Time out in family relationships

What is time out for a couple?

What is a timeout

As a rule, in the second year of marriage there is a glut of each other. This is especially true for couples who spend all their time together: at work, at home, on vacation. If you constantly observe a person from the outside, you increasingly notice a bunch of negative traits. And such observation in a couple is usually two-way. Taking time out will help you sort through your feelings and figure out what to do next.

To do this, you need to separate for a while. You can go to your parents or offer your husband to rent a house for a while. You need to abstract yourself a little from each other. The duration of such a time-out depends on the couple itself, but it is better if this period lasts from two weeks to two months.

Communication during a pause

Taking a break in your relationship doesn't mean you have to forget about each other. Agree that you will call each other every week to discuss what you have learned during this time. If you value each other, just start dating like you did at the beginning of your relationship. Try to do without sex, take a break, and spend each night at your own place.

Try to avoid sex

If you have cooled off towards each other and doubt your feelings, arrange a date in a cafe. Or remake the first date. This will help refresh your senses. The main rule of such meetings is to establish a taboo on blaming each other. There are always two sides to blame for family problems, and without understanding this fact, you will not be able to revive love.

Consequences of taking a break in a relationship

We do not always acquire what we would like to receive in this life. A pause in the desire to take revenge in personal battles sometimes has the following character of subsequent development:

A complete break in the relationship
. Separation is good only in some and very rare cases. A man may like the newfound freedom, and a woman may come to the conclusion that the love affair is over. Before making a final decision to temporarily end a relationship, you should clearly understand the prospects for future events.
Return of former passion
. If the relationship has passed such a test, then this already indicates strong feelings for each other. Loving hearts will not be able to stay apart for long, because they will be drawn to each other with uncontrollable force. This check will simply let them know that such experiments should not occur in a stable couple.
Infatuation with another partner
. Separation from a partner can sometimes play a cruel joke on both participants in the drama of life. It is possible that a former admirer or admirer of the second ladle could take advantage of such a circumstance.

Positive points

The positive aspects of a time-out in a relationship with a loved one include:

An opportunity to rethink with a cool mind the value of the current relationship and evaluate everything that is happening with your couple from the outside. The advice of your parents and friends will help you with this. Do not hesitate to ask them for help, let them try to give an analysis from “their bell tower” of your relationship. Why is this so important? Firstly, when you are in a relationship, you are under the influence of emotions, which means you think purely subjectively, not noticing the “pitfalls” behind the feeling of all-consuming love for a person. Secondly, someone else’s advice sometimes opens a person’s eyes much faster than years of independent reflection.
During the pause, you will clearly understand what you want and expect from your union with your partner. Solitude is the ideal companion for sober reflection. At such moments, a woman may realize that her lover does not want to have children and does not seek to lead her to the altar, preferring the convenience of a free life - a series of obligations. A man in time-out is also able to determine that the woman next to him is just using him as a raw material appendage, absolutely not trying to get to know the inner world of his chosen one.
You will have plenty of time to highlight all the “acute” moments of your current relationship. To do this, take a blank sheet of paper and write on it all the problems that you have with your partner. Think about them and try to find an adequate solution for each point. In this simple way, every person can quite easily improve the quality of their connection with their lover.
A break in a relationship is a time to rest. Let's say you're tired of constant conflicts and yelling, but you don't want to leave your partner. Well, in that case, use the time-out as a vacation. Put your nervous system in order, get new positive impressions from life and return to your lover with a personality charged with positive energy. Believe me, this will help establish a harmonious connection between you better than going to a psychotherapist.
Another “plus” of a time-out is the opportunity to renew sexual interest in a person. For example, you have been living with your partner for more than two years. Naturally, during this time your intimate life has become boring and monotonous. He already perceives sex as a labor obligation, and you as a pleasant addition to the drab routine. Or vice versa. A pause will allow you to escape from this “swamp”. A couple of weeks without your loved one, and you will again begin to imagine him in erotic dreams and fervently desire to quickly find yourself in the same bed with him.

Negative points

Don’t be fooled by the fact that a pause in a relationship always has a beneficial effect on the participants in a tandem. Sometimes it leads to very negative consequences. These include:

the illusion of “freedom of action.” Some people regard a time-out with a partner as an opportunity to hang out “on the side” with a clear conscience. They cheat left and right, sometimes without even trying to hide their affairs. Obviously, such individuals believe that thanks to such a strategy they can make the chosen one jealous, which means he will have more reason to return. As a rule, the diametrically opposite action occurs. Having learned about betrayal, a person simply abandons the “reveler” and begins to look for a more faithful companion in life;
escalation of the conflict. One of the partners may simply not understand a proposal to take a break from the relationship, considering it another reason for resentment and hatred. In this case, the “respite” will not become a “reanimator” of love, but its final chord;
leaving without return. Psychologists know situations where a couple broke up under the pretext of a short break in the relationship, but no one returned to each other. This happens especially often between a man and a woman who do not experience strong mutual feelings;
a lucky match turned up. It often happens that during a time-out one of the lovers did not sit idly by, but was quite looking for new experiences with another person. In the end, he found them, and then decided to finally leave for a new partner;
hidden grudge. If one of the subjects of the relationship harbors a grudge against the chosen one, and he, in turn, preferred a pause in the relationship to a quick resolution of differences, then the conflict between people can reach truly biblical proportions. While one of them will live quietly, trying to deal with the problem that has arisen, the other will endlessly “chew” his anger, becoming more and more embittered every day. As a result, when they get back together, a strong quarrel is possible on the very first day, which could put an end to their love story.

