Problem-free child
Before this, my son and I didn’t talk much—there was no time.
His childhood and adolescence occurred in the 90s. Then we lived in a small town in the Novosibirsk region. My husband and I earned money. All efforts were spent on providing children with a warm home, clothing, and education. They came home from work and fell asleep. There was no upbringing at all. I just knew that my son reads a lot of books. At the age of ten or thirteen, he re-read all the works of Jack London and Alexandre Dumas. In general, he often read the classics, studied English, the American version and the classics. I knew that he was studying at the lyceum with grades four and five, and solved all his life problems himself. He always helped around the house. That was enough for me. Yes, yes, it was not a child, but a gift. Moreover, he could even fight: he was not afraid to stand up for himself if they tried to offend him.
However, he wasn’t friends with girls, and that didn’t even bother me. On the contrary, I thought: “Hurray, no problems with love. The son is not amorous. No early marriages." As I say, he was so trouble-free that I didn’t even know his class teacher at school by sight: there was no need to go to parent-teacher meetings.
And Zhenya, it turns out, thought from childhood that I was not ready to fully accept him. He now says: “Mom, I was afraid to tell you that I am gay. I was afraid that you would abandon me."
I found out about this when he went to study in another city and lived with my sister. He confessed to her, but for her this information passed not through her heart, but through her mind. She took it calmly, and my son knew that she would arrange a conversation with me about it as needed. My sister called me and told me.
For me it was naturally stressful. I was worried about how society would perceive my son. What will people say about me because of my son? I was so worried that I told my husband about it. For my son, my husband is a stepfather; he came into the family when Zhenya was three years old. He replaced his father, raised him and raised him, and always treated him kindly. Surprisingly, the husband calmly accepted the child’s orientation - without questions, without scandals. He said: “Well, gay, so what of this?” He is a real, strong man, he was involved in professional sports in his youth. Apparently, this helped him cope with stress with dignity. I was in shock.
I was completely illiterate in this matter, at first I thought that something was happening to the child, because of which he needed to be locked up in the hospital, since he was handicapped, sick all over the head and physically, as I thought then. This was my attitude - that he was just a sick person. And I began to think what should I do with a sick child. Cure him? I understood that this was impossible.
Since I didn’t understand the difference between transsexuals* and gays, I sometimes asked my son: “Maybe you should change your gender?” I could not perceive him as a full-fledged person. And he answered: “You don’t understand, I’m not a transsexual. I am purely gay, I was born this way. I just hid it for a long time.” At that moment, I sincerely believed that this was contrary to nature. I even had thoughts that my child would simply not live. Can you imagine? I was ready to kill him - that’s how I didn’t perceive him. It was a shame for me. I cried and cried and cried. If anyone asked me anything, I cried like I was mentally unstable.
Accepting my son and the situation in which I would need to live permanently took about a year and a half. To fully understand what was happening, I began reading literature and talking to my child. This helped me. But it also helped a lot that I am a mother. The maternal instinct in me is very strong. Love for your child is the highest power in any situation.
*The term “transsexual” is considered incorrect; it is correct to say a transgender person, a transgender man or a transgender woman. Transgender is a condition in which a person's gender identity and/or gender presentation does not conform to cultural and social expectations associated with the sex assigned at birth. The term is used to refer to a wide range of gender identities.
How gays are treated in Russia7
Being gay is not easy. But being gay in Russia is also dangerous. The Russian Federation restricts the rights of representatives of the LGBT+ community, categorically prohibiting people with non-traditional sexual orientation from openly promoting their ideas, creating thematic unions and organizations, and attending open rallies.
Zachary Quinto
There are also cases where a person’s non-traditional sexual orientation became an obstacle in legal proceedings. Gays are effectively deprived of freedom of speech and are subject to regular discrimination.
The Russian government legally prohibits any propaganda of homosexuality. Unlike tolerant Europe, Russia has an extremely negative attitude towards representatives of sexual minorities, and crime reports are increasingly full of headlines about the beating of yet another gay or lesbian.
Most often, Russians explain their behavior by conservative views and traditional family values. It is for this reason that most gays prefer to carefully hide their sexual preferences, or move to Western European countries for permanent residence.
Doesn't matter if you're gay or not
A year later, the son earned money and went to Moscow to work as a fashion model.
I came home from Moscow for the New Year. Outwardly he has changed a lot. He became more well-groomed and stylishly dressed. In our provincial town he stood out from the crowd. My husband behaved as if nothing had happened, and this bothered me a little for a while.
The son then complained of feeling unwell. He began to lose consciousness. We examined him and it turned out that a tumor had grown near his pituitary gland. That is, I received shock from one piece of news, and then stress from his illness. I had to take it all together.
