Said he was tired of relationships
“We couldn’t get along,” “we often quarrel,” “I’m tired of hysterics.”
In the modern world, it is not uncommon for people, when getting married, to not know why they are doing it and with whom they are connecting their lives. The wife thinks that it is enough to feed her husband well and wash his shirts, and this will always make his attitude worthy. He will love and appreciate her. And the other thinks that he doesn’t love her enough, because he doesn’t kiss her 100 times a day and doesn’t give flowers, doesn’t compliment her twice a day and is generally indifferent to her. And her husband doesn’t understand why she throws tantrums and what she wants from him.
And the whole problem is that the wife does not know her properties and the properties of her husband. She doesn’t understand what he needs and how comfortable he is, and he doesn’t understand why she’s crying despite the fact that he’s doing his best for the family. A woman wants respect from her husband, but friends or colleagues can respect her.
The husband needs to want her as a woman. But putting on a corset and stockings is sometimes not enough to become desirable. The internal state is much more important.
A balanced, harmonious state of a woman depends on many factors. However, the key ones are:
- understanding oneself, namely one’s aspirations, desires, natural talents;
- knowledge of how to fill your properties in order to bring yourself into a balanced state - I love life!
Only then can a woman build a strong emotional connection with her husband, receive a feeling of safety and security from him, and convey her good condition to her husband and children.
And they lived happily ever after, but no longer together...
Divorce is stressful and emotionally upsetting for both the initiator and the other party. It is impossible to build new strong relationships by making the same mistakes and stepping on the same old mistakes. Everyone wants to “live happily ever after and die on the same day.”
This article examined the main causes of divorce and provided systematic recommendations for those who find it difficult to survive a divorce.
There is one more piece of advice for all women without exception after a divorce: you don’t need to immediately enter into a new relationship, quickly marry “the one who proposed before.” Owners of different vectors have their own reasons for this.
For example, the desire to take revenge on an ex is in women with the anal vector, the fear of loneliness is in spectators, the desire for social superiority is in skin women. However, without deep knowledge of the characteristics of your psyche and the psyche of your partner, the negative experience of past relationships can not only be repeated, but also turn out to be much worse.
At the online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan, you become aware of yourself, your desires, and understand the vectors of other people. Thanks to such knowledge, you can recognize the desires and psychological state of your future partner. This will help you make the right decision in the future when starting a family. A person, his essence, actions and reactions become understandable and clear, so there is no misunderstanding, resentment, or disappointed expectations.
Thousands of women have found the answer to how to survive a divorce from their husband. Reviews of those who completed the online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan speak for themselves:
Author Lyudmila Anastasyeva Proofreader Zifa Akhatova
The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan’s online training “System-vector psychology”
How to break up on good terms with your ex-husband
Perhaps the largest number of questions are asked by women who do not know how to properly separate from their husbands. This is quite understandable, because we have lived together for years, a habit has developed, we have common children, an apartment, a car...
Here's what psychologists advise women who find themselves in this situation:
1) If you have finally decided to separate, you should not tell your ex-husband about what a bad and worthless person he really is. Try to “save face” and avoid a scandal. Remember that at the moment of a breakup, negative emotions speak in you, blocking all the positive experiences with the person.
2) You should have talked about the fact that something doesn’t suit you in the relationship earlier, when something could still be saved. Now your offensive remarks have little meaning and will be perceived, rather, as an attempt to hurt the person for the last time.
3) When dividing property, you should be prudent and not try to take away everything jointly acquired from your ex-husband. After all, even in marriage, each of you had your own personal belongings, and what you bought together includes the same share of his money as yours.
4) Under no circumstances blackmail your husband with children you share. For them, the divorce of mom and dad will be a big shock, because they love both equally and would like to see them together as long as possible.
5) If you don’t know how best to break up with the father of your children, you shouldn’t ask each of your many relatives for advice on divorce, and in general, reveal in detail all the nuances of your breakup. Remember that people love to gossip, which means they will certainly turn your story upside down, and even make you guilty of everything.