Goals of time-out in family relationships

Prevention. This break in a relationship is suitable for couples who are simply tired of everyday life. They understand that they love each other and will never get divorced, and a short time without each other will simply help refresh the relationship and take a fresh look at their partner. During this break, the couple may decide to change jobs or lifestyle.
Examination. The purpose of such a time-out is to check your feelings. Often you can evaluate your partner or understand your attitude towards him only from a distance. Psychologists recommend making all important decisions related not only to divorce, but also to weddings this way. This way, the bride or groom will be able to feel whether they really need this person or if this is just a momentary infatuation.
Healing. Often the love of one of the spouses is not entirely healthy. No matter how strange it may sound, in marriage you should not only love your partner, but also respect yourself. Often, domestic tyrants take advantage of a woman’s weakness and dependence, and the life of such a loving wife turns into a complete nightmare. A short break in the relationship will allow both spouses to understand the mistakes of their behavior and start all over again according to new rules.

If the husband suggested a time out

If you hear from your loved one that he wants to separate for a while, you shouldn’t make a tragedy out of it. Spend this time thinking, and then you will understand what needs to be changed in order to regain your former intimacy. Pay attention to the article Organizing a wedding on New Year's Eve: what to consider

Why does a man want to take a break from a relationship?

But before you suffer about this, it’s better to figure out why your significant other decided to take a break from you. There are seven possible reasons why men want to take a break from relationships.

Squeezed like a lemon

Relationships full of misunderstandings and lack of mutual understanding often cause clashes and indifference, which leads to emotional exhaustion. At first, partners tolerate each other, trying to find a compromise in the relationship. But when they see no end to the regular scandals that seem to go on forever, apathy sets in. This leads to the idea of putting the relationship on pause. The fact is that, unlike women, men are less patient with daily emotional shocks; it is easier for them to get away from them, perhaps forever.

Feel the difference

A pause is not always a sign of an imminent break with a person. Often men make this decision in order to try to build a relationship with another woman. When a young man becomes bored in a relationship, he usually begins to think that he has the right to have an affair on the side, so that later he can decide whether to return to his official partner or not. Therefore, it is advisable not to lose sight of your partner during such a break, unless, of course, you want to become a victim of betrayal.

Parting without pain

Indecisive guys don't have the courage to look their girlfriend in the eyes and tell her that their relationship is over. On the contrary, they try not to hurt her too much, looking for difficult approaches and creating false hopes, without thinking that even after taking a break in the relationship, they will still have to admit their desire to break up, which is no less painful. This behavior will most likely lead to hatred and resentment towards him.

If you realize that his desire for a short break is an excuse or a deliberate plan to carefully break the connection, just talk to him frankly, let him tell the truth, even if it hurts you greatly.

Trying to avoid responsibility

This happens when one person in a couple takes on the entire burden of problems and responsibilities. But it’s impossible to move forward like that: everyone needs someone’s support. So, there are men who are afraid to take responsibility because they have become accustomed to such a comfortable and carefree lifestyle when they can shift all the worries and troubles onto the shoulders of others.

If your significant other is like this, then you should think about whether there is any point in further coexistence. Perhaps the best solution is for the pause he suggests to lead to a complete separation.

Checking feelings

Many men suggest taking a break from the relationship in order to check how much you idolize him. In his mind, if you truly love him, you won’t let him leave quietly - you will throw yourself at his neck, fight in hysterics and grab his legs.

Feeling depressed

If you spend all your time together, and when you're not around, you constantly call or send messages, there is no doubt that he feels depressed: the lack of freedom of action and personal space has never made anyone happy.

However, a break in the relationship will only provide temporary relief: when you do not agree that he can have his own friends, his own interests and a life without you, then it is better to break your connection. You will crush him so much that you can lead to a nervous breakdown. In a word, a break is inevitable.

Self-reflection

When you are faced with a crisis in a relationship, each of you should think about the current situation and make considerable efforts to restore the previous harmony. It may take your boyfriend a long time to figure out which path to take for your couple. Let him think calmly. Perhaps this break will be a kind of test whether it is worth starting everything from scratch or breaking up completely. It all depends on your willpower, the feelings you experience and the mutual decision to be together.