At first, doctors said that the tumor was malignant, but a mother’s word was the strongest, like the word of God. On the day when my son had surgery in Novosibirsk, I went to the Ascension Cathedral and told God that I was not ready to lose my child. I need a son, and I am ready to accept him (anyone). The threat to his life was more important than the fact that he was gay. He had to be saved. After the cathedral I went to the hospital. The course of the operation showed that the tumor was benign, and the neurosurgeon said: “Your son will live.” And at first they didn’t even give him three years to live. A miracle happened.
Little by little the understanding came that life is the way it is: we are born different. I began to look at the whole situation from a different point of view. I realized that we cannot prevent homosexual people from being born. If they appear in this world, it means that it is so that we are better and more tolerant of people who are different from us. Nature cannot be changed, it can only be accepted or not accepted. There is nothing random in nature, everything has a reason.
Now, when some kind of ridicule of such people begins on social networks, not only the maternal instinct is triggered in me, but also a deep understanding that everything is harmonious in this world. I always say: “Gays are not born from each other. We are the ones who give birth to them - heterosexual parents. Why did you decide that such children would not be born in your family? What, gods, can you program this world yourself?”
It was hard for my son too. Plus he lost his job. Due to illness and surgery, her career as a fashion model paused, and then depression began to interfere with her. He is stuck in a small Siberian town. Along with my career, I had to give up my dream of leaving Russia to live in Europe or the USA. He thought that he had no future, no opportunity to find his other half. By the way, for him, having a loved one and starting a family with him has always been the main goal of life. It remains so to this day. Broken physically and mentally, less than a year after the operation, he attempted suicide.
I wanted to help him, and we turned to a psychoanalyst. The first thing that helps to cope is family, love and understanding of loved ones. Well, they gave him drugs, but not for long. We all supported him: mom and dad, aunts and uncles, my friends - everyone was for him. I bought him books about the meaning of life, about the universe - Blavatsky, Roerich, Coelho, and he read them. My first education was medical school. However, wanting to better understand my son, I entered the university and received a higher education in psychology. I can work with children with mental disabilities. Closer to the age of 50, she received another higher education – medicine.
Over time, he found himself a guy with whom he dated for a long time. I, like my husband, adequately perceived this fact. I was glad that he had a loved one. In addition, he acquired a circle of LGBT acquaintances, and it became easier for him.
By the way, no one from his and my close circle showed negativity towards him. My son is a very sincere and kind person, beautiful in soul and appearance. It's simply impossible to hate someone like him. Moreover, he communicated with people of different genders and sexual orientations. Sometimes he brought his gay friends to visit us. My husband and I did not focus on their sexual orientation. Everyone had something to talk about.
How to understand that a guy is gay: what to pay attention to first
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Homosexuals often start conversations about women themselves, so as not to give themselves away and to emphasize their masculinity. They will not forget to make vulgar jokes, pompously talk about victories on the love front, and will list the names of the girls with whom they allegedly performed their sexual exploits. But such communication does not give 100% results, because not only gays can behave this way, but also guys who want to increase their self-esteem in the eyes of others. And if an ordinary guy just talks about his exploits, then a gay guy will look at men with interest and unobtrusively make eyes at them.
Gays are characterized by banal phrases about women, taken from quote books, stolen from films and forums. Homosexuals often talk about women as something abstract, far from their consciousness, which cannot be realized in practice (for them, of course). If a gay guy talks to a girl, he can be either sweet or rude. He won’t ask if she has a boyfriend, but he will definitely ask where she bought such wonderful perfume and got her manicure done.
If you have doubts about the naturalness of a man, you can start talking about gays. There may not be any specific reaction, however, a gay person will vigorously defend their rights, speak out in support of them and not see anything reprehensible in this. Some gays, on the contrary, will speak out against them, rinsing their pathetic nature, so as not to reveal their true colors. Still others will remain silent, but will listen carefully to the conversation, picking up notes of hostility and thinking through the correct tactics of behavior.
HOW TO KNOW THAT A GUY IS GAY: BEHAVIOR
Homosexuals like to shake men's hands when they say hello. They do this a little longer than heterosexuals, with some kind of tenderness and look into the eyes with interest. They will never show force or show a threatening look. When gay men say hello, they come quite close to the man, rather than just extending their hand.
The behavior and conversation of gays contain cutesy, soft, smooth and breathy notes. Pay attention to how gays are parodied in comedy programs, how homosexuals behave on talk shows, and how they are portrayed in films. Yes, in an ordinary conversation it is not as difficult to recognize a gay as they are portrayed in parodies, but if you look closely, you can catch the characteristic signs. The behavior of gays is very flexible; they have rich facial expressions, gestures, and theatrical gestures. Homosexuals are characterized by excessive friendliness; they carefully monitor their behavior even when smoking, holding a glass or just talking.
HOW TO IDENTIFY A HOMOSEXUALIST: APPEARANCE
This is a separate topic. There is an opinion that gays are neat, always neat, fresh and fashionable. Although, modern fashion is so controversial that even ordinary guys look like gays. There is a misconception that homosexuals often wear tight, provocative and colorful clothes. This is not true - any man can dress this way. Exactly the same as any man can be neat and well dressed - maybe this is how he is supposed to be by status, or his girlfriend (wife, mother) taught him this way.
In any case, gays always take care of themselves, go to the gym, get hair removal, have a fashionable haircut, dye their hair, take care of their face, lips, arms, and legs. In general, they pay almost as much attention to their appearance as the average woman. And again, normal men can do this too. Let's take, for example, actors, athletes, singers, models and other men related to show business - they all look brand new. David Beckham in general is a typical representative of gays, if we consider him from the point of view of appearance. But we all know very well that David is a normal guy, married to Victoria and raising four children.
Most often, gays look normal, sometimes they wear typical men's rough clothes like leather biker jackets, military boots, and metal accessories.
If you believe the statistics, there are many skinpeds among skinheads, i.e. men who engage in homosexuality within their group, but in reality are anti-gay.
Double standards and self-deception, it turns out. And skinheads don’t look like gay people.
HOW TO DETERMINE THAT HE IS NON-TRADITIONAL ORIENTATION
If you have any doubts about a guy's sexual orientation, ask him directly. But there must be good reasons for this; you must have known each other for a long time. Be prepared that they will not answer your question honestly and will stop all communication altogether. Imagine that you were asked the question: “Aren’t you a lesbian?” What emotions will it evoke in you, even if the answer is yes. Would you like to twist the curious Varvara’s nose or knock her on the head for this?
And yes, under no circumstances try to find out about a man’s orientation from his acquaintances and friends. So you simply discredit the man in their eyes. Even if a man is gay, his friends may not know about it at all, and your questions will harm the man's reputation and self-esteem. With such tactless actions, you are spreading unfounded rumors about a person and openly interfering in his personal life, which he may not want to disclose.
There is an opinion that gays despise women. But this is not so - a gay man can become a cool friend with whom you can go shopping, watch romantic comedies and TV series, gossip about celebrities, and consult about a new haircut. You can have a lot of fun with him, especially if all your girlfriends are busy, and the young man is not a fan of adventure, shopping, clubs and other feminine nonsense.
Same family
I did not hide from friends and family that my son was a different person.
I told those who do not accept my son: goodbye. I stopped being embarrassed to walk next to him. He always took care of his appearance. He looked well-groomed and attractive for a guy, which is why they sometimes shouted obscenities after us. People are illiterate on all sides. Like pigs who live in their own dirt, and it seems to them that this dirt is the best. And they don’t see the world behind this puddle of mud. There were no hard feelings. I knew that these people would regret their stupid words tomorrow, and tomorrow they would have children and grandchildren like my son in their families.
Zhenya is so reasonable that I never worried about him - in the sense that he knows how and with whom to behave. He carefully chooses his circle of acquaintances. Doesn't keep degenerates and two-faced people around. All his friends are the same as him: open, decent, sincere. Real ones. No masks. At the beginning of the 2000s, he was attacked near a regular club where he was relaxing with an acquaintance. Strangers, among others, stood up for my son. Guys and girls. No one took the side of the homophobe. In short, the gays won!
His entire personal life passes before my eyes, and I rejoice with him when he finds someone and worry when he fails. When he was young, he had a relationship for seven years, but the man was married. The son was burdened by the inability to have a full-fledged relationship with him, and he decided to break up with him, despite his strong feelings. After that relationship, for several years he unsuccessfully tried to find a family, but received only mental pain from the fact that he was used or tried to be used purely for sex. And when he realized that he could not fulfill his dream, he closed himself off from contacts so as not to traumatize himself with another disappointment. That's why he didn't have any relationships until recently. You see, he wants to live in a family, and not just date. He needs a family, like all people.
Two and a half years ago, my son and I moved to Novosibirsk and live together in our own apartment. I got a job in one of the specialties I received. Employed in the medical field. In my free time, I visit my daughter to spend time with my beloved granddaughter. My husband stayed in our hometown. Zhenya has more opportunities here. Here he feels more comfortable, including in terms of his personal life. Made several friends. He calmly introduces me to his gay friends, and I treat them in a friendly manner. His best friend lives with HIV.
“Exactly one of these.” 11 signs that could make you gay
The issue of sexual orientation in the modern world is gradually becoming perhaps the main characteristic of a person. But if somewhere in San Francisco it is easy and fun to answer, then in the Russian outback you are unlikely to want to fall into any category other than the main one.
“Smart Magazine” has compiled a reminder for those who are afraid of inadvertently being included in the “sex minority”. It turns out that in the vastness of the former USSR it is very easy to find yourself “under suspicion”!
You're too well-groomed
Remember, a man should not be too concerned about his appearance. At least if he wants to be like the majority of his gender.
Of course, wearing a dirty tracksuit and a tattered sweatshirt is not at all necessary, but looking like you spent hours consulting with a stylist and makeup artist is too dangerous for your reputation.
Maybe somewhere the phrase “metrosexual, not gay” makes sense, but certainly not in Russia
You are too intelligent
Perhaps excessive affectation has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, and was inherited from your childhood - for example, you were raised by women and had no one else to follow as an example.
But to succeed in a male company, you will simply need to compensate for it with something: start blowing your nose through your nostril, grab food with your hands, or make greasy jokes. True, you need to be more careful with the last point. The main thing is not to confuse the direction.
You don't know how to hold a man's conversation
First of all, we are, of course, talking about women. In fact, it is not at all necessary to describe your intimate life in colorful detail, but remaining indifferent when your comrades discuss girlish charms is quite risky. At the very least, you can agree or, conversely, state that you prefer “more.”
From the same series, conversations on other masculine topics, such as politics, sports or cars. It’s normal not to understand one of them, but if you ignore every single one, the question involuntarily creeps in, what are you interested in? Isn't it a Cosmopolitan magazine, by any chance?
You touch guys
Bodily contact between males is strictly dosed and regulated.
You can pat a friend on the shoulder as support or hug him in a joint photo, but you should not overuse this. Even a handshake should not be too long, so as not to arouse unnecessary suspicion.
And even more so, you should not touch other parts of a man’s body, although this is common in some countries and professions.
You're looking at the guys
There is nothing wrong with this if you do it with an unfriendly, contemptuous or at least indifferent appearance.
In the first and second cases, however, you may have problems, but not at all regarding sexual orientation. But casting interested or appraising glances at representatives of the same sex is at least ambiguous.
Maybe you just want to replenish your wardrobe and only evaluate clothes, but this is not an excuse (remember the first point!).
Bro
No bro
Do you like sweets?
First of all, we are not talking about ordinary sweets (although sucking on a lollipop too eagerly might give some thought), but about things like alcohol.
A real man drinks tasteless but status drinks, thereby proving his masculinity.
But appearing in public with something like “Redds” is quite dangerous - fans of “Baltika No. 9” will most likely decide that you are “exactly one of those.”
Do you love everything miniature?
If you drive a tiny car or walk a bug-like breed of dog, be prepared for ironic glances and whispers behind your back.
In the minds of society, men strive exclusively for something huge and dangerous, so your jeep should resemble a tank, ready to break through enemy fortifications with meat, and it’s better for you to run on a leash to a creature resembling a hybrid of a bear and a great white shark.
Do you do ballet?
Here, perhaps, comments are unnecessary. Fluttering around the stage in tight underwear, periodically pawing other similar men is an activity beyond the bounds of heterosexual male perception.
You actively campaign for gay rights
In many countries with a high level of tolerance towards minorities this is normal, but in Russia such a “deviation from the norm” can raise questions. If “over there” such a position is part of the political mainstream, then here it is not clear what benefit it will bring. This means that everyone who stands up for minorities is “one of them.”
Your face shape is wrong
Jokes aside: Czech scientists actually found out that the face shape of heterosexuals and homosexuals is different. The latter have wider and flatter faces, with a shorter nose and a more massive and rounded jaw. So, perhaps right now there is a reason to take a walk to the nearest mirror (just don’t stand in front of it for a long time. Remember the first point!).
From left to right – from homo- to hetero-
You're too worried about being mistaken for gay
In the 21st century, many people have mastered the basics of psychology and are already well aware that worrying too much about your possible homosexuality most likely means that you are a latent gay.
In fact, a real man cares least about the opinions of others, because he feels like he is in charge and does what he likes. Including – violates all the rules listed above.
(Although this is, of course, very suspicious).
Source: https://www.anews.com/p/71659929-tochno-iz-ehtih-11-priznakov-po-kotorym-vas-mogut-prinyat-za-geya/
